What Should I Do??

Gman87

My girlfriend broke up with me recently we were going out for 15 months she said she loves me and is mad about me but she cant give me the time anymore,she's in her final year of college, and that I deserve someone better she also said she's loved me from the first time we started going out...I didn't tell her how I felt about her until she was breaking up with me.She text me a few days after making sure I was ok because she said she was struggling a bit I just text her back saying "I've been better but will be ok" ...That was 2 weeks ago there has been no contact since..I was just wondering what should I do? I was thinking of calling her but I just don't know, I love this girl to bits.

Penny Tration

She's broken up with you.

For both your sakes, it's time to cut contact. Neither of ye will move on if you're in contact.

It's hard, and painful, but you'll get through it mate.

Stavro Mueller

Gman87 wrote: »

My girlfriend broke up with me recently we were going out for 15 months she said she loves me and is mad about me but she cant give me the time anymore,she's in her final year of college, and that I deserve someone better she also said she's loved me from the first time we started going out...I didn't tell her how I felt about her until she was breaking up with me.She text me a few days after making sure I was ok because she said she was struggling a bit I just text her back saying "I've been better but will be ok" ...That was 2 weeks ago there has been no contact since..I was just wondering what should I do? I was thinking of calling her but I just don't know, I love this girl to bits.

When people break up they don't always tell the full truth. They'll say things to soften the blow. Unfortunately the blow-softening can give the dumped person false hope. As can messages asking are you ok?

Whether you want to hear this or not, your girlfriend had ended this relationship in her head before she ever got around to breaking up with you. She will have given this quite a bit of thought before saying anything. I don't doubt that she cares about you but she doesn't want to go out with you any more. Being busy in college is a convenient excuse for her to end things. Don't fall either for the "you're too good for me, someone better" line. They're some of the oldest clichés in the book.

The best thing for you to do now is cut contact with her. Yeah I know that's not what you want to hear but in the long term you'll be glad you did. Until you accept this is over you're going to stay trapped where you are.

blatantrereg

The college year ends in a few weeks. Taking things at face value, you might be distracting her too much from her studies. I wouldn't dismiss it as being an excuse to soften the blow, although it might well be that.

Simplest thing would be to see how you feel when her exams are over. If you still want to be with her then, get in touch.

Consider whether you have been distracting her from her study, when you might have been better to encourage her.

Gman87

She also said that she knows she going to regret her decision about breaking up with me but that I wouldn't be able to understand how she's feeling in her position at the moment. All that I basically wanted to know is whether I should call her to see how she's doing but would that do me more harm then good?

chefwes

Dude maybe I'm being a hopeless romantic but wait till her exams are done, if you really love this girl then wait if she still says no then you know you gave it your best shot.dont give up on her yet .

But don't smother her with contact either, just drop her message saying you just wanna touch base with her and make sure she's okay and if she needs anything your there to help her because seeing her succeed with her exams is important to you

ABajaninCork

No. Don't call!! If you're out with friends leave your phone at home so that there'll be no drunk-calling/texting.

I wouldn't be paying too much mind to what she says either. This girl sounds immature and will probably wreck your head as they say here. Actions speak louder than words. SHE finished with YOU. Doesn't matter what she says...

Don't call round, don't text, don't phone. Delete her number, email and facebook friend status. She's dumped you but is keeping you on a string of hope in case she regrets it.

If she really does come to regret it, she'll call you. Otherwise ask her to leave you space to move on. It's the only way.

Sadly I agree that she's been both softening the blow and still trying to look like a nice caring person. I'm sure she is, but you're still dumped.

Matteroffact

Gman87 wrote: »

My girlfriend broke up with me recently we were going out for 15 months she said she loves me and is mad about me but she cant give me the time anymore,she's in her final year of college, and that I deserve someone better she also said she's loved me from the first time we started going out...I didn't tell her how I felt about her until she was breaking up with me.She text me a few days after making sure I was ok because she said she was struggling a bit I just text her back saying "I've been better but will be ok" ...That was 2 weeks ago there has been no contact since..I was just wondering what should I do? I was thinking of calling her but I just don't know, I love this girl to bits.

It sounds to me like she was testing to see how you felt about her. If you had not told her in 15 months then I am not surprised that she got fed up. Anyway, just to ease your mind, why not send her a message and say that you wish her the best in her exams and that if she wants to get in touch when they are over you would like to hear from her. This way, you are letting her know that you care, but at the same time not chasing after her.

Dellnum

I would think that the study and exams are getting on top of her right now and she really doesn't have time to see you. I don't think this is the end though because why would she be telling you she loves you and is mad about you if she wanted to finish with you for good, she would be saying that she doesn't love you and there is no future in it. She contacted you to see if you were okay and that shows that she does care, so hang on in there until after the exams and my bet is that you two will be back together.

