Postnatal mental health

LegacyUser

I thought it might be very useful to have a thread where we could discuss postnatal mental health. It's not something that's often talked about - it's a bit of a taboo subject - after all, you've just had a gorgeous perfect new baby, why on earth wouldn't you be blissfully happy?!

Here is my own experience.

I have never had any mental health issues in the past. When I got pregnant, it wasn't planned, but we were happy.

Then the baby came along. For the first few days, I was floating on a wave of euphoric happiness. I had so much energy! Even on the first day I got out of the hospital, I was carting the baby around the local shopping centre. I was going everywhere, meeting everyone.

Maybe ten days in, I crashed. I remember the PHN coming out, and I had this big list of questions for her - is it normal for him to breathe like this? Is it normal for him to make these noises? Etc. Everything he did, I took as a bad sign. I was very tearful. The PHN made an extra appointment for a week later.

And, when she came back, I was doing a lot better. I was fine! I'd gotten used to him and his ways, he was a very good, happy, healthy baby. The nurse was happy, I was happy, she said she'd see me at my three month appointment.

When he was four weeks old, the panic attacks started. The first one happened when I was in the shower one morning. I was just suddenly overwhelmed with the idea that I was the only person in the world responsible for this tiny creature, forever, and honestly it hit me with such a force that I actually fell forward, it was scary.

The next morning, I was lying in bed, and my body went numb and everything went black, and I was certain I was dying and all I could think about was my boyfriend coming home from work to find me dead and the baby screaming from dehydration, or maybe even worse.

That's basically what it centred around for the next couple of weeks. That fear of dying and leaving the baby alone. In the mornings, I'd (jokingly) ask my boyfriend not to go to work ... but I'd mean it. With each feed, I'd be counting how many hours were left til he came home. If he fed at 2pm, I'd be so happy and relieved - if I were to die now, it would be OK, my boyfriend would be home in time for his next feed. Seeing that written down in text makes me realise what a crazy way it was to be thinking.

I decided a few days ago that this was it, I wasn't go to freak out any more. I was fine. So, when I started getting the shakiness and numbness and tingling, I kept telling myself, this is OK. This has happened you before, you survived it, you were fine. This went on for a couple of hours ... until, suddenly, I got this awful pain in my hip. I couldn't walk on it, or put any weight on it, and instead of seeing it for what it was - an annoyance! - I saw it as a sign that there clearly was something physically seriously wrong with me, a very real thing, I was clearly having a stroke or a heart attack or something similar, I was so wrong to ignore all the symptoms I'd been having, and I was about to die there and then! If the hip pain was real (and it was, I literally couldn't put weight on it) then everything else was real too.

My previous panic attacks didn't compare to this one. This was a full-on meltdown! I rang the PHN and roared crying down the phone to her. She was lovely, but started talking about referring me to the hospital's postnatal mental health team. I was confused ... I was clearly dying, what was she saying about mental health?! So I rang my GP. Again, she didn't seem to think I was dying, but she made an appointment for myself and the baby the following day. At some stage I also rang my boyfriend, basically telling him I was dying and needed to get to hospital asap and he needed to get himself home to mind the baby. He got a taxi home from work, would have cost an astronomical amount, never mind the bother of leaving at such short notice, and I feel awful about it!

By the time he got home, I was recovering. I still shook absolutely violently for a couple of hours afterwards, but I was OK.

The following day, I went to my GP. There was nothing physically wrong with me, and she doens't think I have postnatal depression either. She diagnosed me with postnatal anxiety and postnatal panic disorder.

I wasn't really sure, I was still worried, but I went home and Googled the symptoms, and I was amazed. The tingling, the numbness, all the physical symptoms I'd been having were there. Other women had been through this. I read stories about other women (like me) ringing their healthcare providers in an absolute panic, convinced they were dying. I wasn't the only one.

All I felt was relief. I wasn't dying, I wasn't about to leave my little baby all alone in the world. I was OK. He was OK. Everything was OK.

My doctor has decided to give me a couple of weeks and see how I'm getting on before starting on medication. I'm really hoping I don't have to, but if she thinks I should, I will ... what's best for me is best for the baby.

Honestly I'm coping a lot better now, though, now that I've a name for what's happening, I know what it is and I know I'm not the only one.

Only this morning I had another panic attack - the baby seemed cold. I did freak out a bit, rang the PHN (again!! poor woman) ... but then I took a shower, let my boyfriend feed the baby, took his temperature, and he was fine. We were all fine! It did take me most of the day to recover from it though.

