Drunken Situation

LegacyUser

I need to ask about a recent situation with a work mate.

First of all I consider myself a very open minded guy. I don't have any prejudices regarding homosexuality. I am mid 30's and have never been involved with a male before. I have had relationships with women and don't think I ever felt sexually attracted to a male. I was somewhat curious when I was younger but nothing happened apart from looking at some gay porn online. Currently I am with my present girlfriend nearly 2 years and we are looking at moving in with each other and are very happy.

This brings me to my current predicament for wont of a better word. I have worked with my male colleague the past 5 years and we get on very well and have been very good friends. In the job we are in, trust is a huge thing and I would say I trust him with my life and I hope he the same about me. I never considered myself attracted to him nor him to me. He is engaged to be married!

So at a work do recently, I was sharing a room with him. We had a fairly long drinking session with the rest of our buddies and ended up in the residents bar. I was pretty blotto at this stage and so was he. We eventually went to the room and like two drunk and giddy schoolboys we had a bit of a wrestling match in the room! Now I admit freely I got somewhat aroused but just left it at that and went to my bed. I'm not sure if he knew this. Then as I was dropping off to sleep, he got in to my bed and began to snuggle up to me. I was very surprised by this and then he moved his hand down to my underpants and began to stroke me on my penis.

I was a little alarmed but didn't react badly and just asked him what he was at. He said he didn't really know and wasn't this what I wanted to happen. I said I don't think so but got a little aroused. Then I did something I never thought I would do, I put my hand on his penis and found him to be aroused too. However, that's as far as it went. We both realised what we were at and stopped. My head was wrecked. This was the first time anything like that ever happened to me and I asked him if he had ever done anything like this before and he denied it. At that stage we went to sleep separately and the next day we just said that it had never happened.

We haven't spoken about it anymore and I feel somewhat embarrassed and confused. I would hate this to ruin our good friendship and have no intention of pursuing anything further. To be honest I’d love to forget it ever happened but can't get my head around it.

Opinions/advice please?

Dr. Shrike

It's not the kind of thing I'd usually say, but you should probably just leave it be and try to forget about it.

Unless it happens again. Or you find yourself with odd feelings towards him. Or you find yourself increasingly attracted to men.

Then you have something worth being concerned about.

Even if you do have the tiniest sliver of same sex attraction, it's not something to tear your mind or life up over.

ongarboy

OP - I think that you have just highlighted that people's sexuality is fluid. I would say very few people are completely 100% hetero or homo. Unless they actually classify themsevles as bi, I would think most would generally stick to either end as exclusively straight or gay but that doesn't mean it rules out the potential to get aroused or involved in a situation like you have described either in reality or in their head as a fantasy. If it's a one off or something that barely enters your mind, then like the other poster said, forget about it and continue on with your regular lives and partners. However, it it's something you find yourself thinking about a lot (not this particular incident but fantasizing about men in general ) then perhaps it is something you should explore.

Try to move on from this. Your friend seems to be happy to do the same. Treat it like an unintended encounter with a female workmate who was spoken for - yes, a little awkward and regrettable but nothing to jeopardize a relationship over. Time will diminish it's impact but only if you let it.

Mr.Frame

Put it down to drunken foolery and nothing more.
The more you think about it the more it is going to bug you and drive you crazy.
Its in the past ,you said yourself you are not gay nor is the other guy
An awful lot of heterosexual guys are "curious" and perhaps your friend was/is.
As for getting aroused, it happens ,as most guys know even sitting on a double decker bus can give you a "stiffy".
Forget about what happened and get on with your life.

Would you not agree that the majority of people - if they're honest! - can probably describe themselves as bisexual to a greater or lesser degree?

My point is do you think (*cough*) "straight" men can tell the difference, in their own opinion, between handsome men and ugly men if they claim to not be attracted to either of them in the first place? I know I'd definitely describe myself as bi, quite comfortable with it too, but there's no way I'd ever be attracted to every man or every woman that I meet.

Likewise I think most people who would describe themselves as exclusively gay or lesbian can still have an opinion on what makes a straight person attractive.

TL:DR - Leave your Victorian hang-ups in the suburbs OP, welcome to the 21st century and get out there and experiment!

Butterface

Deleted User wrote: »

Would you not agree that the majority of people - if they're honest! - can probably describe themselves as bisexual to a greater or lesser degree?

