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  • 25-05-2014 10:02pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Can't believe I'm typing this.
    I love my husband. Truly. For the person he is. He is great. Kind etc. Everything i want in a husband. I know he loves me. The problem is he is not a very sexual person. It doesnt help that i am a very sexual person. I like having sex. We had sex alot when we first met. It has gone down hill alot since we married but even before that. 99% of the time i initiate and half the the I'm rejected. This has left me feeling extremelyvunder confident. He is on meds which he claims contribute but honestly I think its laziness. He has gained weight and doesn't have as much interest in keeping fit in the last few years. Emotionally he is an 100% husband and i wish desperately that he would have more interest. I take care of myself. I am 10 years younger and still keep fit post children etc. But he just doesn't care. He would happily live without sex forever. I masterbate constently and think about men I meet on day to day basis. Any time I bring this up he blames the meds. I feel awful but I'm starting to fantasise about hooking up withba stranger etc. I feel like as long as he can blame meds nothing will change.


Comments

  • #2
    Alf. A. Male
    Closed Accounts Posts: 740 ✭✭✭Alf. A. Male


    How frank and comprehensive has your conversation been about this? Does it start with you outlining you issues and immediately end at him blaming meds?


  • #3
    HomelessMidge
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 334 ✭✭HomelessMidge


    What meds is he on? I am just off meds which left my girlfriend feeling very frustrated as I wasn't interested in sex one bit! And I'd usually be the one pestering her for sex. My sex drive just disappeared.

    It is very possible it is the meds!


  • #4
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Hey OP,

    as the others have mentioned, resolving this is really going to come down to proper communication over this issue. From what you describe, you broach the subject of your sexual needs, he fobs it off as being down to medication, it gets brushed under the carpet for a while and nothing happens until you get frustrated enough to bring it up again, rinse and repeat.

    You need to sit down and have a pretty frank conversation with him as to how his lack of interest is affecting you, and that its causing a far bigger issue in your relationship than he seems to think it is. It doesn't have to be confrontational - if you can broach this in a way that is caring and concerned then I imagine you'd be far more successful. From what you say he is a caring and loving husband in every other way, so maybe if he actually sees how affected you are by this, he may be shocked into doing something about it.

    It may very well be a side effect of medication as he says, but that doesn't mean a death knell on your sex life. If his doctor is made aware that low libido is a possible side effect, then he may be able to alter his medication - at the moment it sounds like your husband isn't admitting this to anybody. There are also a myriad of other possible reasons for this, so his doctor may also be able to recommend a therapist to help you bosh find a solution. But no matter what, it all starts with talking, so set aside some time together without interruption, and see if you can discuss this properly together. Good luck OP.


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