Girl in work

Anon28

I have started to gain very strong feelings for this girl in work and not sure what to do about it. We get along really well when in work. She is on my mind a lot lately and I am scared of saying anything to her about it for fear of ruining our friendship. I know she is single. Also, she is a few years younger than me. Think its 6 or 7 year gap. I'm 28 and she's 22. Weird?

Alf. A. Male

What has happened so far to make you believe your feelings are or would be reciprocated? Have you spent any time together away from work?

desbrook

What's weird?? You fancy a girl in work who's a few years younger but not so it should be a problem. Tbh it sounds like you are looking for an excuse to bottle it and not ask her out.

And that's what you need to do. Not tell her she's the most beautiful girl in the world, not ask her to marry you, absolutely not grope her just ask her if she fancies doing something. What that something is is up to you but I'd recommend talking about a new restaurant or something and asking if she like to go. Nothing heavy. And pay.. always pay.

Tokyo

Best advice I can give OP is not to build it up too much, the way you seem to be doing in your head. Rather than turning it into a full blown date, ask her if she'd be interested in grabbing a coffee some lunchtime, or a drink after work. From there gauge her response - if she's keen then great - you can have your drink or coffee and see how you get on outside of work, and take it from there. If it seems like she's second guessing it, then it's easy to write it off as having been an invite for coffee, nothing more, and avoid the possible awkwardness at work afterwards. But at the end of the day, nothing ventured, nothing gained!!

Anon28

I think you are right in saying I should just casually ask her to go for a coffee or something like that and see how she responds to that. I do think she is way too good for me though lol. I haven't spent time one on one with her outside of work just together in a group.

desbrook

Anon28 wrote: »

I think you are right in saying I should just casually ask her to go for a coffee or something like that and see how she responds to that. I do think she is way too good for me though lol. I haven't spent time one on one with her outside of work just together in a group.

So is this " she is way too good for me " going to be your new excuse for not asking her out? Better not !

Anon28

desbrook wrote: »

So is this " she is way too good for me " going to be your new excuse for not asking her out? Better not !

No, I am going to ask her if she would like to go for a coffee one day after work and see what comes from that and take it from there. Am really nervous just to do that. My feelings for her have grown so strong recently.

desbrook

Anon28 wrote: »

No, I am going to ask her if she would like to go for a coffee one day after work and see what comes from that and take it from there. Am really nervous just to do that. My feelings for her have grown so strong recently.

Fair play - go for it.

About the "feelings" - just remember you fancy her and no more at this stage . Keep it light!

And pay.. always pay. If nothing else it makes it easier for her to tell you she'd like to see you again - "Next time we go for coffee I pay ok? "

Azwaldo55

Anon28 wrote: »

I have started to gain very strong feelings for this girl in work and not sure what to do about it. We get along really well when in work. She is on my mind a lot lately and I am scared of saying anything to her about it for fear of ruining our friendship. I know she is single. Also, she is a few years younger than me. Think its 6 or 7 year gap. I'm 28 and she's 22. Weird?

What's weird about liking a girl at work? If you like her and you want to go out with her then ask her out. You are just digging a hole for yourself pretending to be her friend because she'll just strike you off the list of romantic possibilities if you do. Risk your friendship and ask her out and if she says no and doesn't want to talk to you ever again what of it? Move on and find someone else. While you are obsessing about this girl you could be trying it on with any number of other girls.
The 6 or 7 age gaps means nothing.
I'm 33 years old and I date girls who are 18 and also women who are divorced and have kids in their 40s.

Emme

Ask her out for a casual coffee after work and see how it goes.

The age gap is no problem, it could well be in your favor! When I was 22 I would have loved to date a 28 year old but back then they were all taken or in the process of emigrating.

Anon28

Well i finally plucked up the courage and casually asked her as we were leaving work did she want to go for a coffee and she said yes. So we are planning on going tomorrow after work. Still don't think she has any interest in me whatsoever and its just more of two friends getting together for a catch up in her eyes. I don't know how to play it from here on in.

Tokyo

Anon28 wrote: »

Well i finally plucked up the courage and casually asked her as we were leaving work did she want to go for a coffee and she said yes. So we are planning on going tomorrow after work. Still don't think she has any interest in me whatsoever and its just more of two friends getting together for a catch up in her eyes. I don't know how to play it from here on in.

At risk of pointing out the obvious, just go for the coffee and see how it goes! There doesn't have to be this big grand plan, just chat to her, find out more about her, and see where it goes form there. Good luck.

