Single parent cohabiting threat from welfare

ShowMeTheCash

Long story short:

Little over a year ago I started dating a girl back home (Donegal) but I work in Dublin, I usually get back home most weekends.

The relationship got serious when we found out we were to have a baby.
Not planned but the single best thing I have ever helped make!

Recently she has been called in as she is in receipt of single mother allownce.. She had a child from a previous relationship.

So the status is this we are in a relationship albeit I only see her and baby at the weekends, she has her own house (rents) as do I (rent in dublin, own in donegal)...

The welfare officer is looking to cut her dole stating we are cohabiting... Even though he knows I work away... But if I stay in her house even 1 day thats enough....

My understanding around this matter is that until we are livign together she is still very much independent of me.

Our relationship is stressed enough at the moment without the threat of my gf having to depend on me (Not that she cannot) more that she does not want to nor should have to yet!

Any advice around this matter would be helpful...

ShaShaBear

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Long story short:

Little over a year ago I started dating a girl back home (Donegal) but I work in Dublin, I usually get back home most weekends.

The relationship got serious when we found out we were to have a baby.
Not planned but the single best thing I have ever helped make!

Recently she has been called in as she is in receipt of single mother allownce.. She had a child from a previous relationship.

So the status is this we are in a relationship albeit I only see her and baby at the weekends, she has her own house (rents) as do I (rent in dublin, own in donegal)...

The welfare officer is looking to cut her dole stating we are cohabiting... Even though he knows I work away... But if I stay in her house even 1 day thats enough....

My understanding around this matter is that until we are livign together she is still very much independent of me.

Our relationship is stressed enough at the moment without the threat of my gf having to depend on me (Not that she cannot) more that she does not want to nor should have to yet!

Any advice around this matter would be helpful...

The thing is, with a lot of the officials involved, she is not a "One-Parent Family" as she is in a relationship with the father of one of her children. You staying in her house overnight at all lends credence to the fact that she is not raising the child alone without the aid of the second parent, and there is the possibility that you could stay more often.

Plenty of husbands (and wives) work away during the week and only come home at the weekend, it doesn't suddenly make them single.

donegal11

here the link to cohabitation on social welfare and the main thing seems to be a couple living together. But do you think it's right for you to have a house in donegal yet expect the state to pay presumably rent supplement for her and your baby? nevermind lone parent and child increases.

ShowMeTheCash

What does she have no say in this at all?
You had a child to the guy so now you need move in with him?

Yes I have a house but my girlfriend is her own person, I cannot force her to live with me.

Maybe I am to liberal but I simply asked her what she wanted to do....
Her and her daugher have been in that house for a few years it's near her family....

Plenty of husbands (and wives) work away during the week and only come home at the weekend, it doesn't suddenly make them single.

Well done on stating the obvious but we are not married, in a relationship yes but there is no third option, its married or single??

ShaShaBear

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

What does she have no say in this at all?
You had a child to the guy so now you need move in with him?

Yes I have a house but my girlfriend is her own person, I cannot force her to live with me.

Maybe I am to liberal but I simply asked her what she wanted to do....
Her and her daugher have been in that house for a few years it's near her family....

Plenty of husbands (and wives) work away during the week and only come home at the weekend, it doesn't suddenly make them single.

Well done on stating the obvious but we are not married, in a relationship yes but there is no third option, its married or single??

I am stating that in the eyes of welfare, just because you work away during the week does not make your girlfriend a single parent. She is not a single parent - she is in a relationship with you and you are the father of her child. No-one said anything about you having to move in with her, but she would need to be able to prove beyond all doubt that you do not cohabit with her. And they do call out randomly to check these things.
The hint is really in the name of the claim as I already said. It is for a one-parent family, she isn't if you are spending the weekend with her and are still in a relationship with her. Of course they are going to assume (until proven otherwise) that you are, or may be, cohabiting. As I said, plenty of married people work and live away for weeks or months at a time, but they are still classed as married and living with their partner. So you simply stating that you work in Dublin and rent there during the week is hardly sufficient evidence to suggest that she is raising this child alone.

