Funny/cringey things your elderly parents say/do

Ande1975

I was watching Jack Whitehall on telly a while back and he was talking about his 72 year old Dad going into MacDonald's and asking for a wine list (I know it was a joke but made me laugh).

It got me thinking about the cringe worthy moments with my parents.

Here's a couple:
Walking into a well known clothes shop during the sales with my 73 year old mother. Top of her voice she says 'Well they must have been up in the attic'...
Why? Says I...
'Because they brought all the sh/t down'...
:eek:

Same mother was at a wedding recently and loved the tiny parcels of food being handed around and thought it would be lovely for Christmas when the family is home.
She asks a shop assistant 'Where do you keep the whure de vures' ~(h'orduerves)... She called me all embarassed.

Its like they turn 70 and are comedians overnight.

Woodpecker1

All ahead of ya.

If your lucky.

Stone Deaf 4evr

I think its brilliant when people reach the age in their life where they realise that theres no point in beating around the bush when they want an answer to their nosy questions.

my gran pulls no punches, I've often been mortified when shes said stuff along the lines of "mary I havent seen you in years, I wouldnt know you, you've gotten so fat"

Drakares

My ma stops to tell people what I do for a living, where I work and then makes up some random number, like "He earns €70,000" a year and he's so young!

Despite most of what she says is completely exaggerated, no one gives a ****e. Especially not the person she's telling who is more often than not, just someone working (probably minimum wage) in a shop.

It's more cringe than funny, as I don't want strangers knowing my business, and besides that the whole thing is a big bunch of lies

It turns my stomach and I've asked her to stop 100 times, but she's relentless.

MarkR

My father in law is new to the internet, and loves going on facebook. Likes EVERYTHING that pops up in his news feed. Friends pictures. Friends of friends pictures. Travellers Finest Bures, liked. Local shops on the other side of the country, liked. :-) It's like a trace of everything he's ever looked at on the ipad.

Stone Deaf 4evr

I once saw my mother use the light from the screen of her phone to check the time on her watch in a dark cinema.

Stone Deaf 4evr

Stone Deaf 4evr wrote: »

I once saw my mother use the light from the screen of her phone to check the time on her watch in a dark cinema.

That's priceless!

The Backwards Man

My Da queries the price of everything. He has a list of shops and businesses as long as your arm that he won't deal with anymore, and he knows the price of everything in every shop for a thirty mile radius, from beans to boats.

They better not be charging admittance at the pearly gates, if they are he'll take his patronage elsewhere.:pac:

burnhardlanger

During last nights match.

"Where's Serbia?"
"It's in Europe"
"What's Europe?"

*facepalm*

The Backwards Man

burnhardlanger wrote: »

During last nights match.

"Where's Serbia?"
"It's in Europe"
"What's Europe?"

*facepalm*

What match?

Tombo2001

To be honest my parents dont really embarass me that much. I'm glad just to have them.

I'd say I embarass them more.

anncoates

My ma is great sometimes. One time recently I was picking her up from shopping and the car beside us was parked right over the line and your wan was getting into the car at the time as we were packing the car and my ma - very audibly - said to me something along the lines of will you look at that eejit about her.

She usually takes my wife and/or kids side against me in disputes as well.

Catphish

My old boy is sound enough, but my mother is still living in bygone times. Shes racist, anti-gay, ageist (despite her getting on herself). She's also very paranoid and thinks everyone is out to out-do her (queue skippers etc). She's very confrontational too, and thinks nothing of taking her fit of anger out on a poor shop / boy when the problem was nothing to do with them in the first place. She thinks its okay to refer to people in public as 'stout'. She talks to strangers about her ailments who are trying to slip out the door because all they did was say "hello, grand day isn't it?" to her.

I'd much rather the comedian kind!

eviltwin

Years ago after finally ditching glasses and debuting my new look at a family do, my elderly uncle said at the top of his voice " you look great, now if you could only do something about your weight"... In his defence he was a nice guy who would never say anything to be mean or hurtful but was just honest in that way older people often are.

Watching my mother in law trying to figure out how to use her mobile phone is pretty funny too.

burnhardlanger

The Backwards Man wrote: »

What match?

Ireland - Serbia at the Aviva.

anncoates

burnhardlanger wrote: »

"What's Europe?"

Yeah right. :pac:

The Backwards Man

anncoates wrote: »

My ma is great sometimes. One time recently I was picking her up from shopping and the car beside us was parked right over the line and your wan was getting into the car at the time as we were packing the car and my ma - very audibly - said to me something along the lines of will you look at that eejit about her.

She usually takes my wife and/or kids side against me in disputes as well.

Mother's have a great way of landing you in it like that.

Years ago when mine was still alive I had her shopping in the local town. I saw the local guard coming down the street and needed a form signed so I shouted to him and he came over and said he would sign it down the station if I gave him a lift down, and he jumps in the back.

In the meantime my mother comes out of the shop and sees me chatting to the guard, but didn't see him getting in the back seat. So in she jumps and straight away,

'What did that big useless cnut want?'

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Stone Deaf 4evr wrote: »

I once saw my mother use the light from the screen of her phone to check the time on her watch in a dark cinema.

Timeless classic

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

A few months back when Maddie McCann was in the headlines, she was rumoured to be in the clutches of a paedophile ring in Belgium.

My 81 year old Granda seen this and remarked "oh the paedophiles have her.. she's f*cked now"

:eek:

Seedy Arling

My mother rang me to call over and have a look at a camera she had that wasnt working. She tried to take pictures of my little niece and nephew with it and apparently it wasnt working.

I called over and she handed me an ancient gameboy that had been left in the house.

