Arguments-Am I right?

Jenneke87

Hi everyone,

Guess the day has come for me to start my own thread in this place. It will be a long story so thanks for taking the time to read it.

For nearly a year I volunteer at a local animal shelter, I'm the teamleader meaning that I oversee the work of the interns and volunteers, do the administration, answer the phone, register incoming animals etc... Saturday is "my day", that's when I have my shift

The last few months have been crazy workwise. I got a new job in December and was suddenly let go by the end of January. Thursday I landed myself a new job in a hotel and that same day recieved my schedule for next week, and I immediately had to work the Saturday. I email the owner of the shelter saying I was very sorry but cannot come in next week because of my new job and I wasn't in a position to refuse. The reason I feel I cannot say that I can never work a saturday is because they expect great amount of flexibility from their staff and saturday is the bussiest day and I didn't think it would go down well if I started making demands immediately.

This afternoon, the owner of the shelter came in while I doing my shift. She was very angry with me for not giving her more time to find replacement. She said that I should have told my boss at the beginning that I was never available on a saturday and that now she had to cover my shift, meaning that she could spend less time with her son who has severe behavioural issues. She also said that working here was not non-commital and that I wasn't taking my responsibilities. I replied that I felt that I wasn't in a position to decline working that day, because I have yet to have my first working day there and don't want to come in with an attitude and start making demands. She just shrugged and said that all the other volunteers have jobs as well and they still manage. There were a host of other things wrong with me as well, according to her, which I will not go into further for the sake of keeping this as short as I can.

I don't know what to do right now. I really like working at the shelter, but it will become very difficult if not impossible to cover all the saturdays, because I will work odd hours and irregular shifts. I feel like she's holding me responsible for the lack of time she has with her son and that we are understaffed. She really can't see my POV and I feel as though right now I have to defend myself for choosing paid work over charity work. Is she right, should I have kept the saturdays free or is she being unreasonable? Thanks in advance.

Orion

Completely unreasonable in my opinion. You are a volunteer. If you have a new job which means you can't commit that's perfectly normal.

Penny Tration

She's being completely unreasonable.

I understand that they need volunteers, but that's what you are - a volunteer. You VOLUNTEER the free time you have. You no longer have free time on a Saturday. Simple.

Your job and your life come before an unpaid position, even if it gives a good sense of self satisfaction. Self satisfaction is not going to pay the bills, and we can't all be lucky enough to have Monday - Friday jobs. She has to understand that.

Wellyd

OP you need to go find a different charity that value the great work and effort you are putting in. No one should be made feel guilty about getting paid work. You are trying your absolute best and no 'boss' in a charity should make you feel selfish about getting a new job. There are plenty of charities that would value your time and energy, you should look into getting involved somewhere else.

meeeeh

If she needs people that badly she should pay them. If she wants to be a charity she should realise that she depends on good will of others. It's easy to be charitable when others are making sacrifices. I wouldn't say that to her if you want to continue working there. Btw as an employer I would be seriously annoyed if someone would start looking for different work schedules straight after being employed. (It's different if you let them know before they hire you). I think that paid job should always be a priority.

Jenneke87

meeeeh wrote: »

If she needs people that badly she should pay them. If she wants to be a charity she should realise that she depends on good will of others. It's easy to be charitable when others are making sacrifices. I wouldn't say that to her if you want to continue working there. Btw as an employer I would be seriously annoyed if someone would start looking for different work schedules straight after being employed. (It's different if you let them know before they hire you). I think that paid job should always be a priority.

That's what she meant, that I should have told them during the interview that I wasn't available on Saturdays. I feared they wouldn't hire me if I couldnt because of other commitments as I would not come across as flexible and I really needed that job, I have been without an income(not even the dole, the rules are different for that in my country) since january and felt I had no other choice. Thanks for repying everyone

meeeeh

Jenneke87 wrote: »

That's what she meant, that I should have told them during the interview that I wasn't available on Saturdays. I feared they wouldn't hire me if I couldnt because of other commitments as I would not come across as flexible and I really needed that job, I have been without an income(not even the dole, the rules are different for that in my country) since january and felt I had no other choice. Thanks for repying everyone

I know but why would you risk not getting a job . Sometimes accommodations are made but when you're unemployed you have very little bargaining power. Your boss just strikes me as incredibly selfish. Btw how would she cope if you or someone else suddenly got sick?

Big Bag of Chips

OP, the type of job you are after getting isn't a 9 to 5 Monday to Friday job. It's a hotel. Saturdays in a hotel would be the busiest time of the week. Even with Saturdays being their busiest time, I can 100% guarantee you will not be expected to work there every Saturday. The boss of the shelter has been very very very lucky to have you available for every Saturday for so long. There are very few people who would be willing to give up one day of their weekend, every weekend.

