work night kiss

LegacyUser

Goin unreg for this as friends use the site.

Apologies for the length of the post I am trying to give the issue some context.

Was at a work do Friday night, just our team and the Team Leader (T/L). Was good craic and we were having a few drinks, everyone was in good form being a Friday night. Myself and my T/L are of both in our late 20's when everyone else is 21 or 22 and late then 30's. We're both in the company a few years but I only moved into her department a 3 weeks ago so don't know her all that well.

The numbers dwindled as the night went on and we decided to make tracks. Myself, herself and one of the girls hopped in a taxi together and headed to her (T/L's) gaf for a couple night caps as it was still only about midnight. The other girl that came with us fell asleep on one of the sofas and I decided to head on home as it was now late. My T/L walked me to the door and when I was standing there we ended up kissing (proper kiss kiss not a peck on the cheek kiss).

One of the lads in work got chatting to me on facebook yesterday and made a joke that myself and the boss were very pally. I joked it off and it was this point I found out she wasn't single, when he said how lucky her boyfriend is as she's "savage looking". I made a joke and told him I was off out and left it at that.

Ever since then I've felt guilty as hell and I am dreading work tomorrow. The thought that
1. the other girl that was with us may know what happened,
2. that it was my boss I kissed
3. more-so that I know she is not single (I am single btw).

I know I didn't know she was spoken for before we kissed but I can't help feel the guilt all the same.

Am I a total assh0le for kissing her? Can anyone offer me any advice on how to handle things going forward.

(For the record this is also the first time I have been with a work colleague in this capacity)

Tokyo

Hey OP,

we could jump all over you here for various reasons, kissing your boss of all people, kissing someone in a relationship, and I'm sure you're dwelling on it somewhat yourself. But what's done is done and the only thing to really do now is move forward with the least impact on anyone involved. You weren't a total asshole for kissing her - but what you do from here on in, armed with the knowledge you now have, will dictate whether you are an asshole or not.

To be honest if I were in your shoes, I'd keep my head down and pretend it never happened. It was a work outing, and it wouldn't be the first time that something happened at a work do that people woke up the morning after and just wanted to pretend that events of the night before never happened. As it stands, your boss has a lot more to lose than you do in terms of her standing at work, and her relationship at home, and will more than likely be happy to ignore that it happened too. If she does try to act on it again, then you may need to take a stand and tell her that you are aware that she is in a relationship, and you don't want to be involved.

If people are commenting about you both being pally (even not knowing about the kiss), then it stands to reason that you are attracted to her and it's showing, so it might be the wake up call you need to take a step back and keep things professional, considering that she's your boss, and particularly now that you know that she is in a relationship.

LegacyUser

Had I of known she was in a relationship I definitely would NOT have allowed the kiss to happen. I'm not built that way. She is a good looking girl as are a few of the women i work with and I socialise with them outside work and I would be pally with them too but its just a social thing not a romantic or attraction thing.

I hold my hands up and say I was stupid to kiss my boss and that I (on that alone) shouldn't have let it happen. I'm just worried on how or will this negatively impact me in work and also feel guilty for kissing someone who is in a relationship.

Tokyo

Regarding kissing somebody in a relationship, considering that you didn't have all the facts and assumed that she was single, I wouldn't beat myself up over it if I were you. The responsibility fro that fell on her that night. However, if you were to continue this, of course it would be a problem.

And as it stands, there's no reason to think that this will affect your work life - I would imagine that it'll be a case of what happened on the night, stays on the night. IF for some reason that it did, there are courses of action you can take with HR about it, but to be honest your boss has far more reason to hope that this just goes away than you do. Chances are she's sitting at home right now hoping to all she holds dear that you haven't told anybody.

iusedtoknow

aside from kissing your boss, you did nothing wrong (and that isn't in itself wrong, just ill-advised from your part and unprofessional from her side)

You didn't know she was in a relationship, probably both had a few drinks in you and the barriers came down. You didn't have all the details, and to be honest you still don't. You don't know her motivations behind the kiss (unhappy in the relationship, or maybe just drunk)

either way, keep your head down - don't tell anyone and it'll probably go away fairly soon. As for your co-workers noticing. I'd advise keeping everything professional in and out of the office. If you do go for drinks again, keep it professional. I personally don't drink - but even at afterwork happy hours, most people will keep it to a 2 or 3 drinks maximum before heading home.

Merkin

I seriously wouldn't worry about it and no point in beating yourself up about her having a boyfriend, you didn't know that.

Go in tomorrow, put your work hat on, business as usual and make no reference to it, it'll soon be forgotten.

Colser

I agree with the above replys OP..Worse part is heading into work in the morning..give it an hour and you will be fine if you both carry on as normal..One thing to remember is never to mention it to anyone as once you say it to one person(even a close work colleague) there is no doubt it will spread. It happens alot at work nights out which is why I rarely attend and drink very little if I do.

Time Now Please

Man, don't worry about, from what you said there was a lot of gargle consumed on the night, we all do things we regret when we are drunk, chalk it down to experience and move on.

Pawwed Rig

mike_ie wrote: »

we could jump all over you here for various reasons, kissing your boss of all people, kissing someone in a relationship, and I'm sure you're dwelling on it somewhat yourself. But what's done is done and the only thing to really do now is move forward with the least impact on anyone involved. You weren't a total asshole for kissing her - but what you do from here on in, armed with the knowledge you now have, will dictate whether you are an asshole or not.

I don't see how we could jump all over him as he did nothing at all wrong. It was his TL who is the asshole here. She is the one with the boyfriend and she is the one in the relative position of power in a professional sense. OP, both of you were unprofessional by letting things get to that stage but she is the one with the responsibility to ensure nothing happens. That said you should see how she reacts to you from here on in. If it starts to affect your professional life then you may need to involve HR.