Feeling sick going to work tomorrow

Hannaho

Hi! I've posted here about issues with my colleague and how my boss didn't want me in the job initially as she had someone else for it, but wasn't permitted to influence the appointment process which is a panel process.

Issues with work colleague are going to mediation at my request, but still issues - excluding me from work and having a drama, sometimes in front of people - rolling of eyes, storming off etc, if I stand up for myself. Also saying she had done things contacted people, faxed things when she hasn't, leaving me to do most of the admin work and only wanting to do the work that means she comes in direct contact with our boss. No more nasty comments about me being a single parent, needing a man in my house etc. Mediation is set for two weeks time.

However, on Friday, I just had a dreadful day with my boss - she gave me a terrible time when I started, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't shake my hand - then later thought I was wonderful. Now, though I start work early, finish late, take work home if necessary, organise presentations with 24 hour notice, have introduced a new database, do loads of education work with other staff, which my colleague never does, I was constantly criticised why was I writing my notes in a particular office, why didn't I send a fax from a particular office, why had I dealt with a particular issue before another - because it was a major crisis and other staff asked me to deal with a particular issue first. When I couildn't get a client to agree to a particular path, setting out all the available options, I was criticised for not using my initiative, and for not being able to tell the difference between complexity and risk. Yet it took my boss about an hour to persuade the client to see things her way. Luckily my colleague wasn't there on Friday as I think things would have been much worse - I should mention that I got no lunch break or tea-break because I was so busy - this has now become the norm. Anyway, I got home later. My partner opened the door and I just burst into tears.

Now, tonight I am feeling physically sick at the thought of going to work tomorrow, and feel really irritable and feel I am becoming impatient with my children due to all the stress I am under. I love the work which is by its nature very stressful - but it's the other stuff I am finding really difficult. My boss has a reputation for being unreasonable and difficult and no one else in my profession wants to work with her. I don't know if my boss was just having a bad day on Friday, or if I am in for weeks of this as before. But between her and my colleague - I am so stressed. I am not sleeping also, and my G.P. wanted to write me off sick, but I wouldn't let him do it.

Any advice welcome - any tips on coping with the stress of this - I do meditation but find it difficult to do now. I also walk for about an hour each evening which does help a but. I was fine yesterday, but now as Monday is drawing nearer, I feel terrible.

padma

Tomorrow is a new day. Worrying about tomorrow is bringing too much stress. Just for the rest of today. Stop. Let go your relationship to that woman. She might be sick tomorrow..who knows? Do your best in letting the time spent in work be just that...work...time spent at home with the people who love you..just that..life/work balance is important.

When the mediation comes about it will be a challenging time for you, but you know what the strong ones are the ones who are willing to work things through.. the weak are the ones who are bullies..and always resort to picking fault in others while everyone around them usually sees through this. Just be strong tomorrow is a new day.

Meditate tonight after your walk..drink water and dont forget to laugh tonight. Watch a comedy or something..let go all that tension

Hannaho

Hi! Padma,

That's wonderful advice - thanks a mil!

Carlo8

Hannaho wrote: »

Hi! Padma,

That's wonderful advice - thanks a mil!

I really do sympathise with you. I was in a similar situation but was signed off work due to stress + depression. I refused medication but saw a councellor. The time off, counselling and also long walks in the evening really helped. Padma is right that it takes a strong person to stand up and say "this is wrong, it needs to be sorted out." You ARE strong, you ARE doing the right thing and if anyone has a problem with you then that is THEIR problem NOT yours. Also you need to alleviate the extra stress you've put upon yourself to try and please everyone. Take the lunch break you earned and are legally entitled to and only work the hours you're paid for as they clearly do not appreciate, recognise or reward everything you do. If you stop going above and beyond then they'll realise just how much they rely on you. PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOU!!! Also the sickness you feel, probably heart palpitations too are a result of you being constantly in fight or flight mode. Try wear an elastic band on your wrist and snap it EVERYTIME you have a negative thought and it will change your perception and relieve symptoms of stress, I know it sounds ridiculous but it really does work as long as you keep it up. Best of luck with everything + I truely hope things get sorted out for you soon.

Mr. Loverman

Hannaho wrote: »

I got no lunch break or tea-break because I was so busy - this has now become the norm

Hannaho wrote: »

I got home later. My partner opened the door and I just burst into tears

Hannaho wrote: »

I am feeling physically sick at the thought of going to work tomorrow

Hannaho wrote: »

feel really irritable

Hannaho wrote: »

I am becoming impatient with my children due to all the stress I am under

Hannaho wrote: »

I am so stressed

Hannaho wrote: »

I am not sleeping

Hannaho wrote: »

my G.P. wanted to write me off sick, but I wouldn't let him do it

Sorry for my horribly direct question, but do you hate yourself?

