Bulemic

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I have bulemia. Have had it on and off since about 2007, but don't do it that often really - on a bad patch twice or three times a week, but I seem to run out of steam, and can never do it continuously. No-body knows this, I don't know if I can bring myself to tell anyone in case it's turned into a big issue and have everyone worrying about me. Im in a relationship with someone who is very understanding, but i couldn't face telling him.
I'm going to CBT therapy at the moment for other stuff, self esteem and confidence issues etc, and I told her on our first session (have had about 5 since) and she hasn't brought it up again since then.
Is there anyone else who has gone through this and come out the other side??

It's funny because I'd say everyone would be shocked if they heard this about me, I seem to have it all to everyone looking in... :-(
I feel lonely and unhappy.

This is an awful feeling.

Thanks for reading this.

hairyprincess

Hiya, I'm sorry to hear you are suffering. It's great that you are going to therapy, I can't answer why your therapists hasn't brought up the bulimia since you told her first, only to say perhaps she is waiting for you to bring it up. However you are probably dealing with the issues that have led to the bulimia so in a roundabout way she is dealing with it.

Have you heard of Bodywhys? It is a voluntary support organisation for people with eating disorders, check out www.bodywhys.ie.

xzanti

Sorry to hear that OP.. It is a terrible illness.

I think perhaps your Therapist feels that by working on the CBT first and foremost, your eating disorder should in time remedy itself.. i.e. she wants to work on the root of your issues and not just the symptoms.

The idea of CBT is to change the way you think about things.. therefore, if you change your thought patterns then your behaviours will follow suit.. if it's done properly.

I hope that helps.. maybe you should just ask anyway just to clarify.

Best of luck.

Scaldy Ned

Tell your boyfriend....he's with you because of who and what you are.....I might have a simplistic view of bulimia and anorexia but it seems to me that it's because people want to be what they think other people think they should be ?
It's well known fact that a mans idea of "the perfect woman" is completely different to a Tabloids or Glossy magazines version of "the perfect woman".....Don't fall into that trap.
Jeeez....if you saw me....and i'm happy with meself

Penny Tration

Scaldy Ned wrote: »

Tell your boyfriend....he's with you because of who and what you are.....I might have a simplistic view of bulimia and anorexia but it seems to me that it's because people want to be what they think other people think they should be ?
It's well known fact that a mans idea of "the perfect woman" is completely different to a Tabloids or Glossy magazines version of "the perfect woman".....Don't fall into that trap.
Jeeez....if you saw me....and i'm happy with meself

Eating disorders generally have very little to do with body image, and quite a lot to do with mental health issues or a desperate need to control an aspect of one's own life.

Op, like a previous poster said, it could be that your therapist is dealing with the issues that have led to the bulimia, so is in a roundabout way dealing with the bulimia by helping you to change the irrational thought processes.

If you're concerned about her not bringing it up directly, or if you feel you need to speak about it, tell your therapist. It's all about what you need, zso if you need to discuss it, do it.

Emme

Bulimia is horrible. I've been through it and it was difficult to find proper counseling. The one thing that made me cop on to myself was the fact that I wrecked my teeth. I have spent thousands on my teeth because of the damage caused by my bulimia. From age 14-16 I was sick every day (it was a way to cope with being bullied at boarding school) and after I left school I had an episode about once a month. It came back with a vengeance in my 20s when I was in an abusive relationship. The relationship ended and I slowly got better.

If your current counsellor isn't addressing your bulimia perhaps you should find another counsellor. The current counsellor might not be right for you. Check out Bodywhys <www.bodywhys.ie> and they might be able to recommend a better counsellor as well.

LifesgoodwithLG

Hi OP & Everyone affected by this.

I am sorry that you are going through this however there is hope.

I am 36 now and from the ages of 14 - 21 I had severe bulimia. This was a result of losing control in other aspects of my life through illness and death. My world spiralled out of control and in mind this was the only control I had. The irony is that instead of me controlling it, it had total contol over me. I am sorry that I did not go for counselling at the time as I believe that it may have sped up the recovery process, however what is done is done.

In my case I started recovering as I matured some more and accepted that nothing could ever bring back those who were gone. My proudest boast is to say that I have not actively made myself sick in the last 15 years. It has had a very negative impact on my life in terms of the time spent, my teeth and also chronic reflux ( GERT ). My reflux is caused by damaging a valve in my throat that open and closes so that now food comes back up 'on its' own'. I had to get a scope last year to ensure that I haven't damaged my oesophagus which was expensive. People have stopped me and asked if I was pregnant as they have seen me getting sick so often ( involuntary ) which is embarrassing. One thing people's lets not 'glamourise or sanitize' it by calling it purging, lets be honest enough to call it Vomiting, getting sick etc.


So OP every case is individual however from my experience the food is a 'by product' and its' all about the desire for control. Maybe today is the day that you are going to start to get better and I applaud you on taking the steps to get better. The sooner you get better the happier you will be. Quite naturally this is something that is bothering you so why dont you bring it up at the next counselling session, in this way you would be taking control. As I said this is one hurdle that I am super proud to overcome , I know that you can and will get through this. Give yourself a break OP, you are good enough exactly as you are.

Stop allowing Bulimia to control you , stand up against my fabulous Boardsies and kick its' ass.

LegacyUser

I really appreciate everyone's understanding and kind words to me, it means a lot to know that people are not judging me, as I judge myself quite harshly. If only wish I could be this honest with my friends and family.
Greensmoke, you've put into words exactly what it's like; it's not about body image, with me at least.
LifesgoodwithLG thanks for your message, the thought of the physical effects of what I'm doing scares the bejaysus out of me, luckily I havent had any of those side effects...yet. That makes me want to stop more than anything.

I always thought I was in control of it, but after my recent episode the other day I'm not so sure now. For the first time I think i'm admitting that this is an issue...

Again, even knowing there's kind, non-judgemental people out there who would take the time to give advice and encouragement to someone they don't know makes me feel a bit better about today. :-) xxx

Princess Peach

I used to have it bad, doing much better now but can totally understand the secrecy! I told one friend who was being treated for anorexia, because I knew she would be sympathetic to me. Drunkenly told a few friends who never brought it up again, but would watch me really weirdly when we ate . I for sure didn't tell my first councillor who I saw for 8 weeks about it, and possible only barely mentioned it to my next councillor, but we didn't discuss it much at all. Only really opened up when I was seeing a specialist and in group counselling with similar girls. I suppose one of the reasons to keep it to yourself is both because you don't think they will understand, but also because you don't want them to try and get you to stop, you're just not ready for that confrontation yet.

Some part of you must want to share it, or you would not have written the post. Maybe think if ways to tell friends. My current boyfriend knows, but we never had a face to face conversation about it! I think I told him in an email or text initially. I used to have a blog that I gave him access too, and would post about it knowing he would read it. He would maybe text me or comment on it, we never spoke much but was nice to know he supported me and cared that I got better. It was nice to share it, really did help me a lot to be brave and get help, but was easier at a distance (sounds crazy I know )

With your counsellor you should bring it up again if you want, or write it down for her if you feel you are ready to talk about it.

You can totally come through it though, and you don't need to tell the world. Just a few key people you know you can trust and will support you while you deal with things