Lonely in Dublin

Sneak93

I am in A big university in Dublin and I'm so isolated and lonely. This campus is so huge and when you're alone it's even bigger. I'm about to finish first year and I know everyone says join societies etc but they're all so clickey. I have begun to hate people because I suppose I'm jealous that they have friends and are having fun and I'm not. I don't really like going out and getting drunk/doing drugs but that seems to be all young people do!! I'm 20 and have very few friends from when I was young. How do I make my life easier? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Merkin

I think for a start you probably need to change your attitude a little. That's not to be nasty to you in any way, but your post is peppered with negativity and you are most probably wearing that negativity like a badge and projecting it to everyone you meet.

There is an Education section on Boards where all the third level institutions have their own forums - have you posted in any of these? http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=28

I do think in order to meet people and make friends you have to put yourself out there. Going to one society event, declaring them cliquey and then saying you have begun to hate people is not conducive to forging lots of friendships.

Dust yourself off and start again.

ongarboy

Sorry to hear that, OP. Are there class mates or house/room mates that you could potentially hang out with? Sometimes, if there are group assignments or paired tasks, that can often be the time to get to know people as you have to work fairly closely with other students on such projects. Some of those connections can gradually turn into friendships However if you put up a boundary around you, it can be hard. It's harder when you are subconsciously doing it but not aware of it.

Is there a class rep that organises class nights out or outings (used to be done in my day). They were a great way of meeting new people from the class and the reps usually try to make sure the whole class is involved or accommodate anyone who is interested. Even if you had no one to go with, you'd still be entitled to be at one of those functions as a member of the class, have someone to sit with on the bus if a bus is hired to go to the outing, all scenarios conducive to meeting and friending new people. You do have to put yourself out there and step out of your comfort zone. It won't come to you. Yes, it's a bit harder if you are not into the big booze ups but I've had tee totaller friends who came to these things and enjoyed it just as much.

December2012

Firstly, stop hating people because they are good at something you have a problem with.

Societies in college may give the appearance of being clique-y, but they ARE supposed to be a group for like minded people to enjoy similar activities and hobbies.

They're not usually exclusive or excluding.

Your post comes across as looking down on others and as if you're distancing yourself from them (presumably as a defensive technique). Lose that. Soften.

Go easy on your peers and on yourself.

If you're in one of the big universities there must be some clubs that you're interested in? Or vaguely interested in enough to make acquaintances?

Plenty with no drinking too if that's not you're thing.

Look at the fora here for your university.

You have to get better at putting yourself out there and exploring the world you are in.

It doesn't come to anybody - we all have to go look for it.