met a guy..

marykitty47

Hi all

Met a guy sat night he text on monday amd Tuesday. Do I wait for him to text again or will I text? What are the so called rules? Im a bit out of touch.

Thanks

Spudmonkey

If you liked him text him back. Mind games played over texts are headwrecking.

cactusgal

Def text back, he's already texted you twice! Life is short! Good luck

RossFixxxed

If at any stage you think:

What are the rules?
Would he think that I think that he thinks that I'm....?
Should I play the <whatever> game here?

You're doing it wrong. Text back. The only rule I would go by is 'do I want to text him'. And go with that. All this game playing stuff is just AWFUL and I'm so so gald not to be a part of it.

AnonMouse

Of course text him, if you like him.

The Irish dating scene is ridiculous - if you like someone, you're not supposed to show it. I hate those head games. It is really counter productive, and they can put an end to potentially great things, when one person gets fed up of the games.

Barely There

You've already ignored 2 of his texts and are considering waiting for him to text you again before responding?

Hopefully you've already delayed enough and he's moved onto someone less likely to wreck his head by wondering what the 'rules' are.

elefant

Why on earth wouldn't you text him back? What would you possibly gain from waiting for a third text that might never come?

marykitty47

Barely There wrote: »

You've already ignored 2 of his texts and are considering waiting for him to text you again before responding?

Hopefully you've already delayed enough and he's moved onto someone less likely to wreck his head by wondering what the 'rules' are.

Oh no I haven't ignored his texts. We were texting back and fourth for 2days

marykitty47

I text him back Monday and Tuesday I didn't ignore his texts. Maybe I caused some confusion but will I text him next or wait for him to text me

kylith

You will not look too 'forward' if you initiate texting today. There are no rules, put that idea out of your head.

dee_mc

marykitty47 wrote: »

I text him back Monday and Tuesday I didn't ignore his texts. Maybe I caused some confusion but will I text him next or wait for him to text me

If you like him and want to see him again, text him. If you don't, don't. Or you could go nuts altogether and ring the fella.
Is there some reason that you're holding back? Is it the old thing of not wanting to look 'keen'? Because in my experience men (and women) tend to appreciate a lack of game-playing and 'rules'.

njs030

Text him. It's not nice to always be expected to instigate conversation and it shows you're interested.

Meauldsegosha

marykitty47 wrote: »

I text him back Monday and Tuesday I didn't ignore his texts. Maybe I caused some confusion but will I text him next or wait for him to text me

I don't think you should text him back as I don't think you are mature enough to have an adult relationship. Maybe take some time to work on your confidence, gain some maturity and don't expect strangers on the internet or imaginary rules to tell you whether you should text a man or not.

marykitty47

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

I don't think you should text him back as I don't think you are mature enough to have an adult relationship. Maybe take some time to work on your confidence, gain some maturity and don't expect strangers on the internet or imaginary rules to tell you whether you should text a man or not.

Someone got out of bed the wrong side today

dee_mc

marykitty47 wrote: »

Someone got out of bed the wrong side today

He/she has a point, and is trying to help. You don't say how old you are but I would've said the 'leave a certain amount of time before texting back, don't be the first to make contact' stuff belongs in the teenage years, after which point it just makes the early stages of a potential relationship awkward, stilted and probably doomed for failure!
Also have the maturity to realise that if you're not constantly on your guard 're seeming forward or too keen, you'll likely enjoy your time and interaction with him a lot more!
People are trying to help you out, maybe take the advice and see how you get on with the new guy.
Best of luck!

Meauldsegosha

marykitty47 wrote: »

Someone got out of bed the wrong side today

That kind of proves my point about your level of maturity.

You posted previously about an almost identical issue http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057078704. If you want to text a man do it because you want to not because you're getting validation from posters.

Penny Tration

I have to agree with meauldsegosha.

You seem to post, asking whether you should text someone/whether they're interested, each time you meet a guy.

Dating isn't like that. It's not a game that you need validation for every move.

Just be yourself. If you want to text someone, text them. If you want to go on a date, ask them out. If you don't have any interest in them, let them down.

The fact that you seek advice every time you meet someone would indicate to me that you have a somewhat irrational view towards dating at the moment.

Might be best to work on your self esteem and look into why you're so worried about how you'll appear, that you're afraid to be yourself and do what you want, without validation from people on the Internet.

strobe

Hmm Marykitty, you seem to think there's some formula to get a guy to want to be in a relationship with you that you've missed out on and other people know. A set of rules or step by step guide on how to land a man. Would be handy if there was I suppose but there's really not. There's general things guys will tend to like and dislike of course but it's fairly commom sense stuff you already know... bad breath is bad etc, but there's no walk through for clicking with another person.

