Groundhog day

LegacyUser

Ok not sure if this is going to turn out to be a bit of a rant or a genuine question people can help with but here goes.

I'm 30 years old, unemployed and I live with my girlfriend of 5 years and 4 cats. I'm qualified but have no opportunities to find work for what i do in Ireland. I've lost interest in drinking and as such have lost the vast majority of my social circle. I find my girlfriend incredibly boring both as a person and sexually. I have pretty much no hobbies and pretty much nothing that comes out these days in films, games, music or books interests me.

It feels like I'm trapped in groundhog day. every day I wake up, go online and see whats happening in the lives of people I don't really care about on facebook. Dick bout on a few other sites. stick on the tv, watch re-runs. back on the internet to see if there's been any developments. girlfriend comes in and tells me about her tedious boring job. have dinner, watch more re-runs, either go to bed and have terrible sex or stay up and jerk off. maybe watch another movie or more re runs, check facebook again. sleep.


I see everything in my life as an anchor weighing me down. I find myself spending a huge amount of my time fantasising about just walking out the door and going to a different country. start over, get out of this funk I'm in.

I'm just terrified of two things.

Firstly that my life will never have any adventure or passion in it again.

and secondly I'm terrified that even if I did get away from this and make a fresh start, that I would eventually wind up slipping back into this situation again ( which is almost certain)

Typer Monkey

Well you're having quite the pity party for yourself there eh? You speak about your poor girlfriend in a disgracefully derogatory manner. You really should break up with her as you don't appear to like or respect her, nevermind love her. She probably supports you and pays your bills though while you jack off looking at the internet.

Your happiness is your responsibility. The life you desire isn't going to magically just happen to you. What's your plan to take responsibility for your happiness? You could reskill while unemployed. You could emigrate. You could volunteer. Or you could sit around moaning about how tough you have it and being horrible about your girlfriend. Up to you

Matteroffact

Everything in your life is boring, sound like a pretty boring person yourself OP !!

Starokan

Leave your girlfriend , relationship is over, be man enough to let her meet someone who will value her

Your in a rut due to no employment opportunities here, look abroad and if you get the chance go because the years will just pass you by as you are. You need to take risks here and there in life.

Vary your routine; shake yourself up a bit and instead of wallowing in front of the tv get out of the house, walk jog run anything that changes it up

Meauldsegosha

BoruB wrote: »

I'm 30 years old, unemployed ... I'm qualified but have no opportunities to find work for what i do in Ireland.

You have two options here (1) retrain or try a different profession, many people don't work in the field they are qualified in (2) emigrate so you can work in your chosen field.

BoruB wrote: »

I find my girlfriend incredibly boring both as a person and sexually.

Why are you still with her then? For both your sakes you should end the relationship.

BoruB wrote: »

I have pretty much no hobbies and pretty much nothing that comes out these days in films, games, music or books interests me.

You have no hobbies because you sit on your arse all day surfing the internet and watching telly. Get up and get yourself active.

The only person who can change things for you is YOU. Take some personal responsibility for the choices you have made and change what you can. The "woe is me" attitude you have is not helping you at all.

Faith

Good god, do you not think the source of the boredom comes from within? Your poor girlfriend comes home every day to her unemployed boyfriend who has done nothing but look at Facebook all day and then spends the evening doing nothing too.

What have you done to remedy the situation? What do you do every day to make your life more interesting? Do you exercise? Do you socialise? Do you even leave the house?

Nothing will change unless you change it. You could go to Mardi Gras and still be bored, by the sounds of it. YOU have to change for your life to change. Take responsibility for your life! Take control! Make your life be what you want it to be. No-one else can do that for you.

It would also be worth speaking to your GP, because your funk may stem from mental health issues. But either way, sitting at home on the couch 24/7 is not helping in any way, shape or form. Get up, get out and change things. Change is all within your control, whether it's by going to your GP and speaking about your issues, or just deciding to change.

I don't mean to be really harsh, but i think you need the internet equivalent of a bucket of cold water thrown over you here. You're deeply entrenched in feeling sorry for yourself without realising that your situation is entirely controllable and changeable.

Tokyo

Matteroffact, considering that almost all of your posts so far have been restricted to PI/RI, you should be well aware of our forum charter and the standard of posting that we demand here.

Constructive and mature advice is welcome here, potshots and demeaning responses are not. Please take a read of the forum charter and famaliarise yourself with it, should any of this be unclear to you, as further posts like this will warrant an infraction or a ban.

Thanks,
Mike

ABajaninCork

BoruB wrote: »

Ok not sure if this is going to turn out to be a bit of a rant or a genuine question people can help with but here goes.