ShowMeTheCash

@ donegall11

I already read that, there is a lot of wishy washing nonsence on that page... The whole trying to establish things about the relationship etc.. etc.. etc.. But the last part states

"It would be necessary to establish co-residence - that the couple actually or normally reside at the same address - and that some of the other elements are also present."

So the relationship is secondary to the residing at the same address.

ShowMeTheCash

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I am stating that in the eyes of welfare, just because you work away during the week does not make your girlfriend a single parent. She is not a single parent - she is in a relationship with you and you are the father of her child. No-one said anything about you having to move in with her, but she would need to be able to prove beyond all doubt that you do not cohabit with her. And they do call out randomly to check these things.
The hint is really in the name of the claim as I already said. It is for a one-parent family, she isn't if you are spending the weekend with her and are still in a relationship with her. Of course they are going to assume (until proven otherwise) that you are, or may be, cohabiting. As I said, plenty of married people work and live away for weeks or months at a time, but they are still classed as married and living with their partner. So you simply stating that you work in Dublin and rent there during the week is hardly sufficient evidence to suggest that she is raising this child alone.

It has nothing to do with raising the child alone, I can contribute either way, it is to do with her and her ability to remain independent.
We are not married, married people share assets, my house would become her house, my money her money etc.. etc.. Telling me what married people do is a moot point...

I simply do not rent in Dublin, I pay a mortgage in Donegal, my home is 10 minutes for hers.

Unless we are renting a second home just for the craic!

There seems to be an automatic assumption that because we had a child we now live together.

ShaShaBear

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

It has nothing to do with raising the child alone, I can contribute either way, it is to do with her and her ability to remain independent.
We are not married, married people share assets, my house would become her house, my money her money etc.. etc.. Telling me what married people do is a moot point...

I simply do not rent in Dublin, I pay a mortgage in Donegal, my home is 10 minutes for hers.

Unless we are renting a second home just for the craic!

There seems to be an automatic assumption that because we had a child we now live together.

I am not telling you what married people do for the craic, I am trying to explain that in the eyes of social welfare attempting to squash down fraud, the fact that you work in Dublin is not indication of her raising the child alone.
Which is what the One-Parent Family Payment is for.
It is intended to help support single parents who are alone in raising their child and need assistance from the state. It is not directly intended to be given to women who want to remain "independant" of their partners. Her claim would be assessed on your earnings as you are a couple and SW would assume that as you are still romantically involved, that you are supporting her and your child with your wage, which means they do not need to support her to the same degree as they would someone who was not being helped by a partner.

sopretty

Presumably you contribute in some way financially? Has your girlfriend declared the amount of maintenance you pay her?

ShowMeTheCash

We came to an agreement on support and she declared it to the SW.

My gf has two children, her daughter as she is not my daughter means she will qualify for single parent assistance regardless.

ShaShaBear

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

We came to an agreement on support and she declared it to the SW.

My gf has two children, her daughter as she is not my daughter means she will qualify for single parent assistance regardless.

Is that what SW told you?
As far as I knew, it was the case that you were means tested if you were supported by a partner, no mention of whether or not the partner was the other parent.

Sue Ellen

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

We came to an agreement on support and she declared it to the SW.

My gf has two children, her daughter as she is not my daughter means she will qualify for single parent assistance regardless.

That is not how OPFP works. She can not be a single parent for one child and not the other. If you are co-parenting for one child then she is not a single parent.

sopretty

Any maintenance paid is deducted from OPFP. That's for couples who are split up.
You're on dodgy ground there since ye're in a relationship. Effectively you are a couple.
It's a bit of a grey area I guess.
Sure if she's just honest with SW, then they'll figure out whether ye meet the criteria for cohabitation or not.

ShowMeTheCash

Technically we would need to be cohabiting, which we are not (Yet).
My only responsibility would be to support my child.
But yeah technically they would deduct the amount devided by the number of children against her means tested support.

