Too late to start now?

castaway_lady

I've posted here before about being longterm single (mid 30s). In the last year I had thought a lot about it, gave online dating another shot reluctantly, got messed around by yet another eegit or two and finally reached what I considered to be the best place for me- giving up, not caring and accepting singledom with some kind of peace of mind. I enrolled in a new qualification course, joined a gym, did a bit more with friends, booked some travel etc and reinforced for myself that I was doing fine in life as just me.
So fast forward a few months, was chatting to a man online, as purely friendly chat as he was working in the UK. When he moved back here a few months ago we started meeting up to do activities and quickly became very good friends, in touch daily and I actually miss him when he's not around or not in touch.
In recent weeks things have become flirty, a bit like he's testing the water on moving things forward. I don't think he has much relationship experience either, but he has previously been in 2 some time ago. I've been enjoying having someone to do things with regularly and the chat is great. Life is definitely better with him in it. Ive thought about the possibility of moving things in a different direction and keep coming back to the same few points, madness to ruin a valued friendship? And I don't know a thing about relationships, most especially the physical side of it. I suspect its actually too late to make a start now?

Lou.m

castaway_lady wrote: »

I've posted here before about being longterm single (mid 30s). In the last year I had thought a lot about it, gave online dating another shot reluctantly, got messed around by yet another eegit or two and finally reached what I considered to be the best place for me- giving up, not caring and accepting singledom with some kind of peace of mind. I enrolled in a new qualification course, joined a gym, did a bit more with friends, booked some travel etc and reinforced for myself that I was doing fine in life as just me.
So fast forward a few months, was chatting to a man online, as purely friendly chat as he was working in the UK. When he moved back here a few months ago we started meeting up to do activities and quickly became very good friends, in touch daily and I actually miss him when he's not around or not in touch.
In recent weeks things have become flirty, a bit like he's testing the water on moving things forward. I don't think he has much relationship experience either, but he has previously been in 2 some time ago. I've been enjoying having someone to do things with regularly and the chat is great. Life is definitely better with him in it. Ive thought about the possibility of moving things in a different direction and keep coming back to the same few points, madness to ruin a valued friendship? And I don't know a thing about relationships, most especially the physical side of it. I suspect its actually too late to make a start now?

Why?? Of course not go for it! Sounds like it's worth a go. Well if he feels the same way of course.

If you life this guy give it a go :-) If you are comfortable being flirty see how far you feel comfortable with it etc

IHeartShoes

Hi there - I do remember you:) So happy to see you haven't given up! The thing about OD is that it is a numbers game. The pain of it is that you have to go through any number of dates before finding a fit and you do meet a bunch of tools (both sexes) along the way.

But to answer your question, no it most certainly is not too late! How could it be? It sounds like he might have similar reservations to you though. He's unsure of your feelings towards hi? He doesn't want to jeopardise the friendship either? Or he's afraid of rejection. Everyone is to a certain extent, I think. Why not just flirt back and see where it takes you? Follow your instinct. If you think he is flirting in order to test the water, then you're probably right. Its sounds like it has great potential! You get on really well, like doing similar things and like hanging out. Could be amazing, if you're just a little bit brave:)

As to the physical side, I really wouldn't be worried. I know that's a lot easier said than done. But being out of the game a long time carries just as many anxieties as a lack of experience. Also even if one is very practised, everyone is different and it can be like starting from scratch again with someone new. Same concerns about what to do, when and how! Take that side slowly and you'll do great.

Be brave, face your fear and do it anyway! Its exhilarating and great fun.

IHeartShoes

Hi there - I do remember you:) So happy to see you haven't given up! The thing about OD is that it is a numbers game. The pain of it is that you have to go through any number of dates before finding a fit and you do meet a bunch of tools (both sexes) along the way.

But to answer your question, no it most certainly is not too late! How could it be? It sounds like he might have similar reservations to you though. He's unsure of your feelings towards him? He doesn't want to jeopardise the friendship either? Or he's afraid of rejection. Everyone is to a certain extent, I think. Why not just flirt back and see where it takes you? Follow your instinct. If you think he is flirting in order to test the water, then you're probably right. It sounds like it has great potential! You get on really well, like doing similar things and like hanging out. Could be amazing, if you're just a little bit brave:)

As to the physical side, I really wouldn't be worried. I know that's a lot easier said than done. But being out of the game a long time carries just as many anxieties as a lack of experience. Also even if one is very practised, everyone is different and it can be like starting from scratch again with someone new. Same concerns about what to do, when and how! Take that side slowly and you'll do great.

Be brave, face your fear and do it anyway! Its exhilarating and great fun.

bee06

It's never too late! I was friends with my OH for 6 years before we got together. Equally there's no rush because your friendship means he isn't going anywhere so no need to make some grand gesture to show him how you feel. Just start flirting back and see what happens. Good luck!

CaraMay

I don't think it's too late - maybe it's the perfect time!!

Don't overthink it. Go with the flow, enjoy and good luck.

LegacyUser

I remember your posts too. See! You never know what is around the corner.

You are friends right now, but you fancy him.

You have learned a lot about yourself and about guys the last few years. What you want/dont want. And what you will/wont put up with.

I truely believe life keeps putting lessons and repeat of lessons to be learned in front of us. Until we learn them.

So, apply what you have learned.

If/when you put yourself out there again, dont take any thing less than you deserve, cause you sound like a lovely lovely person.

zuhuraswa

I'll echo what everyone else has said as I remember your post a while back.
Definitely go for it and enjoy yourself. It might not be what you are looking for, but it also might be. Just have fun with it.

midnight_train

My mother was a nun for 17 years. She left the convent, obviously with no experience with men and dating! She met my dad at age 34, married at age 35, and the rest is history. If it wasn't too late for her, it is *definitely* in no way too late for you. Be positive! Good luck x

skooterblue2

The great thing about dating in your thirties is you have THAT experience that you dont have in your teens or twenties.
You cant spot character flaws of less desirable people that wreck relationships.
Things like gambling, drinking, addictions, issues about sexuality, money management ( or mismanagement, bigger issue than you think), domestic violence (whats the stat? 1 in 3) becomes more obvious after 26...... Gospel.

I think it is a big step once you cross the rubicon of friendship into relationship, it is not so easy to go back. Weigh it up carefully.

Dont spend a life time of wondering "What If" either.

"If if and ands' were pots and pans there would be no need for tinkers" G.B. Shaw

December2012

Never too late!