You have given her over a weeks notice to find someone else for next Saturday. That's plenty. She could easily ask one of the other volunteers if they wouldn't mind doing it. You have been more than accommodating. She's just annoyed that her "soft touch" who was the only one willing to give up every Saturday isn't going to be so available in future.

Jenneke87

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

OP, the type of job you are after getting isn't a 9 to 5 Monday to Friday job. It's a hotel. Saturdays in a hotel would be the busiest time of the week. Even with Saturdays being their busiest time, I can 100% guarantee you will not be expected to work there every Saturday. The boss of the shelter has been very very very lucky to have you available for every Saturday for so long. There are very few people who would be willing to give up one day of their weekend, every weekend.

You have given her over a weeks notice to find someone else for next Saturday. That's plenty. She could easily ask one of the other volunteers if they wouldn't mind doing it. You have been more than accommodating. She's just annoyed that her "soft touch" who was the only one willing to give up every Saturday isn't going to be so available in future.

Thx, I know I won't have to work every Saturday and I know it's hard for her to find someone else to cover the shift, and it's good to hear that I'm not the only one thinking she's being unreasonable. I mean, even if I couldn't do the saturday every week, I could discuss my schedule with her to see where I can step in or take over. I think it got to me so much because I feel like I gave a lot to that shelter, and she made me feel very unappreciated, like how dare I find a job and abandon HER!

Big Bag of Chips

That's exactly it, Jenneke, she didn't appreciate the fact that you were there every Saturday... it just became what she expected of you.

Chara1001

You sound fabulous op, and in my opinion you've done what you can.
Not many people are in a position to refuse paid work in favor of a voluntary role. I guess your boss at the shelter sees you as a fixture at this stage and she's taken it very badly that you can't devote every Saturday from here on in. That's not your problem though, if the hotel give you your rota in advance, you could probably organize something with the shelter, but to me- you sound very under appreciated.

Merkin

She's taking your help for granted. The hospitality industry is going to mean unsociable and irregular hours so for that reason I wouldn't make any prior commitments to the shelter which might actually interfere with a paid job. You must put that first. Best of luck in the new role!

Lovely Bloke

Is there another animal shelter nearby that would appreciate your time a bit more? This wagon sounds like she shouldn't be let near animals, never mind a child with behavioural issues.

AnonMouse

Based on her reaction alone and complete lack of appreciation for your situation alone, I would never go back there. You have to put food on the table and she has no right to tell you how to go about earning your money.

iguana

I worked in volunteer management for many years and as much as it can be a headache when a volunteer you relied on is no longer available and you have to overhaul your work because of it, that's just how it works and you have to accept it. You have a life to live and bills to pay which needs to come first for you. What she should have done is told you she'd be very sorry to lose you but thank you for your work in the past and gratefully agree to coming to a new arrangement with you as a volunteer if and when your schedule allowed.

Stavro Mueller

If she had flipped on the spot I could sort of understand where she was coming from. It can't be easy having a special needs child and it's great for her to have her Saturdays free. That's were my sympathy ends. I don't like what she said to you at all. She had time to think about what she was going to say but instead of wishing you well and finding out could you still volunteer on other days, she attacked you. Maybe it's going too far to suggest she felt she owned you in some way but she certainly came close to crossing that line. Just like everyone else, she knows you can't go around telling employers what days you will or won't work. Certainly not in this day and age and especially not in the hospitality sector. You made the right decision in keeping your mouth shut on the issue. If you'd said something about the Saturdays you'd have blown your chances of landing the job out of the water and someone else would be only too happy to take the job and work on Saturdays. Your first priority is to put bread on the table and if you can fit in volunteering around that, then that's an added bonus.

foxinsox

I would advise you to never work in that shelter again.

Did I read it right? She came to discuss this with you in your new place of work? If she did this , it is so rude of her.

Volunteers are fantastic, giving their time for free to work. Paid work always should take priority.

The cheek of her, she has only made a show of herself, please don't have any more to do with her.

Good luck in your new job..

:-)

Jenneke87

foxinsox wrote: »

I would advise you to never work in that shelter again.

Did I read it right? She came to discuss this with you in your new place of work? If she did this , it is so rude of her.

Good luck in your new job..