I'm 30 years old, unemployed and I live with my girlfriend of 5 years and 4 cats. I'm qualified but have no opportunities to find work for what i do in Ireland. I've lost interest in drinking and as such have lost the vast majority of my social circle. I find my girlfriend incredibly boring both as a person and sexually. I have pretty much no hobbies and pretty much nothing that comes out these days in films, games, music or books interests me.

That's not a very nice way to talk about your GF who's probably supporting your backside. Whilst she's out at work, what do you do? Do you clean the house, put on a wash, feed the cats, make dinner for her when she gets in? TBH brother, I'd be looking to head. Seriously. You have zero respect for your GF, putting her down both in and out of the bedroom, slagging off her job. And BTW - What are you doing to improve things there? Or did you expect it all to be one-way traffic from her??

BoruB wrote: »

It feels like I'm trapped in groundhog day. every day I wake up, go online and see whats happening in the lives of people I don't really care about on facebook. Dick bout on a few other sites. stick on the tv, watch re-runs. back on the internet to see if there's been any developments. girlfriend comes in and tells me about her tedious boring job. have dinner, watch more re-runs, either go to bed and have terrible sex or stay up and jerk off. maybe watch another movie or more re runs, check facebook again. sleep.


I see everything in my life as an anchor weighing me down. I find myself spending a huge amount of my time fantasising about just walking out the door and going to a different country. start over, get out of this funk I'm in.

Trying to be kind here, but maybe a visit to the doctor might be in order. It's not healthy to have absolutely no interest in anything. How long have you been unemployed? Have you looked at things like Springboard courses? I wouldn't recommend FAS ones as they're not worth the paper they're written on.

Why can't you emigrate if you can't find work here? What's stopping you?

BoruB wrote: »

I'm just terrified of two things.

Firstly that my life will never have any adventure or passion in it again.

and secondly I'm terrified that even if I did get away from this and make a fresh start, that I would eventually wind up slipping back into this situation again ( which is almost certain)

That's up to you, isn't it? What do YOU want? You need to work that out and find ways of NOT getting back into that rut. None of us on here can help you with that. Not even your poor GF. Only you can decide that.

YOU are the author of your OWN life. Change your attitude, and maybe, just maybe things can improve for you. You need a large dose of maturity, OP.

I hope it works for you.

December2012

you know you're doing nothing with your time.

And yet you stay doing nothing.

You sound paralysed by fear of the future.

Maybe go talk to your GP.

Merkin

BoruB wrote: »

Firstly that my life will never have any adventure or passion in it again.

A person has to be open to excitement and to passion and adventure. You're in no way aiding your quest for this by surfing the net all day and existing in a relationship with someone you don't even like, let alone love. Your predicament is entirely self induced.

You need to shake up your life dramatically and that can only come from within and from your own actions. Nobody is going to knock on your door out of the blue and offer to change your life immeasurably - that simply doesn't happen. You need to give yourself a very big kick up the arse.

I recommend that you part ways with your girlfriend as a priority - you find her terminally dull, why would you even waste her or your own time?

I would then book myself a one-way ticket somewhere and go and work abroad somewhere WELL out of your comfort zone in order to actually ignite a spark and shake up your life. You have to actually make this happen though, nobody is going to do it for you.

If you see this predicament you're in as a pattern you are inevitably going to repeat then I would also urge you to seek a GP for a formal diagnosis.

Jenneke87

I'm wondering how your girlfriend views you, OP? You clearly don't respect her, have you ever wondered how she views her belitteling, lazy, boyfriend who clearly can't be arsed to make an effort to find a job, spice things up in the bedroom or even help her out around the house? You're feeling awfully sorry for yourself, but your GF is the one I really pitty, you're acting like she's the cause of all your woes, I bet you never thought about how your behaviour is effecting her now, did you?

Life is what you made of it. Do courses, visit your GP and have a long proper talk with your girl if you still find her "good enough". I'm afraid you're gonna find little sympathy here, OP.

simonsays1

2 things that I did when I was unemployed and in the pits

Get out and......

1-Jog

2-volunteer

Also think about retraining or allocating a certain amount of time per day to technology.

Your post indicates possible depression-maybe go to low cost counselling. Break up with your gf.

Holsten

You sound very depressed and it's understandable in your situation.

Get yourself to your GP for a check up, or some possible counselling/medication.

Get yourself out of the house, gym, jogging, even a walk around town for a few hours a day.

Long term perhaps reevaluate your relationship and if you can't get work, take the plunge and go off somewhere, if only for a few months to a year.

