is my son spending to much time on the internet

mumatfifteen

hi everyone im new to this site today . my name is cora age 30 and my son is 15 im a single mum and with no other parent in the house i have no other opinion to go on but my own wich isnt always the correct one ha. my so is an out going lad with lots of friends and is also involved in lots of sports . my question is more out of concern cause i know he stays up late on his laptop most nites and im affraid hes watching a lot of porn . all advice appreciated . exspecially from other mums

monkeysnapper

Can't see to much wrong with your son to be honest .

You could check his web history if you wanted to see what sites he,s on ( if he hasn't deleted it) but from what you've said he sounds like a good lad.

Give him a bit of space. He's going through a few changes . Just don't be pressuring him . Let him feel he can talk to you tho, maybe even just remind him now and again if he has any questions and feelings he can talk to you.


Edit oh and welcome to boards :0)

mumatfifteen

hi and thanks for your reply i have tought about lookin through his internet history but i though no its probley not fair invading his privatecy

bumper234

mumatfifteen wrote: »

hi and thanks for your reply i have tought about lookin through his internet history but i though no its probley not fair invading his privatecy

Hi welcome to boards.

1st off your son has/does/will look at porn, It's what 15 year old boys do More likely he is chatting on Facebook to some young girl, playing online games with friends or just surfing the web.

Keedowah

I wouldn't go checking his internet history, why not trust him a little? He seems to be pretty normal from the little bit you have said about him.

If your concerned - talk to him, show some interest in his online interests and maybe broach the subject of porn later if you feel its right.

mumatfifteen

all good advice and thanks

monkeysnapper

Keedowah wrote: »

and maybe broach the subject of porn later if you feel its right.

If my mum Started a conversation about porn I'd die of embarrassment .my opinion is I wouldn't go down that road . It's nice you don't want to check his internet history . Sounds like your in touch with your son already. Don't worry about him , as has been said every boy and man has looked at porn at one stage or another .
I have a work mate going through exactly what your going through at moment with his son . My son is nearly 2 years old, I'll get back to for advice later tho mumatfithteen :0)

singledad80

I have work with the HSE for my step son and their advice is to stop them watching porn at that age it gives them the wrong impression about sex and relationships, And I taught he was an angel till I read his commons on face book abusing girls and boys in his class, also what they are up to at that age, can you not block his phone and tap with parental control ?

Tramps Like Us

Turn off the wifi when you go to bed yourself, aside from the porn at his age he needs a good nights sleep

mumatfifteen

yes ive tryed turning it of but when im asleep he turns it back on ..

Tramps Like Us

Plug it out and take the box

Linka

singledad80 wrote: »

I have work with the HSE for my step son and their advice is to stop them watching porn at that age it gives them the wrong impression about sex and relationships, And I taught he was an angel till I read his commons on face book abusing girls and boys in his class, also what they are up to at that age, can you not block his phone and tap with parental control ?

While I understand that masturbation is perfectly normal at that age, I too have some reservations about porn. He is at an impressionable age. I'm not in any way prudish, but it can't be ignored that it's a time when his developing attitude towards relationships and sex in general takes shape.

With that aside, I wonder how late you mean he is staying up? He may be not a child any more, but he does still have to go to school. The lack of sleep will have an effect on his concentration and the quality of his work.

Mumatfifteen, if he is switching the wifi back on when you've gone to bed it is disrespectful towards you, and quite defiant. You need to sit down and have a chat with your son about this. You need to agree a time with him when the wifi goes off, and it stays off.

mikom

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

Turn off the wifi when you go to bed yourself, aside from the porn at his age he needs a good nights sleep

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

Plug it out and take the box

Linka wrote: »

if he is switching the wifi back on when you've gone to bed it is disrespectful towards you, and quite defiant. You need to sit down and have a chat with your son about this. You need to agree a time with him when the wifi goes off, and it stays off.

Yeah, turn off the wifi.

Little known fact........... plugging out the wifi router renders all porn files on hard drives and usb sticks unwatchable..........

JoeySully

Log into the router using 192.168.1.1 in your web browser.

