Who is in the wrong here??

sara1

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jackboy

Better to forget it and move on. She did you a favour to feed them. Not worth falling out over it.

jackboy

Better to forget it and move on. She did you a favour to feed them. Not worth falling out over it.

jackboy

Better to forget it and move on. She did you a favour to feed them. Not worth falling out over it.

ElleEm

sara1 wrote: »

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How do you mean, "she let them poo in the house"?
Obviously it is unhygenic to not clean up the poo, but if she was only told to feed them, then that was her duty. I can't imagine it was pleasant to come home to that, but she fed the cats for you!

jaykay74

Is she a "cat" person ? Personally if I was told to help out with a dog I'd feed it and take it for a walk. If I was asked to look after a cat I would feed it but beyond that no clue. I was under the probably mistaken impression that they had a spot in the house where they did their business, not just randomly around the place. Some people like me know little about looking after cats. And to be told hang around the place and make myself at home, maybe she is busy generally ? Not sure just a few ideas.

iusedtoknow

TBH, i think you expected too much.

I wouldn't ask someone short notice to do that - especially if they aren't cat people and don't know their peculiarities. Are the cats indoor or outdoor cats? Ours are indoors and so use litter trays and wouldn't dream of doing it anywhere else.

If they're outdoor cats - do they have access to get in and out (like a cat flap) or are they trained to use litter as well. Your friend had other things going on, and so probably couldn't be sat around waiting for an outdoor cat to go and do what it needed to- and with cats being cats...they can be off for hours.

It is a shame she let you down and yes probably should have cleaned up a bit but you'll know in the future to have another back up in place in case you mam can't do it (a friend with cats, or even a paid service where they come in and out and check on these sorts of things)

ABajaninCork

Am I the only one who agrees with the OP?? I wouldn't have been at all pleased to come home and find my house in that state...

Why on earth would you let the cats defecate in the house and not clean it? Even if all she was told was to 'feed the cats', doesn't the girl have an ounce of common sense? The smell alone would've told her to clear it up...Cats are very clean creatures and if the tray was full (I assume you had a tray), then they'll find somewhere else to go. Unfortunately, the rug got it!

Clean the rug with biological soap to discourage them from using it as a loo again, and give it a good airing on the line. Wash all the floors with biological soap for the same reason.

From now on OP, find a cat-feeder/pet sitter. That way you pay them, and don't have to rely on goodwill from friends and family. I'd speak to your vet. They can recommend someone.

liz lemoncello

sara1 wrote: »

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Some more info is needed here.
Where does your cat usually poo? Litter box? Yard?
Had your mum kept the litter box clean (if there was one)?
Did you think your friend was staying over night?

I am a cat person and I have cat sat. (Is that a word?) I would have been clear on the litter box situation before doing it.

If your mum hadn't cleaned the litter box, was your cat pi**ed off? Could your cat have been pi**ed off that you were gone?

Even though you hadn't told her to clean up poo, I would question the judgement of someone who saw poo and did nothing. (If your friend just dropped by to feed the cat, is it possible that she didn't see what the cat had done?)

LegacyUser

I don't see what your problem is....you asked your friend to feed your cats, she fed them.
If she had let them out to poo and they didn't return then she would have lost your cats on you! Do you not have a litter tray indoors? Do you have a cat flap to give them external access?
Finally....did you say at the start of your post that you asked her to buy milk....I certainly hope it wasn't for the cats, many cats are lactose intolerant, and will get diarrhea if fed white milk. If they don't get diarrhea, they may still get many digestive problems; thus, feeding cats milk may not be the smartest thing. A bowl of water would be more beneficial especially if the cat is stuck indoors.

I can't see what your problem is, your lack of facilities for the cats resulted in the poo, it's not as if your friend squatted on your sitting room mat and relieved herself.

ABajaninCork

liz lemoncello wrote: »

Even though you hadn't told her to clean up poo, I would question the judgement of someone who saw poo and did nothing. (If your friend just dropped by to feed the cat, is it possible that she didn't see what the cat had done?)

