More workplace bullying..

emmabrighton

Lads,

I may be being hypersensitive her but I am sitting at my desk trying not to cry...

This is the latest in a string of events that have occurred in the past 4 months since a new developer started working on my team.

He never really liked me. I don't know why.

He is a trainer and also a developer.

When he started working here, my boss got me to organise training sessions to be held by him twice weekly.

We did the first and after that he said that he was unwilling to continue because the training sessions were a waste of time and he was too busy developing.

Grand, he said this to the boss and to me so that was the end of the training sessions.

About a week into him starting work in our office there was a retreat day where we played games and had a working lunch organised by myself and the office manager... I ended up being on his team and he complained about what a big waste of time the day was. Grand, I brushed it off because it wasnt like I requested the day, the boss did. I just organised the games with the office manager.

Then, as lead developer, he started coordinating the team. My application is an add on to the main part of the project so he just didn't invite me to meetings as it wasn't intrinsic to the core aspects of the project... Grand, i had other things to do...

Then my boss asked if we could include certain add ons to my part of the project. I said yes because it was technically possible. He said that he would not have his junior developer working on it because it was unnecessary and overly complex. The boss wanted it because it was sexy! And he could sell sexy.

So, I went about developing it.

In January I finally got to attend a meeting where he and his junior developer kept sniggering about my part of the project.

I have to say that I was a bit hurt because 1) I felt like I wasn't part of the team and 2) because they made me feel very uncomfortable.

Then this week I had my annual review and I was told that my boss expected me to take on more leadership roles, that due to my qualifications I was expected to move into the role of project manager.

This is going to be really difficult because they are bullying me the way I was bullied in school... they talk about me behind my back, dislike me being in the meetings, do not want my development work to be more closely integrated with theirs and the team lead is blatantly rude and curt in his interactions with me.

I am sick to the stomach about having to call a meeting to tell them that I am going to be the PM moving forward. I know they wont facilitate me, in fact, I would say they will hinder any attempts for me to be successful.

So far they think I am just another developer and every time I make a request they put my request to the bottom of their to do list even though it is necessary for them to complete the work before I can do mine...

I am thinking of handing in my notice but I love everything else about the job. I work 5 mins from home so can get home to see my son every day at lunch...

What should I do?

username123

1 - Start recording every incident and interaction that you feel is you being bullied.

2 - Start calling people out on open unacceptable behaviour such as "Excuse me, why are you sniggering?"

3 - What is the HR situation? Make a formal complaint and be prepared to back it up with the details you will have been recording from (1) above.

You might have to become what you perceive as unpleasant in order to deal with these people. For example, when the guy said he did not want to continue training as it was a waste of time and he was too busy developing you could have answered that it was not his decision to make but that you would report back to your boss whose decision it is and get back to him on it, i.e., put him in his place. I am assuming that you both have the same boss and that you are not below him in the pecking order?

I have often found that being a loud mouth puts these people in their place. So in front of your boss for example, ask him loudly why all of your requests are being put to the bottom of the list. Involve other people in your communications.

I am dealing with a very difficult boss who is horribly bullying in his dealing with me (and others) - particularly when he is alone with someone. It has been dealt with by the upper echelons by moving the whole team into an office beside a much bigger team - this way, there is no interaction alone with him. So far - he behaves himself in front of others. Sometimes curbing a nasty persons behaviour is possible just by managing your interactions with them.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I think it would be difficult to construct a case of bullying from what you have described below.

I'll accept that the "lead developer" has an attitude and is obstructive in terms of interactions and desired output. Guess what some people are a*seholes.

Not to sound harsh but you have to deal it, as a manager either of people or a project you eventually have to manage this type of behaviour.

Call the meeting. Tell him you are now PM. You are running this project and things will chnage, his disruptive behaviour will not be tolerated. He may not like it but tough. This isnt a debate this is fact. He can either get on-board or he is off the project. Note: you aren't making friends, you being clear and forthright.

