Nursery Rhymes

Xenophile

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.


There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

I_am_red

Here's another one...

Mary had a little lamb,
the midwife was treated for shock...

JohnnyBananas

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To fetch her dog Rover a bone,
When she bent over, Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Mary had a little skirt,
That was ripped right up the sides,
And every time she wore it,
The boys could see her thighs,

Mary had another skirt,
That was ripped right up the front.
BUT SHE DIDN’T WEAR THAT ONE VERY OFTEN!!!!

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pale of water,
I don’t know what they did up there,
But now they have a daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
For some hanky panky,
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there’s little Franky.

Littleboy blew,
Hey,he needed the money!!!

Enright

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot the ram.

Plazaman

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To fetch her dog Rover a bone,
When she bent over, Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Ahh, Andrew Dice Clay, childrens poet adapter of the 90's. Where is he now? (probably dead as he smoked like a chimney) Here's another one or two of his "fine works".

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Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
When along came a spider and sat down beside her
And said "Hey bítch, what's in the bowl?"

*********

There was an old woman, who lived in a shoe
Who had so many children, her uterus fell out

*********

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her
Jill said "No", Jack said "So"
"I'll ram it in your dumper"

*********

And those are the cleanest ones

carti2k

Jack be Nimble

Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe.

thisNthat

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said **** 'em, he's only an egg

peema

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept it in a bucket.
And every time she took it out
Her bulldog he would . . . chase it around the garden.