Opinion please

LegacyUser

Well the the partner and I have been going out for awhile. She brought up out of the blue that she wasn't happy. I asked why. The reason why was I had photo's up on FB of my ex from 4 years ago and feels like she is in competition with her. I honestly do love her and I do know she feels the same for me. We have been going out two years. Would this be a be a deal breaker for any of ye?

Also, she waited until I was asleep and went through my phone. Now I know I have or ever had anything to hide so it didn't bother me. It was more that she didn't trust and waited a week to bring it up.

Your opinions pls?

Meauldsegosha

Having photos of an ex wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. Someone going through my phone would be.

Tokyo

Hey there OP,

While I think the term "deal breaker" is a bit strong, particularly if you have been going out for a while, the fact that your girlfriend has issues with photos on facebook, and is going through your phone while you sleep is of bigger concern to me, as it indicates a lack of trust, and a control issue.

Your partner is clearly insecure, and while you may be trying to avoid a candid conversation, one needs to be had. You say that you both love each other, but it seems that your partner has something eating away at her regarding your relationship that she doesn't know how to address in an effective way, and is resorting to snooping in order to appease her doubts. You need to talk with your partner, and try to pinpoint the reason behind her behavior towards you. And it's imperative that you tell your her that you're not comfortable with her going through your phone behind your back - not because you have something to hide but because you find it disrespectful. It also reveals that she doesn't trust you, and that is a huge problem in the relationship.

It's unfortunate that she has these issues, but you are not obligated to put up with it. Make her aware that the snooping has to stop. If she won't quit, then you may want to reconsider your relationship, as it will only get worse with time.

fallen01angel

Hi OP,just wondering if there is a particular reason for still having FB photos of your ex up,maybe because you and your current partner have been together a while she is thinking the same thing??Has she ever mentioned these pics before?

Now being honest the big issue for me would be my partner going through my phone behind my back-I would be SERIOUSLY annoyed,even if there is nothing to hide it's the invasion of privacy.
Think you need to sit down and have an honest talk about the FB pics but more importantly why she felt the need to go through your phone as you slept.

Time Now Please

Just delete the photos

jane82

Have you good reasons to have ex girlfriend photos on facebook?
Why do you feel the need to let the world know you went out with this girl?
Is your partners peace of mind important to you?
Going to the phone isnt great but why keep the pictures?

jane82

jane82 wrote: »

Have you good reasons to have ex girlfriend photos on facebook?

Yea, he does. She was part of his life, and they're his photos, and he can't pretend he had no life before the present girlfriend, which seems to be what a lot of girls want.

I wouldn't delete photos to pander to someones insecurity, thats their problem.

Looking through the phone is a dealbreaker to me, I've nothing to hide but anyone who disregards my privacy, and the privacy of everyone who messages me, is not someone I'd be interested in. This behaviour is always the preserve of the type who feels entitled to keep tabs, demand passwords, insist photos are deleted, and quite frankly, life is too short.

jane82

Candie wrote: »

Yea, he does. She was part of his life, and they're his photos, and he can't pretend he had no life before the present girlfriend, which seems to be what a lot of girls want.

I wouldn't delete photos to pander to someones insecurity, thats their problem.

Looking through the phone is a dealbreaker to me, I've nothing to hide but anyone who disregards my privacy, and the privacy of everyone who messages me, is not someone I'd be interested in. This behaviour is always the preserve of the type who feels entitled to keep tabs, demand passwords, insist photos are deleted, and quite frankly, life is too short.

Hmm it upsets alot of girls. A bit of give and take for the girl you love isnt a huge deal is it?
You wouldnt delete them. Thats cool if I was your boyfriend Id dump you for this. Each to their own I suppose.

Meauldsegosha

jane82 wrote: »

Hmm it upsets alot of girls. A bit of give and take for the girl you love isnt a huge deal is it?
You wouldnt delete them. Thats cool if I was your boyfriend Id dump you for this. Each to their own I suppose.

Would you dump someone who snooped through your phone?

jane82

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Would you dump someone who snooped through your phone?

Meh I dont think Ive ever been in a relationship where they havnt at some stage. Its hardly ideal but lets be honest.

Stavro Mueller

I've some sympathy for your girlfriend actually. Most people are adult enough to accept that their partners have a history and that it's all in the past yadda yadda. It doesn't mean everyone can handle it in the same way though. It's not the same thing of course but bear with me here for a moment. There have been a rash of threads here of late from people who asked their boyfriends/girlfriends how many people they'd had sex with. Knowing the "number" turned to be information they struggled to deal with and some people said that they never wanted to ever know what their partner's history was. It doesn't bother some people of course but it really hurts others. People are different and you need to respect that. Maybe you can relate this in some way to why your girlfriend has been hurt by you leaving those photos up?

Now that social media such as Facebook are around, it's the equivalent of sticking up old photos of exes onto the sitting room walls rather that shoving them into a drawer somewhere. Especially now that it seems to be digging up old "likes" for the newsfeed just now. I'm not sure for whose benefit those photos are still up?

Now the phone snooping thing - that for me is an entirely different matter. Why did she do this? What was she looking for? I'd wonder as well has she been looking at your emails/Facebook messenger? If that is the case, you need to have a long conversation I think...

jane82

jane82 wrote: »

Hmm it upsets alot of girls. A bit of give and take for the girl you love isnt a huge deal is it?
You wouldnt delete them. Thats cool if I was your boyfriend Id dump you for this. Each to their own I suppose.