I never understood panic attacks before. I'm a very calm cool chilled out person usually. It's tough to come to terms with this stuff when you've never suffered it before, and with a new baby to contend with too!!

I'm learning every day and getting better every day.

I'd love for others to share their experiences, if they're comfortable to do so. If not - just remember, you are not alone. So many others out there have gone through and are going through the same thing.

Do seek help. I have improved so much just for letting others know what I'm going through.

The PHN told me something that really stuck with me - that I need to be enjoying this time with my small baby, that I should not suffer unnecessarily when there is help available. It's so true.

One thing that has helped so far is ... with the baby, I was keeping a detailed diary of all his feeds and nappies. Now, I've started that with myself. Making myself eat, whether I'm hungry or not. Making myself take my multivitamins, making myself get out on my own for a walk. It seems so simple when you're pregnant ... not so much so in your sleep-deprived state once the baby arrives!

And the more I read and learn about my diagnosis, the better. I am not alone. This is temporary, this is fixable.

Roesy

I haven't experienced what you have but I have dealt with panic attacks in the past. I still remember the horrible feeling of thinking that I was going to die. I can't imagine how hard it must be dealing with that on top of the already overwhelming time that is becoming a parent for the first time. Delighted you are getting it under control and have good support. I wish you, your partner and little baby a bright and happy future x

nikpmup

wow... I read the thread title, and was about to post my own story of a few weeks of tearfulness and worry, until I actually read your thread!

TBH, a lot of things are similar - I worried, and still do, CONSTANTLY, that the baby is okay and I'm doing things right - the difference is, my response to these worries is more... I was going to say normal, but that's not the right word. It's more that my response to these worries is within a normal range of behaviour. Your resonses fell outside this normal range, which is why you needed a little help.

I'm glad you are getting the help you need. You and your baby and boyfriend should be enjoying this time, and the help you are getting will ensure that you can.

theLuggage

I was diagnosed with Postnatal Depression about 6 months after birth of second child. I had just started my meds and was taking out my older daughter to cinema. I nearly had a meltdown - where would i park? should i bring the buggy? If I did what would i do with it in the cinema? if I didnt what if she couldnt walk all the way? Would I be able to carry her? What if she misbehaved? As nikpmup says lots of people think these things but my response to it wasn't normal.

I completely freaked out and was having I'd say a mild panic/anxiety attack, so I can only imagine what you've been going through. My gp who started me on meds said if you need a pill to help then thats what you do, you'd never think twice about it for a physical illness. It's great you're diagnosed and getting help this early on.

I'm not quite a year diagnosed and am off my meds recently enough and all going well. Just so you know there is an end to all the madness somewhere along the way.

Talking to people and being open I found great. Also now you know or will be learning what starts you off into an attack or into a bad mental place and you can try/learn ways to stop yourself or realise you need to look for help. For me its getting irrationally angry and it lasting for days - I can recognise it and that's half the battle.

All the best!

Rachineire

I was diagnosed with PND when my baby was around 5 months old. I'm on my phone so I won't write a long post, I'll write something more comprehensive later.

I can't remember much of the first few months- snippets here, flashes there. That is how I deal with trauma, I block it out. I know I wasn't sleeping, I was taking on way too much. I could never let my house be dirty- always cleaning, trying to be in control of something! I could never sit in the house all day either....sitting at home with him al day =anxiety. The hours would stretch on endlessly. So I filled up my days and hours any way I could. I got to a point where I was so exhausted and burnt out I couldn't function anymore. I remember one night in bed, my baby waking up crying yet again and I started wailing in my own bed -I couldn't do it, I didn't want to exist anymore. I didn't want to be dead, or alive, but just not exist. My poor husband, I know he felt utterly helpless. He was good support though.

I had a rough go of it for a while but I talked to my phn who is so brilliant and my gp who was good as well. They got me into a program for new mums who have been diagnosed with phn for counselling which was good and I started medication. I was very reluctant at first about meds but after a month or so I began to feel like myself again. Im still on the meds and im grateful for them as they have helped me immensely and help me be a better mom to my son.

My baby is 14 months now and while its still hard some days, I really enjoy him now. I look forward to seeing him and putting him to bed is one of my absolute favourite things to do because I get to cuddle him and kiss his head and hold him until he falls asleep.
Things do get better, I promise. I know when you are in the thick of it, things seem like it won't change and will always be the same- they do though, just keep your head up and dont "should" yourself. Do the best you can and that is good enough!

