How do you cope with nostalgia?

karaokeman

Hi,

In recent years a lot has changed in my life. I was introverted at school, started going out and becoming more sociable in the last 3 years since I started college. For the first year of college I had 2 really close friends who meant the world to me, and often it would be just the 3 of us on nights out. Fast forward to second year 2 of the 3 of us had a falling out and stopped talking, but I've remained close to each of them ever since, though I had to be cautious of organising nights out because I wanted to be fair, as each of them wanting to go out on the same night made things awkward at times. The other 2 were opposite sexes, the girl had a crush on the guy that went unreciprocated, but it had nothing to do with them falling out.

The last year I've been studying abroad in Canada, and in about one week I will have my last exam and I'll be finished. While I had a fantastic time here and met lots of great people I did find college in Ireland more enjoyable, that's not to say Canada wasn't superb, it was close but not exactly the same.

It feels weird because even though I'll be home soon to celebrate with friends still at my home university as if I was finishing the year with them, part of me wishes things hadn't changed, and I often wonder had I gone back could I of made things different. I have many friends back home, a lot were in tight social groups but eventually dispersed like the aforementioned 2 friends I'm still really good friends with but whom don't talk to one another.

So how do any of you cope with nostalgia? Wishing you could of done certain things different, or gain some reassurance that while some people mightn't rekindle their differences you will have that same feeling of affirmation with them individually as you did in the group, or with other people in future?

Thanks,
Michael

ivytwine

Hey Michael,

I can identify with a lot of what you post. I too, was fairly quiet in school, have good and bittersweet memories of college. Like you, things were spoiled a bit by friends falling out too, and I remember thinking of my study abroad as being a bit 'meh'. Now I do look back on it very fondly.

I think some people have a tendency towards nostalgia. I remember going to a talk by the writer Kevin Barry, and something he said really stuck with me. He said he was only ever happy in retrospect. Now he said it in a joking way, but it really struck a chord with me. He said when he lived in London he hated it, but when he moved back to Galway he missed London. When he was in Dublin he missed Galway, and so on.

I always felt like this too, but it's not the healthiest way to live your life. It hurts at times, because you're harking back to what can never be again, and ignoring what's good about right now.

Another thing that struck another note with me was the scene in 500 Days of Summer (whatever you think of the whole 'nice guy' message of the movie) when the main character's little sister tells him to remember the bad times. Counterintuitive I know, but it works for me. For example with your friends that fell out and the girl fancied the guy. There must have been times that absolutely sucked for you to be in the middle of all that. Remind yourself that you don't need to go through all that ****e again!

I had a friend for 3 years in college and then in final year we fell out badly. I was down of course, but then I could remind myself that for all the good times we had together there were times where they'd put me down and make me feel bad about myself.

It's no harm looking back now and again, as long as you remember where you're going. It may be a case where you are feeling uncertain about the future and you're clinging back to what's familiar and safe. Find the good in now.

I used to be so nostalgic, unhealthily so. Now I live in Dublin and generally I love the city. Somedays I do miss the quieter pace of my hometown (then I remember it's snore-inducingly quiet!) and I do really miss living in Galway and strolling down to the seafront on my lunch break (takes a bus to get to the sea up here). But in general I'm happy enough in the present. You need to take off the rose-tinted glasses a little I think

Sun in Capri

What a wonderful post Ivytwine.

karaokeman

ivytwine wrote: »

Hey Michael,

I can identify with a lot of what you post. I too, was fairly quiet in school, have good and bittersweet memories of college. Like you, things were spoiled a bit by friends falling out too, and I remember thinking of my study abroad as being a bit 'meh'. Now I do look back on it very fondly.

I think some people have a tendency towards nostalgia. I remember going to a talk by the writer Kevin Barry, and something he said really stuck with me. He said he was only ever happy in retrospect. Now he said it in a joking way, but it really struck a chord with me. He said when he lived in London he hated it, but when he moved back to Galway he missed London. When he was in Dublin he missed Galway, and so on.

I always felt like this too, but it's not the healthiest way to live your life. It hurts at times, because you're harking back to what can never be again, and ignoring what's good about right now.

Another thing that struck another note with me was the scene in 500 Days of Summer (whatever you think of the whole 'nice guy' message of the movie) when the main character's little sister tells him to remember the bad times. Counterintuitive I know, but it works for me. For example with your friends that fell out and the girl fancied the guy. There must have been times that absolutely sucked for you to be in the middle of all that. Remind yourself that you don't need to go through all that ****e again!

I had a friend for 3 years in college and then in final year we fell out badly. I was down of course, but then I could remind myself that for all the good times we had together there were times where they'd put me down and make me feel bad about myself.

It's no harm looking back now and again, as long as you remember where you're going. It may be a case where you are feeling uncertain about the future and you're clinging back to what's familiar and safe. Find the good in now.

I used to be so nostalgic, unhealthily so. Now I live in Dublin and generally I love the city. Somedays I do miss the quieter pace of my hometown (then I remember it's snore-inducingly quiet!) and I do really miss living in Galway and strolling down to the seafront on my lunch break (takes a bus to get to the sea up here). But in general I'm happy enough in the present. You need to take off the rose-tinted glasses a little I think

Thank you very much for this post. Sorry it took so long to get back, been really busy with moving back home and catching up with family.

Honestly I had no problem being friends with the guy and the girl with whom the latter fancied the former. I've seen the girl since I came home, but not the guy as he's a little harder to get in touch with. Obviously I'll likely never be with them both, but coping with nostalgia is a little easier if I can see either or both of them separately.

I will try and remember the bad times, but its hard sometimes because I hold the good ones so dearly. I am also looking back at the good times I did have while I was away, and like Barry said be "happy in retrospect".

Currently all my home friends are still doing exams, but I know I'll have a blast when they finish up next week as I'll likely be going out more than once. I'm studying in Maynooth, so I'll be there with the people who live close/on-campus one night, and in Dublin with my commuter friends on another.

ivytwine

I'm glad it helped you somewhat- and I hope you have a great night in both Dub and Maynooth!

I wish you all the very best

Sinead Mc1

Ivytwine, be my life coach? Got a lot from that post. Fantastic.

ivytwine

Sinead Mc1 wrote: »

Ivytwine, be my life coach? Got a lot from that post. Fantastic.

Oh god, the world must be an awful state if I could be a life coach

Timmaay

karaokeman wrote: »

So how do any of you cope with nostalgia? Wishing you could of done certain things different, or gain some reassurance that while some people mightn't rekindle their differences you will have that same feeling of affirmation with them individually as you did in the group, or with other people in future?

How do you cope with nostalgia?, simples, just move swiftly on to the next adventure in life, and don't ever give yourself time to dwell on the past, which is in the past and wont ever change no matter how much you wish it would!