Texting a guy first or waiting for him to text first or waiting x amount of time to text etc is going to make no difference whatsoever as long as your just being yourself in regards to it. If a guy likes you none of those things are going to change that, if he doesn't none of those things are going to change that either.

But being disingenuous (which is what constantly trying to second guess someone when it comes to communication with them and tailoring your own behaviour appropriately, is) is always going to be off putting to someone who may see things going somewhere with you.

If you feel like texting someone text them, if they like you they'll be happy to hear from you. If they dont like you they wont be, but it'll have nothing to do with whether you texted first or last or they did. You're focusing way too much on a completely irrelevant thing.

Try to relax for the love of god. Enjoy dating and dates for what they are, a nice way to have fun and a way to get to know another person a little better. Relax. If someone likes you they like you, if they don't they don't, but text chronology is going to have absolutely no effect on that. Relax.

Best of luck.

Lou.m

I think if you feel someone will be happy to hear from you text them if you feel that they will not be then leave it??



I am notoriously shy about stuff like that too I get it.

marykitty47

Lou.m wrote: »

I think if you feel someone will be happy to hear from you text them if you feel that they will not be then leave it??



I am notoriously shy about stuff like that too I get it.

Thanks lou

marykitty47

So let's wait and see when he will ask to meet up again. That I will leave up to him

RossFixxxed

marykitty47 wrote: »

So let's wait and see when he will ask to meet up again. That I will leave up to him

Entirely your decision, however, I can see a 'why didn't he ask me out after x number of hours/days' thread in the near future. It's still palying games a bit, if you want to meet up ask him to meet up.

njs030

Why? Just ask him to meet up. If he likes you he'll be delighted. If he doesn't he'll say no or just ignore it.

Either way you know.

Op the most attractive thing about a person of either sex is confidence.
Stop playing games, stop questioning every move you or he makes and just live your life.

Merkin

The level of brain space you are devoting to this guy, and indeed to the other chap in the thread you started a few months ago, is just bizarre. Genuinely. Have you ever been in a relationship marykitty47? What is with the level of anxiety and dare I say desperation?

You have to remember that both of these men are random punters. Just blokes that you met in a pub on a Saturday night, presumably when it was relatively noisy and there was drink taken. Chance encounters. So you don't know them from Adam. You don't know if you're compatible. You don't know if either of them were worth a single moment's airtime in the cold light of day. You didn't really have enough time to make any kind of judgment and yet you have seen fit to start two discrete threads on two guys who you just met fleetingly, full of soul searching and hand-wringing and deliberating and for what? Genuinely? Why have you taken it upon yourself to be the one waiting by the phone, monitoring text regularity and posting for advice on what you should reply and when? You don't even KNOW these people, what should hearing from them again matter? It's a bonus if you do but if you don't then so what?

What about taking some control of the situation? If you like someone, text them. If they seem like a messer your life should be full and busy enough that you don't/won't give a fig because you are not sitting by the phone based on some contrived and self-imposed guide as to when and how often you should text back. How bloody draining.

Dating should be easy and fun. If you hear from someone all well and good and plans are made for a date (sooner rather than later) then that's wonderful. If not, move on and don't give it another moment's thought.

There's no secret formula to dating but one golden rule is to be relaxed about it, something you are clearly not.

LegacyUser

I understand what you are asking op as you are not the first to play these games as lot of women and men seem to do

From experience, I was very keen on a woman and she always seemed disinterested to the point I said to her that I found her a little rude. I text a couple of times over 2-3 days and would hear nothing. Maybe a few days later she would reply with basically one word answers and seemed disinterested

Anyway I decided to stop and never bother wasting my time. She txt a little after, asking why I hadnt text her or did she do anything to upset me, was I angry??

Turned out she was very keen but it was too late by then, no interest in all that nonsense

Just do what you feel is right

marykitty47

So we were textin all week. Met up on sat for a drink. He txt om sunday..I text Monday. .few txts back ans fourth but nothing since. Oh well onwards and upwards. It was good while it lasted

dee_mc

marykitty47 wrote: »

So we were textin all week. Met up on sat for a drink. He txt om sunday..I text Monday. .few txts back ans fourth but nothing since. Oh well onwards and upwards. It was good while it lasted

Did you have fun on your date? If you want to see him again text or call and ask him out - the worst he can say is no!