I actually do not know what she gets, I think rent allowance.. and up to 30 euro per week per child.

ShaShaBear

sopretty wrote: »

Any maintenance paid is deducted from OPFP. That's for couples who are split up.
You're on dodgy ground there since ye're in a relationship. Effectively you are a couple.
It's a bit of a grey area I guess.
Sure if she's just honest with SW, then they'll figure out whether ye meet the criteria for cohabitation or not.

If they've come out to assess her as being eligible for OPFP, things like your laundry being there, or your toiletries would be sufficient for them to assume you stay on a relatively regular basis.

Basically, they do not need to prove that you live there. They just need to prove that you both meet a certain amount of conditions as a couple that would suggest cohabitation. As in on the SW page you were reading, things like financial dependance, shared custody of the child, household chores, personal effects in the house, occurrence of visitation and most obviously a current sexual relationship would all be enough for them to assume you cohabit. It is up to your girlfriend to prove that you do not, and as it actually states on their page, a partner working away for periods of time does not constitute as proof you do not cohabit.

ShowMeTheCash

Sue Ellen wrote: »

That is not how OPFP works. She can not be a single parent for one child and not the other. If you are co-parenting for one child then she is not a single parent.

We do not live together...

Look at what point does a single mother who starts dating stop becoming a single mother?
At what point do you say... Right you have dated this guy 6 months now so we are kicking you off the single parent.

ShaShaBear

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

We do not live together...

Look at what point does a single mother who starts dating stop becoming a single mother?
At what point do you say... Right you have dated this guy 6 months now so we are kicking you off the single parent.

When she has stopped being single, she stops being a single mother.

One Parent Family Payment is for parents who are not receiving support from a partner.
She is receiving support from you. You still see her, you still have relations with her, you still (presumably) help her look after your child and you still (presumably) help her with other things as part of being a couple.
This would mean she is not a single parent. It wouldn't matter if she had 40 other children to 40 other men besides you - the specifics of OPFP is that she is not being supported by a partner.

La Haine

"So the status is this we are in a relationship albeit I only see her and baby at the weekends, she has her own house (rents) as do I (rent in dublin, own in donegal)..."


Maybe FIS would be an option for you guys? As, clearly, Lone Parents allowance is out.

ShowMeTheCash

ShaShaBear wrote: »

If they've come out to assess her as being eligible for OPFP, things like your laundry being there, or your toiletries would be sufficient for them to assume you stay on a relatively regular basis.

I do not live there!!! They could get sherlock holmes in, nothing in the house is mine.

If they came to my house they might have a different take on it.

ShowMeTheCash

ShaShaBear wrote: »

When she has stopped being single, she stops being a single mother.

One Parent Family Payment is for parents who are not receiving support from a partner.
She is receiving support from you. You still see her, you still have relations with her, you still (presumably) help her look after your child and you still (presumably) help her with other things as part of being a couple.
This would mean she is not a single parent. It wouldn't matter if she had 40 other children to 40 other men besides you - the specifics of OPFP is that she is not being supported by a partner.

Look you are wrong...

In order for me to qualify has her "partner" I would need to be or have been one of the following:

Married
Civil Partnership
Cohabiting

That is, being her boyfrind or being in a relationship does not automatically make me her partner.

Look try and read beyond the first paragraph:

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/social_welfare_payments_to_families_and_children/one_parent_family_payment.html

ShowMeTheCash

La Haine wrote: »

"So the status is this we are in a relationship albeit I only see her and baby at the weekends, she has her own house (rents) as do I (rent in dublin, own in donegal)..."


Maybe FIS would be an option for you guys? As, clearly, Lone Parents allowance is out.

What is FIS?

KERSPLAT!

Jaysus will you stop being so hostile to people trying to help you with information.

KERSPLAT!

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

What is FIS?

Family Income Supplement

January

If you do not live with her then she can still claim OPFP but she does have to declare any money you give her to the social welfare.

