How to help a parent who is depressed?

Dazzler88

As the title suggests my Dad has recently admitted that he is suffering from depression and I do not know what to do. Firstly let me give you a bit of background information on his situation.

My Dad is a self employed farmer who lives in rural Ireland, he is 50 years of age. He has a very physically demanding job and makes very little money, he is in no way well off financially and has struggled financially all of his adult life. He spends most of his days working alone in isolated regions.

He is married 30 years this year and to say his relationship with Mum was smooth would be an understatement. When they got married his parents disapproved of their relationship, for the first 3/4 years of their marriage, his parents tried to split them up but failed to do so. This caused a huge row between my parents and my father's parents. That was 26 years ago and my parents have not spoke to his parents since. None of Dad's brothers or sisters has spoken to him since. We all live in a small area, so you can imagine this was difficult.

My Mum always seemed to blame Dad from then on when anything wasn't going great in life. When we were kids, she would constantly row with Dad and abuse him verbally on a daily basis. I think a lot of the reason Mum did this was because she was not in a great mental state herself, her mother drank a lot when she was a child and would regularly beat her, something my Mum to this day has never addressed.

So to cut a long story short, my Dad has visited his GP and has asked for counselling but that was over 2 weeks ago and he has still heard nothing back. I have spoken with Dad and his main issues are:

• he resents Mum for the verbal abuse she gave him in the last 30 years
• he feels that nobody likes him locally, as a lot of local people took his fathers side when the row happened all them years ago
• one other thing that is bothering him, when he was 8 years old, he lost his best friend in a fishing accident, Dad was suppose to go fishing with his friend that day but wasn't allowed as there was work on the farm at home to be done. He never spoke about this for years but now feels that if he went he could have saved his friend. who sadly drowned.

If anyone out there can help with advice, I would greatly appreciate it? Sorry if I ranted on there a bit but thought it was best to tell the full story.

December2012

Follow up with the counselling service.

And for now, be there and listen.

Dazzler88

December2012 wrote: »

Follow up with the counselling service.

And for now, be there and listen.

That's what is worrying me at the moment, he has contacted the his GP twice to see if he can get an appointment for counselling but still nothing. I think the HSE in this country are very slow to respond to people who come to them looking for help when dealing with Mental Health problems.

kiffer

We are pretty awful in Ireland when it comes to mental health issues, at least until you actually get to see someone.
It might be an idea to get the phone book, find a therapist near you (near may be ambitious in a rural area...) see if you can come to some sort of financial arrangement. You might have to try a few but you might find one that can see him on a "what you can afford" basis.

Also, sounds like your mother should also be talking to someone.

Dazzler88

kiffer wrote: »

We are pretty awful in Ireland when it comes to mental health issues, at least until you actually get to see someone.
It might be an idea to get the phone book, find a therapist near you (near may be ambitious in a rural area...) see if you can come to some sort of financial arrangement. You might have to try a few but you might find one that can see him on a "what you can afford" basis.

Also, sounds like your mother should also be talking to someone.

I never thought of that, I will look someone up and see if we can get them on that sort of a basis. My Mum definitely needs to see someone and has for the last 20 years but point blank refuses to, she seems to see it as a weakness if you talk to someone about your problems.

I think its a huge problem in Irish society, when our car is running bad we take it to the garage, it should be the same when your feeling overwhelmed.

Red Fred

Have a look here:

http://www.irish-counselling.ie

You can search by area and type of service required. As said above some counsellors may come to an arrangement re rates or payments depending on financial circumstances. Hope this helps.

Dazzler88

Red Fred wrote: »

Have a look here:

http://www.irish-counselling.ie

You can search by area and type of service required. As said above some counsellors may come to an arrangement re rates or payments depending on financial circumstances. Hope this helps.

That's a great help, I will definitely pass them details onto my Dad.