My point is do you think (*cough*) "straight" men can tell the difference, in their own opinion, between handsome men and ugly men if they claim to not be attracted to either of them in the first place? I know I'd definitely describe myself as bi, quite comfortable with it too, but there's no way I'd ever be attracted to every man or every woman that I meet.

Likewise I think most people who would describe themselves as exclusively gay or lesbian can still have an opinion on what makes a straight person attractive.

TL:DR - Leave your Victorian hang-ups in the suburbs OP, welcome to the 21st century and get out there and experiment!

I'd agree with most of your post, apart fromt the last sentence. OP and his friend both have partners, so maybe don't encourage cheating on them for the sake of experimentation!

It just happened. When drink is involved all sorts of shenanigans can happen. It doesn't have to have any deeper meaning for either of you.

J_E

You had a bit of a fun tumble and it excited you both a little. Genuinely nothing to worry about. I imagine bringing it up would be awkward on both of you though, so that's your call.

Lmklad

OP, pm me if u can.

MarriedButBi

I had a similar encounter recently. Again, I'm a str8 guy, though curous or bi or something. I'm married so not out experimenting, but I should have tried by bi side when I was single.

Anyhow, a few months ago I was away with some friends, all guys. Two to a room. We got back one night really late. I get awful horny when I drink, and am prone to making bad decisions. So the guy I am rooming with gets pretty amorous when he's pissed. In our boxers he started to snuggle up to me in my bed. To be honest, I would have played with him, and wanted him to play with me, but it didn't get that far. In the morning I was relieved, but at the time I was disappointed!

Time Now Please

Depends on how pissed I was, yeah probably would have tried it to see what it was like, and I am sure a lot of other str8 guys like me would do the same only they are too afraid to admit it.

Endotoxin

anonmalefromcountry wrote: »

I need to ask about a recent situation with a work mate.

First of all I consider myself a very open minded guy. I don't have any prejudices regarding homosexuality. I am mid 30's and have never been involved with a male before. I have had relationships with women and don't think I ever felt sexually attracted to a male. I was somewhat curious when I was younger but nothing happened apart from looking at some gay porn online. Currently I am with my present girlfriend nearly 2 years and we are looking at moving in with each other and are very happy.

This brings me to my current predicament for wont of a better word. I have worked with my male colleague the past 5 years and we get on very well and have been very good friends. In the job we are in, trust is a huge thing and I would say I trust him with my life and I hope he the same about me. I never considered myself attracted to him nor him to me. He is engaged to be married!

So at a work do recently, I was sharing a room with him. We had a fairly long drinking session with the rest of our buddies and ended up in the residents bar. I was pretty blotto at this stage and so was he. We eventually went to the room and like two drunk and giddy schoolboys we had a bit of a wrestling match in the room! Now I admit freely I got somewhat aroused but just left it at that and went to my bed. I'm not sure if he knew this. Then as I was dropping off to sleep, he got in to my bed and began to snuggle up to me. I was very surprised by this and then he moved his hand down to my underpants and began to stroke me on my penis.

I was a little alarmed but didn't react badly and just asked him what he was at. He said he didn't really know and wasn't this what I wanted to happen. I said I don't think so but got a little aroused. Then I did something I never thought I would do, I put my hand on his penis and found him to be aroused too. However, that's as far as it went. We both realised what we were at and stopped. My head was wrecked. This was the first time anything like that ever happened to me and I asked him if he had ever done anything like this before and he denied it. At that stage we went to sleep separately and the next day we just said that it had never happened.

We haven't spoken about it anymore and I feel somewhat embarrassed and confused. I would hate this to ruin our good friendship and have no intention of pursuing anything further. To be honest I’d love to forget it ever happened but can't get my head around it.

Opinions/advice please?

Honestly don't worry about it. Some lads mess around when they are 15 and some leave it until later. It's just the drink, don't let it ruin things between you

chow99

ongarboy said it very well when he said sexuality is fluid. people like labels but labels are restrictive and dont reflect sexuality very well.
a very similar situation happened to me with a good friend (with drink and drugs).
we've talked about it a couple times but neither of us really remember it and that was that.
I'd really like to try it out some more,(not with him) but just to see what its like in a more coherent fashion. :-)
if you dont feel that way then there's nothing more to it. in my experience a drunk horny guy just likes having his junk touched!! :-)