It's a grey area and the social welfare could try and bully her off the payment but unless you actually live together she can still be in a relationship with you and claim OPFP.

ShowMeTheCash

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Jaysus will you stop being so hostile to people trying to help you with information.

Apologies

But the information is not correct...

Granted I think the SW deliberatly make it gray!

sopretty

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Look you are wrong...

In order for me to qualify has her "partner" I would need to be or have been one of the following:

Married
Civil Partnership
Cohabiting

That is, being her boyfrind or being in a relationship does not automatically make me her partner.

Look try and read beyond the first paragraph:

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/social_welfare_payments_to_families_and_children/one_parent_family_payment.html

Well then sure ye have nothing to worry about! Just show them your link and tell them to read beyond the first paragraph. Sorted!

ShaShaBear

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Look you are wrong...

In order for me to qualify has her "partner" I would need to be or have been one of the following:

Married
Civil Partnership
Cohabiting

That is, being her boyfrind or being in a relationship does not automatically make me her partner.

Look try and read beyond the first paragraph:

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/social_welfare_payments_to_families_and_children/one_parent_family_payment.html

You are the supporting father of her child. More than simply someone she is dating. You need to get that into your head. If you read my posts again you will see that they add together several conditions to decide if someone is cohabiting and in your case they have clearly come to that conclusion. It is up to your partner to prove otherwise and your working arrangements are not sufficient for social welfare.

ShowMeTheCash

sopretty wrote: »

Well then sure ye have nothing to worry about! Just show them your link and tell them to read beyond the first paragraph. Sorted!

The dole guy from what I am told is like the Gestapo!
This little interview has left her so that she does not want me to call to the house at all, worried that someone would land and find me there having tea!

sopretty

It's worth noting that somebody has probably reported you both. A neighbour probably.

ShowMeTheCash

ShaShaBear wrote: »

You are the supporting father of her child. More than simply someone she is dating. You need to get that into your head. If you read my posts again you will see that they add together several conditions to decide if someone is cohabiting and in your case they have clearly come to that conclusion. It is up to your partner to prove otherwise and your working arrangements are not sufficient for social welfare.

I do not need to get anything into my head.
Being a supporting father does not in anyway support cohabitation.
So if her daughters father is supporting his child perhaps we are all living together then...
Usually to come to a conclustion two people are living together, firstly I think they would actually have to be living together.

Also they have not come to that conclusion, they basically gave a song and dance to see if she would admit to something (Probably common practise).

They in the end accepted her status but basically told her if she is lying they will find out.

KERSPLAT!

Do you plan on staying over again?

ShowMeTheCash

sopretty wrote: »

It's worth noting that somebody has probably reported you both. A neighbour probably.

Look I am not trying to pull a fast one here....

I work in Dublin I am up Sat and Sunday at best, I stay in my own house.
Yes I have stayed at her house before and will probably stay again but I do not live there...

We are now saying, I cannot visited her home at all, in fear of her losing her single parent allowance.

If we decide to move in together or if she wanted to move into my house then she can change her status with the SW but this is not the case.

ShaShaBear

Op, perhaps give your partner utility bills in your name for your primary addresses to show that ypu reside there, with utility bills in her name from her address to show that your name is not on it. Have her get a letter from her letting agent to state she is the only resident in the tenancy. Ensure that you do not share access to any bank accounts. Also be aware that staying in her house three nights a week could be deemed cohabitation regardless of how much of the day you spend there.

PLL

Old fashioned views from the SW. It doesn't matter if you live with her or not, as you are in a relationship and have a child with her you are expected to provide her. I'm not joking. I live with my partner (who works) and we have a child together and I asked about the schemes or support for myself. I was told that my other half is our provider now.

gizmo555

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

It has nothing to do with raising the child alone, I can contribute either way, it is to do with her and her ability to remain independent.

Or, to put it another way, her desire to remain dependent on the state so that she doesn't have to be dependent on you.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

PLL wrote: »

I live with my partner (who works) and we have a child together and I asked about the schemes or support for myself. I was told that my other half is our provider now.

