very confused

LegacyUser

My partner & I split while she was pregnant. Things were just awful and after being asked to leave the house, loads of rows and nasty things said, we parted. It was more my decision than hers.

Now we see each other twice a week when I see our Son. She is brilliant with him. He loves her to bits, smiles up at her and it's lovely. He smiles at me too but as he is only a few months old, he sees his mum and identifies with her a lot more. That's fine, I just want him to be healthy and happy for now.

At the weekend during my visiting time, her & I spent some time talking. We are getting on ok now and both doing our best for him. But this morning I just woke up and can't get her out of my head all day. It's like feelings that were switched off six months ago are back, engulfing me. I am still madly in love with her. The thing is we could not get back together as too many things were said & done when we parted. My parents, family & friends all despise her and her family (I would guess) feel the same about me.

I have put down a very long day today. Part of me would love to text her and just say 'I still love you'. I think she still loves me. But we have tried in the past and it didn't work. Also we have different views on some major issues. I don't want to spend my days alone yet even when I have tried to go out with other girls in the past I am daydreaming about my ex.

Can anyone even try to make sense of this? :-)

FurBabyMomma

I can totally understand where you're coming from even if I haven't been there myself. I can just imagine how the beautiful sight of mother and baby together and all the love that surrounds them is pulling you in. Most of us crave that love and contentment.

I think you're in a difficult situation here trying to untangle your feelings. I'd say trying to jump back into the status of 'relationship' might be something that puts a lot of pressure on the situation. Why not ask your ex if the three of you could spend some more time together as you're really enjoying how things are going? That way you can gauge if she's receptive towards you and if so you'll be able to spend time just bonding as a threesomes before seeing where things take you. Don't try to jump back into a relationship straight off but do take advantage of the fact that your son as lucky that you two are getting on. Who knows what the future holds?

glued

Many people get a real chance of distancing themselves from former partners and moving on with their lives but in your situation you have a permanent bond with your former partner through your son. You're perhaps mistaking the sense of security and love that your son is portraying to a doting mother as love yourself. You didn't split up with her because you stopped loving her, you split up over unreconcilable differences. Maybe you're even feeling a little guilty for breaking up the relationship but the facts are still the same. The differences still exist.

You say you're feeling lonely. Many people also mistake loneliness for affection and that's why so many people avoid ending bad relationships. If I was you I would seriously talk to somebody; a family member, close friend, a professional. Without knowing the full story it's hard to get a gauge fully on what exactly is at play here. Prima facie it appears as if a mixture of loneliness and the desire to gain approval from your son is the main driving influence here.

I really hope that you get everything sorted out.

December2012

Is it possible that you were not getting on because the changes to the relationship brought on by the pregnancy, hormones and the impending pressure?

Merkin

ConfusedPat wrote: »

But we have tried in the past and it didn't work. Also we have different views on some major issues.

I think it's very important not to lose sight of this.

You often see couples, with the best of intentions, reunite after a split and wonder why it doesn't work a second time. I think it's important to really think about why you split up in the first place. You mention a difference of opinion on some fundamental issues and in my opinion, unless these issues have been ironed out to the extent that you're happy to reach a compromise or an agreement then these issues aren't suddenly going to disappear; more likely than not they will reappear again and you'll be no further ahead.

So on that basis, I wouldn't even think about a reconciliation until you both have done some serious groundwork on these issues that caused problems in the first place.

diveout

I read somewhere that many splits occur within the first year of a new baby's arrival. It is so stressful and shocking that it can be too rocky.

If you can both seriously evaluate where the fault lines are in your relationship and see why it didn't work the first time, and if its possible to change that, then there is nothing to say you can't both turn it all around, but it will take discipline and maturity and most of all acceptance.

Dellnum

It looks like you are getting on a lot better now and this relationship could improve over time. It doesn't matter what your or her family think, it is how you both feel that matters. She could be more receptive to the relationship working out now that she has a child. I think I would give it a bit more time though and see how it goes. If things keep on improving then you will know how to broach the subject of getting back together. I would not rush into it just yet though.