Exactly this. With cat poo, you don't have to see it to know the cat did something! With my two cats, sometimes the smell would be so bad when I got home from work, I'd have to clear the tray BEFORE even getting my coat off!!

Another possibility is the cats having a dirty protest at you going off and leaving them. My cat used to do this later on in life. We went to Portugal for the week. Plane was delayed 8 hours. Got home in the very early hours in the morning, tired, hungry and very pissed off. My then fiance (now husband) got into bed only to find my little darling had crawled under the duvet, puked in the bed and crawled back out again, leaving it perfect.

The curses in patois and Anglo-Saxon English could be heard all over Croydon. I swear the cat was laughing to himself...

sara1

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retro:electro

I wouldn't be too impressed tbh. Am a bit clueless when it comes to cats and them doing their business but I would know better than to feed the cats and then step over their poo and leave it there to welcome my friends back from their honeymoon. Nothing to fall out about like you say but I certainly wouldn't be reaching for her to do any cat sitting any time soon.

Addle

They hardly filled the box in the one night?

ABajaninCork

Cats don't have to 'fill' the box to refuse to use it. My girl wouldn't use the tray again if she only peed if I hadn't cleaned it. My boy wouldn't use the tray at all in the day and preferred to go out. Later on in life he would use the tray, but only for No. 1's and then only at night.

Cats are very fussy creatures and hate change.

Addle

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Cats are very fussy creatures and hate change.

So it's the cats fault!

sara1

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Addle

sara1 wrote: »

Wed evening and night, all yesterday and last night and all day today; it was pretty full.

So how do you know what state it was in before and after your friend did what she was told?

ABajaninCork

Addle wrote: »

So it's the cats fault!

Um - Did you read my posts? Where did I say it was the fault of the cat??

Legs.Eleven

I´m presuming your friend has no cats. I don´t think people with pets realise how little us non-pet owners know about animals and what taking care of them involves. I know myself I wouldn´t think of the things that might seem obvious to you. I have no idea what cats do, what cats should eat, what cats smell like or what cats are and are not supposed to do in the house. That might seem brain dead to animal owners but I´ve never had a pet in my life except for a few goldfish as a kid

I stayed in my friend´s house temporarily about 6 years ago while I was waiting to leave the country (she´d gone away) and I was left with cat feeding duties. During that time the cat pissed in her bed (where I was sleeping) and I didn´t realise the disgusting smell was cat´s piss ´till my friend came home. I´d slept beside cat´s pee for 2 weeks! I also let the cat out for some "fresh air" only to spend most of a day chasing after it around Dublin 8.

What might seem like basic common sense to you might not be the case for your friend.

I´d say you´re entitled to be annoyed but I wouldn´t make an issue out of it; it´s not worth it in this case. I really doubt she did to put you out.

sara1

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bp

Random thought - could your friend be pregnant? Cat waste is dangerous to an unborn baby, esp in first trimester

ash23

Sounds to me like a miscommunication in terms of what looking after the cats involved.

You asked her to feed them. She thought dropping into the house and putting food in their bowl was enough. Perhaps if she knew she would also be on poop duty, she might not have agreed.

I hate cats but would have no problem dropping in on friends cats to throw some cat food and water into their bowl but I wouldn't be keen on the idea of cleaning up after them.

username123

What kind of a moron is your friend? The poor cats must have been so distressed that the litter box was full and they were actually forced to poo in your home and they wouldn't have been able to bury it or get away from the smell even. Poor kitties.

I think your friend must be thick, lazy, irresponsible and definitely not an animal lover. That's a horrible thing for her to have done. I'm not even all that concerned for the state you found the place after your honeymoon, I'm concerned for the poor cats who were subjected to a stressful and unhygienic experience by someone who should have known better.

I'd be backing off from this friendship, I wouldn't have any respect for someone who could treat any animal like that, let alone my treasured pets.

IMO it was a scummy thing to do.

Legs.Eleven

username123 wrote: »

What kind of a moron is your friend? The poor cats must have been so distressed that the litter box was full and they were actually forced to poo in your home and they wouldn't have been able to bury it or get away from the smell even. Poor kitties.