Anon28

Went for a coffee after work yesterday. Was really good. Talked for quite a bit and we planned on doing it again sometime next week. Don't think any romance will come from it as I got the vibe she just considers me a good friend. Just worried the more time I spend with her and my feelings getting stronger and me wanting more than her that this can't be good for me

desbrook

Anon28 wrote: »

Went for a coffee after work yesterday. Was really good. Talked for quite a bit and we planned on doing it again sometime next week. Don't think any romance will come from it as I got the vibe she just considers me a good friend. Just worried the more time I spend with her and my feelings getting stronger and me wanting more than her that this can't be good for me

What won't be good for you is regret. Wondering what would have happened if you had made more effort. This is most likely to happen when when you see her with someone else!!

Well done for getting over the first hurdle, it sounds like you both had a good time. Why do you think she thinks of you justas a friend? Did you expect anything physical to happen? Did she start on about fancying someone else?

From all the indications she's comfortable to be out with you and wants to do it again. Maybe you do something else like go for a drink or a meal or bowling or whatever. If you guys do go and go alone in my book you are dating!

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desbrook wrote: »

What won't be good for you is regret. Wondering what would have happened if you had made more effort. This is most likely to happen when when you see her with someone else!!

Well done for getting over the first hurdle, it sounds like you both had a good time. Why do you think she thinks of you justas a friend? Did you expect anything physical to happen? Did she start on about fancying someone else?

From all the indications she's comfortable to be out with you and wants to do it again. Maybe you do something else like go for a drink or a meal or bowling or whatever. If you guys do go and go alone in my book you are dating!

I think your jumping the gun by saying 2 people going out alone are dating.

Take it slow,op and see where it goes. If you stay friends you've gained a new friend it it progresses then even better

Snatchy

Anon28 wrote: »

Went for a coffee after work yesterday. Was really good. Talked for quite a bit and we planned on doing it again sometime next week. Don't think any romance will come from it as I got the vibe she just considers me a good friend. Just worried the more time I spend with her and my feelings getting stronger and me wanting more than her that this can't be good for me

Then DO NOT bring up the coffee for next week! See if she brings it up. If she does, then there's a small chance you might be wrong about your "vibe". If she doesn't bring it up then you shouldn't be going for coffee with her. SIIIIMPLES!

desbrook

Iliana Some AcrossL wrote: »

I think your jumping the gun by saying 2 people going out alone are dating.

Take it slow,op and see where it goes. If you stay friends you've gained a new friend it it progresses then even better

Just to be clear I meant if she goes out with him alone again and especially if they do something a little less casual eg dinner then I take it as dating.

hardCopy

Iliana Some AcrossL wrote: »

I think your jumping the gun by saying 2 people going out alone are dating.

Take it slow,op and see where it goes. If you stay friends you've gained a new friend it it progresses then even better

Not too slow though, beware the friend zone.

If she's not interested romantically it's better to be shot down early and move on.

Tasden

desbrook wrote: »

Just to be clear I meant if she goes out with him alone again and especially if they do something a little less casual eg dinner then I take it as dating.

Is this a common opinion?

I genuinely wouldn't have considered it dating unless there were a couple of dates/outings with either a kiss or some sort of obvious flirting/reference to it being a date. Otherwise I would assume its just friends until such happened.

Lenmeister

Anon28 wrote: »

Well i finally plucked up the courage and casually asked her as we were leaving work did she want to go for a coffee and she said yes. So we are planning on going tomorrow after work. Still don't think she has any interest in me whatsoever and its just more of two friends getting together for a catch up in her eyes. I don't know how to play it from here on in.

If she agreed to for coffee outside of work on a specific day, then it's safe to say she has some kind of interest in you. She could have chosen to do 1000 other things, but she chose to go with you.

Anon28 wrote: »

Went for a coffee after work yesterday. Was really good. Talked for quite a bit and we planned on doing it again sometime next week. Don't think any romance will come from it as I got the vibe she just considers me a good friend. Just worried the more time I spend with her and my feelings getting stronger and me wanting more than her that this can't be good for me

Again? Step it up every time. 1st date Coffee. Next date a museum. Next date some fun playing pool with a few drinks after. Next date dinner etc etc.

You keep thinking negatively chief. That will only have a negative impact on how you act when you are around her, you'll be thinking she's not into you when in reality you don't know. And you'll end up doing nothing and ending up friendzoned. If you have it in your head that nothing will happen then guess what? Nothing will happen. Believe that it is going to happen. Find out in the moment if she wants you too. She's already agreed to go for coffee with you again. Step it up next time and ask her somewhere different. Show your interest, if she's into you, she'll go out with you again. Hope this helps.