A plea for some advice

OK let me start out by saying that I have had many many negative experiences when I was in the school system. I do have a bit of a chip on my shoulder regarding teachers as evidenced by some of my regrettable posts in the threads regarding the poor woman in Leeds.

I am not making up lies. I am honestly unsure whether my experiences are extremely out of the ordinary or run of the mill stuff in the greater scheme of things. I cannot name names or I will get an infraction and get boards into bother.

Anyway a lot of my later troubles stemmed from my experiences in primary and specifically sixth class. Now again it's going to sound as if I have a grudge but I am asking for help. If you knew me personally you'd start groaning as I've been going on about this teacher (don't worry I won't name him!) for donkey's years.

I was afraid of this teacher even before I was in his year. My father and him had had a bit of an argument previously and I had the feeling he didn't like me very much.

Anyway when I was in his class I felt I was surviving well. I was keeping my nose clean as I felt he was only waiting for a reason to get me. Then one day we were having an exam. I picked up the paper and turned it over. Next minute he was rushing towards me and did some weird thing where his face was in front of mine (red and full of rage) and his hands were at the sides of my face moving it from left to right. It was most frightening and upsetting. I was rather tearful for the rest of the day.

Later another pupil said something to me which although innocent I took as a slight. I believe the teacher seized upon this opportunity to rescue himself by punishing this lad. It was quite evident that I was going to tell my parents about what had transpired earlier and this got him back onside with me. Very crafty indeed.

The reason for his earlier rage was because allegedly that I was attempting to cheat by trying to begin early (which was a nonsense as I didn't need to) and he even warned me not to do it again in future. He probably had a hearty laugh at this later on.

Anyway for the rest of the year this teacher was my best friend or so I thought. If another pupil upset me he would punish them and basically I was under his protection. He would spend long periods of the class talking about me and praising me. One time he spent an hour talking about the history of my very very unusual surname. I know he was up to something as I was never worthy of being the teacher's pet. There were far better and more intelligent pupils in the class.

So my question is do any of you who are trained as teachers know what he might have been up to? Like I said he lavished me with praise and over indulged me. The effects were that I started to believe I was special and superior. No longer was I satisfied with merely doing well....I had to be out of the ordinary. I became a lot more self important and aloof. My studies became my entire life. To put it bluntly I just stopped having any sort of fun or taking any sort of enjoyment from life. Nothing was ever good enough for me. I've spent my life expecting too much of myself and life ever since.

I'm just after googling "exaggerated self importance" and narcissism has popped up and it's ringing many many bells. Don't know if this thread will get deleted or not. I'm looking for help for the mind job done on me by rather antiquated and devious man who just happened to be a teacher. Once I know what was being done to me maybe I can remedy it. There has to be naughty tricks of the trade that unscrupulous teachers utilise surely?

seavill

Haha brilliant. Had me until the last line

If I recall correctly I think they taught that after Xmas in first year of teacher training college

RealJohn

On the off-chance that this is a serious post (and like you admitted yourself, there are a lot of elements that suggest it's not), it's quite possible that it was a mixture of trying to make it up to you, you remembering the good things because you became conscious of them and your memories being a little unclear (as would be the case for most people -childhood memories aren't always the most reliable for details).

Maybe he realised that he'd over-reacted to the 'cheating' (which strictly speaking it was, even if it was accidental and unnecessary) and was trying to compensate. Maybe he had a word later on with the principal or a colleague or his wife or whoever and they pointed out that you could have had a serious negative effect on you and encouraged him to try to get you back on side, not necessarily to avoid trouble himself but so as not to negatively affect your future academic endevours. Believe it or not, teachers do care about how students get on in life after they leave the classroom and indeed the school.

Wanting a child to do well and taking steps to encourage it isn't necessarily a dirty trick.

ustazjoseph

There's a few points here. If your still suffering as a result of child hood experiences maybe think about seeking help.
There are as in any profession un happy , un well, Orunkind people who manipulate, bully, and behave in appropriately. Given ten levels of emotional abuse we've had in this country in our homes and schools over the past 100 years it's no wonder that there would be damaged people passing on damage in our society. The trick is what we can do do protect and improve ourselves.

evolving_doors

Maybe he was ' being nice' out of fear.
One possibility is that there is a whole other back-story...
It sounds as if he did put his hands on you if I read it correctly. Perhaps he was under probation/suspicion for actions against another student. Your incident could have cost him his job, so you could have reported him at anythime...
Maybe your dad had him warned not to cross him!
Can you ask him/your dad/another ex teacher/former student who went before you?
It doesn't sound like an isolated self contained incident to me.

linguist

I am sure there isn't a teacher out there who hasn't at some point regretted an interaction they've had with a student. Sadly, too many people are scared of the word 'sorry' as it carries an admission of wrongdoing, can draw further attention to the incident or, in a worst case scenario, they feel it can leave them 'exposed' should the matter be reported to the Principal etc. Let's be clear though, I am talking here about the day to day verbal interactions, classroom management, sanctions etc.

Your incident is on a different level because you say that there was physical contact involved. I concur with the poster who said that you should consider seeking help if you are still badly affected by this. You also have the option of reporting it to the Gardaí. I note that you are clear that it was your face that was touched and, as such, there is no suggestion of a sexual assault. Depending on whether this happened before or after 1982, it may be difficult to get satisfaction in respect of corporal punishment. However, you must do what is right for you and by all means approach the Gardaí if you wish. Some form of counselling would seem to be appropriate in terms of how this has remained with you.

