Is he just not that into me?

hollysim1986

I went on my first date on Friday with a guy who I met online and have been texting for about 3 weeks. We originally had planned to go for just a coffee, one coffee turned to two and then we decided to go grab a bite to eat and then ended up going for a few cocktails. All in all it was a long date, about 9 hours! But the time flew and the conversation flowed. At the end of the date he walked me to my train and we hugged but didn't kiss, he looked as if he was going for it but I sort of panicked (I haven't dated in a long time). Overall I felt like the date was a success. However...

He never mentioned another date, just "I'll talk you you soon" + the next day I heard nothing at all. I must add we usually only text every 2nd day and it's usually him who initiates the conversation. Today I was going stir crazy and I texted him saying that I had a great time and thanked him for the drinks etc. to which he replied it was his pleasure. A few texted were exchanged and he ended again with chat soon.

Am I being ridiculous and is he just playing it cool or is he really just not that into me and trying to be nice? He's a difficult one to read! All answers appreciated

Lux23

You didn't kiss him? Maybe that hurt his ego?

hollysim1986

Lux23 wrote: »

You didn't kiss him? Maybe that hurt his ego?

Thats what I feared. I wanted to really but the overall setting etc (outside the lovely connolly station in the middle of the street) seemed very wrong

Merkin

I don't think it's a case of playing it cool or not being into you necessarily. You've only had one date and that was only forty eight hours ago so just relax and see what happens. It seems to have gone well and if interested he will be in touch.

Tokyo

OP, it's quite possible that you gave him the wrong idea at the end of the date that you weren't interested in him. the fact that he responded immediately to your messages today is a pretty good sign. Why not just ask him if he's interested in meeting up again, and see what he says?

Meauldsegosha

Why don't you invite him out for the next date?

hollysim1986

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Why don't you invite him out for the next date?

I think I will its just a case of plucking up the courage to do it! But I guess the worst he can say is no!

Cork selfbuild

hollysim1986 wrote: »

I think I will its just a case of plucking up the courage to do it! But I guess the worst he can say is no!

Yup, that's the next step here, ask straight out! And when he says yes, when you meet up, fill him in on what you said about the end of the first date and ye can have a laugh about it when ye look back after ye have the first kiss!

Best of luck OP

Loughc

mike_ie wrote: »

OP, it's quite possible that you gave him the wrong idea at the end of the date that you weren't interested in him. the fact that he responded immediately to your messages today is a pretty good sign. Why not just ask him if he's interested in meeting up again, and see what he says?

I agree, he might have picked up the wrong signal at the end of the first date that you might just want to be friends.

The exact same thing happened to me at my last first date and when I got home I felt a bit deflated so I didn't text her, she texted me the next day to explain she was nervous and panicked and we said we'd try another date, that was over 2 years ago and we're living together and everything now!

So if you like him and had a good time lay your cards out on the table and tell him how you felt and explain you were a bit nervous, only good can come from it! Best of luck!

stargazer 68

hollysim1986 wrote: »

I think I will its just a case of plucking up the courage to do it! But I guess the worst he can say is no!

Exactly! If he says no then you will know and move on. If he says yes - buy a guna nua!

hollysim1986

Thanks for all your helpful responses. Unfortunately I still haven't heard from him since the texts on Sunday so I guess he's not really interested. I know I could text but it looks a bit desperate and I'm determined not too come off as a clingy b***h so I guess its time to move on

Celly Smunt

hollysim1986 wrote: »

Thanks for all your helpful responses. Unfortunately I still haven't heard from him since the texts on Sunday so I guess he's not really interested. I know I could text but it looks a bit desperate and I'm determined not too come off as a clingy b***h so I guess its time to move on

Its been 3 or so days, from a male perspective that is not clingy, thats showing him you're not interested from lack of instigation.Just text him, he is probably in the same situation.You didnt kiss him which is fine, but you probably didnt give him the "come get me" in another sense at the end either.You have to be a bit black and white with him here and just go for it, give him the come on.

Engine No.9

I'm reminded alot of this old adage when I read this thread.

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



His Diary:

Motorcycle won't start, can't figure out why.

Stop overthinking it. With dudes it's either black or white. At this point he probably reckons it's you that's not into him and not the other way round. Bite the bullet on this one. You know your motivation for why you're distancing yourself, you don't know his. If you come off as anything less than intended then there's really no point in it at this early stage.

hollysim1986

Well I bit the bullet texted and asked him out and he said no made up a daft excuse about going on a stag next weekend and not having time with work. oh well...

Engine No.9

Well that's unfortunate. But chin up now. You're free to concentrate on everything and anything that crosses your path in the future. Cold comfort at this stage, but at least you now know where you stand.

Merkin

Aw that's a pity OP. I guess it's better to know sooner rather than hang on indefinitely. Onwards and upwards!

dixiefly

Well done on texting him anyway. It wasn't the response that you wanted but clarifies things.

And don't beat yourself up over the non kiss, that shouldn't be a deal breaker.

CaraMay

Well look now you know... Onwards and upwards.

The Corinthian

hollysim1986 wrote: »

At the end of the date he walked me to my train and we hugged but didn't kiss, he looked as if he was going for it but I sort of panicked (I haven't dated in a long time). Overall I felt like the date was a success. However...

He may not have though. If there's a physical attraction between two people, you'll typically get a kiss at the end of the date. If not, it's kind of unusual and not uncommon for many guys to conclude that there isn't any interest on her part, or she's a time traveller from the Victorian era, neither of which are particularly good signs.

Before you ask, asking her out a second time is no proof she's into you - plenty of guys have ended up going on two or three dates with a girl who had already decided she wasn't into the guy by the first date.

hollysim1986 wrote: »

Well I bit the bullet texted and asked him out and he said no made up a daft excuse about going on a stag next weekend and not having time with work. oh well...

He might have been telling the truth. Probably not, but stranger things have happened. Either way, by calling him, you've made it known you're interested. If he doesn't respond, then that's not your problem. Well done on having contacted him.