Secret Wedding Advice

SEANoftheDEAD

Myself and the finance are looking to get wed this summer in private.

Basically we are fed up with the parents and friend weighing in with all the do's and dont's. Our budget is very low and with all these suggestions; it'd drive our spending up the wall. Also we are both Athiests from Catholic families and they expect us to be doing the traditional Catholic thing and we HAVE to invite everyone.

So we had a serious talk on Saturday and decided fcuk them. We are going to go to Dubrovnik and tie the knot there without any of them and just announce it when we are home. Then we can just organize a few drinks and a dinner with no pressure and opinions.

Has anyone on here done anything like this before?

How would we go about organizing a small ceremony to exchange vows and do the deed. I'm assuming we actually get married here before we go in a registry office and then have to organise a minister of some sort and a photographer for a few hours over there?

Dubrovnik in our opinion looks gorgeous and quite so we reckon it'd be a perfect location to go do this.

I'd appreciate some advice on our idea - at least here on this forum opinions will be from a neutral point of view.

Thanks.

CarMe

I know nothing of weddings but I love your idea it sounds brilliant! Good luck

SEANoftheDEAD

Thanks CarMe.

homemadecider

Hi Sean

There's no reason you have to get married here first, you can have a legal ceremony overseas and they will issue you with a marriage certificate from that country. We are doing the same later this year and will just have a big party for everyone when we come back.

Check out the embassy website for details on what the legal requirements are. A good travel agent can book the whole thing for you if you find it a bit daunting.

Best of luck!

unclebill98

We had a secret wedding...of sorts!

Basically at my brothers wedding I stood in my house where 20+ people where getting ready, the panic, hiring suits, make up yada yada and thought I'd rather not place that pressure on people. Even had to drive my mum and aunts to get their hair done in the snow!

So, we booked the church and a meal. Invited everyone (24 people) for a "engagement party" and when they turned up we handed them a mass book and told them we where getting married in an hour. My photo outside the church is great, no suits, no hats and everyone had a blast. ONly told those that needed to know like the priest, hotel, bestman/bridesmaid and that was all.

We both brought our parents to the bedroom to tell them when they arrived just to make it special. To this day no one held it against us at all.

So, in short its fine to do it and you can make it as special as you want.

LynnGrace

unclebill98 wrote: »

We had a secret wedding...of sorts!

Basically at my brothers wedding I stood in my house where 20+ people where getting ready, the panic, hiring suits, make up yada yada and thought I'd rather not place that pressure on people. Even had to drive my mum and aunts to get their hair done in the snow!

So, we booked the church and a meal. Invited everyone (24 people) for a "engagement party" and when they turned up we handed them a mass book and told them we where getting married in an hour. My photo outside the church is great, no suits, no hats and everyone had a blast. ONly told those that needed to know like the priest, hotel, bestman/bridesmaid and that was all.

We both brought our parents to the bedroom to tell them when they arrived just to make it special. To this day no one held it against us at all.

So, in short its fine to do it and you can make it as special as you want.

That sounds brilliant!

unclebill98

Yeah it was great.

Herself even got one of those UK Wedding Channels on board and they wanted to do a program on it but it would have been too much so we decided no.

We fly out on out honeymoon the next morning so by the time we got back everyone was saying "Did that really happen"!

SEANoftheDEAD

Sounds great unclebill98.

The thing we've decided on and I think you done it with your story; we want our wedding day to be OUR day, the way we want it. Quite, Private and personal. Our parents and friends just can't seem to get that into their heads.

cuilteanna

Your idea sounds lovely! Don't give in, I did and still regret it 25+ years later.

Some friends of ours had a secret wedding (didn't even tell their parents!), just each of their best friends who came for a meal with them afterwards. It was what they wanted, so more power to them. Obviously everyone was delighted for them but, well, we would have liked for at least a night out in a local pub to celebrate their event with them afterwards! So if you're doing a secret wedding, I'd recommend that you just organise an informal night out with drinks or something that people can celebrate with you (your experience may differ, naturally).

mikom

SEANoftheDEAD wrote: »

Myself and the finance are looking to get wed this summer in private.

Basically we are fed up with the parents and friend weighing in with all the do's and dont's. Our budget is very low and with all these suggestions; it'd drive our spending up the wall. Also we are both Athiests from Catholic families and they expect us to be doing the traditional Catholic thing and we HAVE to invite everyone.

So we had a serious talk on Saturday and decided fcuk them. We are going to go to Dubrovnik and tie the knot there without any of them and just announce it when we are home. Then we can just organize a few drinks and a dinner with no pressure and opinions.

