Arguing again over the same thing

rondog

Hi There,

Myself and my partner are very happy together.We had a child in January and it was the happiest time of our lives until we started to arrange things for the child.

I only have one sister and she has 1 sister and 2 Brothers.I really wanted my sister to be the Godmother as she is my only sibling and i am godfather to both her kids.We fought over this as she wanted her sister saying its tradition for the woman to have choice of the first godmother when this isnt the case with her own mother nor my Mother.After arguing for ages over this I gave in and allowed her to have the Godmother.

Now,my wife will go back to work and my Mother says she will take the kid for 2 days but my wife wants her Mam and sister to take the kid one day each and my mother 1 day as she will be going back to a 3 day week.

we go on Family holidays with my family for a few days and then a week later in the year and she is saying that we need to balance and that since the kid holidays with my family that her famiy should get the extra day to mind our child so to speak.

There has been other smaller decisions which she seems to have got her way and i am resentful because of her getting the favourable side of the main decisions.

I know we shoud be deciding in the best interest of the child but it feels like her family gets the positives.

Due to this resentment i am finding it hard to give in the the childminding with her Sis and mother with the lions share andher getting her way again.

Am i being unreasonable?

gaynorvader

Is it bothering your mother or your sister? If it's only you being bothered I think you should let it go tbh. Don't think about it as her family vs your family, but about the 2 grandmothers, 2 aunts and 2 uncles who all want to see their nephew/niece/grandchild. As for the Godparent thing, why didn't you have 2 sets of godparents? My sister and I both do. It should always be in the best interest of the child and I don't see how going to her aunt's once a week could be a bad thing.
As for the holidays thing, if you can afford to go on a second holiday, well and good, if not, try suggesting going up to her parents for Christmas, or holidays next year. It's your first child together and you both want to show off to your familys a little, it is a little unreasonable, but not strange behavior.

CaraMay

You can have two god mothers as opposite to a god mother and god father

rondog

I didnt know you could have 2 sets of godparents,is that defo possible?

Also,i looked into having 2 godmothers and from what i read you have to have a god mother and god father,a god parent of each sex.Maybe im wrong?

SebBerkovich

CaraMay wrote: »

You can have two god mothers as opposite to a god mother and god father

That to me is a really good solution - but i think if the current problem is being caused by an adherence to tradition - this could be a non-starter.

pickarooney

Save the fights for something worthwhile. The godparent thing is purely sumbolic, surely?

gaynorvader

rondog wrote: »

I didnt know you could have 2 sets of godparents,is that defo possible?

Also,i looked into having 2 godmothers and from what i read you have to have a god mother and god father,a god parent of each sex.Maybe im wrong?

Myself and my sister were baptised as protestants, so maybe it's only a protestant thing. We definitely have 4 godparents each, 2 godmothers and 2 godfathers. I got an uncle and an aunt and one of each my father's and mother's close friends, my little sister got 2 uncles and the remaining aunt and one of my mother's close friends. My little brother got the last uncle and another of my mother's close friends (I think they ran out of friends for him ).

Duberlin Chick

rondog wrote: »

I didnt know you could have 2 sets of godparents,is that defo possible?

Also,i looked into having 2 godmothers and from what i read you have to have a god mother and god father,a god parent of each sex.Maybe im wrong?

I've been asked to be godmother alongside another female twice.

The first one the priest didn't mind, in second parish priest wouldn't allow it (don't know what difference it makes)!so I'd check with parish priest first to avoid disappointment.

Colser

My friends daughter is 5..she has 2 godmothers and a godfather..there was no problem with the priest but I would also check beforehand.
Regarding the babysitting maybe your Mother would be quite happy with one day a week and if anyone is unable to do their day she could step in and do an extra day. Be glad that you have such help with childminding as it can be a huge headache for some parents.Relax and go along with the arrangements unless your family are being totally sidelined.

Ande1975

CaraMay wrote: »

You can have two god mothers as opposite to a god mother and god father

My mum and I are both godmothers to my brother's daughter. So her granny and her aunt are her godmothers. Priest had no problem with it whatsoever.
Its a great solution!

