Feel like a right tit

LegacyUser

I was on hols a few months ago and met a guy that I really liked. Id known him previous to the holidays. Anyways, we crossed the line between friendship. And I realised I actually genuinely had feelings for him.

Anyways, towards the end, it became apparent that it wouldnt continue. I was genuinely cut up. But went home and tried to get on with life. We've had no contact for 5/6 weeks now.

Anways, I dont know what got into me yesterday. I do miss him. But normally have self control. But I IM'ed him on fb. I just asked him "How have you been". I know hes seen the message, so he has basically ignored it.

So, it seems the friendship we had is over. I dont know why I put myself outthere for a further rejection. I am hurt and a bit angry. And I do feel like saying "well you know what? Screw you." type thing. But I know that wont really serve a purpose other than to fuel anger.

Has anyone ever been through a double rejection like this? I know the best thing is for me to just get on with life. But I am just feeling hurt (again) I guess. If I cut him off from fb, will it look unreasonable/petty?

Tokyo

OP, I think it's a bit OTT to feel like you have suffered a "double rejection" as you put it. From what you described, you had a holiday fling of some sort or another, and the guy in question just seems to have grasped the situation for what it was, much earlier than you did. Ignoring your message was a little rude, but it seems to be a pretty clear cut signal that he doesn't want to continue things.

Obviously you need to move on form this rather than getting as angry/upset as you are, and how you move on is up to you. If you think that deleting phone numbers/facebook details is the way froward for you, then do it, write the experience off as being a holiday friendship/romance, and get on with your life.

Stavro Mueller

He might nearly be grateful if you deleted him from FB. Having someone in your life who has feelings for you when you don't feel the same way can be awkward. It's possible that when the IM came in, he deliberated over it and decided that on balance it was better to ignore it. If he replied back, he might've been encouraging you or giving you false hope. The other alternative would've been to write an "I'm sorry Mary but I don't see you as anything other than a friend" message. Let's face it, who wants to write one of those?

I know you feel like crap now but this is the best thing for you. It draws a line under any false hope you've been harbouring. In a way it doesn't matter any more whether he's in your phone book or on Facebook. You feel hurt and embarrassed and now know that there is no hope. Though for your sanity it probably would be better if you didn't have him showing up in your news feed, especially if he meets a new girl.

So, it seems the friendship we had is over

It's clear that you don't want to be his friend. You want to be his girlfriend. So really, is it any loss seeing as that's never going to happen?

LegacyUser

It is good to get objective opinions.

You are right - he had cottoned onto what it was before I did.

Cymbaline-my feelings are a bit scattered on this...I dont know if I miss him as a friend or something else.

We'd been good friends for about 2 years before the fling happened.

I miss him and thought it would be better to have him in my life, than not at all.

But obviously, he doesnt feel the same. I guess at least I well and truely know where he stands now. And I cant do anything to change that, face up to it, but it hurts, ya know?

CaraMay

Yeah but he has done nothing wrong. Ye had a fling, he didn't want to continue and he hasn't lead you on. You can't have a gripe with him!!

LegacyUser

I was never mad/angry at him, after all as you said, he didnt lead me up the garden path with promises etc. I respected the fact he had to balls to be honest.

But we were friends for few years before all this happened.

Am angry, probably, at myself for putting myself out there. For trying. Am angry I cant do anything. I guess I just have to leave it at nothing can be salvaged. Its like loosing a friend and someone special all at once (hence what I said "double rejection").

Stavro Mueller

I've been at the other end of this - years ago one of my friends took a fancy to me and asked me out. I didn't see him in that way at all so I found it horribly uncomfortable. I still do judging by the way my toes are curling here as I type lol. It was the end of the friendship - we never fell out or anything but it quickly fizzled out.

Instead of walling in self-pity here, why don't you clap yourself on the back for putting yourself out there. I suspect you probably always fancied the guy but it took some time for you to realise it. It's not your fault that he doesn't see you in the same way. Have you really lost a friend or have you just lost the man of your dreams?

CaraMay

feellikearighttit wrote: »

I was never mad/angry at him, after all as you said, he didnt lead me up the garden path with promises etc. I respected the fact he had to balls to be honest.

But we were friends for few years before all this happened.

Am angry, probably, at myself for putting myself out there. For trying. Am angry I cant do anything. I guess I just have to leave it at nothing can be salvaged. Its like loosing a friend and someone special all at once (hence what I said "double rejection").

Well then why do you want to say 'screw you' to him?

LegacyUser

Hahaha lads - I havent stalked the guy or anything. Or incessantly messaged him. I sent a message "how are you?". And I feel like a tit now for even trying.

So, please stop with the "creepy woman" portrayal.

We were friends before. Quite good friends. And now its messed up.

Angry at myself caramay-and I realise this, which is why it shall never be sent.

jubella

OP, for what it's worth I don't think you overreacted or anything - you liked the guy and got rejected.. Of course you're going to feel hurt! But I think you know that this is your issue and not his.

The best thing is to just delete his number/facebook and move on. Friendships end and fizzle out all the time. This is just one of those experiences. He might have been a bit rude in not replying, but in all honesty it's probably for the best. If you stayed friends, it would be very hard to get over your romantic feelings for him. The friendship was never going to be the same again after what happened. It's a shame, sure, but it's just one of those things that you can't do anything about I'm afraid.