Has anyone on here done anything like this before?

How would we go about organizing a small ceremony to exchange vows and do the deed. I'm assuming we actually get married here before we go in a registry office and then have to organise a minister of some sort and a photographer for a few hours over there?

Dubrovnik in our opinion looks gorgeous and quite so we reckon it'd be a perfect location to go do this.

I'd appreciate some advice on our idea - at least here on this forum opinions will be from a neutral point of view.

Thanks.

No advice......... but fair fucks to ya.

maguic24

Really nice idea!! If I was getting married that's the way I would want it to be.

username123

We did it. Eloped off to South Africa and got married outdoors on a game reserve with hotel staff as witnesses, followed by a private safari. Sitting among a herd of elephants having just gotten married was amazing

We phoned home afterwards and shared the news, only those who has been interfering were miffed.

As to how we did it, we checked out the where of it first, some countries have easier rules than others, then Trailfinders UK organised the whole thing.

Moonbeam

you could get married in a registry office here,you just need 200 euro and 3 months notice and then go holiday there or if it is the dream go get married there and enjoy every 2nd of it:)

Electric Sheep

Here in the US, I just got a license, got a Justice of the Peace over to my apartment, and was married.

It doesn't have to be a big hassle or deal.

A2LUE42

SEANoftheDEAD wrote: »

Myself and the finance are looking to get wed this summer in private.

Basically we are fed up with the parents and friend weighing in with all the do's and dont's. Our budget is very low and with all these suggestions; it'd drive our spending up the wall. Also we are both Athiests from Catholic families and they expect us to be doing the traditional Catholic thing and we HAVE to invite everyone.

So we had a serious talk on Saturday and decided fcuk them. We are going to go to Dubrovnik and tie the knot there without any of them and just announce it when we are home. Then we can just organize a few drinks and a dinner with no pressure and opinions.

Has anyone on here done anything like this before?

How would we go about organizing a small ceremony to exchange vows and do the deed. I'm assuming we actually get married here before we go in a registry office and then have to organise a minister of some sort and a photographer for a few hours over there?

Dubrovnik in our opinion looks gorgeous and quite so we reckon it'd be a perfect location to go do this.

I'd appreciate some advice on our idea - at least here on this forum opinions will be from a neutral point of view.

Thanks.

If you are looking at that part of the world, would you consider Castle Bled?

unclebill98

Dónal wrote: »

Some friends of ours had a secret wedding (didn't even tell their parents!), just each of their best friends who came for a meal with them afterwards. It was what they wanted, so more power to them. Obviously everyone was delighted for them but, well, we would have liked for at least a night out in a local pub to celebrate their event with them afterwards! So if you're doing a secret wedding, I'd recommend that you just organise an informal night out with drinks or something that people can celebrate with you (your experience may differ, naturally).

Just to add, our parents really wanted us to do this also. So we let them. Had a bash about a month afterwards, one thing I demanded was my band played so I was on stage for the whole night

Kinda forgot about it as it at this stage.

freshpopcorn

Dónal wrote: »

Some friends of ours had a secret wedding (didn't even tell their parents!), just each of their best friends who came for a meal with them afterwards. It was what they wanted, so more power to them. Obviously everyone was delighted for them but, well, we would have liked for at least a night out in a local pub to celebrate their event with them afterwards! So if you're doing a secret wedding, I'd recommend that you just organise an informal night out with drinks or something that people can celebrate with you (your experience may differ, naturally).

I think the idea eloping can be brilliant.
I just would suggest that you tell ye're parents first after the cermony because I heard of a story of a women and she heard her daughter was after getting married of a lady working in a shop.
When ye come home and ye have a nice meal with family/friends this is also a brilliant idea.
I would just be careful of asking loads of people out for a drink because people will be saying ye're only out for money/presents.

Satriale

Mrs S and I slipped over the border and got hitched on the quiet. Less hassle, less notice in the North (2 weeks I think) . The registrar was as helpful as you could want, a couple of people working there witnessed for us. Best of all, we didn't have the cost of a huge wedding hanging over us for years. All the family were delighted when we got back with the news. Good times all around.
Best of luck to you both, you won't regret it!

Toots

A girl I know eloped in Hawaii, herself and the boyfriend were going over for a holiday. They got engaged on the way over, then while they were there just decided 'feck it' and got a marriage licence and got married on the beach without telling anybody until after it was done. They had an 'afters' here when they got back so their families and friends could celebrate with them.

beertons

Do what ever you want to do and can afford. Too many people I know took out loans, for the big extravagant day, that nobody's talking about anymore. Those who did it on a shoe string, their's come up in conversation every month or so. People will probably thank you for saving them the expense.

m'lady

Have no advice but just wanted to say that I intend on copying you... I think! The idea of planning a wedding fills me with dread, I'm just not into it, but would like the parents there and our children, so I don't know!