I think your friend must be thick, lazy, irresponsible and definitely not an animal lover. That's a horrible thing for her to have done. I'm not even all that concerned for the state you found the place after your honeymoon, I'm concerned for the poor cats who were subjected to a stressful and unhygienic experience by someone who should have known better.

I'd be backing off from this friendship, I wouldn't have any respect for someone who could treat any animal like that, let alone my treasured pets.

IMO it was a scummy thing to do.

That´s completely OTT. As I said before, non-animal owners have no experience of animals. They don´t know how to spot a distressed or any kind of cat emotion because they don´t own cats and wouldn´t know how to spot the signs if they´re only used to dealing with human beings. I´m not thick, lazy or irresponsible but I know fcuk all about animals or how to take care of them (doesn´t mean I hate them though).


I think you need to get a bit of perspective here.

username123

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

That´s completely OTT. As I said before, non-animal owners have no experience of animals. They don´t know how to spot a distressed or any kind of cat emotion because they don´t own cats and wouldn´t know how to spot the signs if they´re only used to dealing with human beings. I´m not thick, lazy or irresponsible but I know fcuk all about animals or how to take care of them (doesn´t mean I hate them though).


I think you need to get a bit of perspective here.

Oh for gods sake, they're living creatures. Even a child knows you don't leave living creatures in their own waste. It's not rocket science. Even as a non animal owner, would you think it ok to see that a friends home was being **** upon and think it was ok to leave it?

No. I'm sorry, on no level is it ok.

sara1

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username123

sara1 wrote: »

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Then she's just a cruel lazy scumbag who wasn't bothered with the most basic level of care. I'd be furious if I were you.

Merkin

Seems like there was a miscommunication. You asked her to feed them expecting her to understand the subtext, she took you literally and fed them, nothing more or less. Personally I'd have paid for a cattery for the week as it's fairer to the animals and then you're not imposing on anyone. I'd let this drop because there's no point in spoiling your post honeymoon bliss over something like this. Pay for professional care in future and then nobody, least of all the cats, will feel hard done by.

Legs.Eleven

username123 wrote: »

Oh for gods sake, they're living creatures. Even a child knows you don't leave living creatures in their own waste. It's not rocket science. Even as a non animal owner, would you think it ok to see that a friends home was being **** upon and think it was ok to leave it?

No. I'm sorry, on no level is it ok.

Not going to get into an argument with you.


No, I don´t personally think it´s okay and think she should´ve made some attempt to clean it up but I definitely would not fall out over it. I´d be more empathetic to where she´s coming from than you as an animal lover as I although I respect animals, I don´t hold them in any special esteem.




I don´t think friendships should end over this and I think it´s a case of animals lover not understanding a non-animal lover.

username123

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Not going to get into an argument with you.


No, I don´t personally think it´s okay and think she should´ve made some attempt to clean it up but I definitely would not fall out over it. I´d be more empathetic to where she´s coming from than you as an animal lover as I although I respect animals, I don´t hold them in any special esteem.




I don´t think friendships should end over this and I think it´s a case of animals lover not understanding a non-animal lover.

I would find it extremely difficult to maintain any level of friendship with someone who was so disrespectful to living creatures and to my home. I'd lose all respect for someone who treated my cats and my home like that. This person actually lived with the OP and the cats so there's no excuse.

Even if the cats had filled the litter tray and only then the person, upon finding the first poo, realised that they needed to do something, that would be somewhat excusable. But to actually leave it, and then defend that behaviour to OP saying it wasn't their "job" to clean poo, it just beggars belief IMO.

Legs.Eleven

username123 wrote: »

I would find it extremely difficult to maintain any level of friendship with someone who was so disrespectful to living creatures and to my home. I'd lose all respect for someone who treated my cats and my home like that. This person actually lived with the OP and the cats so there's no excuse.

Even if the cats had filled the litter tray and only then the person, upon finding the first poo, realised that they needed to do something, that would be somewhat excusable. But to actually leave it, and then defend that behaviour to OP saying it wasn't their "job" to clean poo, it just beggars belief IMO.