Why are you choosing to tolerate all this?

How much suffering are you willing to put yourself through for a job?

Why are you are overriding a GP's advice?

Seriously, what's up?

At this stage you have to be taking the blame for your horrible life. A normal person would have gone off sick or quit. Surely you can at least take your GP's advice and go off sick until the mediation starts.

I'm sorry if the above sounds harsh but your life makes no sense.

delthedriver

Hannaho wrote: »

Hi! I've posted here about issues with my colleague and how my boss didn't want me in the job initially as she had someone else for it, but wasn't permitted to influence the appointment process which is a panel process.

Issues with work colleague are going to mediation at my request, but still issues - excluding me from work and having a drama, sometimes in front of people - rolling of eyes, storming off etc, if I stand up for myself. Also saying she had done things contacted people, faxed things when she hasn't, leaving me to do most of the admin work and only wanting to do the work that means she comes in direct contact with our boss. No more nasty comments about me being a single parent, needing a man in my house etc. Mediation is set for two weeks time.

However, on Friday, I just had a dreadful day with my boss - she gave me a terrible time when I started, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't shake my hand - then later thought I was wonderful. Now, though I start work early, finish late, take work home if necessary, organise presentations with 24 hour notice, have introduced a new database, do loads of education work with other staff, which my colleague never does, I was constantly criticised why was I writing my notes in a particular office, why didn't I send a fax from a particular office, why had I dealt with a particular issue before another - because it was a major crisis and other staff asked me to deal with a particular issue first. When I couildn't get a client to agree to a particular path, setting out all the available options, I was criticised for not using my initiative, and for not being able to tell the difference between complexity and risk. Yet it took my boss about an hour to persuade the client to see things her way. Luckily my colleague wasn't there on Friday as I think things would have been much worse - I should mention that I got no lunch break or tea-break because I was so busy - this has now become the norm. Anyway, I got home later. My partner opened the door and I just burst into tears.

Now, tonight I am feeling physically sick at the thought of going to work tomorrow, and feel really irritable and feel I am becoming impatient with my children due to all the stress I am under. I love the work which is by its nature very stressful - but it's the other stuff I am finding really difficult. My boss has a reputation for being unreasonable and difficult and no one else in my profession wants to work with her. I don't know if my boss was just having a bad day on Friday, or if I am in for weeks of this as before. But between her and my colleague - I am so stressed. I am not sleeping also, and my G.P. wanted to write me off sick, but I wouldn't let him do it.

Any advice welcome - any tips on coping with the stress of this - I do meditation but find it difficult to do now. I also walk for about an hour each evening which does help a but. I was fine yesterday, but now as Monday is drawing nearer, I feel terrible.

I believe your GP was correct to write you off sick, You appear to be suffering from Work Related Stress, which is not of your making.


You must put yourself first! Your health is of paramount importance, if your health fails due to undue pressure and stress at work how can you possibly look after your loved ones.


Some time out from work may help improve your health, meanwhile your absence may well bring your boss to her senses, after all legally your Employers owe you a duty of care to work in a well organised and safe environment which does not injure your health.


Are you a member of a Trade Union? What is the Company's policy on bullying in the workplace , and Work related stress. Theses two issues are evident in your description of your working environment. If not dealt with effectively they stand to take over your life.


No to bullies and no to stress !

Do you know what 'bullying' is? There's a legal definition:

Bullying is repeated inappropriate behaviour that undermines your right to dignity at work. It can be done by one or more persons and it is aimed at an individual or a group to make them feel inferior to other people. Bullying can be verbal bullying, physical bullying or cyber bullying which is carried out on the internet or mobile phones, through social networking sites, email and texts. It can take many different forms such as:

Social exclusion and isolation
Damaging someone’s reputation by gossip or rumours
Intimidation
Aggressive or obscene language
Repeated requests with impossible tasks or targets.

Please take very good care of yourself. I would recommend returning to your GP after all he /she has your health interests as their first priority.

If the issues in the workplace are not being sorted you may well need to consider speaking with an Employment law specialist.

Your health is your wealth!

Very Sincerely,

D.

red_bairn

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

Sorry for my horribly direct question, but do you hate yourself?

Why are you choosing to tolerate all this?

How much suffering are you willing to put yourself through for a job?

Why are you are overriding a GP's advice?

Seriously, what's up?

At this stage you have to be taking the blame for your horrible life. A normal person would have gone off sick or quit. Surely you can at least take your GP's advice and go off sick until the mediation starts.

I'm sorry if the above sounds harsh but your life makes no sense.

