Am I being silly and petty?

noah45

I need to vent a little

My son is having a 21st party ...a few friends and family in a pub and then nite club.

But before this he has all (friend + family) invited to his girlfriends house for a pre-party. He says he wants all to meet there for some nibbles etc as its in a more central area and easy to get to pub. Her parents doing some food for it.

I'm feeling a bit put out since our house is also near the pub. I know he can have a get together where ever he wants, but I feel kicked aside.

I don't want to ruin his night by telling him all this because I want him to have no hassle and to enjoy his big night.
Am I just being pure silly? Why do I feel so left out?

December2012

Is their house nicer? Do they do parties better?

Did you offer or did they?

No Pants

They organised it before you. That's all I would think.

noah45

Not nicer or bigger, not sure who suggested it first to be honest, maybe they did

Merkin

If they suggested it first and he accepted their kind offer, it's a really a case of not getting in there fast enough to organise something yourself. So you simply missed the boat on this occasion. Just enjoy it and in future if you want to host a party like that you need to organise it well in advance.

Tokyo

While I understand why as a parent you are taking this personally, I also think it's making a mountain out of a molehill in the greater scheme of what the night is about - your son. The circumstances around having drinks at his girlfriend's house first are probably quite innocent - maybe they offered first, maybe it's his girlfriend's way of doing something for your son for his birthday, or her parents way of contributing to the night. Seeing as you have all been invited, there seems to be no sense of excluding you or yours from this part of the night. It's just pre-drinks, for an hour or so, not the main event, and honestly I'd be looking at it as one less thing to worry about, rather than feeling rejected.

Alf. A. Male

I'm in the minority it seems, but I'm with you OP and I'd be a bit put out by this as I don't think they have any place offering to host.

CaraMay

Yep you missed the boat so join in the festivities with good grace. Why not contact the parents and see if there is anythung you can bring. Chances are the daughter is organising it and maybe they are not pushed about having it at all.

Big Bag of Chips

I think I'd probably be a bit put out too, for a minute or two But I think this has probably been organised by his girlfriend. She wouldn't have thought that you might be offended, she would have just thought: he's my boyfriend, this is something I can/want to do for him.

It's hard when you become "the other woman" in your son's life

Addle

CaraMay wrote: »

Yep you missed the boat so join in the festivities with good grace. Why not contact the parents and see if there is anythung you can bring. Chances are the daughter is organising it and maybe they are not pushed about having it at all.

Agree. His girlfriend is the host. Their house is just a venue.

moochers

Hi Op,
I think you should look at this from another perspective, your son has a lovely thoughtful gf who wants to do something special for him. Clearly her family think the world of him too and he obviously has a great relationship with them. You are the one who brought up a kind, considerate young man who treats his gf very well and is very popular and well liked. As my mum would say 'he didn't lick it from a stone'. All these attributes are down to the way he was reared. If I was you, I would be a very proud mother.

Legs.Eleven

moochers wrote: »

Hi Op,
I think you should look at this from another perspective, your son has a lovely thoughtful gf who wants to do something special for him. Clearly her family think the world of him too and he obviously has a great relationship with them. You are the one who brought up a kind, considerate young man who treats his gf very well and is very popular and well liked. As my mum would say 'he didn't lick it from a stone'. All these attributes are down to the way he was reared. If I was you, I would be a very proud mother.

That´s how I´d see it too. This is obviously something the girlfriend wants to do for him as others have said, which is very sweet. Sounds like she wanted to get involved some way and this is what she thought of. I really wouldn´t take it to heart and presumably you can go along.

noah45

Thanks all, I feel a lot better now.:-)

MagicMarker

Just go there and scoff your face safe in the knowledge that you won't have to clean up!

tinkerbell

MagicMarker wrote: »

Just go there and scoff your face safe in the knowledge that you won't have to clean up!

This! You should be thinking of it this way OP. And it's really nice that your son's got a girlfriend who is organising it for him and for her family to offer their house as a venue - they must think the world of him.

joeguevara

Could you offer to host an after party or maybe cook a fry for next day. I know I'd be much more appreciative of that than pre nibbles and a few drinks.