KatieIrl

Dellnum wrote: »

I would think that the study and exams are getting on top of her right now and she really doesn't have time to see you. I don't think this is the end though because why would she be telling you she loves you and is mad about you if she wanted to finish with you for good, she would be saying that she doesn't love you and there is no future in it. She contacted you to see if you were okay and that shows that she does care, so hang on in there until after the exams and my bet is that you two will be back together.

I can only speak for myself but I don't agree. I did a really tough degree course when I had a long-term boyfriend and it wouldn't have occurred to me to break up with him over the stress of my workload. If anything, I wanted him there more to take my mind off it. I'd never have risked breaking up with him over it. My thinking on it is the opposite....why would she finish with you if she loves you and is mad about you?! I personally think you should move on from her. I know it's easier said than done but you'll never move on while you're in contact with her in the hope she'll change her mind after her exams. Sorry to be so negative...I know what you're going through...it's rough.

December2012

If she loved you but didn't feel or know that you loved her because you never told her, then worry about the relationship probably was occupying too much of her headspace.

She's focusing on herself and her future right now, which is the right thing to do.

She has her reasons for breaking up with you, and they're valid to her.

I think she sounds quite mature actually.

She was also trying to let you down gently and kindly.

Get in touch after her exams, and if you do get back together, do things differently - tell her how you feel about her.

Gman87

thanks for all of ye're reply's I do regret not telling her how I felt before we broke up but it still didn't make a difference to her choice so I've come to the conclusion that I would be better off not contacting her and moving on.

rcarroll

Telling someone you love them just as your breaking up is a desperate move, doesnt sound genuine and is pointless...look you've lost a relationship.over not being able to tell her how you felt. Either because you didnt really love her or because as you say you just couldnt say it. Dont lose another relationship to the same thing. It's a big ask to expect someone to stay with you that long and be crazy in love wih you and for you not to show it in return. I'm not surprised your gf left. Learn to communicate how you feel- it's vital for a relationship and for your own mental health. Tell the people or show them that you love them

Gman87

Need ye'r advice again...I met her out for the first time during the weekend she came over and stood next to me while I was talking to friends she asked how I was and said to have a drink with her I said I was fine but she insisted that she'd get me a drink...we talked but I just felt weird around her and felt that she was getting too personal so I started talking to someone else and she left...I feel awful after this my head is literally all over the place.

ABajaninCork

Sounds like you did just fine, dude. Running into an ex for the first time after a break-up is always awkward. I think you handled yourself well - Don't worry about it and keep moving.

rcarroll

it's normal to feel a bit weird and down after meeting an ex, but from the sounds of your reaction, and that you haven't contacted her in six months, I'd say you're not interested in getting back together. Chalk it up to the normal ****ty feelings of a break up and try to forget about it

Matteroffact

She broke up with you. The exams have been over now for a few months and she has not contacted you. It is up to her to get in touch with you again if she wants to resume anything. You acted okay when you met her. Why would you be all over her if she was the one who broke up with you and she would understand this. If she is interested again she will find a way to get in touch with you. You don't have to do anything, just wait and see.

Gman87

The problem is though that I'm still mad about her...I've done the whole deleting her from Facebook her number etc but then after so many months that she still comes up to me and insists we have a drink together, I just don't understand it?!

kylith

Gman87 wrote: »

The problem is though that I'm still mad about her...I've done the whole deleting her from Facebook her number etc but then after so many months that she still comes up to me and insists we have a drink together, I just don't understand it?!

Tell that that you can't have a drink with her because she has broken up with you and it is too hard for you. Honestly, it's very cruel of her to insist that ye drink together, it's playing with your emotions and would make me suspect that she's keeping you on the back burner for if she's stuck at a later date, or she's patting herself on back for 'being great friends with her ex'. I'd suggest talking to her and telling her that you want to either be a couple or for her to leave you alone. Either that or change where you drink so you don't run into her.

skallywag

Gman87 wrote: »

...she still comes up to me and insists we have a drink together, I just don't understand it?!

She may be trying to ease some guilt which she is still carrying herself over the breakup, and carries an image in her head of you two being friends. It rarely works out though, at least not until a lot of water has passed under the bridge.

Gman87

I think what I'm trying to ask is is she still interested or was she just being friendly but I just had this feeling talking to her that something was going to happen or is this what "dumpee's" always feel?!

Stavro Mueller

I don't think anyone can answer that for sure. Maybe she regrets what she did and was testing the waters.

lazybones32

Do you still have feelings for her?

Sounds like she was just being friendly but it's obviously triggered something in you.

