Stay in work or stay home with kids

unreg2014

I have 5 kids from 12 to 1. The youngest 3 are under 5. I am finding it really tough lately with work. I do 5 days from 9 to 2 and I love the job and work for great people. problem is I feel like I am neglecting my family and myself. my husband is getting stressed too picking up the slack from me. He works shifts so sometimes minds them during the day and then works that night. We couldn't really afford a childminder for all of them so a family member helps me out. they are paid of course but only about 25€ a day nothing compared to childminder costs.

Problem is I have hit a wall today where I want to pull my hair out or lock myself in a room and cry. I am under pressure from work and the house is messy and the kids are cranky and not eating good proper meals because we just can't seem to get on top of things.

Is it unrealistic to stay working? It would mean a seriously tight budget that im not sure we could manage but I'm at a crossroads here and feel I need help.

Moonbeam

Only you know your situation and it is a hard one to be in.
My eldest is 5 and my baby is one and I gave up work after #2 because creche was too expensive.
The financial aspect for me was a but hard,I had my own house and car long before I met my husband but my salary was eaten by creche fees,then commuting on top of that and pregnancy is pain and suffering for me so it was not too hard to give up and the chance to spend time with my kids was great.
My husband travels alot and works long hours and wouldn't dream of helping with house work so that helped the decision.
The hardest bits of it are I can go for days with out adult company,I have nearly no money of my own,my house is still a mess and being pregnant again I kind of feel sorry for my kids because I am so tired and struggle with everything but not long left.
On the bright side I bring my kids to dancing and swimming,I know what they do every day and I am here for the good and bad.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

You and your partner have to look at your options calmly and clearly when kids are in bed some night.

Can either of you work a 3 day week?
Would you consider an au pair (she would need her own room) about €80 a week
Could you get a cleaner 4 hours a week, €40?
If you gave up your job, would you be happy? What could you cut back on?

December2012

Firstly, dont make a big decision when you're stressed.

If you work from 9 until 2, then why is your husband still minding the kids from 2 before work. Maybe that's something you take over.

Look at getting an au pair, or paying family a bit more to mind the kids in the afternoon on the difficult days.

With a big family your house will always get messy, at least until you've moved out of the "toys everywhere" years.

Is it possible to organise toys / plaything differently so there is not as much to do when your kids go to bed?

Look at a cleaner for the weekly jobs like hoovering, beds, baths, toilets.

Make a meal plan and stick to it. Try to do batch cooking.

Plenty of things you can do to get yourselves more organised.

Then, when you feel more on top of things, you can make a reasoned decision about quitting work.

Sleepy

The finances may not be as bad as you think... if you're not working your husband can claim your tax credits which can be worth around 3.5k. You'd also save on your (admittedly low) childcare, commuting costs, maintaining a work wardrobe, office collections etc.

Or alternatively, could you take a week or two off work to let you get on top of everything at home? A good deep clean on a house makes the weekly ones a lot less of a job for a couple of months after, you could stock up the kitchen and get meal plans together etc.

Are you/your husband spending too much time on hobbies (golf, yoga, soaps, sport etc.) or flaking out on the couch as soon as the kids are in bed rather than spending 30-60 minutes after they're in bed getting the place sorted / preparing dinner for the next few nights and spending less time watching telly/surfing etc.

pwurple

Sounds very difficult. 5 kids, don't know how you are managing with both of yiur working.

I wouldn't use an au pair as a carer for so many kids so young tbh. They don't usually have a whole pile of childcare experience and can get easily overwhelmed. I called to see my cousins children a few years ago and managed to walk in on a very frassled au pair hitting their 2 year old.

I'd say something has to give, even temporarily. Work out who earns less net... And by net, I mean take working expenses and benefits into account. Travel cost, health insurance, profit sharing, pension contributions, anything else. Also consider job security. The last thing you want to do is give up one secure job, and the other to be made redundant.

With 5 kids, there may be some parental leave left? It's 18 weeks per child, up to the age of 8 i think. That's the bones of a year off for the smaller three anyway.

Can either of you use that? It's protected leave so it holds the job, and I think you still accrue holidays, keep benefits, etc. even if you could take 4 months a year for the next few years, it's something. Some companies allow you to take it as a couple of days a week.