(Slightly) Embarrassing Situation

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I accidently walked in on top of my boyfriend’s friend/ housemate whilst he was… masturbating.

I couldn’t get to sleep so I went downstairs to get a drink and I didn’t realise or expect him to be down there, let alone to be doing what he was doing. The kitchen/ sitting room’s a bit of an odd place for that choice of activity in all fairness.

Anyway things have been really awkward since then (this happened nearly three and a half weeks ago). I thought maybe the awkwardness would have worn off by now. I never said anything to anyone about the incident and I acted completely normal around him ever since, but he just gets really uncomfortable in my presence. It’s getting a bit odd now since the two of us used to be quite friendly (the both of us are in the same course too) and mutual friends are starting to ask are we arguing etc.

The entire thing doesn’t faze me, I’m not going to say anything – I wouldn’t do that but he seems really embarrassed, which is to be expected I suppose. I did send him a text this Monday saying that there was no need to be embarrassed/ I wouldn't say anything etc, but he hasn’t gotten back. I wouldn't have brought it up but we have to be on talking terms - we have a presentation to prepare for with another friend of ours and it's due soon.

What should I do?

Tokyo

For a start, stop texting him to say that there's "no need to be embarrassed/ I wouldn't say anything" - that's only going to have the opposite effect. It's awkward, but it happens - just let him let his embarrassment run it's course and things should hopefully get back to normal.

Merkin

You sound lovely. There are plenty of people who would have ran with that particular topic and declared to all in sundry "YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT OMG LOLZ etc".

You've been mature and considerate and you just have to not give the issue any more thought now. You've explicitly told him that you won't say it to anyone so when he has finished his squirming I am sure everything will get back to normal. Just give it a bit more time.

retro:electro

I'd say that sending that text was the worst thing you could have done.. That probably would have made him feel more mortified than he was in the first place. Just try striking up casual conversation about the college work and don't mention anything about that incident to him again.

Emme

Sending a text wasn't the most tactful thing to do. Hindsight is great but I would have said nothing and pretended it didn't happen. Like when you get up at night to get a drink you can't remember anything anyway because you're half asleep.

It's too late for that so I'd just forget it and don't say anything to him again. Pretend it didn't happen.

Ham Sambo

Poor guy, listen try and have a quick word with him when you both are on your own in your house.

Emme

Ham Sambo wrote: »

Poor guy, listen try and have a quick word with him when you both are on your own in your house.

That will only make it worse! Keep reminding the poor guy she saw him in a compromising position!

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I'm like you and if something like that happens I always feel like "clearing the air" to relieve the tension/embarrassment so I prob would have sent a text too but I've learned people (men especially IME) get even more embarrassed if you bring up something, whereas as women I think we want to talk something out to move on! I think men find it easier to just brush something under the carpet and pretend it didn't happen..

Like the others said just give it some time. I would just start/persevere with talking to him as normal if I were you...start a conversation about something thats on tv or send a text asking him something about the project and don't worry if he doesn't respond, keep trying on and off, as like you said you will need to speak to do the project. Its like that notion "even if you just ACT confident then others will believe you are confident" so if you start to act as normal then chances are he will soon follow suit and then things will be normal once again!

Good luck

LegacyUser

oblivionM83 wrote: »

>>>>>I wouldn't have brought it up but we have to be on talking terms - we have a presentation to prepare for with another friend of ours and it's due soon. <<<<

What should I do?

Appreciate the replies guys, but have a read of the OP before you say texting him was a bad idea. Yes, it might have been but it was the best option out of a bad lot. I would have taken it to the grave with me, God almighty I'm not fazed at all. It's not like I walked in on him murdering someone. I do not care what he does in his spare time. *BUT* we have to be on speaking terms for this presentation which is due very soon. We need to practice. He won't talk to me face to face, so a text was the only way of contacting him. This is a part of my end of year mark, not something completely frivolous. I wouldn't have spoke of it ever again otherwise.

Thanks Merkin.

Merkin

I probably would have texted him as well, just to reassure him more than anything given that he's gone completely incommunicado on you.

You have now told him what you needed to tell him so it should just be business as usual from now. No need to ever bring it up again. How many people are involved in the presentation? If there are a few of you, simply get someone else to coordinate a practice session and make sure he turns up. If it's just you and him you need to do that yourself.

