How to avoid nervousness and shaky hands!?

LegacyUser

I have this issue that bothers me and I think I’ve had it all of my adult life and wondering if anyone has any tips on how to beat it. I frequently get tense and nervous around people in public or social settings when I’m doing the most mundane of things. It seems to happen if I feel there is an audience watching me as they stand behind me in the queue (eg if I’m counting out coins to give to a shop assistant, separating takeaway coffee cup lids to fit to my coffee cup, filling a bottle at the water cooler). I can feel my hands shaking and then it gets worse as I feel that people are watching me and thinking “Oh, what a nervous nelly!”. I feel bad after because I then think that they probably think very little of me that I’d be so nervous doing the most trivial of things. Logically, I should know that no-one really thinks that.. but it doesn’t help when it has been pointed out to me (see below).

It seems worse at work where I potentially know the other people who may be watching (even if they are just acquaintances). Even walking into a bar, I’m sometimes (not always, though) conscious of who might be watching me and think my eyes must be darting nervously around and people spot that I’m uncomfortable.

I’ve had two situations where complete strangers have come up to me in bars to ask me in a smirking tone as to why I’m so nervous. This affected me fairly badly but of course at the time, I tried to laugh it off and deny that I was. Why couldn’t I just have said to them “What’s it to you?” or “How is that a problem for you?” Of course, all it did was make me even more self-conscious about it. I have several other incidents of finding out that people have noticed I was nervous in various situations….even occasions when I thought I was actually relaxed… (either overhearing them saying my hands were shaking or that I was nervous, someone politely telling me by asking me out of concern was I ok, or me asking people did I come across nervous and they said yes). So I think it’s fair to say, it’s not all in my head.

As you can guess, I wouldn’t be the most confident person at the best of times and am generally on guard with people but not so much that it would stop me socialising or doing the things above that cause this situation. I would just like to hear some suggestions on how I can overcome this.

Ironically, I’ve been told when I do presentations at work and public speaking (I did a 15 minute best man speech once that was grand) that I come across very well, articulate and confident (even though I feel a bit nervous doing them too). I think it’s because I know it’s acceptable to be a little nervous in those situations that it ironically relaxes me.

bee06

I used to be like this in public as well ... Not so much shaking but super nervous and blushing at the drop of a hat. It gradually went away as I got more confident and I also kinda realised that no one cares what I'm doing because they're all too busy worrying about their own stuff (and everyone has stuff regardless of how confident they look). Just keep remembering that and recognise the small victories like the day when you're paying for something and you're less nervous than usual. The more these little victories happen the less other things will seem like a big deal. I hope that makes sense!

Chazz Michael Michaels

Do you drink much caffeine?