Priceless.

castletownman

My uncle is hilarious. Whenever one of his children would have a friend over the conversation would go something like:

Uncle: "Who's your mother?"
Friend: "Person A from Place B"
Uncle: "Aye. I was with her once"
Friend: ":eek:"

One Christmas a few years ago the aunts and uncles were playing Mr and Mrs and the question was what celebrity would the OH sleep with. After the usual George Clooney/Tom Jones answers were proffered, he without hesitation or second thought pipes up with "Dwight Yorke". I never laughed so hard in my life.

Man's a legend.

Ande1975

Another one -

My 75 year old Dad told me this recently. He actually thinks he's the funniest man that ever lived.

Given his age, I've heard this about 4 times since Christmas.
He regularly visits the health food shop when he goes to buy his lottery ticket on a Saturday.
He told me that he saw a tub of protein powder with a picture of a young muscle man on the label.
A shop assistant offered her help (now my Dad is the nicest man on the planet), Dad said you know I've a complaint actually. He said her face fell and Dad said pointing to the protein powder, 'I never said anyone could use my photo for this', and he burst out laughing.
I'd say the poor girl thought my dad was deranged.

OldNotWIse

My mum refers to my cats as the pussies. On the phone. "your pussies are grand" or if I am minding them, "how are your pussies?" - I'm only glad there is more than one!

gramar

burnhardlanger wrote: »

During last nights match.

"Where's Serbia?"
"It's in Europe"
"What's Europe?"

*facepalm*

Given the 'growth' of Europe and all the new states and the inclusion of Israel in the Euro's it's a fair question in this day and age!

FTA69

No word of a lie, my Nan was in a Londis in Waterford and she asked an assistant where the "Clit Bang" was. The poor young one was trying not to p*ss herself laughing.

bnagrrl

If my dad thinks someone is being rude he'll say "That's ignorant" in a Michael Jackson voice.

Kinda like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHqgHFcmAOc

PauloMN

My father-in-law refers to "coloureds" instead of blacks. Funny thing is, I reckon he thinks he's being modern and PC by not calling them "negros" (or worse)!

whitewave

My mother got her first smartphone recently (which she insists on calling an Iphone) and sent me a message saying "first selfie!"...and nothing else.

caustic 1

FTA69 wrote: »

No word of a lie, my Nan was in a Londis in Waterford and she asked an assistant where the "Clit Bang" was. The poor young one was trying not to p*ss herself laughing.

Just spewed out me tea when I read that.:D

unfortunately

Stone Deaf 4evr wrote: »

I once saw my mother use the light from the screen of her phone to check the time on her watch in a dark cinema.

Me and my boyfriend went to see The Wolf of Wall Street and an elderly man a few seats down would periodically strike up a match to look at his watch.

Darthvadar

My mother is 76, and a holy terror!... Never cared about what she said... Has come out with some seriously witty, if a bit naughty, stuff

She's always had an eye for a nice, well built, good looking young man, and particularly if said young man is black...

Anyway, she's a couple of months in hosp. at the moment, and is erm, admiring the scenery, so to speak...

There was a handsome young Nigerian doctor in to see her a couple of weeks ago, and he knocked a box of tissues to the floor... As he bent to pick them up, Mum looked at his rear and at the top of her voice said "Oooh, nice buns... I wonder if they're fresh from the bakery this morning!"...

The poor doc, along with the entire ward were crying with laughter... I didn't know where to look... Well, actually I did, but Mum was looking first!...

Darth...

Menas

My mum would get in an argument in a confession box. She is one of those auld wans who just gets more and more negative with age.
Pity as she used to have a great sense of humour.

Banjoxed

Visiting my father in hospital, mother in tow.

"That's a lovely man over there. Go over and talk to him"

"Don't be odd. Go over and talk to him"

All said by my mother in a stage whisper so she can be heard what a nice and considerate woman she is.

DoozerT6

"Now, how would I Google that?..."

Ande1975

DoozerT6 wrote: »

"Now, how would I Google that?..."

How do I get into the internet?

Banjoxed

Trigger Happy wrote: »

My mum would get in an argument in a confession box. She is one of those auld wans who just gets more and more negative with age.
Pity as she used to have a great sense of humour.

Mine is the queen of Passive Aggressive.

Ruu

whitewave wrote: »

My mother got her first smartphone recently (which she insists on calling an Iphone) and sent me a message saying "first selfie!"...and nothing else.

Are we related? My Mam has a Samsung Galaxy and always calls it her I-phone (my younger brother corrects her every time!) I was home over the holidays and she was showing me pictures from a wedding. "There's Jonathan there, he was going around taking selfies!"

She is a little loud in restaurants. When our food is served she comes out with things like "Jaysus, not very big portion is it?" "Does this not come with anything else?" "You wouldn't want to be hungry, they must have went into the yard to kill the chicken" to the poor server.

Lisha

On seeing a headline about same sex marriage a while back my mother pointed to the headline and said 'sure I suppose why not? Why shouldn't they be as miserable as the rest of us?'

I declined to ask what my dad had done to annoy her.

Ande1975

Thought of another one.
Sorry but I have to keep these tales somewhere.
( We nearly lost my Dad a few months before Christmas )

A few years ago I took my parents out for dinner for my mum's birthday. The restaurant gave us sherry. Then another sherry, then wine with the meal.

We went into a nearby hotel for a nightcap. Mum wanted to use the bathroom so we got the order in while she was gone.

Next thing I see my mum all red faced with a young man with his arm around her.

She had walked into the men's toilet. Mum starting ranting that they should have written MEN on the door instead of the symbol. She was twisted but argued that the sign was the problem and that she wasn't drunk.

I called my sister to tell her it was so funny.