Is it over?

LegacyUser

Ive been seeing a girl for roughly the last 10 months and everything has was going great and seemed to be going from strength to strength until yesterday when she said that she felt the "spark" was gone and maybe we should just be friends.

I didn't really know what to say at the time but we agreed we would try and work things out, which I hope she mean's and didn't just say to lesson the blow...

Its come as such a shock to me and frankly I still don't believe its happened. I thought we had really clicked and we're getting on great.

This is the first issue to come up between us and we have had so much fun together, we go out places (not as much lately though), chat regularly and enjoy each others company. Sometimes when out with others they would comment on how happy we appeared to make each other. I guess this just reaffirmed to me how well everything was going.

Right now im feeling very confused and upset, there was me on one hand planning nights out and things to do while being absolutely in love and there this was building in the background and I feel like such a fool for not spotting it.

Being in my mid 20's i've seen a fair few relationships come and go (with friends breaking up with there OH's) but usually you can kind of see why it happens (not getting along, get fed up etc) but with this I just don't feel like there is a whole lot I can do.

Ive always been of the opinion that the "spark" comes and goes(not completly) but the underlying relationship/feelings stays strong. Everything has its highs and lows...

Sleepless and Manic

I'm so sorry. Its horrible to go through, especially if you weren't the initiator.

Talk to her, thats all that can be done. Be patient with her and listen. You never know...

LegacyUser

Thanks for your support. We havnt spoken since Friday but I plan on talking with her later on today to try and see what, if anything can be done

herisson

Sorry you are going through this OP. Its never a nice feeling. My friend is going through something similar, her boyfriend said the exact same thing after being together 4 years. I'll say to you what i said to her, and if i come across as a bitch or whatever i dont mean to be.

I think what you need to do is talk with her and respect her wishes, whether that means she wants to break up or stay together or whatever. And try do it as soon as possible.

This is the first issue to come up between us and we have had so much fun together, we go out places (not as much lately though), chat regularly and enjoy each others company. Sometimes when out with others they would comment on how happy we appeared to make each other. I guess this just reaffirmed to me how well everything was going.

With this, are you sure it was the same on her part? Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeves, often people hide how they truly feel in an attempt not to hurt the other person.

Of course you feel upset and confused, it is natural to feel that way after something like this. You shouldnt feel like a fool, often when we are in love, we get consumed with it and we dont see what is bubbling underneath, we live in a rose tinted world where everything is perfect.

Talk to her and listen to what each other has to say. And respect each others wishes. Good luck.

CaraMay

Op I really don't think you should have talked her round. I'm sorry but in my experience if the spark is gone then it's gone. If she wants to be friends then you should have enough pride to finish the relationship. You have enough friends and what's the point keeping her there if she doesn't really want to be?

Sorry but as soon as she uttered those words the relationship was over. All you are doing now is prolonging it to the detriment of your own pride and self esteem.

Take back control and walk away.

Eeden

I'm afraid CaraMay is right, OP. Years ago (first relationship for me) I too talked someone into staying with me. It was a mistake, and really wasn't fair on them. It only prolonged the agony for me, too, as inevitably it ended. A relationship can't exist if only one person wants to be in it.

LegacyUser

In a word, yes, it is over.

For a relationship to work, two people need to want it.

In this case, she doesnt want to continue the relationship.

I really dont want to be harsh but tbh, dont drag it out, its not fair on either one of you.

she will be unhappy and you will be constantly doubting yourself thinking if she is happy with you.

So honestly do yourself a favour and let it go, for the both of you.

And remember you can still be friends with her, its only awkward if you make it awkward.

LegacyUser

Its a shame your relationship is over. However you cant make that spark come back. When its over it is over. That spark wont come back. I think you need to let her go. All you can say to her is ' I wish you felt the same way and I hope we can remain friends'

CaraMay

anonymously 45 wrote: »

Its a shame your relationship is over. However you cant make that spark come back. When its over it is over. That spark wont come back. I think you need to let her go. All you can say to her is ' I wish you felt the same way and I hope we can remain friends'

I think staying friends will make it harder to get over her so I wouldn't recommend it.

LegacyUser

As harsh as it sounds, it is over. Been in a similar situation myself a few months ago, gave her a few days to think about it but ended up finishing it proper myself the next day. I figured what's the point in trying to force something that isn't there if ya get me. You'll say you'll stay "friends" but realistically just aim to be civil to each other, there's no point in hating someone because they don't feel the same as you, just as much as there's no point in staying in a relationship that the 2 people aren't comfortable/happy in.

Legs.Eleven

hopelessinlove wrote: »

Ive always been of the opinion that the "spark" comes and goes(not completly) but the underlying relationship/feelings stays strong. Everything has its highs and lows...

OP I'm so sorry to say this because you sound lovely but the spark is the glue in a relationship and it's what distinguishes a friendship from a sexual relationship and once that's gone for one person, it's over and usually when a person plucks up the courage to say it, they mean it as it's probably taken a lot of stewing over the idea to come to that conclusion and even more thought, energy and courage to blurt it out.

People get stuck in ruts, sometimes it's salvageable, sometimes not but not 10 months into a relationship.

I'm really sorry, OP. Look after yourself. You WILL be alright.

LegacyUser

I finally met up with her today and it was clear that it was time to call it a day.

Its a hard thing to accept and even though I knew her feelings hadnt changed since Friday I was hoping against reason that things would go differently

As for remaining friends that's a tough call, I feel like im losing such a great friend but I definitely need some space to start the healing process. We're part of a close knit group of friends so I will still see her quite a bit, at the very least staying on friendly terms (but not friends) seems to be the best idea.

Id like to thank everyone for their input, i find it funny that if it was me giving advice to another person i would say the things you did but when its such a personal thing i found it hard to accept this as being the right thing to do

Sleepless and Manic

hopelessinlove wrote: »

I finally met up with her today and it was clear that it was time to call it a day.

The worst feeling in the world... so sorry.

Baked.noodle

There was a time when something like this would have cut me up, but at 35 I would be relieved to find out sooner rather than later. Being a little disappointed is natural, but she was wasting your time and now you are rid of her. Move on and enjoy being single. It's not so bad, and way better than wasting your time, energy and emotions on somebody who isn't worth it.