I don't know, I think it's unreasonable to demand the removal of ex's from a persons private page. They aren't on the beside table, or a joint page.

As for you dumping someone for not giving into that demand, if that happened me - I'd consider it a bullet dodged.

jane82

Seems its quite a contentious issue op. Your relationship could hang in the balance of how important a picture of a girl you used to sleep with is to you.

Dellnum

I think that if you both have a strong relationship you having photos of your ex on facebook should not bother your g/f. She should feel secure enough for it not to bother her. I hope you have photos of her up there too.

As for her checking your phone this would not bother me one iota if I had nothing to hide. All this talk about invading your privacy is a bit ott if you ask me.

fallen01angel

Dellnum wrote: »

I think that if you both have a strong relationship you having photos of your ex on facebook should not bother your g/f. She should feel secure enough for it not to bother her. I hope you have photos of her up there too.

As for her checking your phone this would not bother me one iota if I had nothing to hide. All this talk about invading your privacy is a bit ott if you ask me.

The OP said that she waited till he was asleep before she went through his phone......to me this raises serious questions!! Why she felt the need to go through his phone in the 1st place, what was she looking to find and why did she wait till the guy was asleep.
To me this is screaming insecurity and mistrust and to be honest I couldn't be in a relationship without trust and where my partner would feel the need to go through my phone.

bee06

My OH has pics of his ex who he was with for 10 years on Facebook and doesn't bother me. I would find it stranger if someone went through all their Facebook photos and deleted all the ones with his/her ex to be honest. Having the photos there doesn't make it any more likely that they still have feeling for them anymore than deleting them means they don't still have feelings for the ex.

Has your girlfriend had any reason to lose trust in you recently or become insecure? Seems strange that it's now coming up after 2 years together

LegacyUser

The recent facebook 10 year anniversary video gimmick had me looking through my old photos and I saw there were a couple of an ex boyfriend. The photos were uploaded 6 years ago and I totally forgot they were even there. The photos are from my cousins wedding so I'm not inclined to delete them with out a good reason and a current partner throwing a strop over them would not be a good enough reason for me. I'd be happy to talk to them as to their issues with it and maybe work on whatever trust issues they have but would be explaining to them I'd had a life before meeting them. I could maybe understand if I was using a photo as a profile image or similar but it's very easy to forget about photos posted to facebook once they've disappeared from your main wall.

Going through the phone would be and has been a deal breaker. Plenty of people on boards don't seem to see anything wrong with it but it would be a massive issue for me. I'm generally a private person and dislike people going through my stuff without asking. It's matter of trust for sure but also of manners.

GreenerGrasss

Re FB pics of the ex, If it's the suggestive type (kissing, hugging, loved up pics) then delete them. You wouldn't be pleased if you stumbled across the same on your gf's Facebook for everyone's viewing pleasure. If they matter to you that much then I'd put them in a private folder.

MugMugs

An ex of mine asked why I still had another exs photos still up once. Answer was simple.... As I moved on and forgot about her they moved further to the back of the q. I hadn't seen them and hadn't been conscious of them so frankly never felt the need to do anything about them. It's the same story with her now. I'm not ashamed of my time with that person so why hide it? If a partner asked me to, I would.

December2012

I assume though that these are pictures which were put up when the op was going out with the ex?

In which case it's a bit ridiculous to ask for them to be taken down.

Full disclosure - it's never going to be an issue for me as myself and husband are together longer than Facebook, but to me it's akin to asking somebody to throw away old pictures. Which is a bizarre request,

I wouldn't dump her, nor if I was her would I dump you.

But I would try and work on your relationship and trust because something's not right,

Matteroffact

I wouldn't give a flying f...k if anyone read my text messages. Why..........because I have nothing to hide. They would be bored out of their skull. Why would anyone who has nothing to hide care who read their messages. In fact I would be flattered if my o/h thought they were going to get some inside information by reading them.:D

Matteroffact

Matteroffact wrote: »

I wouldn't give a flying f...k if anyone read my text messages. Why..........because I have nothing to hide. They would be bored out of their skull. Why would anyone who has nothing to hide care who read their messages. In fact I would be flattered if my o/h thought they were going to get some inside information by reading them.:D

Because some people value their privacy? It's not about having anything to hide, it's about respecting boundaries.

It's rude, it's intrusive, and its indicative of mistrust and entitlement.

Meauldsegosha

Matteroffact wrote: »

I wouldn't give a flying f...k if anyone read my text messages. Why..........because I have nothing to hide. They would be bored out of their skull. Why would anyone who has nothing to hide care who read their messages. In fact I would be flattered if my o/h thought they were going to get some inside information by reading them.:D

I've nothing to hide from my boyfriend and have no problem with him using my phone or looking through my messages or emails. But I would have an issue with him snooping in my phone without my knowledge while I'm asleep. It shows a lack of trust and is very rude.

Zennith

Hi All,

maguic24

What's more important to you, your ex girlfriend's photos on facebook or your current girlfriends feelings?

While I don't mind that my bf does have pics of his ex still up on my fb, I know he would take them down if I asked him to. I would do the same for him but he couldn't give a rats arse, so there ya go. The going through my phone thing personally, wouldn't bother me, as my bf has all my passwords and even my pin but it seems your gf is doing this to 'check' up on you, which is totally NOT okay!!!

I think you both need to have a long talk about this and establish some boundaries. She definitely comes across as jealous and insecure. Is there any reason why she is acting like this?