Best of luck.

Idle Passerby

Its a bit rich calling your girlfriend boring when all you do is watch tv and surf facebook all day. I cant imagine she's thrilled to be coming home to someone who is so full of self pity and anger. Id advice you to move out and let her find someone who pulls their own weight and has some respect for her.

In regards to yourself, you need a good kick up the bum. Get off facebook, go out and do some exercise, get a voluntary job, give something back to the world, do a course. Anything to get yourself out of the funk your in, because it makes you sound very self absorbed and and frankly not someone anyone would want to spend a minute around.

cloudatlas

I admire your honesty. I think some of the responses might be slightly harsh as it sounds as if you've fallen into a spiral of depression.

Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about your sex life? Has your libido failed since you became unemployed or has this been a long term thing? Perhaps the two are related. You don't do much so you don't have any news. If you don't have much to add to a conversation then interactions stagnate. Overall I agree with everyone else if you don't want her anymore then let her go for her sake if not for yours.

Can you join any local clubs that don't involve drinking i.e. film club, or preferably something active e.g. hill walking.

You're paralysed because you believe things will get worse if you try something different but nothing will change if you do absolutely nothing. Change one thing at a time, set a goal each day to achieve something i.e. talk to girlfriend about how your feeling or check job prospects abroad, make a plan to join a social group.

Heckler

BoruB wrote: »

Ok not sure if this is going to turn out to be a bit of a rant or a genuine question people can help with but here goes.

I'm 30 years old, unemployed and I live with my girlfriend of 5 years and 4 cats. I'm qualified but have no opportunities to find work for what i do in Ireland. I've lost interest in drinking and as such have lost the vast majority of my social circle. I find my girlfriend incredibly boring both as a person and sexually. I have pretty much no hobbies and pretty much nothing that comes out these days in films, games, music or books interests me.

It feels like I'm trapped in groundhog day. every day I wake up, go online and see whats happening in the lives of people I don't really care about on facebook. Dick bout on a few other sites. stick on the tv, watch re-runs. back on the internet to see if there's been any developments. girlfriend comes in and tells me about her tedious boring job. have dinner, watch more re-runs, either go to bed and have terrible sex or stay up and jerk off. maybe watch another movie or more re runs, check facebook again. sleep.


I see everything in my life as an anchor weighing me down. I find myself spending a huge amount of my time fantasising about just walking out the door and going to a different country. start over, get out of this funk I'm in.

I'm just terrified of two things.

Firstly that my life will never have any adventure or passion in it again.

and secondly I'm terrified that even if I did get away from this and make a fresh start, that I would eventually wind up slipping back into this situation again ( which is almost certain)

I'll take the ban gladly. You sound like a complete dick and the best thing you could ever hope to do is break up with your girlfriend and let her find someone who appreciates her.

P. Breathnach

OP, what do you care about? All I can see is that you don't want to be the way you are, and that you are truly fearful that you cannot change and become "real" again.

In particular, I think you should look at your relationship with your girlfriend. I imagine that when you got together you had a positive attitude to her. She is still with you, so I presume she has more hope for you than you seem to have. You owe her something for being loyal to you, and you need to figure out whether that something is to set her free, or to bring yourself back to what you used to be.

I think that for things to change for the better, you should not need to throw away all that you have. Work your way back towards normality a bit at a time. Take on a modest but regular project. It could be as simple as going for a long walk each day (or a run, if you are not too unfit). Perhaps, as you are at home so much, you could make it a routine to prepare a nice meal from scratch every day. I am sure, if you really want to change, you can identify other small things that you could work into your life in order to make it more fulfilling.

emmabrighton

Hi OP,

Best bit of advice I ever got was "If nothing changes, nothing changes".

You sound like you are stuck in a rut and you will stay in a rut if you don't start changing things about your life. Are you suffering from depression? If you think you are, your GP should be your first port of call.

If not, then set realistic goals, make a plan, follow that plan and achieve those goals - you will start to feel better about your circumstances as you start changing your situation and your outlook.

seachto7

BoruB wrote: »

I find myself spending a huge amount of my time fantasising about just walking out the door and going to a different country. start over, get out of this funk I'm in.

Then do it and stop wasting your time, and more importantly your girlfriend's time. Let her go and meet someone who cares about her.

Taltos

Heckler - please read our charter before posting here again.
PI/RI deals with a variety of issues, while you don't have to agree or like the ways issues are posed you are still expected to give constructive and civil advice. Failure to do so will result in moderator action being taken.

Thanks
Taltos