19, college, Don't know what to do about confidence

LegacyUser

Hi all, I've been meaning to post here for a while about something that has been bothering me increasingly.

First a bit of background information on me. I went to an all boys school for 6 years and didn't have much experience with girls prior to the summer apart from the odd Gaeltacht disco sort of thing. I've never been the most outgoing or confident guy, but i had improved a lot on that aspect in my fifth and sixth year.

So I started college in September full of expectations. I was going to a place where i already knew a fair few people and was ready to make the ''lifelong friends'' i heard so much about prior to college.

I was very active in trying to get into social circles initially. I talked to pretty much everybody i sat beside before lectures. I joined a load of societies and was very active in their events. One society in particular i made a good few new acquaintances with people i liked. So i stuck with this society until one night a few weeks into college...

On this night the society went out on a pub crawl and i was having a great time, however at one point in the night i started talking to this girl who was a year or two ahead of me. Sorry to say that I wasn't attracted to her at all and was just being friendly in my chatting. Once i realised that she was trying to steer the conversation to something more intimate, i slowly began to chat to other people rather than to her.

Unlucky for me it seemed that she had a LOT of friends in the society. When I talked to somebody, they themselves tried to bring her into the conversation and then just leave us two alone. Or one of her friends would deliberately step in between myself and the person i was talking to and interrupt us.

I couldn't believe what was happening. Initially i thought I was just being paranoid, but it became clear to me after an hour of this that i wasn't. I felt as if i couldn't go to this society anymore without having to deal with these people. I know it might sound stupid but i stopped going even though as i look back i wish i had just stuck with it for a while and try my best to ignore them.

I don't know what it was about that event but the bit of confidence that i had gained over the summer with girls just started to fade away. I would still go to clubs and bars, but the desire to hook up with women became more and more dwarfed by anxiety.

So i stuck more and more with the people i already knew from school and close to gave up on meeting new people. Unfortunately this caused a downward spiral i think of me having even less confidence than i had before.

Now it's getting closer and closer to the end of the year and i feel as if i messed up my first year of college. I have literally had zero action with girls since summer, I have made no good new friends, and my college work is beginning to suffer too. I feel horribly down and depressed whenever I look around and see happy college students flourishing.

I could go on and on about more of the details that happened between the beginning of the college year and now, but this post is long enough as it is.

Any advice? Sorry if my post is very long.

Thanks

Sgt Pepper 64

Oh dear. You have much to be grateful for but seem stuck in a "dear me" place.
You are young and want some action and there's nothing wrong with that
So buck up, get stuck into your college work, enjoy your current friends and be grateful for them Re-join a club or society that interests you, rather than the amount of hot girls they might have.
In other words enjoy life and stop measuring it by how much action you are or aren't getting, and it will just naturally happen.
You are were\are doing the right things,
Mixing with women and seeing them as people first rather than objects.
Through your experiences you will become more confident and less afraid of being knocked back.
And if you are clever, you will ask them ideas on chat up lines etc.
Engage brain, not Mr Willie and all will be revealed!

Butterface

First of all, you are very close to the end of your first year at college, so make sure you keep on top of studying and work and don't let this knock to your confidence threaten your academic life.

Look upon this summer as a fresh start. If you can, try and find part-time work as that's another way of meeting new people and building confidence. Or even volunteer at a local summer festival. Go out with your old school friends and you may meet new people through them.

Then, when next September comes along, take a deep breath and start all over again. You'll probably have new classes with different people, so try to talk to them and mix with people on your course. Join some new societies again, and you'll have a clean slate with them.

September on a University campus is a fresh start for everybody. Look forward to the summer, make plans and have fun.