The future

User283

Hi guys,

I was just hoping to get some advice/ feedback.
My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year, we have started talking about our future together etc. recently my boyfriend told me he doesn't think he wants kids, and they have never been part of his future plans. This is weighing on my mind a bit, I have never imagined myself not having children ( we are both in out mid twenties so this is a bit down the line). I'm afraid this could be a deal breaker as it's something that's important to me. I love my boyfriend and don't think I've ever been so secure and happy in a relationship and would be devastated to lose him.

but do I stay in this relationship and hope he changes his mind in the future and face the prospects then if he doesn't, knowing that this issue could easily break us up. Or do I walk away?

Mr. Incognito

If he is sure he doesn't want kids and you are sure you do better get out sooner rather than later.

Hoping someone changes their mind is wishful thinking.

How many years are you prepared to waste hoping. All of them?

gaynorvader

If you can't change his mind/bring him round now, you're unlikely to do so later. People tend to get more stuck in their ways as they age.

LegacyUser

Hey OP

Seeing as you are with him a year, I genuinely would cut my losses now. As harsh as that sounds, I have seen so many threads on this where same situation - but one or the other partner stayed thinking that the decision would change. And they dont change, and years have been wasted, resentment festers. If someone says now that they dont want children, there is no way in hell you should stay with them possibly wasting years of your life hoping they will change their mind. The small possibility is there that they may have a change of heart, but it's not guaranteed at all.

If I was to put myself in your shoes, and my bf of one year said that to me, I would find it massively tough to end it. But I would have to be a little bit selfish and choose the fact that I want children, so the relationship wouldnt work out realistically.

Sorry OP. Good luck with what ever you do.

Lou.m

You want a fundamentally different life from each other.

Either of you hoping the other will change on this is unfair.
I am uncertain about kids myself.

But if i was certain and someone wanted something different from me or on a different time scale i would end it as soon as i could i think.

As a woman you don't have as much time and it takes time to find a partner etc.

You are pretty much with the person you have a child with for the rest of your life really.

LegacyUser

Hi again, OP here, thanks for all your replies! I've organised to meet up with him tonight to talk. It's not that he's said no never having children, he said he's never really thought about it or planned it. It might sound strange but at 24 I'm his first girlfriend and according to him he never thought he would meet anyone. Which is one of the reasons he hasn't considered children

missqe2

I don't think it's strange at all. I can't think of any boyfriend I ever had that was thinking of children at 24. They were much more concerned about where our next holiday would be and what type of car we should be saving up for. Personally I think after 12 months you are rushing your fences to be putting this on your boyfriend. If you were 34 I could understand it a little better.

Have fun and enjoy each other for now. Don't be in such a rush!

meeeeh

User283op wrote: »

Hi again, OP here, thanks for all your replies! I've organised to meet up with him tonight to talk. It's not that he's said no never having children, he said he's never really thought about it or planned it. It might sound strange but at 24 I'm his first girlfriend and according to him he never thought he would meet anyone. Which is one of the reasons he hasn't considered children

At 24 I was certain I don't want children. At 34 my second one was born. There are also plenty of people who will not want children at 24, 34, 44 or 54... Maybe the right thing is to break up now but in my opinion you are actually putting a bit too much pressure on someone who is still very young and whom you are dating only for a year. You have time to enjoy yourself and not rush into anything. Who knows, maybe you will discover after two weeks of living together that you can't stand each other and then the children problem will resolve itself. Just go with the flow for while.