I wish you the best of luck, hope you both have an amazing time!

Neyite

I know a couple who booked a holiday and decided to turn it into a wedding/honeymoon so secretly planned that part and rang home after the beach ceremony. Photos were stunning and they looked so chilled and happy.

Another couple I know got married on safari. This time they did tell the families and one or two were put out, but most understood that one half of the couple were terribly shy and even 30 at a wedding would have caused them stress and a stressful day.

I'm sorely tempted to do similar, except that I do want my family there as I'm really close to them. Love love love the idea of having them turn up on the day and telling them the wedding is in an hour. Or, since I'm planning to hopefully have another baby before we set a date, I could fool family into turning up for a christening and have a wedding-christening together. Hmmmm....:cool:

Thumby

I love the idea of just fecking off and getting married but at the same time, I want (most) of my family there, especially my and my oh's kids. And I can't even imagine not having my dad there to walk me down the aisle. The whole wedding thing is just daunting to me right now. Even keeping it to just immediate family and aunts and uncles we will have well over 100 sitting, that doesnt include cousins etc. I'm hoping to keep the budget to around 10k, less if possible.

keeponhurling

You might want to consider getting the actual wedding certificate in Ireland.

My wedding certificate is from overseas, and while it's perfectly valid, you do at times have it to get it translated, notarised etc.
It's do-able, but a bit of hassle., i.e. Irish authorities have no way of verifying whether a Croatian cert is real or not. You may need stamps off the Croatian embassy etc.

Just a thought, if you are planning to live in Ireland after getting married.

You could have the ceremony/party in Dubrovnik, just do the administrative bit here.

SEANoftheDEAD

Thanks guys, thanks for all the replies.

It's a big step; but we are decided on it to happen this way.

Quick question, say we get married here before we fly over there, my wife to be wants to take my surname and her current passport obviously has her maiden name; will that be a problem?

Other than that, nothing really has changed in terms of doing it over there and coming back married - then hosting a small shindig for family and friends. Nothing fancy; just a celebration!

We're gonna pop into Trailfinders ands have a chat, see what they can offer in terms of getting things booked for over there.

rainbowtrout

SEANoftheDEAD wrote: »

Thanks guys, thanks for all the replies.

It's a big step; but we are decided on it to happen this way.

Quick question, say we get married here before we fly over there, my wife to be wants to take my surname and her current passport obviously has her maiden name; will that be a problem?

Other than that, nothing really has changed in terms of doing it over there and coming back married - then hosting a small shindig for family and friends. Nothing fancy; just a celebration!

We're gonna pop into Trailfinders ands have a chat, see what they can offer in terms of getting things booked for over there.

Book her flights in her maiden name as that's the passport she will be travelling on. If she wants to change her passport after she returns she can but she probably won't have time before she goes.

A2LUE42

SEANoftheDEAD wrote: »

Thanks guys, thanks for all the replies.

It's a big step; but we are decided on it to happen this way.

Quick question, say we get married here before we fly over there, my wife to be wants to take my surname and her current passport obviously has her maiden name; will that be a problem?

Other than that, nothing really has changed in terms of doing it over there and coming back married - then hosting a small shindig for family and friends. Nothing fancy; just a celebration!

We're gonna pop into Trailfinders ands have a chat, see what they can offer in terms of getting things booked for over there.

Just keep it simple as regards travel details. Flights should be in whatever names are on your passports.

username123

SEANoftheDEAD wrote: »

Thanks guys, thanks for all the replies.

It's a big step; but we are decided on it to happen this way.

Quick question, say we get married here before we fly over there, my wife to be wants to take my surname and her current passport obviously has her maiden name; will that be a problem?

Other than that, nothing really has changed in terms of doing it over there and coming back married - then hosting a small shindig for family and friends. Nothing fancy; just a celebration!

We're gonna pop into Trailfinders ands have a chat, see what they can offer in terms of getting things booked for over there.

Book travel in her name, the hotel will refer to you as Mr and Mrs SeanoftheDead when they know you are a honeymoon couple. Save the name changing for at home.

