Knows The Answer Already

LegacyUser

Oh where to start? I'm just having serious issues in my life right now. Everything seems so bad. The basics... I'm an unemployed, single father with serious weight issues and no prospects in life.

I went back to college after my ex and I broke up and I loved it for the few months I was there but she got sick so I had to give it up to look after the kids. Re-enrolled in college the following year (last September) and really, really hated the experience. I dropped out at Christmas because I had this great business idea which was given the go ahead by my local Social Welfare Office as they also agreed, but further into the market research I realized how it was never going to get anywhere as the big players in the market are desperately trying to leave/diversify as there is no more money in it.

I've been trying the last few weeks since I gave up on the business idea to get a job and have sent out so many CV's. I've only gotten one interview and politely told no.

But the biggest thing for me is my personal life. As I said earlier i have huge weight issues. I'm not that tall and quite heavy for my height. And try as I might, I just can't motivate myself to move and try to do something about it. It's even worse because I've met a girl online and we both want to meet up but I've said no because I'm so ashamed of how I look. I've explained this to her and she's cool with it but I like kind of like her and don't expect or think it's fair on her to wait for ages. I have one pair of jeans that fits me because I can't get my size in regular shops and when my size is carried it's mis-sized. Any of my shirts are bursting at the buttons, again, the biggest sizes I can find.

I know the answer is to just get off my lazy hole and move but I can't afford to go to a gym and if I go walking out on the street I have this genuine fear that people will be looking at me going why the hell can't he just go to a gym and leave the streets to normal people. I imagine them looking at me laughing as I have in the past experienced. I bought a bike last year to try do something about it but the one time I brought it out late at night (to avoid the aforementioned jostling), I went a few hundred metres and I was wrecked. Haven't gone near it since. I'd go to a gym no bother if I could afford it.

I'm not at desparation stage because I have my kids and I love them and would never do anything to put them in a position where I'd not be in their lives, but my not doing anything about my weight is putting that exact position in jeopardy. Catch 22. My brother is getting married in October and his stag is on in August and I'll pay to go or whatever but I don't even kn ow if I will if I'm still the same. Not even being able to have someone to sit next to on the bus on the way up because I take up the 2 seats.

has anybody else been anywhere even remotely close to where I am and what did you do to overcome it? Sorry for the rant, I've just been trying to work up the courage to post this for months and just decided to pull the trigger now.

Calmsurrender

OK couldn't read your post and not reply,
You poor thing!
You talk about the barriers to weight loss and that's something i can understand the fear of going out jogging etc.
You don't mention your diet at all but maybe that would be a good place to start - have a look at myfitnesspal or a similar app and start counting calories. Or have a look at Weight Watchers if that's something that might suit you?
You could get a fitness DVD and maybe start with some exercise at home?
Don't beat yourself up if you're wrecked at first you have to build up the strength to do it. Set yourself small goals, and take it day by day.
It wont happen over night but you have tostick with it. If you miss a day or mess up with diet start again the next day.
In a few months you could give the bike a try again.
Small steps.

littlecat

Wow, congrats on posting, that's a step in itself.

Sounds like you need to get your body used to exercise again - if a small amount of exercise is affecting you maybe you should see your GP just to ensure going headlong into something won't do you more harm than good.
Could you bring the kids for walks or kick a ball around with them? Do you have a friend who would walk with you so you're less self-conscious? Weight Watchers is a good idea, it's €20 to join and €10 after that I think but once you've been to a few and learn the rules you wouldn't need to go every week.

This girl you've met sounds great and if she's been understanding maybe you could meet up? She knows you're trying to lose weight so if she likes you anyway things can only get better - she might even help you.

Wishing you the very best :-)

Boombastic

Knows The Answer Already wrote: »

....