And proper order. Just because you're not married doesn't mean your partner shouldn't provide for you. Its quite a modern view in my opinion.

I grew up in a house where my mother had no job but Dad was in the Army (which paid an absolute pittance back in the 1980s). She never got anything from the State, nor did she expect to. Its a slightly different situation to the OP, but my point is we were skint, but thats just the way it was. There was not FIS, no Community Welfare payments, nothing.

The sense of entitlement in this country is shocking.

OP, you're effectively in a relationship with the woman carrying your child, and you've indicated that you could support her, is that fair to say? So why should taxpayers have to carry the can?

Liberalbrehon

It's a ridiculous state of affairs for you and your girlfriend. If we had a system of basic income instead of welfare & its many rules that turn ordinary people into potential fraudsters, this would not be an issue for you or the many others in the same situation. So the law is the law, if you break it your are committing a crime. Many break it and try to get away with it. Tough choice. You only have three choices, marry the girl and commit to the relationship or date her from afar or break the law. Good luck with your new baby.

www.basicincomeireland.com

Nonoperational

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

What does she have no say in this at all?
You had a child to the guy so now you need move in with him?

Yes I have a house but my girlfriend is her own person, I cannot force her to live with me.

Maybe I am to liberal but I simply asked her what she wanted to do....
Her and her daugher have been in that house for a few years it's near her family....

Plenty of husbands (and wives) work away during the week and only come home at the weekend, it doesn't suddenly make them single.

Well done on stating the obvious but we are not married, in a relationship yes but there is no third option, its married or single??

You and her are of course free to do 100% whatever ye like. But when you're getting money from the state they can make the rules.

ShowMeTheCash

PLL wrote: »

Old fashioned views from the SW. It doesn't matter if you live with her or not, as you are in a relationship and have a child with her you are expected to provide her. I'm not joking. I live with my partner (who works) and we have a child together and I asked about the schemes or support for myself. I was told that my other half is our provider now.

Yes it does matter, having a child does not automatically throw the relationship into a place where the SW wipe there hands of it and say, let your bf support you now. As an individual she is allowed to decide.... You live with your bf, so if you broke up tomorrow you are saying you would not go the dole office and claim for you and your children?

ShowMeTheCash

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote: »

And proper order. Just because you're not married doesn't mean your partner shouldn't provide for you. Its quite a modern view in my opinion.

I grew up in a house where my mother had no job but Dad was in the Army (which paid an absolute pittance back in the 1980s). She never got anything from the State, nor did she expect to. Its a slightly different situation to the OP, but my point is we were skint, but thats just the way it was. There was not FIS, no Community Welfare payments, nothing.

The sense of entitlement in this country is shocking.

OP, you're effectively in a relationship with the woman carrying your child, and you've indicated that you could support her, is that fair to say? So why should taxpayers have to carry the can?

Because we live in a society that allows women to make up their own minds and perhaps make decisions, as stated before I cannot make her move in with me!

Sense of entitlement... Are you joking? This country is a joke and corrupt to the core...

The fact of the matter is, until we are living together she is entitled to it...
Essentially what is happening now is the SW are trying to bully her off it.

ShowMeTheCash

Nonoperational wrote: »

You and her are of course free to do 100% whatever ye like. But when you're getting money from the state they can make the rules.

They make the rules whether you are on benefit or paying tax... Doesn't matter everyone get shafted in the end!

kingchess

just wondering,what is the position of the sw if she got pregnant after a one night stand- and the father paying maintenance for the baby-would the sw insist that she is in a relationship??also is she not already getting paid all along when she had only the one child?

Tasden

kingchess wrote: »

just wondering,what is the position of the sw if she got pregnant after a one night stand- and the father paying maintenance for the baby-would the sw insist that she is in a relationship??also is she not already getting paid all along when she had only the one child?

