Need help to change my life

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm a 19 year old lad (just 19) and basically my life isn't what I want it to be. I live at home with my parents (Nearly finished school). I don't go out and my circle of friends is VERY small. I do like my friends but I feel like I haven't that much in common with them and that I am just glad to have anybody.

Every weekend brings facebook pictures and videos of people I see everyday having a class time while I'm there watching some mundane drivel on TV.

My Dad has depression that gets very bad and my mom has admitted the only reason she is still married is because a divorce costs too much money. I don't really want to give too much away but basically they both have very sad and lonely lives. I'm so scared this is going to happen to me.

Because of living in this environment for practically all of my life I am now regarded as quite and shy. I have got more confident recently though.

I can't help but feel I am missing out on so much and this is making me feel so bad. I honestly have never gone out properly. The amount of 18's that I saw other people going to just intensified my feelings of loneliness. 5 people said Happy Birthday to me when I turned 18. I feel invisible.

How can I change my life around asap. I really want to be like everyone else and go out and have fun like they do. I feel like such a sad case.

Ave Sodalis

By school, I'm going to assume you mean secondary school? In which case, are you considering going to college? With regard to the social thing, I was similar. I didn't really have birthday parties because no one would show up, I was invisible too. I never went out (mainly because I didnt want to) and the two "friends" I had were horrid to me. I had very little confidence. Then I went to college, where I started over. I became exactly who I wanted to be, met some great people and I'm having a blast. It has genuinely been one of the best, most self developing experiences of my life. With your problem regarding your parents, moving out will help (again, going to college). You're not them so that doesn't mean you will end up like them. You are aware of what to avoid and that, in itself, is a huge help. Just keep in mind that you are in charge of how your life turns out and you're 19. You've loads of time to change it. Really, finishing school is only the start of your life. You decide where it goes from there. If you're stuck in trying to decide, you can always talk to a councillor who can help.

Stavro Mueller

Even if college isn't in your plans, your life's going to change dramatically anyway. You'll be meeting new people if you start a job or an apprenticeship. I lost touch with most of my old classmates pretty much straight away after I left school and I've survived very nicely without them. I'm sure they'd say the same When I started at college I didn't know a person in the place and I was a shy youngster who'd barely been away from my family ever. It was the best thing that happened to me because I had no choice but to start talking to people so that I'd make friends.

Don't be comparing your life to Facebook. People filter what they put on there. You're never going to read updates about the row someone had with their mum or that they spent the afternoon washing the windows. You can't even say for sure that all those people who're out socialising are having the rip-roaringly good time they claim to be having.

It's sad that your parent's marriage has turned out like this but there's no reason why this'll happen to you too. You're their son but you're a person in your own right. You know what it's like and what to avoid.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here.

Sorry I should of clarified, It is Secondary.

I have had so many traumatic experiences over my life because of my dad's depression and I feel this has impacted on my life but I'm not sure if it is the cause of me feeling lonely and invisible.

I do hope to attend college next year if I get the points and pass maths. I really hope things get better!

I am grateful for the replies!

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. The description of your life isn't a million miles away from my own at that age. If I had known then how the rest of my life would turn out (so far - I am now in my late thirties!) I wouldn't have been half as depressed about my life.

After leaving secondary I went to college, left all my school 'friends' behind, and had a total ball there. Then travelled a bit. Had a few dodgy years due to parent's depression in late twenties... But then finally moved out of home and got my own place.

I am now very contented and have enough good friends to keep me going. They have provided a listening ear anytime I needed to vent about the difficulty of takiing care of a depressed person. I now have a wonderful partner too who supports me in everything I do.

Keep a watchful eye on your finances so you can move out of home as soon as possible. I know this may not be possible in the next few years but once you have the money together just go. Don't forget to keep visiting your parents but just don't live with them.

As regards college, you may go there knowing nobody. But so will so many others. Introduce yourself to whoever is sitting next to you in class. You will probably find out they are trying to meet people too. Go to events that are on in college too. You never know who you might meet!

You have no idea what wonderful things are ahead of you...

TimeToShine

Try and move out for college.

Also stop looking at facebook and feeling bad, it's the equivalent of looking at the highlights reel from everybody else's life and comparing it to your behind the scenes.

December2012

The great thing about college is you meet people who are similarly motivated to you.

I didn't have many friends in secondary school, I flourished when I left though. Met some great friends, eventually met a great guy, went to college, had a great career and now a family.

You could contact Aware and see if there's a group near you for people whose relatives have depression. Www.aware.ie

cynicalcough

I feel for you, though I didn't have a bad homelife I definitely felt a bit 'trapped in myself' at your age. With regards to being shy and not making friends easily, that's often part of being your age. I'm a million times more confident now (ten years on).

Also remember that Facebook is not a real picture, it's a highlights reel and everyone has dark times and low times and times they feel not good enough and they just don't post a status about it. The nature of the Facebook beast is to present yourself in a flattering light.

My advice is hang in there, head down for a few months and focus on your exams and hopefully they will open a lot doors for you. Not everyone loves the secondary school thing but hang in there because things are going to change for you very soon.

LegacyUser

i am also 19th, with very few friends and i dont go much places, life is so boring.
go to college and make new friends and do more activities

Mahogany

I'm on the same wavelength as you pal, have mates but don't really connect with them as such.

Go to college, be yourself and it should fall into place quite nicely, also join as many clubs and societies as you can when you're in there. Don't come on too strong at first no matter how tempting it is.