Sex injuries

Foxhound38

Mate of mine sent me a text there from the waiting room of the doctor - seems himself and his missus got a bit hot and heavy last night, resulting in a suspected torn banjo string. Not pleasant I believe - blood everywhere.

So what about you, bedroom pioneers of AH - have the sexcapades of yourselves or anyone ye know resulted in injury before?

Just the odd blister on my hand.

Arthur Beesley

No.

Arthur Beesley

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Just the odd blister on my hand.

Not to mention the chafing,

Ruu

Tried to do a cartwheel during sex and landed funny on my hip.

The Backwards Man

I know a couple had to call the fire brigade after they got stuck in between the bannisters of the stairs when they were starkers. Tried to convince everyone nothing sexual was going on.

ElleEm

I once cut my knees so badly on gravel they took over a month to scab over properly. I could barely bend them and was picking stones out of them for days. I still have light scars. It was not worth it!

syklops

Ah, a "mate of mine" story. That makes the story all the more believable.

jane82

Jury service is an important service bestowed on you. I certainly home people arnt having sex in jury.

KingOfFairview

The missus once farted on ny balls so hard they popped like seedless grapes, whilst I wept in cacophonous despair

Technoprisoner

twanged my banjo string myself....lots of blood and even more pain lol....worse part is the waiting for it to recover!!!

ElleEm

ElleEm wrote: »

I once cut my knees so badly on gravel they took over a month to scab over properly. I could barely bend them and was picking stones out of them for days. I still have light scars. It was not worth it!

Damn that sexy gravel! Was he too rough?

Muise...

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I know a couple had to call the fire brigade after they got stuck in between the bannisters of the stairs when they were starkers. Tried to convince everyone nothing sexual was going on.

well if they had their phones to hand they should have at least instagrammed it for posterity and lulz.

Penny Tration

Broke my nose when my ex fell on me in bed. A week later, he fell again. This time, his lip ring smacked my mouth so hard that a massive chunk of my front tooth broke off. Got it fixed up, thankfully. I dumped him shortly after.

thrashmetalfan

Deleted User wrote: »

Just the odd blister on my hand.

the same here. repetitive strain injury for me. oh and blindness. oh yeah hairy palms and stunted growth too!!

Told this before but I used to have two single beds in my room, so I pushed them together to make a double bed.

Well with the OH in the heat of the moment she fell in between them as they separated since they were on wheels.

Foxhound38

syklops wrote: »

Ah, a "mate of mine" story. That makes the story all the more believable.

What's unbelievable about someone tearing their banjo string? It's not that unusual, although it is meant to be very, very painful! :eek:

maguic24

green_screen wrote: »

Broke my nose when my ex fell on me in bed. A week later, he fell again. This time, his lip ring smacked my mouth so hard that a massive chunk of my front tooth broke off. Got it fixed up, thankfully. I dumped him shortly after.

He obviously read the wrong manual on 'rough sex'. :pac:

Muise...

Foxhound38 wrote: »

What's unbelievable about someone tearing their banjo string? It's not that unusual, although it is meant to be very, very painful! :eek:

Odd that they should text you about it though. Just how close are you? :P

Penny Tration

maguic24 wrote: »

He obviously read the wrong manual on 'rough sex'. :pac:

He was fat, with balance issues. :pac: Nose hasn't been the same since. Left it too long, thinking it was just bruised, now have my septum is deviated, my nose hhurts if i touch it, and i can't breathe well through one nostril.

The sex wasn't even good enough to be worth it

Foxhound38

Muise... wrote: »

Odd that they should text you about it though. Just how close are you? :P

Too close, evidentally

Nah, we had plans today and yer man is farily frank about this stuff. I can't imagine his missus would be too happy he told me all the same :pac:

Mongfinder General

I heard a story about a gay guy going to A&E after having sex in a car. About 20 mins after he arrived another guy rushed in with a muscle/piece of flesh that he claimed had torn away from his co-pilots anus during sex.

Cupcake_Crisis

Mongfinder General wrote: »

I heard a story about a gay guy going to A&E after having sex in a car. About 20 mins after he arrived another guy rushed in with a muscle/piece of flesh that he claimed had torn away from his co-pilots anus during sex.

Ah jayziz....

suicide_circus

Two words.

Banjo & string

KingOfFairview

Mongfinder General wrote: »

I heard a story about a gay guy going to A&E after having sex in a car. About 20 mins after he arrived another guy rushed in with a muscle/piece of flesh that he claimed had torn away from his co-pilots anus during sex.

My granny's going to laugh I regale her with this one later

wotzgoingon

I think this guy wins.
Almost loses penis

maguic24

green_screen wrote: »

He was fat, with balance issues. :pac: Nose hasn't been the same since. Left it too long, thinking it was just bruised, now have my septum is deviated, my nose hhurts if i touch it, and i can't breathe well through one nostril.

The sex wasn't even good enough to be worth it

Worse thing that happened to me was my bf bit my cheek really hard while he was.......you know.He left a f*cking bruise, the b*stard!!