Soft Falling Rain

You've done everything you can OP to put him at ease. Anyone would be mortified in his situation but at this stage, after a couple of weeks and you clearly demonstrating that you aren't bothered at all, he kinda should be getting over it.

Just set up a brain storming session for your presentation and invite him. If he's in anyway mature or actually cares about the course he'll turn up and play ball.

FouxDaFaFa

I don't think the text was a bad idea, I'm sure one of his worries was "oh god, did she tell her boyfriend? Does everyone know?". So letting him know that you didn't tell anyone was, I think, a good thing.

I hope he does the mature thing and starts co-operating ahead of the presentation soon.

tinkerbell

Ah seriously, why work yourself up over this? I disagree with people saying texting him was the wrong thing - the guy was doing it in the kitchen / living room, he's the one in the wrong, not you! If he wants to relieve himself and have privacy, he should be doing it in his bedroom, not in the common space of the house. OP, I'd just leave it and stop worrying about it. He's probably embarrassed but perhaps he has learned his lesson in that the kitchen / living room is not his eh personal space.

dellas1979

Why dont you just go over to him, say "hey how are ya. So what do you think <insert blahblahblah about presentation here>"?

myshirt

What is so wrong about him knocking off a couple of knuckle soldiers?

To be honest, OP should be embarrassed. If this is a shared house you shouldn't be there overnight. At all. Definitely not so much where you become comfortable to just walk into someone's kitchen during the night to drink their stuff. No matter how you dress it up, that's shocking.

Right approach to this would be to trump up cash for the nights you were there, and apologise profusely to this lad. Other than that, it's up to him to move on, and up to his conscience and sense of respect to his housemates as to whether he continues this practice.

December2012

Best way to move on is to pretend it never happened. And just talk to your group about your joint project.

And just let it go.

LegacyUser

myshirt wrote: »

What is so wrong about him knocking off a couple of knuckle soldiers?

To be honest, OP should be embarrassed. If this is a shared house you shouldn't be there overnight. At all. Definitely not so much where you become comfortable to just walk into someone's kitchen during the night to drink their stuff. No matter how you dress it up, that's shocking.

Right approach to this would be to trump up cash for the nights you were there, and apologise profusely to this lad. Other than that, it's up to him to move on, and up to his conscience and sense of respect to his housemates as to whether he continues this practice.

I should be embarrassed? Eh, no. My boyfriend stays over at my house too you know - that kind of thing generally happens in shared houses (!!!)- his housemates, my housemates do the exact same thing. Mad stuff, altogether. My behaviour of getting a drink of water is "shocking" and I should "apologise profusely"? Heard it all now. God almighty..

Thanks everybody else for the replies. The other girl on the presentation project got through to him today and we're all meeting up next week to run through things. That should be grand so. Thanks again.

Ham Sambo

oblivionM83 wrote: »

I should be embarrassed? Eh, no. My boyfriend stays over at my house too you know - that kind of thing generally happens in shared houses (!!!)- his housemates, my housemates do the exact same thing. Mad stuff, altogether. My behaviour of getting a drink of water is "shocking" and I should "apologise profusely"? Heard it all now. God almighty..

Thanks everybody else for the replies. The other girl on the presentation project got through to him today and we're all meeting up next week to run through things. That should be grand so. Thanks again.

@myshirt, she is right, nobody is at fault here, and nobody died either (maybe of embarrassment!) the guy was having a sneaky **** when he thought it was safe to do so and op walked in on him as he was in the act, it's unfortunate but it does happen.

Lollipops23

myshirt wrote: »

What is so wrong about him knocking off a couple of knuckle soldiers?

To be honest, OP should be embarrassed. If this is a shared house you shouldn't be there overnight. At all. Definitely not so much where you become comfortable to just walk into someone's kitchen during the night to drink their stuff. No matter how you dress it up, that's shocking.

Right approach to this would be to trump up cash for the nights you were there, and apologise profusely to this lad. Other than that, it's up to him to move on, and up to his conscience and sense of respect to his housemates as to whether he continues this practice.

Are you for real?! Gosh, it's perfectly reasonable and normal to go downstairs to grab a glass of water when staying in someone's house! What if one of the housemates had walked in on him performing some self-love? W**king in a common area of a house leaves one open to stuff like that.

OP, just do your best to brazen it out-act like nothing happened and if he doesn't get over it, it's his problem.