No they wouldn't because she's not in a relationship with the ONS, she's receiving maintenance, two entirely separate things. If the ONS was staying over and was actively involved then it would raise questions and rightly so.

She probably was being paid opfp for her first child and the fact she then fell pregnant as a "single" parent they are now investigating the circumstances surrounding it, which is fair enough tbh especially if she's going to get an increase for the new baby.

Also, op you seem to think that the fact her first child isn't yours that it means shes always a single parent to that child. That isn't how it works, if ye were to live together that child would be considered part of the family unit, not separate to it.

ShowMeTheCash

Tasden wrote: »

No they wouldn't because she's not in a relationship with the ONS, she's receiving maintenance, two entirely separate things. If the ONS was staying over and was actively involved then it would raise questions and rightly so.

She probably was being paid opfp for her first child and the fact she then fell pregnant as a "single" parent they are now investigating the circumstances surrounding it, which is fair enough tbh especially if she's going to get an increase for the new baby.

Also, op you seem to think that the fact her first child isn't yours that it means shes always a single parent to that child. That isn't how it works, if ye were to live together that child would be considered part of the family unit, not separate to it.

The sw guy asked was she in a relationship with me, she answered yes.
He asked are we living together she said no.
Because we do not cohabit she still qualifies for single parent.

Now he is simply dubious about us not living together...
I was making the point that she has another child to think about, at the moment I only need to support my child. I was not sure at the beginning if the thread but someone posted a link that cleared that up for me.

I agree if we actually lived together it would be different...
But we don't, there has been a lot of ifs bad buts here about what people think and the interpretation of what "cohabitation" actually means...

kingchess

-what if he stays over on the weekend because that is the only way he can be with his baby but is not in a relationship with the mother,I am not trying to be funny but just curious-just because he stays in the house does not mean he is cohabiting??any more than if the father of the first child stayed over with his child??

Tasden

Cohabiting isn't the only factor to consider for opfp, its the main one. But if they feel that you are supporting her as a partner then they can consider her to no longer be a lone parent. Even despite the fact you aren't cohabiting. Its in the operational guidelines iirc, or else its in one of the SIs. It is a grey area but its not limited to cohabitation alone. You can be in a relationship and still receive opfp but if they feel she and the child/children are being supported by you then she won't qualify. She can always appeal seeing as its wishy washy but they can refuse the payment for many different reasons. And if they are dubious about whether you live with her or not then the burden of proof lies with you and her I'm afraid.

Tasden

kingchess wrote: »

-what if he stays over on the weekend because that is the only way he can be with his baby but is not in a relationship with the mother,I am not trying to be funny but just curious-just because he stays in the house does not mean he is cohabiting??any more than if the father of the first child stayed over with his child??

Again its a grey area, you're not trying to prove that you're not in a relationship, the payment is for parents that are raising a child without the support of the other parent. So if they feel that the mother received more support (financial or otherwise) than the usual maintenance and obligations of the father towards the child then they can refuse the payment based on the fact that she isn't parenting alone. Its not solely about the parent living alone.

if you have a child together and you are still in a relationship, then seems obvious that she is not a one parent family, right?
you are a two parent family, where you dont live with them but stay over occasionally.

what if my boyfriend and father of my child went to canada to work, we are still in a relationship, he comes home to visit every 3 months.
would that make me a one parent family?

just because you dont live together doesnt mean you are not a family.
you are supporting your child, which is right.

could your girlfriend not sign on?
she must be entitled to something else.

to be honest i think its a bit much of you or her to expect the state to support her.

Godge

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Yes it does matter, having a child does not automatically throw the relationship into a place where the SW wipe there hands of it and say, let your bf support you now. As an individual she is allowed to decide.... You live with your bf, so if you broke up tomorrow you are saying you would not go the dole office and claim for you and your children?

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Because we live in a society that allows women to make up their own minds and perhaps make decisions, as stated before I cannot make her move in with me!

Sense of entitlement... Are you joking? This country is a joke and corrupt to the core...