Daniela12

Wow! Your plan sounds very exciting! Dubrovnik really looks like a pretty place, and the weather should be awesome. I haven't been to Croatia, but I wish you guys the best of luck. Hopefully your fam won't get too angry with you. ;D

hattoncracker

I love your idea! My plan is fairly similar, except I want to get married on a cruise ship, combine the wedding and the honeymoon into one and tell everyone when we get back!

Dolbert

We honeymooned in Croatia and it was breathtaking - you'll have a fabulous time!

Mrs OBumble

If you want it to be totally private, then why the need to feck off to Dubrovnic, or anywhere else?

Just book a slot with a registry office here thee months in advance, turn up at the right time and get hitched. Job done, no need for flights even.

SEANoftheDEAD

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

If you want it to be totally private, then why the need to feck off to Dubrovnic, or anywhere else?

Just book a slot with a registry office here thee months in advance, turn up at the right time and get hitched. Job done, no need for flights even.

Ha, cause we want at the very least, to have a nice day together and somewhere romantic. A morning in the registry office isn't quite the same... plus ye can't trust the Irish weather.

Elbi

I think its a great idea!!!

We were going to do the same thing but decided against it as I couldn't do it without my parents being there.

We had planned the big day, date set etc but we have decided to bring it forward and just have close family there, 40 people going to the church and a meal booked afterwards, then everyone heading back to my parents and I am just sending a message to my friends a few weeks before to invite them back to my parents house that evening for food and drinks.

Birdsong

Neyite wrote: »

Or, since I'm planning to hopefully have another baby before we set a date, I could fool family into turning up for a christening and have a wedding-christening together. Hmmmm....:cool:

I am nearly sure Cecila Aherne and her husband did this, had everyone come to the church for the christening & said by the way, we're getting married

YossiA

Friends of mine just got married in Laguna Beach, totally straightforward to organise and great setting.


quote="SEANoftheDEAD;89402974"]Myself and the finance are looking to get wed this summer in private.

Basically we are fed up with the parents and friend weighing in with all the do's and dont's. Our budget is very low and with all these suggestions; it'd drive our spending up the wall. Also we are both Athiests from Catholic families and they expect us to be doing the traditional Catholic thing and we HAVE to invite everyone.

So we had a serious talk on Saturday and decided fcuk them. We are going to go to Dubrovnik and tie the knot there without any of them and just announce it when we are home. Then we can just organize a few drinks and a dinner with no pressure and opinions.

Has anyone on here done anything like this before?

How would we go about organizing a small ceremony to exchange vows and do the deed. I'm assuming we actually get married here before we go in a registry office and then have to organise a minister of some sort and a photographer for a few hours over there?

Dubrovnik in our opinion looks gorgeous and quite so we reckon it'd be a perfect location to go do this.

I'd appreciate some advice on our idea - at least here on this forum opinions will be from a neutral point of view.

Thanks.[/quote]

perfectblue

In theory, I love the idea of a secret wedding, but I do wonder if it's not really going to solve your problem of overmeddling friends and family? If they are just caught up in the moment and not usually like this, then maybe they need to come back to earth and this could be a good way to do it. But if they are always like this, then they always will be, and it seems a bit stressful to constantly have to run away or hide from them, kwim?
I don't know your circumstances, of course, so take this for whatever it might be worth. If anything.

My fiance and I thought we would elope somewhere and tell people after. We did a lot of research into places and requirements. Some places are easier than others - some places have residency requirements, etc. You can book through an agency, which is a stress-free way to do it. They can help with document translation, accommodations, and the usual wedding stuff. You can also look for a local wedding planner (which is who the agencies are using anyway), and it can be cheaper. The weddings forum on TripAdvisor is awesome for this.

We actually settled on Malta for this, because English is an official language, so no translations, and the certificate will be in English too. There are some nice places on Malta with scenic views. We also looked at Santorini, which is kind of the Vegas of Europe, but, you would have the most amazing pictures! The translation bit was a pain, and my being American would have required a stop at the embassy in Athens.

In the end, we decided to just get married in Dublin. We're booking City Hall to get some nicer pictures, but also keeping it low key. Our immediate families will be there (my parents will fly over from the US). As annoying as my parents could have gotten about the wedding, in the end, they are good people, and when I tell them they are causing me grief, they tend to back off. I've put a lot of effort into creating those boundaries. And I know my mom would really like to be there to see me get married, even if it really doesn't mean all that much to me. I had a conversation with my family and they said they were happy with whatever we decided. In the end, who is getting married anyway?

Anyway, just throwing some thoughts out there. I think if you want to go elsewhere to do the deed, don't bother with a ceremony here too (double the hassle!). And definitely price out the local planners too! Good luck!