Length of relationship before going long distance?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Just a quick question wondering what peoples opinions are of whats an appropriate length of time to be with someone before committing to a long distance relationship?

Basically I met a really fantastic guy a few weeks ago, instant connection and chemistry between both of us but he is moving country in 2 months - he's secured a job and visa already and is excited about moving.

It would be next March before I would be able to join him over there....is it ridiculous to be even considering going long-distance with someone who I will only have been with for just over 2 months? And to move over there after him?

I know every situation is different and all that and this isn't something I've even mentioned to him yet but we're getting very close very quick and we're both gutted at our timing. Just feel that I need to end things now before I get even closer and potentially end up very hurt if we don't decide to stay together when he moves.

I know ultimately it's him I need to talk this through with but I'd really love to hear some other opinions! Thanks!

Matteroffact

Just see how it goes when he moves and if he keeps in touch with you on a regular basis or if it just fizzles out. That's all you can do and don't move to be with him unless it is going well and he wants you to join him. In other words just play it by ear for the time being.

Merkin

LongDistance wrote: »

whats an appropriate length of time to be with someone before committing to a long distance relationship?

I personally would baulk at the term "appropriate" as what is right for one couple will not be right for another so don't let anyone dictate what is and isn't "appropriate".

You'll have the staid and formulaic brigade who insist that a couple, in order to be happy, must do the following:

Weekly dates (3-4 thereof) for 1 year before moving in together for 1 year before contriving to get engaged :rolleyes:) which they will do and then be engaged for 18 months and then get married. I'm sorry but to me that's just snore + yawn = terminal dullness and I hate how so many young couples set a timer on their life and life decisions by deciding this is how things have to be done. It puts needless pressure on the relationship and there is absolutely no reason why you have to conform like this.

What you absolutely must do, is to follow your heart and do what feels right.

So for that reason, if you have an instant connection and chemistry (and when you know you know, trust me) then don't worry about what people will think. See how things go and certainly give an LDR a go. It takes work but if you're serious about one another it will work. Mr. Merkin and I were an LDR at the start, he proposed after six months and we were married within a year! People would say it was a total whirlwind and do I actually give a fiddler's elbow? Of course I don't. If it feels good and you make each other happy then you go for it girl and don't look back. So keep an open mind, March is only 10 months away which will fly by if you want to be together.

Hope it works out for you both

czechlin

Hi OP, I agree with everything Merkin has mentioned.

If you feel it's right then go for it. Things may not work out in the end but at least you won't be left wondering "what if" (and trust me, it's an awful thing to be wondering about) or they might work out and you'll be happy! I personally think it's worth trying. How often do you meet someone, with whom you click so well?

Friends of mine started off as a LDR, and did it for couple of years due to their jobs. Some people thought they were mad, some that they were romantic. I thought that they did what they had to do because they wanted to be together and give it a shot. They've been together for a few years now and finally managed to move in together. Some were skeptical about that and thought that they'll probably break up. Well they haven't It's not all rainbows and unicorns, but they seem to be quite happy overall.

There's no mould when it comes to relationship. We all are different individuals. What doesn't work for some, works for others.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do

elefant

I did it after a few months with my girlfriend, and it's worked out so far (3+ years later). Obviously it's not the same for every couple and it is tough, but if you want to make it work you can do it. In the end, it can mean you appreciate the time together more once you can live in close proximity.

Good luck!

midnight_train

It can go both ways. I actually moved twice for two different long-distance relationships when I was in my 20s. Neither worked for the same reason: I hadn't known the guys well enough before moving. I believe you can never truly know someone while you are long distance. One person has to be willing to move - and then it either works out or it doesn't. If you can accept that it can go either way and deal with the possible fallout, then go for it. I know it is something I will never, ever do again - spent way too much money on plane tickets and shipping, twice! But I did learn some important life lessons, though.

LegacyUser

OP here,

Thanks you all so much for your replies

I suppose I was just worried that I was completely daft for even considering it! Just going to enjoy it for the moment and I suppose I'll know closer the time if we're going to try an LDR. As one poster said, I don't want to risk losing out on something that could be really special.

It was great to hear some positive stories as well!

Thanks again:)