Fair enough. Different folks for different strokes. Just offering another perspective.

thefeatheredcat

sara1 wrote: »

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I think the bit in bold was the big sign of why it happened. Just because she might full well know how to feed and clean up after a cat, doesn't mean she would have been that pushed to do either or both. I would be willing to bet she would have happily left cat poo for you to clean up even if she knew about it, when ye were living together.

I actually had a reply to your original post but got interrupted (by a cat of all things wailing at me) and with the information of your posts since, my own opinion has completely changed.

I wouldn't be at all happy coming back to cat poo all over the place. I can understand some people wouldn't be able to handle the smell nor the clean up process, especially if they are not used to doing it. So I could give the benefit of the doubt to someone not used to looking after cats. And I can understand that the smell can be overwheleming, plenty of times myself either cleaning up cat poo, cat puke, the remains of a mouse, rat or bird and the crime scene that goes with it, I have gagged and I've been cleaning up after cats for years. It still gets me. So I can understand if someone is unwilling or unable to clean up, yes it's gross, so is changing a nappy (which I've also done many times) and it can be hard to stomach and that's not a pleasant thing to have to do, asked or unasked, expected or assumed to do it.

But I think if she knew well that there was cat poo, or had the suspicion of it from smells but didn't want to check, but never said anything and let you discover it, that was quite nasty of her. She is someone who has lived around cats, even the smell from a once used litter tray would be obvious. And cats can be particular about litter trays. One cat last year had to be kept inside due to having stitches and had one of those collar buckets around his head. He couldn't cope at all with the litter tray, it was so alien to him, that it took a lot of coaxing to get him to use it. And he did adjust, but if previous poos hadn't been removed and it hadn't been freshened up, or changed at all, he wouldn't use it at all.

It doesn't take a lot to empty a litter tray. It's just a matter of popping it into an open bag and if lucky, a good wipe down (I usually would wash and hose it out) and a dry and a refill. A new bag of litter tray might cost near €10, and even that is no excuse. I would be fairly pissed off if a friend minding cats - who is used to cats around them and has lived with them before - for 24-48 hours couldn't do this basic thing because that is a straight forward simple task akin to tying up the rubbish bag in the bin and putting it in the wheelie bin. You can buy a very basic litter tray in Tesco that is no bigger but a little deeper than a standard baking tray, for next to nothing and even in emergencies we've used old baking trays and oven trays as a temporary means. She honestly could have said no to feeding them because she would have known having lived with you, that cleaning would be part and parcel, and even if there was mess, she could have said it to someone - your brother for example - about it and got it cleaned up.

You've learned the unfortunate hard way that she is not to be relied upon at all to mind your cats, ever, not even as a backup. You're right to be upset, it wouldn't have been an effort to let you know in advance about the mess for even your brother to drop by and clean up; if he had known maybe he would have cleaned up for your arrival, rather than let you come back to a mess. Whether to fall out with it, tbh I don't know, but I definitely would chalk it up to experience and never ask her to mind them again.

Sarah Bear

That is disgusting. I would be so embarrassed to allow my friend to come home to a house covered in sh1t. Although I'm not sure what you can say. But any idiot would surely understand you didn't want to come home to poo all over the house!

meeeeh

And there are plenty of people who don't give a damn about cats or cat poo even though they might think cats are nice but they wouldn't own one. I think friend fed the cats as a favour to op (doing minimum she could get away with) and not because she particularly cares about the cats. I am sure owner going away is way more distressing for cats than a full litter box anyway. The cats will be grand. Friend should be more considerate and clean the mess but it really isn't something worth falling out over it. As suggested next time use pet motel or whatever they are called.

Aseth

OP you asked your friend to feed the cats. You didn't ask to clean up after them. You did it on a short notice. Lets face it poo is disgusting and maybe that's a reason she didn't want to clean after your pets. After all she was doing you a favour.
Next time put them in a kennel for those few days or agree what exactly you expect from a person who's to take care of your cats. Maybe your friend wouldn't have agreed to help you if she knew you expected to clean after them as well.

retro:electro

Aseth wrote: »

OP you asked your friend to feed the cats. You didn't ask to clean up after them. You did it on a short notice. Lets face it poo is disgusting and maybe that's a reason she didn't want to clean after your pets. After all she was doing you a favour.
Next time put them in a kennel for those few days or agree what exactly you expect from a person who's to take care of your cats. Maybe your friend wouldn't have agreed to help you if she knew you expected to clean after them as well.