When he does act up (he may will) you need to pull him aside and discuss it. What are his issues, are they genuine or is he just disruptive?
Then take the appropriate action : help him or report back that he is placing the project in jeopardy (give him warning and opportunity to change before reporting him). the recommondation being his removal from the project.
(Senior management should support such a position and approach as it is fair and measured. If Senior management dont support this, then they havent empowered you to carry out your role, a new job may be less stressful)

So bottomline the choice for you is
1) Woman / Man up and grow a pair 2) Avoid the situation and resign

Good luck!! ( i suspect you knew all this already though )

freshpopcorn

If you are being bullied I would recommend you record every instance that happens and speak to your HR Manager.
What did the manger say when the guy ended the training secessions and he had more important work to do? If the boss said it was okay I wouldn't really consider it bullying.
Now the retreat day most people I know hate these days because they feel there a wastes of time and they'd prefer to be working. Him saying that he didn't enjoy the day isn't bullying.

emmabrighton wrote: »

Then, as lead developer, he started coordinating the team. My application is an add on to the main part of the project so he just didn't invite me to meetings as it wasn't intrinsic to the core aspects of the project... Grand, i had other things to do... ?

Did the meetings involve you/your input needed,? I know Know where my brother works he is over a lot of people and sometimes people think they should be at meetings when they shouldn't and then they get annoyed because they weren't included.

emmabrighton wrote: »

I have to say that I was a bit hurt because 1) I felt like I wasn't part of the team and 2) because they made me feel very uncomfortable.

Everyone does team work from time time to time and they mightn't feel included/part of the team/get on with the team. Generally the boss just cares the work us getting done. Were you on a team at work before that you got in with the people? I say this because I was on a team before and we all got on then I ended up on another team and we didn't mix as well and I felt excluded/etc but I still did the work. So nobody cared.

emmabrighton wrote: »

Then this week I had my annual review and I was told that my boss expected me to take on more leadership roles, that due to my qualifications I was expected to move into the role of project manager.

That's great your boss must trust you then and he must like you.

emmabrighton wrote: »

This is going to be really difficult because they are bullying me the way I was bullied in school... they talk about me behind my back, dislike me being in the meetings, do not want my development work to be more closely integrated with theirs and the team lead is blatantly rude and curt in his interactions with me.

Loads of people talk about people behind their back. They mightn't think your up to the job prove them wrong. How do you know they dislike you? As I said earlier not everyone likes everyone. That's life.

emmabrighton wrote: »

I am sick to the stomach about having to call a meeting to tell them that I am going to be the PM moving forward. I know they wont facilitate me, in fact, I would say they will hinder any attempts for me to be successful. .

You have to show them your in charge of the project and your able to lead a team/difficult people. Your boss has to do it. I've done it in the past, its not easy the first time but one thing the people on your team need for you is respect and this is something you have to earn off them. It they have no respect it's hard to be taken seriously.

emmabrighton wrote: »

So far they think I am just another developer and every time I make a request they put my request to the bottom of their to do list even though it is necessary for them to complete the work before I can do.

Are these people over you or beneath you or at the same level.
People at work often wants to there work first before they go off and do something else/ people generally cares about themselves not others.


Sorry if I sounded harsh in places I was just being honest.

sopretty

To me it sounds like he quite simply is not a team player? In his own head, I imagine he feels ye are beneath him.

I would try to reassure yourself that 'tis all in his head lol.

I'd imagine he'll be surprised to discover that you are going to be taking on the PM role. In his mind, I'd say he thinks that that should be where he is lol. Or indeed, that no PM is required!

Certainly document all negative interactions with him. But hold your head high, content in the knowledge that your boss obviously acknowledges and appreciates your qualifications and your accomplishments and walk in there and ruin his day by telling him you'll be taking over as PM. I'd nearly pay to see his reaction!

emmabrighton

Thanks for your input.

I am probably over sensitive due to the bullying I experienced at school and I feel like I am being ganged up on.

I would say the guy does not respect me. I would say that he thinks he is more knowledgeable and no doubt, he is. He is a contractor and is expensive so will only be around as long as he is needed. I would say that he thinks that I am beneath him. Technically I am not as experienced as he is though I have a PhD under my belt but not years of programming experience, which he has.

For this reason, I would be better off leaving the more technically minded people do the development work and this would be my aim for the coming year... move out of development role into pm role... I am good at coming up with new ideas and finding issues that need fixing... I am not an encyclopedia when it comes to development like some of the guys in the office. But, I never claimed to be...