The worse thing about it is I'm still with him. It's okay though, I dick punched him afterwards. :pac:

pajor

The number of banjo string breakages on this website is somewhat disturbing..

maguic24

pajor wrote: »

The number of banjo string breakages on this website is somewhat disturbing..

Ya have to be careful when you're strumming.

ArtyM

wotzgoingon wrote: »

I think this guy wins.
Almost loses penis

He might not be the winner, but he definitely.......

set the benchmark.

smcgiff

wotzgoingon wrote: »

I think this guy wins.
Almost loses penis

Damn provocative sexy bench

chughes

ElleEm wrote: »

I once cut my knees so badly on gravel they took over a month to scab over properly. I could barely bend them and was picking stones out of them for days. I still have light scars. It was not worth it!

I take it you weren't saying your prayers

cloud493

I'm sure I read in a take a break or one of those magazines about some bloke that nearly cut his penis off.

wotzgoingon

cloud493 wrote: »

I'm sure I read in a take a break or one of those magazines about some bloke that nearly cut his penis off.

This guy did cut off his penis.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2608455/Wu-Tang-affiliated-rapper-high-PCP-cut-penis-jumped-balcony-Los-Angeles-apartment-building.html

Thespoofer

Banjo string.
It healed after a few weeks then completely snapped for a second time and no going back to the original design when a different lady was performing oral shortly after healing.
Nice.

The Backwards Man

Do you all be footing turf with your knobs or what to break the banjo string?

Czarcasm

Foxhound38 wrote: »

What's unbelievable about someone tearing their banjo string? It's not that unusual, although it is meant to be very, very painful! :eek:

pajor wrote: »

The number of banjo string breakages on this website is somewhat disturbing..

In After Hours alone even! Ok so I know it was the OPs mate but honestly, it almost sounds like his mate was proud of the fact he... I dunno, just what ARE the consequences of 'snapping your banjo string'?

I'd say in fairness OP it's about as common as a torn condom, ie - not really all that common in proportion to the number of men who have had sex and haven't managed to end up with a bloody mickey (less of course their partner was on her period!).

I mean, HOW does one even DO it? How hard do you have to be trying to knock one out that you damage yourself like that?

I'm sensing a bit of an Internet meme phenomenon going on about the whole 'torn banjo string' tbh. Actually now I remember the meme from 20 years back, some guys used think it hilariously 'cool' to 'break their penis bone'. Their, penis, bone.

Clearly they didn't pay much attention in biology class.

wotzgoingon

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Do you all be footing turf with your knobs or what to break the banjo string?

Does it actually heal back to normal or is it ruined for life, if that happens?

Thespoofer

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Do you all be footing turf with your knobs or what to break the banjo string?

Passion my friend,..Passion.

PLL

I was at a house party last wknd and one of the lads went upstairs with a girl, 15 mins later she ran down stairs screaming because he had bit her a*se so hard it was bleeding.

Thespoofer

wotzgoingon wrote: »

Does it actually heal back to normal or is it ruined for life, if that happens?

In my case the first time it ' kind of ' healed back together.
The second time shortly after the healing from the first break,... finished it off.

Obliq

I did break a fella's ...um...banjo string once Both of us a bit horrified. As for injuries to me - well, friction burns obviously. Bumped heads and multiple bruises, but that's all quite normal.

KingOfFairview

PLL wrote: »

I was at a house party last wknd and one of the lads went upstairs with a girl, 15 mins later she ran down stairs screaming because he had bit her a*se so hard it was bleeding.

In fairness bird's arses are very tempting to bite. But not that hard

Thespoofer

Obliq wrote: »

I did break a fella's ...um...banjo string once Both of us a bit horrified. As for injuries to me - well, friction burns obviously. Bumped heads and multiple bruises, but that's all quite normal.

Do I know you, by any chance ?

Obliq

Thespoofer wrote: »

Do I know you, by any chance ?

Maybe, but not for that I'd say My incident was circa ;)1988

Talib Fiasco

Got an awful dose of carpet burn on my knees and elbows after a house party....I was supposed to have the sitting room to myself after everyone went home but I had company... I was too drunk to notice at the time, was in agony the following morning...her back looked a lot worse though. Pulled a muscle in my leg once while in the car, thought I was going to die...poor girl thought I only lasted a minute I was roaring so much :rolleyes:

Thespoofer

Obliq wrote: »

Maybe, but not for that I'd say My incident was circa ;)1988

Oh I see..you married him afterwards..

cloud493

wotzgoingon wrote: »

This guy did cut off his penis.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2608455/Wu-Tang-affiliated-rapper-high-PCP-cut-penis-jumped-balcony-Los-Angeles-apartment-building.html

No not that one. It was somewhere in the UK, he cut it off with a saw while he was gardening if I recall correctly.

beano345

Nettle stings....a right moment killer

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller

Damn.

Thought this was a thread highlighting a swingers meet tonight in jurys.

KingOfFairview

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller wrote: »

Damn.

Thought this was a thread highlighting a swingers meet tonight in jurys.

No, it's about people whose hurt themselves while making sex.