It wasn't short notice though? The op clearly says she gave the friend a few weeks notice

Calibos

Imagine she was babysitting.

Hey, you asked me to mind the kid, feed her and put her to sleep. You didn't say anything about a ****ty nappy. Not my problem the kid now has a urinary infection from festering in a ****ty nappy all night.

She's a 'precious' lazy so and so. While I wouldn't necessarily end the friendship entirely, this kind of thing would have me move her down the friendship totem pole closer to the 'good for a laugh on a night out...but wouldn't ever rely on them for anything ever again' aquaintence end.

December2012

This girl was your bridesmaid and is your friend.

She did you a favour, and it's not up to your standards, but it's a favour.

Stop losing the head with her.

It's nobody's fault. And it's not up to her to clean up after your cat.

lovelyjubbly

I have never had a cat that used a litter tray but I lived with someone who did. This girl did not clean the tray daily, sometimes 2-3 days went by before poop was removed (even more unfortunately once or twice). If she went away for a weekend I wouldn't clean the tray because I followed her lead and the cat always used the tray and didn't go elsewhere in the house and she never asked me to clean the tray. I thought that was how it was done.

So if I was asked to feed a cat that is exactly what I would do, I wouldn't want to stay for very long either; it's not my home and I would feel uncomfortable having a nose around my friends house. I would go in, play with cat for a few minutes, then go to cat food, feed cats and then leave.

I wouldn't go on poop patrol around the house either, I probably would have assumed it was normal smell from the tray anyway. I was never keen on that part of sharing a house with a cat but at least now I know that girl should have cleaned the tray daily.

username123

As an aside from the animal welfare issue I wouldn't have a lot of time for a friend who was popping in and out of my property daily while I was away who ignored any smelly mess.

If I were minding someone's house while they were away and say moving post from the front door to the kitchen daily and I came across a smashed bottle of milk on the kitchen floor, there's no way I'd just leave broken glass and souring milk on the floor saying it wasn't my "job" to clean it up. I'd just clean it up because it's what a normal reasonable person would do.

Same as I would resolve any minor issues with the property as long as I had the keys and was going in and out daily. If a window got broken I'd sort it, if a burst pipe happened I'd sort it, etc... I wouldn't just leave a problem festering for a friend to find when they get home from holidays. Now maybe I'd only board up the window or switch the water off and clean up the wet, but I'd certainly do something to at least halt the issue from causing further problems.

Is that not just a normal expectation of a friend who is walking in and out of your property daily? Who'd just leave a mess for someone else to find?

The_Conductor

OP- if you asked me to feed your cats- I'd happily feed them.
I'd also have a quick hunt to see if I could find some sort of collars for them- so they wouldn't run away, when I let them out for a run (I'd assume cats need a run). I'd also assume they'd do their business somewhere outside, while I had them outside.

I don't own cats. I have had pets in the past- mostly fish of various types- so I do have experience of keeping pets- I would be clueless about keeping cats though. I do read about the feral cat problem all the time in the media- so I would assume that domestic cats would need to be kept on a leash or something when I'd bring them out for a walk.

You do need to spell these things out- its not something that someone would necessarily be expected to know.

As for the house being destroyed with poo/pee- I'd have cleaned it up- but would have presumed it was because the cats hadn't been let out. Cat litter box- fine- I've never seen one before in my life- I wouldn't even know what one looked like.

Looks like there was a severe deficit of information here- I wouldn't have left your house in a state, had I been minding your cats- but I also wouldn't have changed their bed for them- unless you spelt out I had to do so. I might have spent a few scheckels on collars and leashes for them- if I couldn't find them- so I could bring them for a walk.