I feel that you need to recognise that teachers currently in the profession are a product of their own generation and are in the forefront as regards child protection. Having a chip on one's shoulder towards an entire profession based on the past is most unfair. Have you considered that we go into this job because we like working with young people, not the opposite?

Right just plucked up the courage to read the replies to this thread I made. I do believe I experienced child abuse. Definitely not anything sexual but rather emotional abuse. I experienced it first with a female teacher who used to call me insulting names and severely publicly humiliate me. I accept that you guys are probably thinking "this dude's a fruitcake"...believe me it's a question I ask myself constantly. I think I'm a little emotionally unstable because of my experiences. This male teacher in sixth class earned my trust and then began an insidious campaign of psychological abuse. Heck one day he even told me "if you ever have problems in the future" and then drew his finger across his throat. I find it hard to believe myself. Nobody did anything. Is this normal?? Am i being a cry baby?

Should I go to the Gardai? I just don't know to be honest. Maybe this is just the way of the world. Because I was reeling from my time in primary I got into more controversy in secondary. You guys won't believe me. The Gardai won't believe me. I barely believe myself.

OK I'll try one. In secondary a few months before the Leaving Certificate one of my teachers started going around the class assaulting us for no reason at all (although I think I know why). A few of us decided not to continue attending his class (understandably). Anyway the next day he came down to us in the study hall and (this cracks me up) asked us why we weren't in class. I was shocked and sillily blurted out that I was finding the class "too stressful". Boy did that antagonise him.

Anyway soon after I was in French class. The female teacher came in and in front of the entire class asked me if I had told this other teacher I thought his class was "too stressful". Now this went down like a lead balloon because it quite obviously sounded like I was being demanding and spoilt. Next thing I knew she popped back out of the class and left us unattended and I was jumped on. She came back in, saw that I was in tears, and asked me would I like her to step outside again? I checked the school website and she's still listed there (although God knows when it was last updated). I thought I was safe until the "too stressful" geezer popped up on the morning of my Leaving Certificate exam for the subject he had taught. What the hell he was doing in the exam room going from student to student I don't know. Anyway when he comes to me he gives me a dig. The sodding invigilator started giving out to me for telling him to fcuk off. The lads around me explained and she put her head up her arse and did the old "see no evil, hear no evil" crap.

Anyway I don't know why you guys are so incredulous. This "step outside the classroom" **** was everywhere. One teacher used to stand outside the classroom and listen to hear what the status quo in the classroom was. And I know this because one of the lads was late one day and caught him outside with a ear cocked and eavesdropping. Teachers tormenting certain unpopular students was the norm. There's always naughty tricks of any trade.

Is this stuff normal? Should I just "get over it"? I don't know really as I've never really compared notes with people from other schools. One time I got conned on adverts and reported it to the Gardai. They were quite inept. That was nearly two years ago and I haven't heard a dickie bird. In my humble opinion all the state services like the HSE, Gardai and education system are a joke. If I went to the Gardai I'd be in there forever and they'd probably have me committed (which at this stage doesn't seem all that bad).

evolving_doors

Sorry op , it appears you have had it rough indeed. I'm not too sure what response you desire though!
The responses have been pretty supportive imo and nobody has claimed that you are making it up. Indeed, we have suggested that you do go to the authorities or talk to other past pupils as this might all add up to a pattern of abuse which could be exposed if more come forward and corroborate.
These people you refer to were indeed 'bad people', plain and simple. Have you ever discussed any of this with anyone offline?

ustazjoseph

Hey Op . im from an earlier generation - rural irish schools 1970,s. I have a big interest in violence in the education system and in the impact of trauma. I havent any formal qualifications or expertise in this area just an interest and an awareness that our system has some very bad history. I'm also awarefrom various sources that although the corporal punishment stopped in the early 80 s it continued for a long while in some areas. I also believe that we had peple in the system who were beaten , qualified as teachers beat childen and then wee ordered to stop when the rgulations changed. What happened to their anger. ? to their approach to discipline , to the way they dealt with difficult kids? I suspect many of us came from abusive school systems as you did. I again suggest you talk to a professional. some people deny the impact of this sort of behavior, some seem to be un affected and for some ts a great weight to carry. Im a teacher currently working in the adult education area . I hear a lot of stories like this. the book ; the body never lies by Alice Miller has lots to say on this subject. Be kind to yourself . eat , sleep exercise , talk to those who can listen. Gardai and lawyers approach this stuff ina particular way. It can take a while to recover from childhood "stuff" but it can be done . stay well.

This is what my sixth class primary teacher employed on me:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation

I think I figured it out years ago but that PTSD and blocking things out is a fecker...

evolving_doors

Moved to Personal Issues. I think teachers here have answered all they can.

MOD

_Brian

OP, I think you didn't have Much of a hard time going by your description.

I went to a rural school during the 70's where violence was the order of the day. The two male senior teachers were very physical both with the cane and fists.

I often came on the receiving end of these barrages and I can honestly say it was rarely ever warranted. I was no saint but a regular kid behaviour wise.

Big Bag of Chips

You first posted 10 months ago. And now you are back. In those 10 months have you done anything other than google conditions? What I mean is, have you spoken to your GP? Have you looked into counselling? To be honest, right now it's unclear what you are looking for from the thread.

I know your thread has been moved here, but this is an advice forum where posters seek advice and, we hope, follow through on the advice given. Are you looking for advice on how to move on from this?

dudara

Things happen to us in childhood and they can shape us. OR we can choose to shape ourselves. In my view, we are responsible for how we act as adults.

So if you feel that your adult life isn't satisfactory, I'd recommend talking to a professional and getting some help. It is not healthy (IMO) to be examining the minutiae of the past like this.