20s - Turning Point

choppingboard

Hi all,

Long time read, first time poster, etc, etc. I have been humming and hawing about posting here the last few days. In comparison to many of the posts here it's nothing dramatic but I've had a lot on my mind recently.

I'm in my 20s and currently living and working abroad. Generally I am a very easygoing, positive person and as my friends would say a free spirit. Anyway I've been working in my current job for a few years which I like but realistically I couldn't see myself in it for the rest of my life.

A few months back I resigned myself to not staying on in the job and didn't sign any contract so that I could make a move into a different career, another completely different area but one which I think would be better suited to me.

I had my heart set on doing a Master's programme in another country for the last few years but didn't have the money for originally so I saved up and I told myself that I'd apply in the coming months. In the meantime I met a guy who I really liked, and he was crazy about me. Even though it was very early stages he told me that he knew that he would get attached to me so he ended it. Originally I was fine about it, and then I realised when he was gone how much I had fallen for him. We were back in contact and I told him that I'd be willing to stay and give it a go with him, but he told me that even though he really liked me he knew that I had wanted to do this masters (it's a very specific one as well so there's no way I can do it here at the moment).

This was all a few weeks ago, I thought I'd be over it because it really just was a few weeks but it is on my mind every day. I know that I still want to do the masters and in the long term it will be better for me. Right now I'm up the walls with work and I'll be applying straight after but even at that there's still a gap of 5/6 months before anything starts. I'm just feeling a bit crap at the moment thinking that I might have made a big mistake in not giving it a go with this guy.

Honestly before all of this I wasn't too fussed about a relationship, settling down, etc but it has really all hit me the last few weeks. Even when I log into Facebook all I see are babies, engagements, etc. I guess what I'm looking for more than anything is a bit of reassurance that things will work out, has anyone been in a similar situation and what happened please?

Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place, I'll try to fill in the gaps.

Pawwed Rig

Can you not pick it up again with him after the masters if you both still want to? How long will it take? 1-2 years? Not an excessive amount of time imho

choppingboard

Hi,

I'd like to think so but the reality is I'm moving away and I will have to go wherever I can get a job afterwards to pay off loans/make a living. I'm just feeling a bit crappy right now because I haven't even got a place in the programme to look forward to it and I constantly have this guy on my mind which isn't doing me any favours either.

Thanks for your reply.

loalae

If you're open to meeting someone in the next place you live of course you'll meet someone there. Do the usual - get involved with clubs, go to college nights out, do online dating etc. In short, immerse yourself in your new life.

There's no point in making life decisions based on someone you didn't know for very long who, I'm sorry for being blunt, rejected you twice. Maybe it was for noble reasons but he had chances to get involved seriously with you twice and didn't take them. That should be a consoling thought by the way, imagine if you didn't take the chance to do the masters and it still didn't work out with him!!!

It takes time to get over someone so give yourself that time. Try to avoid getting involved with someone just because you're freaking out that everyone else is getting married, buying houses, having babies etc.

Since you know you're leaving, why don't you take a step back from your job for the remainder of your time with them and try to do some stuff just for yourself that you've always wanted to try? It could be a huge confidence boost, you'll meet new people, get new skills, while doing something enjoyable.

Maphisto

Yes I'm with Loalae on this.

I've read your post a couple of times OP, I was never happy with that "he ended it because he would get attached to me". Have you in same way let it known that this was not going to be a long term thing, no matter what?

Hows about this. "You're so attached to me but can I do this first it will take me X years and during that time we'll still see each other on holidays and the odd weekend and we'll keep in touch through skype and ..."

Just putting myself in the guy's shoes if I was "so attached", I wouldn't walk away - maybe that's just me

choppingboard

loalae wrote: »

If you're open to meeting someone in the next place you live of course you'll meet someone there. Do the usual - get involved with clubs, go to college nights out, do online dating etc. In short, immerse yourself in your new life.

There's no point in making life decisions based on someone you didn't know for very long who, I'm sorry for being blunt, rejected you twice. Maybe it was for noble reasons but he had chances to get involved seriously with you twice and didn't take them. That should be a consoling thought by the way, imagine if you didn't take the chance to do the masters and it still didn't work out with him!!!

It takes time to get over someone so give yourself that time. Try to avoid getting involved with someone just because you're freaking out that everyone else is getting married, buying houses, having babies etc.

Since you know you're leaving, why don't you take a step back from your job for the remainder of your time with them and try to do some stuff just for yourself that you've always wanted to try? It could be a huge confidence boost, you'll meet new people, get new skills, while doing something enjoyable.

Thanks a million for both of your replies! To be honest it's exactly the kind of thing I wanted/needed to hear. Initially I had accepted that I was moving on and ended up meeting him, of course I didn't expect for us to hit it off like we did. I made it clear at the beginning that I would most definitely be moving away in the coming months, and then after it came to the closing stages I realised my true feelings about him.

Yeah you're right about getting involved in different things, you know normally I am involved in everything I can but this whole situation has made me really mopey and really down. I have been single for years (in particular because I wouldn't go out with someone just for the sake of it) so to be perfectly honest it has thrown me a bit.

Don't worry I am reading that as a consoling thought, and you hit the nail on the head

[/QUOTE] Yes I'm with Loalae on this.

I've read your post a couple of times OP, I was never happy with that "he ended it because he would get attached to me". Have you in same way let it known that this was not going to be a long term thing, no matter what?

Hows about this. "You're so attached to me but can I do this first it will take me X years and during that time we'll still see each other on holidays and the odd weekend and we'll keep in touch through skype and ..."

Just putting myself in the guy's shoes if I was "so attached", I wouldn't walk away - maybe that's just me [/QUOTE]

Thanks again for your reply, you too are right! As I said above I had resigned myself to moving away a few months back and he knew that when we met. I told him I couldn't promise him anything even if I wanted to because I wasn't sure what would happen in the future, etc. He had told me he was crazy about me but he didn't want to get attached because it'd be too hard if I left. Initially I was fine about it and pretty understanding but I started to miss him, etc. However you're right in saying if he was "so attached" that he wouldn't walk away I am just a bit fed up with myself at the moment to be honest, can't have it all I guess!

Maphisto

Thanks for getting back Choppingboard. I hope everything works out for you soon.

All the very best