LegacyUser

The last time I went to a christening (Catholic) there were two sets of godparents. The parents had a brother each so they were the godfathers and two of the mother's friends were the godmothers. It can only benefit the child to have twice as many godparents and the only thing stopping you would be a grumpy priest, in which case go to a different one! As you have two sisters and two brothers between you nobody would be left out and from where I'm sitting it looks like a perfect solution. If any one of the godparents had a problem with not being the ONLY godmother or godfather that would be extremely childish and they wouldn't deserve the honour then - helping your decision-making process further!

December2012

Do you feel like there is a competition between you and your family and her and her family?

You cannot please everybody.

And a baby is not a time share that must be divided out accordingly.

Ann84

My daughter has two godmothers, my sister and my ex's sister, neither Of us have brothers, we had no issues...

However, you guys are definately going to have to figure out a way to compromise as you have a further 18 + years of parenting and there are constantly decisions to be made. I am very conscious of this being a separated shared parent so I can tell you, everything needs to be about what is best for your child, but after that every decision needs to be a compromise otherwise you are going to really start to resent your partner...

moochers

Hi OP,
My son who is almost 12 has two godmothers, my best friend and his Dad's sister and there was no hassle. At that time it was rare but as the aforementioned posts stated, it is quite common these days.

Surely a compromise can be arranged regarding the childminding, you are so fortunate to have so many family members willing to mind your baby.

therealme

Op, you refer to your child as "the kid"????? Sorry but that sounds so cold and maybe childish/jealous - apologies if I'm wrong, I have never heard anybody refer to their child as that.

Also, is sending your child to three different houses/carers (even family) not unsettling for him/her? (Not a parent but sounds a lot for the little person). Would one consistent minder not be better if it is a long-term situation??

implausible

therealme wrote: »

Op, you refer to your child as "the kid"????? Sorry but that sounds so cold and maybe childish/jealous - apologies if I'm wrong, I have never heard anybody refer to their child as that.

Also, is sending your child to three different houses/carers (even family) not unsettling for him/her? (Not a parent but sounds a lot for the little person). Would one consistent minder not be better if it is a long-term situation??

These are the exact two things that jumped out at me. Whether meant or not, referring to your baby as "the kid" does not make you sound very sympathetic and emphasises that ye are fighting over him/her as a possession.

I'd agree with the second point too. Babies need consistency, being shuffled around 3 houses does not sound like a great idea - three places, three routines, three people's methods of parenting. If your baby is at least being minded in your own house by your mother and in your mother-in-law's house the other days, that would make some sense. It's a lot of organising.

While it's great that both your families are so eager to have time with your child, they need reminding that she/he is not a toy. Your child will be around for a very long time, everyone will get their "turn" whether it's at weekends, after-school care, during summer holidays etc.

rondog

Thanks for the replies and i agree with most of what has been said here.The idea of 2 sets of Godparents seems to be a great idea.

As for 'the kid' reference,i can assure you i Love my child more than anything on this planet and would die for her in a heartbeat,dont take the reference as a reflection of my feelings for her.

The shuffling between 3 sets of houses is not my idea,as i stated its to keep my partner and everyone happy.I agree about the unsettling aspect of it but this is the whole point-having to keep everyone happy and letting everyone mind her so they 'get their turn'.

appreciate the feedback and will bring this up withthe other half.

gaynorvader

rondog wrote: »

Thanks for the replies and i agree with most of what has been said here.The idea of 2 sets of Godparents seems to be a great idea.

As for 'the kid' reference,i can assure you i Love my child more than anything on this planet and would die for her in a heartbeat,dont take the reference as a reflection of my feelings for her.

The shuffling between 3 sets of houses is not my idea,as i stated its to keep my partner and everyone happy.I agree about the unsettling aspect of it but this is the whole point-having to keep everyone happy and letting everyone mind her so they 'get their turn'.

appreciate the feedback and will bring this up withthe other half.

I don't think going between 3 houses is that big a deal so long as it's consistent. i.e. your mother's Mondays, Your Sister-in-law's Tuesdays and you Mother-in-laws Wednesdays kind of thing.

Demonique

Duberlin Chick wrote: »

I've been asked to be godmother alongside another female twice.

The first one the priest didn't mind, in second parish priest wouldn't allow it (don't know what difference it makes)!so I'd check with parish priest first to avoid disappointment.

What business is it of the priest's? Did he play a part in conceiving the child? No, then she should mind his own business

ABajaninCork

I don't think the priest will mind. I've got two godmothers and a godfather. My brothers the opposite (2 godfathers, 1 godmother). My nephew has two of each.