whatever happened to good neighbours

chellymagic

I live in an area where no one seems to care about anyone else, I had a medical emergency with my dog last night and was frightened it might be serious, called the vet and they were closing in half hour, no car little hope of getting transport, so I chanced the neighbours for what would be a 5 minute car journey, dog to heavy to carry and was afraid of hurting her. Of the neighbours I asked some had had a drink, which was a fair excuse but one neighbour I went to on hearing my dilemma said flatly " I don't do dogs!". Fair enough but where is the humanity, if it had of been a child would it have been the response. As it happens my dog turned out to be ok, but I feel totally disconnected from a world where they would let a dog potentially die than suffer its presence for a few minutes. I choose to believe there are decent people out there, I just don't think I know any of them. Is this the same all over or am I isolated in my beliefs?

bnagrrl

Don't really have any advice but wanted to say sorry to hear about your dilemma. Glad your dog is okay. Pity you aren't my neighbour as I would have taken you and your dog to the vet in a heartbeat.

There are decent people out there, try not to let this bad experience make you feel otherwise. All the best to you and your dog

December2012

You can't compare a dog and a child. Some people don't value dogs the way you do. Their choice.

You might consider if you are just projecting your standards onto others.

You wanted a lift for a dog emergency, somebody else might want something else they consider neighbourly but you don't.

I'm glad your dogs okay.

GarIT

You can't judge someone based on not wanting to drive your dog. Many people have a fear of dogs, and many others would be uncomfortable driving with a dog in the car, never mind that sick dogs are much more likely to attack.

ElleEm

What is your relationship like with your neighbours usually, OP? Do you greet them, loan them things, do them favours (take in parcels, watch their house when they go on holidays, etc.)? I ask as some people don't want to know their neighbours day to day, but are quick to ask favours when they want to.

As for your dog, I am sorry you had an emergency, but as other posters said, some people don't like dogs, some are scared of them and some people really don't like dogs in their cars.

catbear

So someone who doesn't like dogs is not a good neighbour?

If you can't respect peoples adversion to your personal choices then you're missing the whole personal boundaries thing thats vital for good neighbourly relations.

Heat_Wave

Hi OP

Glad to hear your dog is OK! Just to let you know, my mum gets physically ill if she sees dog hair on my clothes or anywhere in the house. We have an outdoor dog which I look after. He is 8 years old and throughout those 8 years I think she has touched him twice! And she would wash her hands thoroughly after. In my opinion it's madness but that's how she feels about dogs and that's cool.

If you knocked on my door I would have gladly helped, if my mum answered you'd be politely told 'no way!' as someone else said dogs and children cannot be compared.

To be honest OP if I opened my door to a stranger at night who was asking me to get in my car with them I'd be pretty apprehensive. Are you sure these neighbours knew you?

On top of that, "I don't do dogs", could very well mean they're allergic and have nothing to do with them for that reason.

I help out known neighbours when I can, whether it's lending a tool, feeding a cat while they're out, or more emergency type stuff like coming in for the evening after locking themselves out. But if it was a neighbour I didn't trust, looking to get into the house/car or looking for a loan of an expensive tool, I'd say no.

A 5 minute lift, to you, is a small thing. But the person you're asking has no way of knowing that that's really all you want unless you've done things in the past to foster that type of relationship.

You say you don't know any decent people. What have you done recently to be a decent person and a good neighbour?

ahnow

Hi op,
How well do you know your neighbours? If someone rang my doorbell asking me what you asked I would be skeptical and cautious. I would probably have said no as well. It wouldn't be anything personal, but the fact is, you're a stranger, I don't know if your motives are genuine or not. Also, and I know this was an emergency situation, but coming from the neighbours perspective, what's to stop you calling in on your neighbours for smaller things, lifts here and there or to borrow things. They don't know if that was going to be the case or not. Some people don't do that, and don't expect others to reciprocate either. You could always have rang for a taxi. I don't know where you live, but this would definitely apply if you are living in an urban situation or apartment block, where there's a much lesser sense of community.
Im glad your dog is okay, but try not to take it personally.

thefeatheredcat

It's not just dealing with an ill dog and giving a lift though OP. It's about being able to manage and deal with someone who might be upset, stressed, panicked and a potentially difficult situation for you, someone they may or may not know or how to handle or how you'd react. Not just that even, it is the obligation in having to stick around for you. If I had had to drive you to the vet, knowing it was closing and knowing it was late at night and without transport back, I'd feel obligated to stick around with you, so that you'd have a lift home with or without a dog and that you're ok. I couldn't very well just leave you at the vets and that's it, done and dusted, it wouldn't sit well on my conscience and I'd be up all night worrying for you. Some people don't want to be put in that position (edit: into the position of assuming responsibility or being relied upon in a crisis moment of any sort which they may or may not have the skills to deal with it) and would avoid getting into that position for many reasons.

What do you do in the neighbourhood to be a good neighbour? Do you imagine that if someone was in the same position as you were in, that you would have given the lift, have you been put in that situation, or would you just assume and imagine that is how you would like to react? Sometimes how we think we would react and how we actually react are two very different things.

There are decent people out there, though. In this case if maybe your neighbours don't know you or, because it's at night time, can't leave (e.g. small children, no supervision) or are reluctant to help, I don't think it's something to take personally or feel too negative about. But it can lead to something positive. In my experience where I've felt that bit disillusioned I've actually put myself to task on showing greater decency to others and finding it sometimes reciprocated. What you can do here, is maybe if your neighbours don't know you, that you get to know them, and let them know if they are in a situation like you were, that you would be open to helping and follow through with being a good neighbour to others.

MistyCheese

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. One of my dogs was ill last year. Turned out to be nothing but until I knew that I was a bit panicked. It's true some people just don't give a f...k when it comes to animals and if you're asking for a favour then theres nothing you can really do. People don't have to do a favour.

As an animal lover in general I understand you having trouble with the fact that some people just don't seem to care if it's an animal thats in pain. Personally if someone knocked on my door worried about their, for example, goat I would help them in any way I could.

A dog isn't a child, true, but it's still a living, breathing being that feels pain.

chellymagic

just an update, yesterday was a bad day and today i made a point of getting out of my funk, I chose to believe there is a lot of good out there, and for all those repliers who apparently take great afront at my attitude and have moralised about the rights of non dog lovers, I am basically a live and let live person, I can understand that not everyone can empathise with my situation, I do admit i may have been overly judgemental but in fairness my attitude was coloured by my concern and for those who took offence of my comparison between a child and an animal I do believe sentient life in any form is sacred. I appreciate all your replies and I would love to have some of you as neighbours, you know who you are, cheers

cloudatlas

Taxi's can't take animals?

Big Bag of Chips

chellymagic, I'm not really sure of the tone in your last post, but can I remind you that posts in this forum are expected to be mature and civil - that includes posts from OPs such as yourself.

When you post on a public forum you open yourself up to replies from people who may not agree with you, or may not tell you what you want to hear.

As your issues is sorted, and you seem to want to put an end to this thread now, I will lock it. Please have a read of our Forum Charter if you wish to continue posting in the Personal Issues Forum