I know the answer is to just get off my lazy hole and move but I can't afford to go to a gym and if I go walking out on the street I have this genuine fear that people will be looking at me going why the hell can't he just go to a gym and leave the streets to normal people. I imagine them looking at me laughing as I have in the past experienced. I bought a bike last year to try do something about it but the one time I brought it out late at night (to avoid the aforementioned jostling), I went a few hundred metres and I was wrecked. Haven't gone near it since. I'd go to a gym no bother if I could afford it.
...........

I think you are over worrying about this. Most normal people would just think, fair play, they're trying to get fit. Some people may comment as you have experienced, but these people are not worth bothering about, they are insignificant. Do it for yourself or if you need motivation, do it for your child.

RedXIV

Hey chief, just to let you know, about 2 years ago I was getting close to where you are, I was a lot heavier and starting to get health concerns and also had the thought that this would be bad for my kids, I wasn't able to keep up with them and I was worried I would be a bad influence. I'm still not at the right weight but I'm a lot closer.

The main thing is diet, I lost my first 3 stone with diet alone. Educating yourself about food is hard and learning your triggers is harder. Mine was eating at the end of the day on the couch. Wasn't hungry, just bored really. Then when I felt a bit better, I started exercising.

I urge you to think about it. Next time you are thinking about eating something, "do I really need this or am I just looking for something to do?" and while it sounds strange, on the nights I sat in playing playstation, I ate far less than I would browsing the net or watching TV. I think it's because my hands were engaged too.

Start small, measure/weigh yourself today and try your hardest to be good. Eat minimally and move a bit. Weigh yourself tomorrow. If you've been unhealthily eating for ages, you should see a drop straight away. Small but it's a start. It's all about small steps! Progress is always going to be gradual but the point is that it IS progress

Good luck!

Boskowski

A healthy body is not made in the gym but in the kitchen. You can tone and muscle up a bit and get fitter working out, but if you need to lose several stone you need to change your eating habits most of all.
Start by just having 3 healthy meals a day and cut out all the unnecessary crap in between like sweets, crisps, snacks. Cut out fizzy drinks but drink water instead. If you're a drinker cut down on the beer.
Weight will fall off you. It's not as hard as you think it is either. I'm speaking from experience.

Pawwed Rig

Agree with everyone so far, you need to get your diet right along with an exercise regime. It is a mental thing too. Do not go on a 6 week or 6 month diet. You need to mentally make the decision that this is a permanent change rather than a short term change. As you are a single father it would be advisable to have your kids on a healthy diet too.

Try the couch to 5K programme. It has helped alot of people. Also look at www.parkrun.ie. These are weekly events that cater for all levels. It is a safe environment where everyone will support you. The gym is not a neccesity (but nice if you can afford it). The best part about exercise is that it is free.

LegacyUser

OP - small steps!

Firstly I am very lucky in that I have never had a weight problem but I did eat unhealthily for a long time and due to health problems I charged by diet a lot so I hope I can offer some positive advice

Eat

- regularly, I eat 7 or 8 small meals a day (this is not a conscious effort but how my metabolism works). When you eat large meals, particularly in the evening, you do not necessarily burn off the calories you have taken in. Little and often is good. Fill up well in the morning on porridge, bananas etc. foods that are slow burning and keep you filled up longer

- healthily - for me I now enjoy healthy food, yes from time to time I crave a hamburger or chips but for the most part I prefer to eat rice, fish, vegetables, etc.

- snacking - replace the biscuits / cakes / crisps / chips etc. with things like hummous, nuts, raisins & berries if you want something sweet.

I have a number of theories on food, once you start to eat healthily you will enjoy it and the thought of eating big macs or chicken nuggets or cakes or anything like that will actually be offputting. When you are overweight your stomach is larger, therefore you need more food to fill it and it's a cycle, you need to cut down so that your stomach shrinks and therefore you'll desire less food etc. it's a positive cycle
Sugar is a dependancy, the more you intake the more you want. Cutting down on it / giving it up is extremely hard at first but your system adjusts and then you no longer desire it.