:-)

No thank god she didn't. I was at the shelter doing my shift when she asked an intern if I could come to the door and she asked me what the deal was. I told her I had a new job, and had to work this coming saturday. She then proceeded to say that I couldn't, as I had to be here and had to make other arrangements, should have given her more notice, did I had any idea was I was doing to her, etc. etc. It didn't feel right to pick a fight with her right there as I had customers in, but I was gobsmacked. Thanks for all your answers everyone, it means alot

RosieJoe

Jenneke87 wrote: »

There were a host of other things wrong with me as well, according to her, which I will not go into further for the sake of keeping this as short as I can.

This sticks out for me even though you didn't want to expand on it. If she went off on a rant about your new job, you not being able to work the Saturday or anything volunteer specific you might be able to move on and still volunteer. If she started getting personal, as you alluded to, there would be no hope in hell, if it was me, that I would ever help out again.

Merkin

RosieJoe wrote: »

This sticks out for me even though you didn't want to expand on it. If she went off on a rant about your new job, you not being able to work the Saturday or anything volunteer specific you might be able to move on and still volunteer. If she started getting personal, as you alluded to, there would be no hope in hell, if it was me, that I would ever help out again.

Me either.

I'd be telling her in no uncertain terms to fcuk off OP and then volunteer at another shelter on your own terms and at a place where your assistance is actually appreciated.

Dixie Chick

OP-She played a guilt card on your about her child missing out on parenting time. Shame on her. I agree that you can devote yourself to another charity, one that does simply expect your time

lau1247

Paid job come first, free volunteer work come second. End of story and nothing to discuss about really.

Jenneke87

Seems indeed like it's time to move on. I got a text from her last night asking what the deal was with my shift for today. I didn't see it untill my shift was finished at 2315. Responded with apologizing for my late reply but that I had informed her that I couldnt make it today. She then asked did I found anyone to cover my shift. We have a FB page for those things and she could see and read for herself that no-one was available. However, I didn't hear the second text with that question coming in and wasn't home till 01:00. I didn't think it be a great idea to text her in the middle of the night so left it till this morning I woke up to another text from her saying: Difficult huh, responding? So I told her that I didn't want to disturb her in the middle of the night and that no, no one could take over my shift. She then said that there would be no one to take care of the animals and let the volunteers in and did I know what I was doing. I feel really bad now, I dread getting another text for her or an angry email. I never have the balls to pick a fight with anyone, although I'd love to tell her to f*ck it and find replacement permanently. I actually feel guilty now, how bad is that. Gonna read this thread again, hopefully will make me feel better Thanks guys.

allym

You've done absolutely nothing wrong don't feel bad! You're a volunteer!! It would be completely different if this was your actual job but it's not.

I think someone needs to remind her that volunteering is something you do when you have the time, not something that you are forced or bound to do!

Stavro Mueller

I mean this in the nicest possible way but now is the time to show some backbone. It's clear that this woman's not just playing the guilt card but is bullying you. It's not your responsibility to find someone else to cover your shift - it's hers. She is the person who runs the shelter and it's up to her to make sure there are people there when they're needed. You are a volunteer who has been kind enough to give up your time to help out without being paid for it.

At this stage you should send her a text to say you quit with immediate effect and to never contact you again. Unlike the Facebook page, ignore any further texts/emails and move on. You've done nothing wrong - you have to put bread on the table and if it means working irregular hours, so be it. Don't let this bullying wagon walk all over you. She knows that you're the sort of person who doesn't like to pick fights and she is using that to harass you and to make you feel like crap. Don't let her or anyone else ever do that.

Merkin

I think you need to terminate any association with this woman. Your job needs to come first now and this woman is being extremely nasty and unreasonable. Text her and tell her that you will no longer be available for ANY volunteer work and instead approach another shelter who will appreciate you. This woman sounds vile so don't be upset by her mean and bullying ways, you are not a paid employee and are under no obligation to turn up on terms dictated by her.

Czarcasm

OP I don't know how you voluntarily put up with this woman's crap for as long as you did (You'd REALLY have had to care about the animals!), but the good news at least is that you won't have to put up with it any longer, and there are plenty of good, well-run animal shelters that would only be too grateful to have you volunteer for them.

This woman had all week to find a replacement volunteer (there are voluntary organisations like Volunteer Ireland she could have sourced from), but due to her own bad management, she thought she would eventually get you to cave in and stay on rather than wish you well in your new employment.

I wouldn't give her another minute of your time.

Stavro Mueller

OP, I really hope you are going to see the light and quit right now. I know you value the work you've been doing at the shelter but staying on is going to do you no good at all. It's clear that this woman has gotten in under your skin and that's not right. I scanned back over the thread again and still can't believe the sheer arrogance of this woman. If she behaved like that in a workplace, she'd be up for bullying. Czarcasm makes a very valid point - she had all week to find someone else to work today. Instead of doing that (which any sane person would've done), she decided to lash out at you again. She treats you with utter contempt. Do not even think about giving her even another moment of your time.

