Tough times

LegacyUser

Hi there,
first time posting in this forum or just need to share more than advice I suppose, although I of course will take on any helpful advice users can give.

Married man in my late 30's to a wonderful lady. Last few years, since we got married 4 years ago have been very tough; all matters outside our control but all big events. I'll summarise to keep people reading!
* Just prior to wedding my wife's mother died(2 months). Long term illness. I supported as best I could
* Within in a year my elderly father died suddenly.(I found that incredibly hard and still do; my wife was brilliant around me and still is)
* Before my Dad died we had tried, with no luck to start a family
* We have had 3 failed IVF cycles since, including miscarriage. If people reading haven't been through it, it is a horrible all consuming limbo and very different for both partners
* In getting ready for 4th cycle, on a routine scan very early cancer was diagnosed in my wife. TBH we are still in shock stage. Medics very sure it can be dealt with but it is very hard to get our heads around it. Cancer isn't something you plan for I suppose.
* Suppose the reason I'm here is, I'm by nature very private and have only told two members of a large family about IVF's(it is a hard subject to discuss openly with other people even close friends and family) and thought anonymous telling might help to get my head around things

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any advice

Tokyo

Hi OP,

My condolences on your recent losses. and for what it's worth, I'm glad that you decided to reach out here - even if it's just for a place to vent.

While most people here have had to deal with problems in their lives, having so much happen in such a short space of time must be very overwhelming - and a humbling reminder that no matter how hard I think I've had it in life, there's always somebody with far more on their plate. I can only presume that the cancer diagnosis is the latest of a long line of hardships that you have had to deal with. All I can say is to take comfort that it was caught so early - the fact that the doctors are so optimistic that it can be dealt with is a very good sign.

Have you and your wife considered seeing a counsellor through all of this? I would imagine that the hospital have recommended counselling services. I know that counselling sometimes gets bandied about as a one stop fix for everything, but considering everything you and your partner have been through recently, seeing one in private may help. I appreciate that you are a private person, but anything you say will be discussed in the strictest confidence.

Merkin

OMG you poor old sausage, if I could hug you I would. You poor things have certainly been through the runner of late haven't you? It must seem so much worse too because there has been such an unfortunate sequence of losses in your lives.

There's not much really I can say bar wishing you and your wife well. It is good news that the cancer has been caught very early and the prognosis is good.I personally find knowledge is power and I'd read up a little on the type of cancer, treatment involved and what to expect so you can be as informed as possible. It might also be worth attending counselling if you both feel you would benefit from it. There is no reason at all why your lovely wife can't beat this and then go on to have healthy and full term pregnancies so do please try and stay positive. Do also please open up to a couple of people close to you, talking to people who care really is cathartic.

Sending you love and positive vibes for positive outcomes for you both xx