^This. My sister had a similar scenario with stress at work and is deciding to work else where but she had 3weeks off work by G.P and was lucky enough to have it roll up towards the Easter holidays. 5weeks off in total.

She was working throughout the weekend and had little time to meet her friends.

Just take the G.P advice and stay off until mediation.

Stress isn't worth it.

Carlo8

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

Sorry for my horribly direct question, but do you hate yourself?

At this stage you have to be taking the blame for your horrible life. A normal person would have gone off sick or quit. Surely you can at least take your GP's advice and go off sick until the mediation starts.

I'm sorry if the above sounds harsh but your life makes no sense.

Yes. This is harsh. You don't seem to understand stress and depression, it stops logical thinking unfortunately making it difficult to see that you
u need help and are right to take it. What you seem to believe "A normal" person to be is clearly someone who thinks logically because they are not suffering from such high levels of
stress. Being affected by stress is a "normal" reaction to such an awful situation. 1 in 3 people are going through this type of illness. It is very dangerous and irresponsible to make such comments on something you clearly do not understand and have been fortunate enough to not experience this YET! How could you even suggest that she is to "blame" for the cruel treatment she has to endure in the workplace? Hopefully Hannah disregards your comment completely and does not allow you to add to an already bad situation.

Mr. Loverman

Carlo8 you are misinterpreting what I wrote.

I never said she is to blame for other people's abusive actions - I said she is to blame for choosing to continue to put herself through such abuse. She literally told us she is overriding her GP so she can continue to go into that workplace.

Please don't say I clearly do not understand nor have experienced stress. I've worked at a director level in a multinational in China and believe me it was insanely stressful. It was me steering a sinking ship while everyone around me ran around in circles. I left that job because I felt the stress levels went above and beyond my rate of pay, and frankly, I can recognise a lost cause when I see one. That job was going to remain a cluster****, just like Hannoho's job is going to remain a cluster****.

By all means choose to give her the gently gently advice. I see nothing wrong with my harsh but real advice sitting alongside your own.

delthedriver

Carlo8 wrote: »

Yes. This is harsh. You don't seem to understand stress and depression, it stops logical thinking unfortunately making it difficult to see that you
u need help and are right to take it. What you seem to believe "A normal" person to be is clearly someone who thinks logically because they are not suffering from such high levels of
stress. Being affected by stress is a "normal" reaction to such an awful situation. 1 in 3 people are going through this type of illness. It is very dangerous and irresponsible to make such comments on something you clearly do not understand and have been fortunate enough to not experience this YET! How could you even suggest that she is to "blame" for the cruel treatment she has to endure in the workplace? Hopefully Hannah disregards your comment completely and does not allow you to add to an already bad situation.

+1

delthedriver

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

Carlo8 you are misinterpreting what I wrote.

I never said she is to blame for other people's abusive actions - I said she is to blame for choosing to continue to put herself through such abuse. She literally told us she is overriding her GP so she can continue to go into that workplace.

Please don't say I clearly do not understand nor have experienced stress. I've worked at a director level in a multinational in China and believe me it was insanely stressful. It was me steering a sinking ship while everyone around me ran around in circles. I left that job because I felt the stress levels went above and beyond my rate of pay, and frankly, I can recognise a lost cause when I see one. That job was going to remain a cluster****, just like Hannoho's job is going to remain a cluster****.

By all means choose to give her the gently gently advice. I see nothing wrong with my harsh but real advice sitting alongside your own.

Harsh advice is fine perhaps if you know the person.
In this case neither of us know the individual nor exactly where they stand psychologically at this time.
Op is looking for advice, your post could be interpreted as if the OP is to blame for her condition.
I am sure we both want what is best for Hannah


I have no doubt that your post is well meaning

danthefan

delthedriver wrote: »

Harsh advice is fine perhaps if you know the person.
In this case neither of us know the individual nor exactly where they stand psychologically at this time.
Op is looking for advice, your post could be interpreted as if the OP is to blame for her condition.
I am sure we both want what is best for Hannah


I have no doubt that your post is well meaning

Would have thought that was almost the point of this board. The OP has laid out their troubles and since (for all intents and purposes) it's an anonymous forum other posters can take a dispassionate view of them.


OP - don't go to work. It just isn't worth it.

Mrs OBumble

Hannaho wrote: »

... and my G.P. wanted to write me off sick, but I wouldn't let him do it.

Any advice welcome - any tips on coping with the stress of this

OP, I've been thinking about this all day, and the ONLY advice we can give you here is to follow your doctor's advice.

By all means get a second opinion if you believe that your doctor isn't taking your condition seriously. But the bottom line is - they are the professionals, we are randoms on the interweb.

Boards.ie does not exist to give people alternative advice if they don't like what they're getting from the professionals.

And on that basis, I'm closing this thread.