People who don't habitually keep a particular pet- probably are clueless about it. My little sister offered to pop in and mind my fish while I was away for a forthnight a few years back- she thought she was being very helpful by changing their water- all of it in one go- and probably would have gotten away with it- had she checked the water temperature- which she didn't. Queue a significant number of the fish floating on the top..........

Asking someone to feed your cats is fine. Anything other than this- needs clear instructions.

Ps- my sis brings her cats for walks on a leash (she lives in Dublin)- this is to ensure the cat doesn't run off. I realise not all people do this- but I'd be terrified of loosing a cat.

Maphisto

sara1 wrote: »

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Sarah Bear wrote: »

That is disgusting. I would be so embarrassed to allow my friend to come home to a house covered in sh1t. Although I'm not sure what you can say. But any idiot would surely understand you didn't want to come home to poo all over the house!

I take what people have said about non-cat types. I'm one myself.

But I struggle with the leaving your house covered in sh1t. If she had said something like "I'm so sorry but cat sh1t makes me sick, I just couldn't handle it", but "not my job", or "wasn't asked to" (if I've quoted correctly).

Is it possible that there are other issues at play here with your friend, some jealousy or slight?

And yes without some better explanation of her lack of care, I probably would fall out over it.

cristeoir

How do you know that the cats didn't piss and s**t between the time she was there and when you got home? anyway did you ask her to clean out the litter tray , if not I can't see how you can be mad at her and in all fainess it is a fairly disgusting job!

LegacyUser

She came and feed the cats, what you asked her to do, you didn't ask her to move in the look after them full time. I've two cats and I've gone away for weekends and left them out plenty of food and water and clean litter tray and they're fine, I only get someone to come in and check on them if I'm gone longer then 3days/2nights. My cats have never peed or poo'd outside of the littler tray in 10 years I've had them when I go away so clearly your cats were stressed out, not your friends job to deal with to be honest. I've never expected anyone but me to clean up my cats mess. If she lived with you and cats and never cleaned up after them I don't see why you expected her to start now. My friends brought her toddler over to my house recently and she peed on my couch...friend stripped the couch and brought everything to be cleaned and returned it to me, why should I have to clean up after her child and why should your friend have to clean after your cats? Consider it a lesson that they don't handle stress well and you should pay for professional housing for them next time you go away.

sara1

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Merkin

sara1 wrote: »

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I'm sorry, I'm at a total loss as to why you wouldn't pay for a cattery. It's the least disruptive for all involved and you're absolutely guaranteed that the cats will be well fed and have their needs looked after. It's an imposition to ask anyone to look after your pets and then crib about the level of care. If you didn't want to run the risk of having them poo all over the place then a cattery is the only solution. I also don't see what incentive an offer of allowing her to watch your TV is I also think cats don't deal with stress well so you're at fault for shipping them to your Mothers and then having your brother ferry them back to an empty house. No wonder they pood from anxiety with all that disruption.

Legs.Eleven

sara1 wrote: »

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Just out of curiosity, why didn´t you mention it to her that she needed to clean the tray out? Yes, I know it´s common sense to cat owners but it´s not to people like myself who´ve never ever had any contact with pets whatsoever (you did all the cleaning and feeding when you lived together). You specified other stuff (I´m guessing) but not this?

sara1

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dori_dormer

I dont get peoples responses about not being cat people or not understanding the job. If you were asked to feed and say let the dog out into the garden to do his business for someone and turned up at the house to a poop in the middle of the floor youd clean it up! Simple! Its an accident - animals have them! you dont leave it for 3 days for the owners to find thats just really gross.
Did she think you had someone else coming in to clean up the poop after she left? is she that stupid? If she isnt an animal person she shouldnt have agreed to do it.
I really think there is something else going on with this girl. I dont know anyone who wouldnt have the cop on to at least clean up poop from their friends floor.
Id be keeping my distance from her for sure as shes shown her true colours - shes not a friend.

Legs.Eleven

sara1 wrote: »

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I think most people (myself included) that it´s not nice to arrive home to and yes, ideally she should´ve cleaned it up but I think most people are simply saying it´s time to move on from this and in the future, it´s best to ask a professional to prevents any falling outs.