Gift for Family members expecting first babies

amybabes

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post but was looking for some advice. Myself and my partner are living in Australia with 6 years and this year both of us are due a niece or nephew around August time (his brother and my brother) - it is the first on my side but my partner's sister has had 3 kids in 4 years (of which we sent home about E100 worth of clothes for each birth).

We are home for a month mid July - mid August and we will certainly be there for the birth of my "in-law's" baby all going well but not my own niece or nephew unfortunately unless he or she arrives a couple of weeks early!

I have been thinking about an appropriate gift for my brother and was thinking I would send him home either a cheque or a voucher for about E200-250 to help towards getting whatever is required - car seat / pram/ moses basket etc. I think that will be appreciated most as they will likely receive lots of gifts of clothes, toys etc when the baby arrives.

I suggested that we do the same for my partner's brother and go about organising a card and the gift soon, as their baby is due around the end of July and they are likely to be making their major purchases soon.

My partner wasn't keen on the idea and thinks it might be insulting to his brother. If it was me however (and it likely will be in the next 2-3 years), I think I would greatly appreciate a gift like that and would go out and purchase something that was really needed with the money - and be able to say "thank you, we purchased a fantastic car seat/high chair/change table with your gift". My brother is younger than me and I think he will appreciate it too.

Just hoping for some feedback. It's like we will also mark the birth at the time with a small gift of clothing or flowers etc. also, I just really am second guessing my decision now and don't want to offend anyone. Advice or feedback much appreciated.

diveout

I can't see why that would be offensive.

That is very generous and very practical. I would do the same, so they have the choice in deciding what they need and don't have to deal with duplicates.

You'd be surprised how many people just assume they will be getting lots of stuff like clothes, and so they don't get them anything like clothes and then the parent{s} don't have any of what was predicted.

pwurple

I think that is very nice, my brothers did something similar for us when we were expecting baby number 1.

People's families are different though, and he probably knows him well. maybe his brother would be insulted?

MollFlanders

My siblings clubbed together and bought us a buggy which was fantastic and we were so grateful. My sister asked me what was needed and I told her, she wanted to get something practical. Maybe ask what they need and you could order it on Amazon? My parents bought a changing unit with a bath which was another practical present. My advice is to ask what they would like/need.

amybabes

They are building a big extension to their house and I'm sure money isn't in huge supply, we would love them to help kit out the nursery with it.... This baby was a lovely surprise and is much wanted and we are just thrilled for them.
I also wonder if by doing this we might open a can of worms with his sister as to why we didn't do it for her - truth being financially we couldn't 4 years ago with her first, and then she had another 2 in quick succession so she had everything!

Chattastrophe!

We got a few cheques and gift cards, and were extremely grateful for them. I did make a point of remembering what we used them for, e.g. if we got a cheque for €50 I'd specifically buy something for at or around that amount, and will mention what we bought in the thank-you cards (when I eventually get around to organising them! )

I really don't see how it could be in any way insulting!

Big Bag of Chips

I don't know if they'd be offended, but personally I would feel very uncomfortable accepting that sum of money from my sibling. It might make them feel under-pressure when you have kids to reciprocate. Not a nice feeling if they couldn't afford it. [Edit: And no matter how much you reassure someone that you don't expect the same back, they still feel that pressure! Your brother might be delighted with the gift and know that you don't expect the same value back, but his gf/wife might feel uncomfortable and obliged to return similar]

It is genuinely a lovely gesture but is way above and beyond what would be expected as a gift. I think the best way to go about it is to tell them you want to buy "one of the big things" for them, and ask.them what they need. It could be the cot, buggy, bouncer etc. If they are uneasy about accepting a "big" gift from you tell them it's an investment, and you'll be looking for it to be passed on when your time comes!

staticdoor71

For our first my dad got us the travel system. He just said go to shop pick one and send me the details. He paid over the phone.
It is very generous of you. And to be honest I'd rather just get bought a big item than the cash. As we bought bottles clothes nappies bedding etc before baby was born bit by bit weekend here and there together.
As suggested maybe offer to buy cot/moses basket/buggy/car seat...then let them choose and purchase on a website and get sent direct?

Don't by any means I'm saying it's too much or offensive..New babies are expensive (or can be) when the first us on the way (2nd due here in august and don't need a thing! !)

On the other hand he's your brother you know him better than anyone here..iIf you feel the cash would be a better option then go for it. As I said it definitely won't go astray

amybabes

Thanks everyone for the great advice and reassurance, to be honest I've been gone from Ireland so long I wouldn't know how much things cost (less than in Australia by the sounds of things) - I wasn't sure they'd have got any of the big things for the E200 mark.
I'd be afraid they'd refuse (both sides) if I told them to pick something and I'd buy it but if I send home a card with the money in it it's done. Not even sure what the major baby shops are these days to get a voucher?

Chattastrophe!

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I don't know if they'd be offended, but personally I would feel very uncomfortable accepting that sum of money from my sibling. It might make them feel under-pressure when you have kids to reciprocate. Not a nice feeling if they couldn't afford it. [Edit: And no matter how much you reassure someone that you don't expect the same back, they still feel that pressure! Your brother might be delighted with the gift and know that you don't expect the same value back, but his gf/wife might feel uncomfortable and obliged to return similar]

It is genuinely a lovely gesture but is way above and beyond what would be expected as a gift. I think the best way to go about it is to tell them you want to buy "one of the big things" for them, and ask.them what they need. It could be the cot, buggy, bouncer etc. If they are uneasy about accepting a "big" gift from you tell them it's an investment, and you'll be looking for it to be passed on when your time comes!

Not really practical to pass it on though when they're so far away?