The fact of the matter is, until we are living together she is entitled to it...
Essentially what is happening now is the SW are trying to bully her off it.

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

The sw guy asked was she in a relationship with me, she answered yes.
He asked are we living together she said no.
Because we do not cohabit she still qualifies for single parent.

Now he is simply dubious about us not living together...
I was making the point that she has another child to think about, at the moment I only need to support my child. I was not sure at the beginning if the thread but someone posted a link that cleared that up for me.

I agree if we actually lived together it would be different...
But we don't, there has been a lot of ifs bad buts here about what people think and the interpretation of what "cohabitation" actually means...

She did make up her mind, she said she was in a relationship with you.

Now you and her need to make your mind up - are you in a relationship bringing up your child together? If yes, then the social welfare are right. If no, then what are you doing in a relationship? You have created a responsibility in a child, you need to face up to it.

If you are only supporting your child, then you shouldn't be going over there to stay, it is not doing the child any favours in the long run. I am absolutely amazed at the way you are ignoring the child in all of this.

Farmer Pudsey

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Because we live in a society that allows women to make up their own minds and perhaps make decisions, as stated before I cannot make her move in with me!

Sense of entitlement... Are you joking? This country is a joke and corrupt to the core...

The fact of the matter is, until we are living together she is entitled to it...
Essentially what is happening now is the SW are trying to bully her off it.

The dreaded words in this country entitled to. The real issue in this country is entitlement. You and your girlfriend has a choice she can move to Dublin to your house see how it works out and if you fail to get on she move back to Donegal and reclaim her OPFA. It is not unreasonable for the state to limit support and to have strict rules because believe it or not there are people out there that abuse the rules. I know this is hard to accept but it happens.

Look at it another way what is to stop another couple that are not married having 2-3 children, mother claims her entitlement, father earns a good wage stays over 1-2 nights a week calls 1-2 other days a week and helps out and maybe minds the kids at his bachelor pad when the mother of his children wants to go out with her friends or is going shopping.

But then nobody would do that.

kingchess wrote: »

-what if he stays over on the weekend because that is the only way he can be with his baby but is not in a relationship with the mother,I am not trying to be funny but just curious-just because he stays in the house does not mean he is cohabiting??any more than if the father of the first child stayed over with his child??

Cohabiting is living together you do not have to be sharing the same bedroom. Know a few people in that situtation.

bubblypop wrote: »

if you have a child together and you are still in a relationship, then seems obvious that she is not a one parent family, right?
you are a two parent family, where you dont live with them but stay over occasionally.

what if my boyfriend and father of my child went to canada to work, we are still in a relationship, he comes home to visit every 3 months.
would that make me a one parent family?

just because you dont live together doesnt mean you are not a family.
you are supporting your child, which is right.

could your girlfriend not sign on?
she must be entitled to something else.

to be honest i think its a bit much of you or her to expect the state to support her.

She more than likely could however it would more than likely entail the state paying out less money. She would still get what she was entitled to but a lot of people in that situation feel they are entitled to more. After all it is only tax payers money and they are entitled to it maybe though they have contributed nothing to the system over the years.

username123

PLL wrote: »

Old fashioned views from the SW. It doesn't matter if you live with her or not, as you are in a relationship and have a child with her you are expected to provide her. I'm not joking. I live with my partner (who works) and we have a child together and I asked about the schemes or support for myself. I was told that my other half is our provider now.

Why wouldn't your other half be the provider now? You both made a lifestyle choice to live together and have a baby. Why should taxpayers fund your lifestyle choices? You can't decide to be a family on the one hand but not a family on the other. If you don't want your other half to be the provider then get a job.

OP, who lives in the house in Donegal that you pay a mortgage on? Why can't your partner and child live there? Or move to a Dublin and stay in your rented place? You seem to want to maintain 3 different households and have the state partially fund that. You decided to make a family with this girl so now it's both your responsibilities to financially support the family.

I don't understand the nonsense you're talking about your partners independence. She isn't independent, she is dependent on the state, ie, the taxpayer.