And don't feel that it is all on your shoulders. Reach out to family and friend. Use your resources like your phn and gp. That is what they are there for and they WANT to help! That was/is my biggest lesson, asking for help. No one is a superhuman and we all need assistance from time to time, dont be afraid to ask for help!
Best of luck op!

bp

Thankfully I did not suffer from PND following the birth of my first but I think this thread in an excellent idea and fair play to those who are speaking up as this is such a taboo.

Keep well everyone you are all great parents and doing your best x

aknitter

It is also very helpful to get out to meet other mothers in a mother and toddler group, best of luck

icescreamqueen

Thank you for creating this thread. I'm really worried about my mental health! As I type this, tears are streaming down my face. I was diagnosed with PND about 4 months after I had my baby. She is now 6.5 months and I feel like I'm slowly losing the plot. I really don't know what to do . I really feel like I want to give my baby over to another family member to mind for a while. I feel like I've completely lost my identity as a person and I mourn for the lost of my freedom. My life now revolves around my daughter. I miss the days when I could just do my own thing and not have anyone else to worry about. I lack interest in her and I hate myself for that . I resent little things like the fact that she doesn't look in any way like me. I'm doing everything all my own as her father has cut all contact, my mother has passed away and I don't have much family support. I just feel like I'm slowly drowning and I don't know what to do .

How Strange

Icecreamqueen becoming a mother for the first time is a very tough adjustment. I really felt I'd lost my identity too and I struggled at times. I didn't have PND but I was very down at times.

Your personal situation is very difficult. Have you spoken to anyone like the Samaritans or Aware? I think if you're at that level of hopelessness then you need to speak to someone.

How Strange

Mods could you look at the possibility of joining up with a helpline/charity for depression and perhaps by pm give posters details of who they can contact?

I saw the mods on PI did that recently.

This thread should be a safe place to talk but if a poster needs more help the perhaps they could get information here, privately if it's more appropriate.

lolademmers

What a great idea for a thread. I didn't suffer from PND myself but I had a bad case of baby blues for the first 3 weeks of my sons life.
Crying everyday, counting down the hours till my OH came home, the overwhelming feeling of responsibility. I remember my OH coming home from work and I met him at the door crying sobbing that I wasn't coping. He was so good thank god. I used to think he was so lucky going out to work every day. Everyone kept saying it gets easier and I thought it was a lie then 3 weeks in it was like a switch went off.
Looking back it was horrible and I was wishing the weeks away. My heart goes out to anyone suffering in anyway after having a baby. It's supposed to be a wonderful time but the reality is much different!

LegacyUser

OP here again.

How Strange wrote: »

Mods could you look at the possibility of joining up with a helpline/charity for depression and perhaps by pm give posters details of who they can contact?

I saw the mods on PI did that recently.

This thread should be a safe place to talk but if a poster needs more help the perhaps they could get information here, privately if it's more appropriate.

The PHN advised me that Cura provides a wide range of services for parents of new babies. I didn't realise this, I thought they only dealt with unplanned pregancies. She told me, if I'm having a bad day, to ring them for a chat. I was just looking at the website (http://www.cura.ie/index.php/page/Support_for_Mothers_and_Fathers_of_a_New_Baby) and it looks like they provide lots of real practical support, as well as the helpline.

Icescreamqueen I think it would definitely be worth your while giving them a call.

Re. loss of identity, I'm definitely feeling that. While I was pregnant, I was busily planning my career for the next few years. Now, I feel like I was never that person who was actually able to get up and go into work and deal with real people and problems every day ... and the funny thing is, everyone in the office always laughed at how chilled out I was about everything - they won't recognise me when I go back to work! It's a few months before I go back - in a way, I can't wait, but in another way I'm dreading it and don't know how I'll cope. Hopefully I'll be in a better headspace by then.

theLuggage

I definitely think the more stories are shared the better for everyone. No one likes talking about mental health issues and that shouldn't be the case. So many people are very open about their physical issues, mental issues should be no different.

I remember counting down the hours til my husband came home, really felt I couldn't cope with two small children by myself. And if he was "late" I'd get so anxious and wound up.