How do I go from "pandering" to them and trying to make them like me to where I need to be... I don't feel like a born leader

sopretty

Your boss obviously feels you have leadership skills! Could you imagine someone like yer man managing the project? You'd end up with a lot of very upset individuals I think! Knuckle down, acknowledge his strengths, leave him to do his developing and get on with your own role, which I think you might enjoy. If he questions every decision you make, don't take it personally. Treat each question individually, baring in mind, that he'll probably question everything. Do take his professional opinions on board, but ultimately look at the situation objectively. Try not to let your fear of him colour your opinion of his work or input.

username123

emmabrighton wrote: »

How do I go from "pandering" to them and trying to make them like me to where I need to be... I don't feel like a born leader

If only there was a simple answer to this that I could bottle and sell!!

You really have to not care if they like you or not - you are not there to make friends. You also have to be willing to DEMAND respect. A lot of it is about self confidence and self assurance generally.

Without getting into your own personal situation, I have known some people who were bullied in school who then went on to be bullied in adult life in work or even in their relationships. I guess some people give off the signals that they will accept being bullied. So dont be that person.

Im not a born leader either, but I dont get bullied. Im not confrontational in work (I wouldnt be because if I lost my temper with someone it could take me days to cool off - I try not to lose it), but I am dogmatic. I can maintain a calm icy politeness and continue to demand that I am listened to, answered, etc... Now I might leave the situation and be angry and upset inside but I have a very calm exterior and I simply do not back down if someone is trying to put one over on me.

In your first post, I simply would not have accepted this guy just cancelling training because he didnt feel like it. I would have escalated that.

I also would be very very vocal calling someone out on tittering or sniggering in a meeting. I have thrown senior management out of meetings for distracting other staff. There is a lot to be said for a loud calm instruction to someone to quit that behaviour or the situation will be escalated.

emmabrighton

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Sorry if I sounded harsh in places I was just being honest.

No, I really appreciate it.... I probably can put a lot of it down to 1) paranoia 2) over sensitivity 3) lack of respect

As a developer I didn't need to be at the meetings, no... that was for the main part of the application - not my add-on but as someone being groomed to be the product owner/project manager... then, yes I should have been there...

He was not to know this, of course... I wasn't even sure for the past few months... I had heard the other PMs mention it but I just thought it is what they expected and not what the big boss had decided...

I will psyche myself up and call a meeting on Monday...

sopretty

You go girl! You'll be well able for it!

sopretty

Also, just to consider, he might be the sort of person who thrives on positive feedback and praise. Acknowledging his input positively, might placate him somewhat!

December2012

Presumably your boss will be making the announcement? Contractors usually respond to the person who pays them - so if your boss says to him that you're the leader and in charge then it's clear that you are.

Paddy Cow

He is not going to like that you are now PM but tough. It sounds like he has a massive ego and will do everything in his power to undermine you but don't let him. Sit in on all meetings from now on and if any of your work gets left undone, send an email asking where is the work you sent x amount of time ago. Don't just ask him in person, as he can deny the conversation. He is the pack leader and the others will follow him. You will also have to let them know that you are in charge and don't mean to be side lined.

I have been in that situation before where someone else came in and thought they were the centre of the universe and everyone else existed to serve them. He didn't like it when I made it clear that wasn't going to happen and after awhile, he grudgingly accepted that he had to treat me with respect. He was never going to like me but seeing as he was a total assho!e, I wasn't too cut up about it

Don't take anything this guy does personally. The problem is him, not you and he would be the same with anyone else. He wants to be top dog and you are a threat to this. Some people really are that petty in the work place that they will stoop to undermining their colleagues. As you have said, he is a contractor so he will probably be long gone before you are. Hold your nerve, be assertive and see this as a massive opportunity for yourself.

Your boss knows you a lot better than this guy and wants to develop your skills, so learn as much as you can but don't let him wear you down. He might have better programming skills than you but you have much better people and organising skills, which are far more important skills needed to lead a project than the programming is. Your boss probably knows this guy is a massive tool but wants to use his skills on this project. Doesn't mean he wants the guy around forever. Stick it out and have the last laugh

Hope it works out for you.