I don't know, if someone offered to buy me "one of the big things" I'd feel really under pressure to keep the price down. My mum did buy us our travel system, and got a top of the range one - absolutely insisted on it - but it was different because she was physically able to go into the shop and choose it herself. If she hadn't done that, I'd have gone for the cheapest one possible because it was someone else paying.

staticdoor71

amybabes wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the great advice and reassurance, to be honest I've been gone from Ireland so long I wouldn't know how much things cost (less than in Australia by the sounds of things) - I wasn't sure they'd have got any of the big things for the E200 mark.
I'd be afraid they'd refuse (both sides) if I told them to pick something and I'd buy it but if I send home a card with the money in it it's done. Not even sure what the major baby shops are these days to get a voucher?

Where does he live...I can check it out for you if that would help?

Lisha

Any vouchers we recieved from mothercare were very happily recieved

It can be difficult to gauge how much alright without the pressure on them to give it back. IMHO 100-150 is very generous without being over the top.

I know my sister went very overboard and I did feel very under pressure.

I loved getting practical gifts like vests and baby gro instead of fussy outfits.
Mothercare voucher allows them to buy whatever they need

amybabes

That's exactly what I want to avoid - them picking something cheaper because we're paying for it, they should have the one they really love even if its 100 more expensive, it doesn't matter to us, we just want them to have something lovely that they need.

Static door - my partners family are all in Limerick city, and my brother is in south co.tipp so near Waterford/Kilkenny/clonmel for shopping. I just messaged my brother with my intention and asked him to pick something out in the price range I mentioned or even put it on layby and that ill buy it when I get home in 10 weeks. He was delighted and surprised and said it was very generous. I've never met his gf so hopefully she'll be ok with it, now just hope my inlaws will be the same!

Regards them feeling under pressure to return it when the time comes, we are definitely at least 2-3 years off it ourselves and circumstances are completely different, we rent in Sydney and I guess have high disposable incomes and steady permanent jobs compared to my partners brother and gf who bought a house in the boom and have huge expense with that. We can afford to do this now with our current circumstances and would never want for our gift to "set the standard" so to speak

Chattastrophe!

With close friends and family, I don't think there's an issue about setting a "standard" with these things.

A close friend of mine had a baby a couple of years back, I spent a lot of money at the time on clothes etc for the baby, and regularly give her gifts (both practical stuff and nice little "treats" for herself.)

When my baby was born, she bought him a Tshirt, and I was actually annoyed at her for even spending that much money! She is an unemployed single mother, the father is unsupportive, she is struggling just to cover food and nappies every week.

With people close to you, it's not a "like for like" thing, and I don't think anyone expects that. Proportionally, that one Tshirt probably cost a higher percentage of her budget than everything that I bought her cost of mine! If that makes sense.

hallo dare

I always buy a load of nappies for any of my mates newborns. A few boxes of each size for the different stages of growing up. Just seems like a good present and a saving for the parents.

Chattastrophe!

hallo dare wrote: »

I always buy a load of nappies for any of my mates newborns. A few boxes of each size for the different stages of growing up. Just seems like a good present and a saving for the parents.

As a parent, I received some gifts of nappies and wipes etc. While it was a nice thought, the ones we were given weren't the brands that we were using, and the fit of the nappies didn't happen to suit our baby. So, while some got used in emergency situations when we'd run out, most weren't ever used. I'm going to give them away with some of the baby clothes I'm trying to dispose of.

It's a lovely thought alright, but a voucher for Boots etc might be far more useful.

Penny Dreadful

OP I'm pregnant with my first and would be delighted to receive a gift such as yours from my siblings. A voucher for Mothercare, Mamas and Pappas or such would be a brilliant idea. Also a Boots voucher would be good as the larger Boots stores stock a lot of baby stuff.

When my sister in law was pregnant with her first and money was in short supply we bought her the Anglecare baby monitor. She was really happy with that and used it for her second. The second little one when she came along 2 years later got clothes for when she was going to be 6-9 months old. She was a much bigger child that her older sister and as the middle child in a big family I always think its nice for a younger sibling to have clothes that are new to them .
First babies certainly cost more to get set up.

pwurple

If you are going for vouchers, bear in mind whether they like to shop irish or aren't too fussed. I prefer to use the irish shops rather than the english multiples... So Tony Kealy's rather than mothercare, and Hickey's pharmacies rather than boots.

Neyite

May I make a suggestion - merino blankets from Aus and NZ are absolutely gorgeous for a baby. I got one, they are expensive, but are brilliant and made the cotton cellular ones feel like cardboard.

They are soft, breathable, fire retardent, natural fibers and regulate temperature for baby which is really important. Baby is two and I still use it in his cot. The overseas family member sends them to every new family baby this side of the world and all of the parents rave about them.

So, I'd suggest a combination of the two - a nice token which is light and therefore cheaper to post over, with a draft or cheque enclosed for them to put towards a needed item.

amybabes

Thanks Neyite - I'm so out of the loop i hadn't even heard of a merino blanket. Will definitely do some research into it, I would like to bring home something from this side of the world so could be the perfect idea. Neither couple have found out the sex so will need to buy neutral colours but that should be fine. Thanks for the great suggestion, I'd never have come up with it!

Neyite

amybabes wrote: »

Thanks Neyite - I'm so out of the loop i hadn't even heard of a merino blanket. Will definitely do some research into it, I would like to bring home something from this side of the world so could be the perfect idea. Neither couple have found out the sex so will need to buy neutral colours but that should be fine. Thanks for the great suggestion, I'd never have come up with it!

Yes, they are nigh on impossible to get his side of the planet. I'd get something with holes in it like the one I linked rather than a solid woven one if possible because they are more breathable.