Meauldsegosha

dee_mc wrote: »

Did you have fun on your date? If you want to see him again text or call and ask him out - the worst he can say is no!

The OP believes it is up to the man to ask woman out.

marykitty47 wrote: »

So let's wait and see when he will ask to meet up again. That I will leave up to him

dee_mc

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

The OP believes it is up to the man to ask woman out.

I know, I've been following the thread... but sometimes it's worth getting out of your comfort zone for just a minute to potentially make something good happen Have the confidence to do what you want OP, and not be said and led by 'a guy' x

njs030

A few texts on Monday and nothing since?
It's Wednesday....2 days later.

Honestly op do you want/expect daily conversations with a man you just met?

I say this to you kindly-you need to chill out. You're overly invested in someone you've been on a few dates with and all the analysing comes across as needy. He will be picking up on it!

Just relax and have fun. Get on with your life and find ways to occupy your time instead of counting texts.

Penny Tration

He hasn't texted for two days, so you're saying 'oh well, onwards and upwards?'

Come on, that's a bit dramatic.

Obviously if you're reacting like this to two days with no contact, your methods/games aren't working for you.

So text him and ask would he like to do something over the weekend.

At this stage, you're repeating cycles that have already failed for you in the past, leaving yourself hurt each time.

dipdip

The OP doesn't want advice - she wants validation and confirmation of playing games.

She is trying to avoid being hurt.

Not possible.

marykitty47

So I decided to bite the bullet and text him..he replied and hour later. I replied a short time after that..nothing since. That was 5hours ago

dee_mc

marykitty47 wrote: »

So I decided to bite the bullet and text him..he replied and hour later. I replied a short time after that..nothing since. That was 5hours ago

Well done you for taking a step forward!
If he doesn't text back tonight (which he might not as he may be busy or working or whatever) don't be afraid to throw him a text tomorrow and perhaps suggest a date. If you like him, don't lose out on a chance of getting to know him by 'leaving the ball in his court'. Enjoy it

njs030

Did you ask him to meet up as suggested?

Merkin

marykitty47 wrote: »

So I decided to bite the bullet and text him..he replied and hour later. I replied a short time after that..nothing since. That was 5hours ago

Are you being serious?

bluemagpie

Did you just text him earlier to ask him out or just to ask how he was? The guy isn't a mind reader, if you want to go out with him again ask him out, who cares who sent the last text or how long ago it was, what's the harm, he can only say yes or no? It's a two way street, he asked you out so clearly there is some level of interest, but you have to make sure he knows you are interested too.

marykitty47

bluemagpie wrote: »

Did you just text him earlier to ask him out or just to ask how he was? The guy isn't a mind reader, if you want to go out with him again ask him out, who cares who sent the last text or how long ago it was, what's the harm, he can only say yes or no? It's a two way street, he asked you out so clearly there is some level of interest, but you have to make sure he knows you are interested too.

I was going to so just started by asking how he etc. He replied with a few general bits and pieces and did i enjoy a work do i was at on monday.so I replied again and asked had he any plans for the weekend..no reply. What more can I do

dee_mc

marykitty47 wrote: »

I was going to so just started by asking how he etc. He replied with a few general bits and pieces and did i enjoy a work do i was at on monday.so I replied again and asked had he any plans for the weekend..no reply. What more can I do

You did good! What more can you do? You can pursue it tonight if you hear from him tonight, or tomorrow if you don't. Don't vaguely ask if he wants to go out sometime - ask if he wants to go to x gig on Friday night, or for lunch on Saturday, or something that isn't just 'a drink', to try to keep things moving forward so you can see if you want things to progress! Good luck and enjoy it!

marykitty47

No reply. Not going to waste anymore time on him. If he wanted he would have replied

marykitty47

dee_mc wrote: »

You did good! What more can you do? You can pursue it tonight if you hear from him tonight, or tomorrow if you don't. Don't vaguely ask if he wants to go out sometime - ask if he wants to go to x gig on Friday night, or for lunch on Saturday, or something that isn't just 'a drink', to try to keep things moving forward so you can see if you want things to progress! Good luck and enjoy it!

No reply. Not going to waste anymore time on him. If he wanted he would have replied

dee_mc

marykitty47 wrote: »

No reply. Not going to waste anymore time on him. If he wanted he would have replied

Fair enough, at least you gave it your best shot!
Try to give the game-playing a miss in future, makes things alot more fun and clear-cut