Trapped

Whatsgonewrong

This Is a serious post and one I would like some serious suggestions on please.

I am on the verge of leaving college because my life at home Is just too bad to stick around, Its horrible, stressful situations everyday, Im living in a box room, parents are split up, father lives close by and Is drunk everynight and always ringing late, I have 300quid to my name right now, Im going to pack my stuff into a backpack and leave.

I dont know where to go all I know Is that I need to go and urgently before whats left of my mental strength Is gone, Im only 22 but I feel like Iv been through so much **** that Im 40. I wake up everyday and I am just fearing what lies ahead. The house Im In Is too small too and the room could go to somebody else, as there is people up on top of each other in other rooms, younger kid included. Its not right, and It shouldn't be this way.

I don't even know what my thread Is about I just need to off load and my mind at the moment Is just so fragile and weak. I need help and that Is all I know

I forgot to mention I was at the doctors recently and he told me I had an inaugral hernia or something and I am going to need surgery or something but I dont know when or what and that Is something else I have to think about and worry about it.

Boombastic

Serious questions

If you leave college, how will this benefit you in the future?


Where will you live? Renting costs money
Turn your phone off or don't answer calls after a certain time

Call someone like the smaratians and have a chat with them, it might help you get some stuff off your mind and clear your head


You sound overwhelmed

Gokei

Take the house phone off the hook after 9, or block his number. Him ringing pissed will only upset the younger kids adding to your tension.

You have 300? Go away for the weekend (weather permitting).

Don't jack in college. If you feel trapped now, imagine what it'll be like living there at 40 with no job..

Any chance you can stay on campus?

Paddy Cow

What year are you in college? At 22 you must be nearly finished. Don't jack it in at this stage. Hold out until you have finished. Education is your way out of your situation. As hard as it is, you will have a lot more options if you have some qualifications behind you.

You have a lot on your plate. You have emotional stresses and also the prospect of surgery looming. It's understandable that you are overwhelmed. Talk to your GP about your situation or if you aren't ready to do that, ring the Samaritans on 1850 60 90 90. Sometimes just talking to someone about your situation helps an awful lot.

Please don't make any rash decisions about college. You really need to talk to someone who can advise you and help put your situation into perspective. I wish you all the best.

Geomy

Have you ever heard of http://www.adultchildren.org/
You could look it up in your local area.

A friend of mine goes and it helps her understand that her father has the problem and it's not her fault.
You could maybe meet people there in a similar situation. ...

Tokyo

Hey there OP,

I understand that you feel that you are in an impossible situation, and that the obvious solution is to walk away from everything, but take a step back for a second and examine what you would be losing if you did.

As another poster pointed out, at 22 you must be close to finishing your studies, so it's definitely worth your while investing everything into completing them. In this day and age, a degree is pretty much a requirement for any job now, and even if you don't look for work in the field that you studied, it still is a foot in the door. After the time you've already invested in it, it would be a shame to walk away from it now.

Regarding your dad, well, unfortunately you can't choose your family, as much as you'd like to sometimes. But at your age, how you interract with him is something that you can be proactive about. If he's calling you drunk, it's simple - turn off the phone. When you meet him and he's sober, tell him that you are concentrating on your studies, and that you won't be taking calls at night anymore, as they are interfering with the little time you get to rest.

The box room.... anyone who's been a student has been there, myself included, and yes, it can get claustrophobic at times. But at the end of the day, it's just a room, a place to sleep at night, and there's a lot that you can be doing in the time you don't have to be in it. Again, getting back to the first point, study should be a big part of your day at this stage - and by extension a good chunk of your day should already be spent in the university, the library, labs, or whatever. Any college worth it's salt also has clubs and societies that cater to pretty much every taste out there, and it's never too late to join, and meet up with people who have the same tastes that you do.

The point is OP, while there are plenty of things in your life that you cannot change. there are also plenty of things that you can do to improve the situation. And once you have your degree, you can get out of there for good. Till then, good luck.

Stavro Mueller

OP I hope you are feeling better today. Whatever you do, please please don't drop out of college at this stage. If you do, all the work and effort you've put in til now will be for nothing. You might feel euphoric if you leave but then what? €300 isn't going to get you very far at all.

For someone who's not happy at home, I'd have thought college is a great way to avoid being at home. Can you not spend more time in the library/reading room? Doing more things in the college itself?