As I've said before, quit by text and tell her to never make contact again. If she calls, please do not answer your phone. If you feel you must reply to any texts or emails, just keep replying with the same stock answer. Tell her you've quit, it's not your problem any more and to never contact you again. She'll soon tire of it and find someone else to be her punchbag

jinxremoving

She is completely out of line here,using every emotionally manipulative trick in the book. Don't feel guilty for one minute. If I were you I would state I have found employment now that doesn't allow any more time to volunteer if you don't want to get into a confrontation. But I would also not be able to resist telling her how out of line she is. It is down to her to reorganize the schedule,not you. Remember you are a volunteer in all of this,not obligated to put volunteering over paid employment. Best of luck with the new job!

Big Bag of Chips

Surely now is the time to fully quit your position there. Could you ever really be comfortable going back their to help her out. She seems to forget that that's what you were doing helping her. Sometimes people can help out, sometimes they can't. Your circumstances have changed and you are no longer in a position to help her out.

I'd be inclined now to resign your position by ignoring everything that comes from her. I wouldn't even bother replying with a "I'm not available any more". How she expects you to go back there now after the complete lack of appreciation and respect she has shown you is unbelievable.

You don't work there. You help out when you can. You can't help out this weekend. There are other volunteers, who obviously aren't too pushed about giving up their Saturday to help out!! You don't want to get into a row with her. I completely understand that. But she is using your good and kind nature to bully you.

If you want to send 1 last text to say from now on you are not available for any shifts in the shelter, and then ignore anything else that comes from her. She will give out about you. She will bad mouth you to the other volunteers, but there's nothing you can do about her. I'm guessing she's not the most approachable of people anyway - so not many people will take her word as gospel!

Chara1001

Op, i'm literally here at my laptop, willing you, trying to send you mind messages, urging you with everything i have to stand up for yourself!
That text exchange should never have happened- you shouldn't have let it!!!
You're going to feel bad until you do something, take decisive action- please don't tell us you will wait till this blows over and see if you can arrange to incorporate what she wants in future blah blah.. this is her walking all over you- this is her dancing on your face ffs, and YOU'RE LETTING HER!
You need to send her a message- if you haven't already. 'I will not be returning to work at your shelter, do not contact me in the future' or give her a daily rate for your shift. op, you can't go back after this- she sounds like a nightmare!!
Please let your next post be good news- I promise you, you will feel better for it

iguana

Is this woman the 'owner' of the shelter or the manager? If she is the manager I'd strongly consider reporting her to her boss.

missjm

HI OP
Like you, I'm not a confrontational person and try to avoid conflict of any sort. However, I wouldn't tolerate this. This is nothing but downright bullying. If she is indeed the owner - I would reply to her text asking why she is still harassing you as you have explained already that your previous unlimited availability would be restricted going forward. Remind her that you were good enough to try to arrange cover but that ultimately as 'the boss' it is her responsibility and she had adequate time since you told her to put other arrangements in place.

she's well out of order so don't feel any guilt whatsoever.

smythking

I admire you for doing charity work and you sound too good for that organisation.How are you supposed to pay your bills and simply exist if you have no income.I find if people are unreasonable to me then I need to be away from them and after all you are doing this free.

Jenneke87

One last post, then this thread can be closed

I sent her an email outlining all of my issues I had with her, finishing with that I quit working there immediatly. I blocked her on my phone, fb, email and everything else I could think of and the keys are in the mail back to her

Thanks everyone for your kind words, they really helped.

Merkin

Well done girl!

RosieJoe

You are doing the right thing if you ask me. Unfortunately you will feel sad for having to stop doing what you obviously enjoyed, why else would you have volunteered. Without sounding like a complete muppet, try to stay strong to why you quit as no doubt there will be days that you regret having to quit.

carolinespring

Well done Jenneke87. You did the right thing.

Chara1001

Yay:) well done you:)

djimi

Had to be done. You gave her over a weeks notice to find a replacement for you on the day in question (even if it meant covering the shift herself). Your job comes before your volunteering; only one of them pays the bills. If she doesnt understand that then thats her problem; you are better off away from her.

missjm

I'm so proud!!!

I only wish I could see her reaction.
People like that shouldn't be tolerated - you did good!

Joeseph Balls

Is she afraid she'll have to go in Saturday? Sounds like the shelter needs a new owner that remembers what its all about.