With regards to exercise, start off will small steps - three minutes tomorrow, four minutes the next day, build your fitness level up slowly. It's very hard at first but when you start to lose the weight and increase your fitness it will seriously motivate you to continue. There is no need to join a gym, use a bike or go for walks. Do any of your friends have a dog who's left at home while they're in work? Why not offer to walk them every day, that way you're making a commitment to doing it and it's also way more fun with company. Alternatively, confide in a friend who will keep you company and motivate you to go. It is hard and boring to do it alone.

Forgive me for saying what you mightn't want to hear but if you are eating unhealthily then you are putting yourself at risk of heart disease and diabetes. Also, if you are eating more healthily then your kids will too, good for all of ye!

Once you start you will feel great for it, it will increase your health, increase your fitness, increase your confidence, you'll feel great! You'll look back in a few months from now and think, wow, I should have started that sooner, I feel fantastic!

With regards the girlfriend / career issues, imo one thing at a time and that should be your health. Once you get that sorted everything else will feel way more achievable.

You are well able to do it, best of luck!!

Time Now Please

Hi ya, I had the same problem, well with clothing anyways, a simple solution I found worked for me was to cut out all the ****e that I was eating and stick to three meals a day, I know...easier said than done, but it worked for me, doesn't cost you any more than your normal weekly food shop, just be wise with what you purchase, it does work believe me.

LegacyUser

hi op

im in a similar situation

lone parent, had to give up my career, no family or close friends to help with me regarding child care

here is what I did

for the first few years I was able to have the little one in a full time creche whilst I worked, this was a stressful routine but baby was safe and I could work 9-5

When my child started school, I ran into problems, I live far from my work so I just couldnt manage.

I would go to the gym after I dropped my child of to school. There are a few gyms in the city centre that are relatively cheap 10e a week, if you dont train you dont pay etc

anyway I got myself very fit and last month I felt I could get myself back into work. I sent 100s of cvs and heard little back , alot I couldnt take due to logistics etc

I eventually got a job, start tomorrow. I have a friend from the school to bring my child to the after school whilst im in work

my point is, little steps and take each issue at a time.

Im still very lonely, have no social life, money is tight due to afterschool and child care costs but im back working and earning and being out and about

my next step to tackle is my social life.....

Regarding your weight, read up on healthy foods, eat regularly. Get out of the house as much as possible, walk as much as possible to anywhere you go. Exercise is good for making your head clearer

Regarding jobs, keep on sending the cvs in, you may well get 100 knock backs or more but who doesnt, keep sending and eventually you will get something

Sometimes I feel like im drowning in my worries and problems too, its natural

just focus on one thing first and deal with that, the rest can then tackled

LegacyUser

OP, please do your own research. You are being advised by posters here to eat three times a day. IMO this is not good advice.

The research shows that 5-8 small meals a day is far better for weightloss than 3 large meals. When you restrict how often you eat, letting yourself get hungry between meals your body reacts to this "starvation fear" by storing fat, slowing down your metabolism. Little and often speeds up your metabolism which burns calories, increasing weightloss.

Also, losing weight should not be about hunger and punishment. You should not feel hungry, how on earth would anyone manage to stick to a diet plan that made them feel like that. It would be impossible and it doesn't have to be that way.

Obviously healthy food is fundamental!

LegacyUser

OP again. First off, I'd like to thank everybody who's responded and shared their views and stories. It has been a massive help. Baby steps and all that. I actually went and downloaded that myfitnesspal app yesterday and I think it's great. Seemingly I'll have lost almost a stone in 5 weeks if I eat and exercise at the same rate as yesterday. Bang on.

I went for my first walk in a helluva long time today. I only went as far as the shop but the shop is a mile and a quarter away. Got there and back including my shopping in 40 minutes so was going at quite a brisk pace, for me anyway.

As I say, it's baby steps, but they're about all I can manage at the moment, but hopefully not for too long.

Thanks again.