If it doesn't have a password set already then it should log you straight on. you should be able to set the times that the wifi turns on and off and you can set it to block it to certain machines between certain times. It may also list all websites that have been accessed.
You can the password protect it.

mumatfifteen

ive just disconnected the the internet and im going to tell him the router is faulty and were internet free for couple days .. see how that goes thanks for your suggestions everyone

Linka

mikom wrote: »

Yeah, turn off the wifi.

Little known fact........... plugging out the wifi router renders all porn files on hard drives and usb sticks unwatchable..........

Many thanks for the unwarranted sarcasm, but you missed my point entirely. My suggestion to turn off the wifi was to meant to curtail the op's sons internet usage beyond a certain time.

mikom

mikom wrote: »

Yeah, turn off the wifi.

Little known fact........... plugging out the wifi router renders all porn files on hard drives and usb sticks unwatchable..........

Linka wrote: »

Many thanks for the unwarranted sarcasm, but you missed my point entirely. My suggestion to turn off the wifi was to meant to curtail the op's sons internet usage beyond a certain time.

The OP said........

im affraid hes watching a lot of porn . all advice appreciated . exspecially from other mums

So your "curtailing the op's sons internet usage beyond a certain time" will not prevent him from continuing to pull the stomach out of himself.
.
.

C14N

mumatfifteen wrote: »

hi everyone im new to this site today . my name is cora age 30 and my son is 15 im a single mum and with no other parent in the house i have no other opinion to go on but my own wich isnt always the correct one ha. my so is an out going lad with lots of friends and is also involved in lots of sports . my question is more out of concern cause i know he stays up late on his laptop most nites and im affraid hes watching a lot of porn . all advice appreciated . exspecially from other mums

If he's 15 and has the laptop in bed, then I'd say there's about a 90% chance he's watching porn regularly. I wouldn't worry too much about it though, there wasn't a lad my age who didn't watch porn when I was 15 (except myself, apart from a peek every now and again I didn't do it regularly until I was nearly 17 but I'm aware of how incredibly late that was) and they all grew up to not become maniacal porn addicts. In this day and age, that's a pretty natural thing for boys to do. Checking his history won't give you much, if he has a bit of cop on he uses private/incognito browsing or clears the history afterwards.

monkeysnapper wrote: »

If my mum Started a conversation about porn I'd die of embarrassment .my opinion is I wouldn't go down that road . It's nice you don't want to check his internet history . Sounds like your in touch with your son already. Don't worry about him , as has been said every boy and man has looked at porn at one stage or another .
I have a work mate going through exactly what your going through at moment with his son . My son is nearly 2 years old, I'll get back to for advice later tho mumatfithteen :0)

While it's true that I would have had the same reaction if my mother brought it up, you'd get over it. If this really is a concern then I would say to bring it up but do it in the right way. Don't be timid about it or dance around the subject, just be completely direct and honest, but don't try and take it away completely. "Look, I know you've got the laptop in your room and you keep turning the wifi back on so you're probably watching porn and having a **** every night. I wasn't born yesterday, this isn't that surprising" or if he vehemently denies that it's happening "well I know you'll probably start soon" and then try and segue into talking about having some limitations on how often he should be at it. Maybe try and make a deal where he can have it every other night instead of every night and see where you can go from there.

It's like alcohol where it can be good as long as it's not used in excess because there really are some negative consequences that you don't think of at that age. You need some moderation or it'll stop being as enjoyable, if you get too used to it it makes actual sex less fun, you can end up forming a compulsion that can cause you to think of nothing else, you need to bear in mind that this is not an accurate representation of sex, too much can cause you to completely lose motivation to do anything (including meeting girls in real life) and so on.

Linka

mikom wrote: »

So your "curtailing the op's sons internet usage beyond a certain time" will not prevent him from continuing to pull the stomach out of himself.
..

The above was in relation to this:

mumatfifteen wrote: »

hi everyone im new to this site today . my name is cora age 30 and my son is 15 im a single mum and with no other parent in the house i have no other opinion to go on but my own wich isnt always the correct one ha. my so is an out going lad with lots of friends and is also involved in lots of sports . my question is more out of concern cause i know he stays up late on his laptop most nites and im affraid hes watching a lot of porn . all advice appreciated . exspecially from other mums

My concern was in relation to the late nights and the effect on his concentration in school, not to do with him masturbating. I don't know how to make this any clearer to you.