Also think it's important to recognise you can get pnd during pregnancy (but it has a different name). I think in reflection I had this in my first pregnancy. I remember crying in darkened rooms, picking fights with my husband for no reason and feeling so down and miserable. I couldn't get out near the end because of the bad weather and being housebound definitely didn't help. Just like lolademmers says having a baby is supposed to be magical and sometimes that's not the reality, it's the same for being pregnant. And probably like me a lot of women put it down to "hormones" and they don't know any better because it's their first time. You think it's "normal"!! Lol.

icescreamqueen - being a mother for the first time is definitely challenging. You have lost your identity if you like because now you are two! And it's hard to figure out who you are especially if you are doing it on your own. Fair play to you. Can I ask if you've started meds? They can take a while to work but if you don't feel an improvement after two weeks I'd be back down looking for a higher dose. If you're not on meds I'd highly encourage you to head down to your gp and get them. Also gp/phn would have contacts for therapy and that, if that's your bag.

Try to reach out to others in similar situations - if you can get to mother/toddler groups. Ask friend/neighbour/relative to babysit while you do something for yourself, even if its just sleeping in the next room ;-) It's important to take time for yourself when you can. Ask for help, being a parent is tough, anyone who is understands and would be glad to help out. I find people don't usually offer out of the blue but always oblige if asked.

loubian

Just saw this thread and I thank you for starting it. I wasn't going to post but the extra support made me!

I've had depression since 2011 and have been on medication since 2012 (coming odd them during pregnancy). I was attending cbt and by the time I was due, I was feeling great and really happy despite all the stress her dad was putting me under.

After a traumatic birth, I cried and cried. I remember and probably always will thinking when I got down to the postnatal ward "I don't want her". My mam waa with me and she helped me but it was horrible. This HUGE responsibility lying on my shoulders. I didn't sleep at all in the hospital and when I got home I was surrounded by visitors. I should have been stronger and said no but a part of me wanted to show her off too!

My mam was off for a week and when she went back it all changed. I was on my own with a new born baby. It was terrifying. I kind of got used to her but by the time she was three months, I wasn't feeling any better. After a day of telling my daughter I hated her, I knew I needed help. I went back and went back on my meds. As someone said, you take them for a physical illness, so it's the same for mental.

Being honest, I don't take my meds propeely.i taje them sporadically and that's probably making the situation worse. Some days I feel great and then I'll have a rough night and I'll be thinking horrible things like how I want to run away and how I hate being a mother. It's very hard to be nice to yourself after you think these things but I try my hardest to tell myself and to BELIEVE myself that I'm only saying it out of frustration and tiredness. I'm still attending my cbt so I havetthat to help me too.

It's very hard having to deal with pnd plus being a single mother. I'm constantly on Beck and call and I see it as "she's my baby; my responsibility". As some of you know, the situation with her father isn't the best so it doesn't help. My parents work full time so I don't like asking them for extra help as the weekends should be theirs.. their kids are grown up now. II'd like to meet someone but I'm afraid, feel guilty and just too stressed.

Basically; at the moment I'm being pulled in every sort of direction. By myself, by the baby and by the father. I know it's only temporary, but I wish it would pass sooner. I really have to start taking my meds again properly, not just for my sake, but for the baby's too

How Strange

Oh loubian having a little baby can be hard even with great support networks around you so I can't imagine how hard it is when you're a lone parent.

Having had two babies, both with very different temperaments, I will say I find everything gets easier after 8 months, again at 1 year and again at 18 months. By 9 months my girl was cursing around, playing with toys and generally being content to be on the floor by herself. Once that starts it all gets easier.

In the meantime ask for help from anyone and ever ruin you think will help.

nikpmup

Loubian, my heart goes out to you, it's hard having a young baby in the best of circumstances, but adding any extra stress on top of that must be really difficult.
Please do try to take your meds regularly - having been on antidepressants in the past myself, I know that they need to be taken regularly to work, and in fact not doing so can contribute to making your depression feel worse. Set an alarm on your phone for the same time every day, or schedule taking it with something you do at the same time every day - babies thrive on schedule and routine (or so I'm told!) so make time to have a routine for yourself. I used to take mine just before lights out at night, I used to leave the packet sitting on the beside lamp switch so that I'd have to physically lift the packet up to turn off the light. A couple of weeks of regular meds will make a big difference.

Redpunto

Just wanted to share Nurtures website

nurturepnd.org/

They deal specifically with PND and all mental health surrounding pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage, etc. They also provide affordable counselling in and around Dublin and support groups where you can bring babes along and are very approachable. Hopefully might be of help to someone :-)

Redpunto

Meant to also suggest that mental health and a pregnancy/parenting forum should be stickied - life is thrown upside down for better and worse once those pregnant hormone kick in right up to teenage years. It's one of the happiest days in your life when your baby is borne but no one mentions the dark thoughts that can come along also.

