dumpedmyfriends

LegacyUser

Hi ill try to keep this short.
Im over 30 and I posted here before how my friends were making me stressed out etc. Basically I feel like the scapegoat always getting the blame for things. They would point out things that I do that they do themselves and worse. They would do worse things basically and always point out when I do something wrong. I would be asked to do things favours etc but when I need help they would say no! I would always be trying to initiate going out and they might say yes or no but it would always be me. I posted something that happened before and everyone told me to stay away from them
I have now cut them out of my life but I feel lonely and empty. I have a partner but he cant meet my need for friendships. I love having friends I love helping people I love socialising but it just was all so one way.
my question is should I stay going and go through this or just go back and make amends?

Tokyo

If you truly feel that these people stress you out, set you up to be the scapegoat and in general didn't seem interested in putting into the friendship what they were taking form it, then why would you consider "making amends"?? Surely if what you say is true, they are the ones who should be making amends with you. As it stands they haven't come near you one way or the other since you parted ways, which would tell me a lot about them if I were in your shoes.

Move forward, engage in new activities and meet new people who are actually worth your time.

Stavro Mueller

I understand why you want to try and rebuild bridges. They might not have been your friends really but they were people who filled that void in your life. Now they're gone and you're staring into an abyss. My advice to you is the same as Mike's. Don't go back to them "to make amends". All that'll do is make you seem weak and give them even more reason to pick on you.

Quite simply you're going to have to make new friends. Look into joining local groups, try volunteering, take up a sport etc. You know the drill. Maybe your partner can help. Does he have any friends/couples you could socialise with? Would he be willing to come along with you to some things?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it. Yes my partner is good and he will come to concerts with me etc. I suppose its just not the same as going out with "friends". I feel like giving in but then I think If I give in I will feel crap anyway as they still wont make any effort so its all the one! I have tried joining new groups and get on with people its just everyone has there own friends. I have known my ex friends most of my life so its like starting all over again .. Its very hard ....

December2012

Look at meetup.com, local activities, clubs etc.

Don't "give in", but instead move on.

Stavro Mueller

These new groups you joined - how long did you go to them for? It can take a while for people to take to new faces in their groups. It is true that you will have cliques but let's face it, you and your "friends" were a clique of sorts as well. Not everyone's cliquey though so don't lose heart.

Maphisto

Hi OP,

I agree with all the other posters. I wish you well with new activities.

One thing I would point out and maybe you know it already but these people never were friends they were just people you hung around with.

When we moved back here we knew no one aside from family. My wife would go and visit her sister-in-law, then her sister, her friend, her neigbour, our neighbour joined them .... It takes a long time to build.

I wish you all the best but please don't go back to that bunch of users.

LegacyUser

you can strike up friendships at any age from casual ones to deeper ones.

I stopped hanging around with a certain group of friends who never initiated anything. I searched for and found an active gang of people who want to get out and do things.

Some people are just easy to hang out with and easy to 'befriend' - some friendships are more casual arrangements - or you meet for a specific purpose (eg an activity). The more you get to know them, the more your friendship might develop.

If you miss your friends for the people they are then go back - if you just miss them for the sake of people being there then maybe don't. You won't be doing yourself any favours.

Rubberchikken

if they treated you shabbily before they're not going to change towards you if you go running back.
move on and make new friends who appreciate you.