Will you appraise my songs?

Saipanne

Hello, I have been writing songs most of my adult life, but after a two year break I've gotten back into it. I am currently writing and recording demos with a view to getting a band going eventually, but working alone is a new thing for me, so I thought I would go online to get the appraisal of strangers. Feel free to be critical, and maybe point out where I could improve.

Thanks for your time, I'll try to contribute in other threads too.

soundcloud.com/saipanne/the-sun-will-rise

dogmax

The Sun Will Rise is a good title name for a song as soon as i seen it on your soundcloud page i was hoping yeah, my thoughts are you need to start with words hold the harmony for the flow to come and then blend it in with the music, just another thought the drum stick tapping, get rid of of it, clarity in words of a song like your only need vocals and the flow of music.

Nice song post your lyrics.

Saipanne

Thanks for your feedback.

The lyrics are:

I've spent some lonely times
Beneath these stars, my home
Surrounded by moonlight
Been discarded on the road

My love, she left my side
Her green eyes have turned to stone
I must collect my pride
Beneath the bridge made out of stone

I know the sun will rise
And natures warmth will fill my soul
But now I'm terrified
Of the dreams that I did hold

I push against the wind
That was left after her wake
And for the millionth time
Swear I won't repeat mistakes

Saipanne

Next up is Gin Palace, which is a bar in Dublin. I always liked the name so I wrote a song containing it.

Here is the link: soundcloud.com/saipanne/gin-palace


The lyrics are:

Ghost stories through the night
Blood running blue within
My drink, it may be spiked
In the Palace Gin

A pale green new pretender
Too much weight on his shoulder
Fell down with a crescendo
Down, down down down

This song is for you
Young lovers in summer
A thousand year old tune
Heart beats

dogmax

Two very nice songs you have i don't know if you've posted your songs anywhere else but there are some every good songwriting forum on the internet with members who are very helpful with feedback and answering any questions you have, unfortunately as you can see you wont get much feedback here but the main thing is, Enjoy.

Saipanne

dogmax wrote: »

Two very nice songs you have i don't know if you've posted your songs anywhere else but there are some every good songwriting forum on the internet with members who are very helpful with feedback and answering any questions you have, unfortunately as you can see you wont get much feedback here but the main thing is, Enjoy.

Thanks. could you recommend one?

dogmax

Saipanne wrote: »

Thanks. could you recommend one?

To be honest im not to sure which one to recommend two very good songs, im thinking the first one (The Sun Will Rise) the reason is its only 2.45 but in saying that your second song (Gin Palace) kept me interest as well.

Enjoy and welcome to the Journey :cool:

Saipanne

dogmax wrote: »

To be honest im not to sure which one to recommend two very good songs, im thinking the first one (The Sun Will Rise) the reason is its only 2.45 but in saying that your second song (Gin Palace) kept me interest as well.

Enjoy and welcome to the Journey :cool:

Sorry, I meant to recommend a songwriters forum?

dogmax

Saipanne wrote: »

Sorry, I meant to recommend a songwriters forum?

Ah damn it i pick the wrong thoughts

It doesn't really matter which one you pick or even join them all but i do understand, songwriterforum.co.uk is a good one to start of with there are members there who really know what they're talking about and are very helpful with giving advice but the same can be said about a few more, songstuff forum is another good one.

Also all the forums are very helpful with any questions you want to ask just read the rules they're all pretty much straight forward there's also a nice community spirit there which really make you feel as ease.

Anything else just ask.

sephsleft06

Yeah Gin Palace is a good title....

good, is it a bit short though, lyrics?




The lyrics are:

Ghost stories through the night
Blood running blue within
My drink, it may be spiked
In the Palace Gin

A pale green new pretender
Too much weight on his shoulder
Fell down with a crescendo
Down, down down down

This song is for you
Young lovers in summer
A thousand year old tune
Heart beats[/QUOTE]

Saipanne

sephsleft06 wrote: »

Yeah Gin Palace is a good title....

good, is it a bit short though, lyrics?




The lyrics are:

Ghost stories through the night
Blood running blue within
My drink, it may be spiked
In the Palace Gin

A pale green new pretender
Too much weight on his shoulder
Fell down with a crescendo
Down, down down down

This song is for you
Young lovers in summer
A thousand year old tune
Heart beats

[/quote]

You are right. I've added a new verse since, but not recorded it.