January

Redpunto wrote: »

Meant to also suggest that mental health and a pregnancy/parenting forum should be stickied - life is thrown upside down for better and worse once those pregnant hormone kick in right up to teenage years. It's one of the happiest days in your life when your baby is borne but no one mentions the dark thoughts that can come along also.

Myself and my co-mods are working on something. If anyone wants to PM me links for support groups etc then go ahead please.

Nead21

Thank you for starting this thread. It's comforting to know that others find the transition to motherhood difficult, and while you would move mountains for your baby, being hit with that overwhelming sense of responsibility can be hard to reconcile.

I've had periods of depression before, but to be completely honest, I didn't see this one coming, or even recognise it as depression or anxiety or stress. Whatever you want to label it as, the outcome is the basically the same for me....feeling worthless, and total exhaustion.

On paper, I should never have had feelings or symptoms of PND. During pregnancy I did yoga and remained friends with five other mammies that have babies the same age as mine. In them I have a super support network. I have an amazing and supportive husband and I have family close by. I am definitely not alone, but all that didn't stop me feeling alone and worried all the time.

It all came to a head when I had to go back to work. The guilt of leaving my child was overwhelming. I couldn't get out of bed at the weekends. I had done everything for him up until point, and now I couldn't do anything. I thought that it was just adjusting to a new routine, but things were getting worse. I eventually made the decision to seek help. I've now completed a course of CBT therapy, and go back every couple of weeks for what is called supervision. I don't feel wonderful yet but I definitely feel better and am engaging more in stuff which I had been hiding from.

This was really hard for me to write, and has taken me a couple of weeks to do so. I hope it helps someone.

Mink

Nead21, fair play and yes it will help someone that you wrote it.

I only found out recently that quite a number of my friends suffered mentally/emotionally in varying degrees after having their babies.

It helps immeasurably just to know that you are not the only one and that others have gone through, are going through and will go through your situation. I felt like a total freak when going through my stuff, like an utter drama queen, so weak. I'm normally completely together, calm and strong.

I'm convinced my problem was hormonal as my anxiety/panic attacks etc started immediately after the birth and went on for about a week. It was intense but thankfully short.

Apparently what I've described was similar to severe menopause symptoms - nausea (couldn't eat, wasn't producing any saliva to swallow!), anxious, hot flushes, can't sleep even though tired to the bone. It coincided with hormones dropping after placenta detaches and again when my milk came in around day 4. I was in a very very dark place

Over that week I was detached from my newborn, I couldn't even look at baby related things in the house without feeling panicky.

I really felt that I would never feel normal again, that this was now a permanent state, luckily it eased off and I started to feel better & bond with my baby.

But the tiredness and physical toll of pregnancy, birth & breastfeeding will really knock you for six and will make you feel horrible. I felt the brunt of it over the 6mths post partum, it was disappointing as I was expecting to be back to myself within a few weeks.

I've been getting back to activities of my choosing and regaining my identity over the past several months and it's been great.

And without a shadow of a doubt, I love my son more and more each month. Things have gotten easier and easier each month since the 7/9mth mark.

Women are strong creatures!

LegacyUser

My Girlfriend has pnd. She's very hard to be around at the moment. I have to think carefully what I say around her to try avoid a fight. She's behaving violently at times and has no problem roaring at me around the baby(2 months old). She's agreed to get help and had her first session last week. We still had the same problems over the weekend but hopefully we see some improvements soon...

Stressed.

bp

pndgf wrote: »

My Girlfriend has pnd. She's very hard to be around at the moment. I have to think carefully what I say around her to try avoid a fight. She's behaving violently at times and has no problem roaring at me around the baby(2 months old). She's agreed to get help and had her first session last week. We still had the same problems over the weekend but hopefully we see some improvements soon...

Stressed.

Is she roaring at the baby too? Are you ok? Do you think a break away would help her - even a few hours? I thankfully didn't have PND so amn't sure...maybe book her in for a massage somewhere, even a hotel so you and baby can go for a walk around the grounds in case she is worried about the baby.

Also is she getting enough sleep etc - could you send her to the spare room/ her parents house for a night?

I know none of this will cure the underlying problem but it may help her relax a little and find some peace.....for me I got peace after a horrible couple of days by being totally alone for an hour.....no one to talk to, just peace

LegacyUser

She doesn't shout at the baby, just me thankfully! I'm fine, just have to get through this..baby is in great form so that helps.

she's agreed to let me take the baby to my parents for an evening every week and is going out with her friends at the weekend so hopefully that will help.

The massage is a good idea thanks!