People being bitchy in work

LegacyUser

I guess my issue is that I am fairly certain people talk about me behind my back in work. I know it's something I can't control, but I guess I am finding it difficult to shake off the feeling of a need for approval. I get on ok with my colleagues, especially one to one or in groups of 3, but i'm fairly shy so any time we are in a big group situation I tend to not say anything. In smaller groups I wouldn't be one to dominate the conversation, but I feel way less shy/anxious than in larger groups so I'd actually talk.

I've noticed on nights out and even at lunch that other quiet colleagues are bitched about a fair bit. I'll never really contribute to the bitching but I'd tend to be around when it's said. I've also noticed colleagues saying certain things while near me sometimes, basically making it obvious that they are talking about me. Also sometimes they are distant towards me when I try to talk to them one on one - like they don't want to be seen talking to the quieter guys. They probably bitch in the exact same way as they do about the other quiet people. I guess it's just frustrating that more extroverted people can't accept others being more shy and quiet than them. It's been said to me a few times in my teens "you're so quiet" and when people say that it's like they see it as the worst thing imaginable. I just don't personally see the need to be chatting all the time, and nor do I see the need to try to be funny all the time like the majority of my colleagues. Not sure what advice i'm looking for but I guess it's just frustrating. Cheers to anyone with advice.

retro:electro

So let those who are bitchy do the bitching and get on with your life. Why would you want/need their approval? Who cares what they think. They're probably the type to bitch about everyone and even each other. You've heard them bitch about other people so don't take it personally. There are these types of people everywhere in life and it's best to just avoid them and get on with your life.

stop animal cruelty

anna80 pretty much said it all! l know what you mean, my work place is the same and lm like you, staying quiet and thinking their bitching about you.....have you been working there long? lv been working there for a year now and l dont care anymore, seriously it says enough about them if they cant just carry on with work without bitching! just take no notice of them, just be yourself and get on with the work!

Rubberchikken

Take no notice of them.
Wouldnt be willing to pay any attention to people who talk nastily about others behind their backs.
Cant you see them for what they are? Bullies, gossips and nasty narrow- minded pathetics.

bee06

People bitch at work ... It happens everywhere because when you spend that much time with people even the smallest habits/irritations etc rub others up the wrong way and that leads to bitching. It says more about them than you.

Stavro Mueller

You said it yourself in your first post. You can't control what other people say. You can control you though and that's what you should work on. Don't allow these people space in your head. They're not worth it.

I've worked in offices where this sort of nonsense has gone on. The irony is that when one of the group of bitches is out for the day, their "friends" bitch about them too I take from your post that you have colleagues who don't engage in this sort of behaviour. Are you friendly with any of them?

Don't change what you are to appease these people. Even if you became a Pulitzer prize novelist, found a cure for cancer and brought peace to the world they'd still find something to bitch about. It's what they are and you're going to accept that they're not going to change.