C14N

Linka wrote: »

The above was in relation to this:



My concern was in relation to the late nights and the effect on his concentration in school, not to do with him masturbating. I don't know how to make this any clearer to you.

Well one way or another, when he's masturbating it's probably going to be late at night when he won't be disturbed. But you're still right, he'll get it over and done with a lot quicker if he doesn't have the infinity of the internet to look at every night.

ryan101

I'd say he's into facials and such like at this stage

Linka

C14N wrote: »

Well one way or another, when he's masturbating it's probably going to be late at night when he won't be disturbed. But you're still right, he'll get it over and done with a lot quicker if he doesn't have the infinity of the internet to look at every night.

That's closer to the point that I was trying to make, thank you.

Time Now Please

At 15 and having undisturbed access to the internet is every young guys dream, maybe he is watching porn, maybe he's playing bingo, who knows. If you are concerned you can curb what he watches on the net via the parental control settings on his laptop, or perhaps sit him down and explain that the porn he watches does not reflect how intimate relationships happen between two people.

Paddy Cow

Tell him you are concerned that he isn't getting enough sleep and take his laptop away at a certain time eg 10.30.

MrSnare

mumatfifteen wrote: »

ive just disconnected the the internet and im going to tell him the router is faulty and were internet free for couple days .. see how that goes thanks for your suggestions everyone

How the hell is that supposed to help? Either let him do what he wants or enforce your rule to turn off the internet late at night. Don't just lie to him about it.

C14N

MrSnare wrote: »

How the hell is that supposed to help? Either let him do what he wants or enforce your rule to turn off the internet late at night. Don't just lie to him about it.

I agree. At best he'll fall for it and then a few days later you're back where you started. Honestly if I was the young lad I would much prefer to be addressed directly about it than to have my own mother lying to me in such a condescending way.

mumatfifteen

first of all id like to thank most of you for your advise and suggestions on my post .. switching off the internet turned out to be the best thing for not just my son but me aswell .by telling him our internet was down for a couple of days allowed me to see how dramatic his reaction would be and then comfront him with it . as it turned out he wasnt that bothered . i asked him about his excessive use of the internnet and bout being up so late at night and he said hes chatting to a girl from school . since then hes got her number and speaks mostly on the phone to her

CelticRambler

Looks like you've got this sorted out, so fair enough. My eldest went through a stage of what I considered to be spending excessive time on his computer at around the same age. The situation was a bit different to yours because we live in France and he was boarding during the week, then spending all weekend online, totally out-of-touch with what was going on in the house. I just asked him straight out why he thought he needed to be on there so much and he came back with a pretty reasonable answer: he was involved in various multi-player games and he was setting up strategies that would play out over the week while he wasn't there to keep his place in the rankings. Definitely no porn involved.

So we had a "man-to-man" talk, discussed virtual rankings vs. the need to get real CAO points and set up his PC in the living room with a cable connection instead of wifi. I told him I was setting the total number of hours per weekend he could be online, not including using the PC for homework, and he could choose how to split that up between Friday, Saturday and Sunday. He was fine with that, gave up on a few games and other time-wasters and sorted himself out. Now he's doing Computer Science.

mumatfifteen

hi and thanks for your post i wont say everything is sorted and fine but it is better and i wouldnt change a thing atm .. glad to hear your son is doing good

CelticRambler

I can't say it applies to all mid-to-late teens (though it does to the ones I know), but the main thing is to be completely straight with them and start treating them like responsible adults. It does no harm for them to be embarrassed if they are up to no good, but a lot of the time they do want to talk about stuff that's going on and they're just not sure how to bring it up. So you're the adult, you've got to figure out a way to make the "talk space".

Don't get too hung up on the "up all night" side of things either - some of us are just like that and never grow out of it! Comes in really handy at the summer festivals in France! :cool:

mumatfifteen

good advice well said . hopefully sometime ill get a chance to find out havent been to a good festival in ages lol