Turned in my doormat

serendipity88

A friend of mine who is also a coworker, has ditched me for another coworker as her new gal pal. I am no longer asked to spend time with her and she no longer shares anything personal with me. She has however, asked me to come to her home to assist her in the wording of her self evaluation for reviews at work. I reluctantly helped her. I hoped it could be a fun night together, I did consider her a close friend. Well my dilema, is that because I realized I am now only welcome in her life to help with her career, I called her on it. In text, very delicately. I let her know I felt she was weeding me out of her life as a friend and that I will respect her in doing so. Yes, I had also asked her about in person prior to that. Both responses were skirting how she really felt. We haven't spoken to eachother at all this week. I am sad, but feel a burden lifted as well. I did not enjoy feeling used. But truly do hate losing a friend. Your thoughts?

Taltos

Unfortunately OP there are a lot of people like that. Personally I think she had some cheek getting you to help her in your personal time if this was how she was treating you. Again though I know folk who don't get the whole "self"-evaluation piece...

Chalk it up to experience, be friendly but only on a cursory level. In terms of sending the text, not sure I would have done that, so fair dues for calling her on her behaviour in such a fashion. One thing you could try from here on out is developing your network outside of work, I know many people enjoy making friends in work, but to me they are colleagues, partly as you never know what tomorrow will bring - a new job / promotion / etc - think about it this way, how can you manage and set someones objectives if yesterday you were messing about like best friends, but today you have to tell them to pull their socks up....

Alf. A. Male

Personally I'm delighted when a colleague asks for that kind of help, I take it a compliment. If you hated losing the friendship, why make an issue of something that may have been a passing phase or may have involved talking about something she'd have been embarrassed to talk to you about? All you did was ensure you lost the friendship. She can spend time with anyone she likes, you don't own her and your reaction sounds quite immature to me.

serendipity88

Thank you for replying. I am trying to wrap my head around this one as best as I can. I agree with you, I felt slightly immature. God bless her and the phases she's already gone through. Two occasions she had decided to snap at me. So I believe I steered away from her knowing she will never be straight with me in an adult manner. She can be friends with whoever she wants. I just don't feel comfortable being used. She knows I would do anything for her or anyone really.

serendipity88

Thank you very much for your reply. I definitely need to keep working on developing more friendships outside of work. How she and I got to this place started 3 years ago. I firmly believe everything happens exactly as it's supposed to. She needs to be more assertive, I need to be more social outside of work. I hope we are able to come back around to being friends when...the time is right.

Alf. A. Male

To be honest, if you show this level of thought and intensity towards a workplace friendship, I'm not surprised she's snapping at you and moving away a bit. Office friendships are great, but you just work together.

serendipity88

~To be honest, if you show this level of thought and intensity towards a workplace friendship, I'm not surprised she's snapping at you and moving away a bit. Office friendships are great, but you just work together.~

If were only that simple. I am not trying to be her new friend. We were fantastic friends for a few years. We share the most amazing sense of humor. I miss her...a lot She's. changed, going through something, shut me out. I have to move on. But you made me think of something else. Her kids
made a comment about her being so mean and that's why I don't come over anymore. This shift is inexplicable. For all I know she may dipped in a candy jar I thought was mine last year...oldest story in the book right! ; )

Louise Jordan

Don't let it get to you OP.

You'll meet a lot of fairweather friends in your lifetime and use this experience to realise how fortunate you are to have strong loyalty to peers as this is a great personality trait.

Holding any form of resentment towards this girl is pointless, resentments only make us ourselves feel unhappy, be flattered she still values your professional opinion and aware in the future that you have seen her true colours.

LegacyUser

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

Office friendships are great, but you just work together.

I would agree that a lot of office friendships are just that but they can sometimes develop into proper friendships.

Through 20 years of work, I've made a few very good friends from various places who I ma still very friendly with.

OP, it's hard when friendships end but the older you get and the more people you meet and befriend, the less it will affect you. I've had some friendships fade away but have developed many new ones/