Gman87

Yes after meeting her I know I'm still not over her and still have feelings for her but as I've said I don't understand why she came up to me. I thought she would have known that when we broke up that it would be my choice whether I want to talk to her or ever be friends with her again.

Gman87

Yes after meeting her I know I'm still not over her and still have feelings for her but as I've said I don't understand why she came up to me. I thought she would have known that when we broke up that it would be my choice whether I want to talk to her or ever be friends with her again.

Stavro Mueller

Gman87 wrote: »

Yes after meeting her I know I'm still not over her and still have feelings for her but as I've said I don't understand why she came up to me. I thought she would have known that when we broke up that it would be my choice whether I want to talk to her or ever be friends with her again.

My guess is that either

• She's over you and was just being friendly. Some people like the idea of staying friends with their exes

• She still has feelings for you and was testing the waters

Gman87

The thing is though that I have given her no sign that I want to be friends with her since we broke up and seeing as she broke up with me that it would be me who decides whether to be friends or not if anyone can understand what I'm trying to explain. I think I feel bad because I basically ignored her and didn't talk to her.

ABajaninCork

Don't feel bad about not speaking to her. She gave you the sack -remember?

Stavro Mueller

Gman87 wrote: »

The thing is though that I have given her no sign that I want to be friends with her since we broke up and seeing as she broke up with me that it would be me who decides whether to be friends or not if anyone can understand what I'm trying to explain. I think I feel bad because I basically ignored her and didn't talk to her.

As far as I'm aware, that isn't written in stone anywhere. From your ex's point of view she's over the relationship. She probably was before she even said a word to you. She's no doubt assuming that you've moved on as well. All water under the bridge now, everyone's happy, you can be friends now, yadda yadda. If things still weren't so raw for you, it wouldn't have been such a big deal.

While you can't rule out the theory that she was sniffing around trying to see if she could reignite the relationship, it's more likely that she was just being friendly and perhaps a bit nosey. In the circumstances you handled it well. You owe her nothing and the cool reception she got will have her thinking twice before she approaches you again.

Gman87

I may seem a bit annoying the way i keep going on about it but I've felt bad the last few days the way I handled the situation with her, I just didn't expect her to come to me and ask to have a drink. A few people have said that I need to talk to her just to even let her know that friendship isn't an option right now does anyone think that's a good idea?

ABajaninCork

No.

CaraMay

No

No talking at all

Stavro Mueller

Gman87 wrote: »

I may seem a bit annoying the way i keep going on about it but I've felt bad the last few days the way I handled the situation with her, I just didn't expect her to come to me and ask to have a drink. A few people have said that I need to talk to her just to even let her know that friendship isn't an option right now does anyone think that's a good idea?

I don't think she'll be coming back to talk to you again. After all, you did have an awkward conversation, you wouldn't have a drink with her and you then turned to talk to someone else. If she didn't get the message after that, she's pretty clueless.

You've got to ask yourself what's your true motivation for contacting her? Is it actually to tell her to stay away or to suss her out? If it's to tell her to stay away, then don't bother. You're creating a little bit of drama for yourself and I'm not sure you'll feel any better for it at a the end. Should you happen to meet her again when you're out and she starts into the same thing again, simply tell her that you're not interested in being friends and leave it at that. I'm no great believer in exes staying friends anyway unless both people are singing off the same hymnsheet. This clearly isn't the case here and let's face it, I doubt you'll ever want to be just her friend.

Gman87

Ya I think I basically want to suss her out and see where she was coming from in coming up to me and yes I do still have feelings for her but I wouldn't want to get hurt from her again and that's why I basically ignored her.

Gman87

Ya I think I basically want to suss her out and see where she was coming from in coming up to me and yes I do still have feelings for her but I wouldn't want to get hurt from her again and that's why I basically ignored her.

Gman87

Really appreciate all of the replies thanks again.

Matteroffact

Gman87 wrote: »

Ya I think I basically want to suss her out and see where she was coming from in coming up to me and yes I do still have feelings for her but I wouldn't want to get hurt from her again and that's why I basically ignored her.

This is the scenario. She probably still likes you but whether she is interested in picking up where you left off is hard to know. There are only two ways to look at it. She either just wants to boost her ego by wanting to find out if you are still interested or she wants to rekindle the relationship. My gut instinct is that if she wants to rekindle things then she knows exactly how to do this and relying on just bumping into you and seeing how you react to her is not something she can rely on for her getting you back. If she wanted you back then she will either text you or send you a message but you can bank on it that she knows what to do, so if there is no further contact from her then just forget about her. However, should you bump into her again then just have a chat with her and don't turn your back on her. If you would really like to know how she feels then you could organize to "bump into her" again and this time show a bit more of an interest. Don't worry, all is not lost .........just yet.