When you get into college on Monday, I strongly advise you to go talk to someone and get help. Be it the college's chaplain/counsellor/student welfare officer or whoever. Dropping out of college should be the very very last thing you do now. By getting your qualification, you're going to enable yourself to take control of your life and move to somewhere better. You're not going to be the first person who has come to them with a story like yours. They're there to help - please don't take this all onto your own shoulders.

gugleguy

I used to hang Hang out in a particular Dublin City library, but the last time I was there, right next to me, buddy A met long lost buddy B. 'Wonderful conversation' kicks off and goes on and on. No, I'm not going to tell them off both are chunky males. After allowing two minutes of this, I got up and left. Anyway I digress. The suburban libraries, as opposed to the City centre are most suitable to check out OP, and this is what I find more suitable to me in any case.

mfergus

Are you working part time or what?
If you are maybe ask for an extra few hours per week and try find 2 or 3 lads from college to move in with?
It might not be ideal and might sound stupid financially, but your health is your wealth.

Don't pack in college. That's something you might live to regret. As other posters have asked, how long is left in college?
Is it a case of grind your teeth and realise the end is near and you can move on then?
It's always easier when your on the home straight with a goal.
In your case, finish college, get a job and move out.

Also get a set of headphones for when the noise gets too much. Lock yourself into your room and ignore the problems outside

Whatsgonewrong

Thanks very much for the suggestions and comments

I am in the second year of a 4 year degree, Im going to take the suggestions of staying In college as much As I can, there was one woman (counsellor) who I did speak to once or twice a week all last year, I wouldn't feel as comfortable talking to anyone else, Its a pity because she has moved on now to a different place of work.

College campus Is a bit expensive for me and the possibility of a part-time job Is proving very difficult especially since the job bridge scheme has come in to place, being In Limerick a vast majority of the jobs have been replaced by this.

Phone will be going off at 11pm from now on too.

I still have a lot of **** on my mind and things to work through, but I appreciate your suggestions and thanks for commenting

December2012

Can you contact the counsellor who has moved?

macker33

Check the paper for a bedsit near to college, preferably one near your mams house as well so you can be at hand if needed.
Problem solved.

Chazz Michael Michaels

macker33 wrote: »

Check the paper for a bedsit near to college, preferably one near your mams house as well so you can be at hand if needed.
Problem solved.

Yeah, one with a money tree.

Taltos

Chazz - if you cannot post constructive advice in a civil manner then please consider not posting in this forum again. Posts of a similar style as above or other posts in breach of our charter will now result in a ban.

Thanks
Taltos

Chazz Michael Michaels

macker33 wrote: »

Check the paper for a bedsit near to college, preferably one near your mams house as well so you can be at hand if needed.
Problem solved.

In light of my warning, I will rephrase. That is clearly not a viable plan, as the op does not have the funds to pay for rent, as is evident from the ops post. Therefore, I cannot recommend or endorse your advice as it simply makes no sense.

Hope that's ok.

Whippersnapper

I've experienced something similar OP. I left college because I was throwing money away, I fell so far behind, I wasn't enjoying it and my mental heath was reaching its limit. At the time, it was seen by everyone as a crazy thing to do but things worked out. Once I began putting myself first things became easier (problems didn't go away but I was able to concentrate on coping better). I ended up in a College of Further Education and eventually on to a full-time job. Sometimes, you need to take a leap of faith and know what's best for you.

macker33

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

In light of my warning, I will rephrase. That is clearly not a viable plan, as the op does not have the funds to pay for rent, as is evident from the ops post. Therefore, I cannot recommend or endorse your advice as it simply makes no sense.

Hope that's ok.

I just think it would be a massive mistake to drop out of college because one he does its gone.
I assume hes in dublin, you be suprised how cheap bedsits can be if hes willing to phone around, he might get a dump but at least he might be able to focus on his actual school work.

I doubt his mam and dad will begrudge subsidising him a little. All he has to do is get that little bit of paper at the end that says hes qualified.

Whatsgonewrong

macker33 wrote: »

I just think it would be a massive mistake to drop out of college because one he does its gone.
I assume hes in dublin, you be suprised how cheap bedsits can be if hes willing to phone around, he might get a dump but at least he might be able to focus on his actual school work.

I doubt his mam and dad will begrudge subsidising him a little. All he has to do is get that little bit of paper at the end that says hes qualified.

Im In Limerick, I will stay In college, there is only 10 weeks or so left so Im going to give it a good effort to the end and stay in the college for the majority of my day. As for the other stuff, Im going to have to deal with it until the college term ends and I can concentrate on getting a job.

December2012

Is there somebody you can talk to in real life OP? To help you deal with pressures while you stay in college?

Tokyo

Whatsgonewrong wrote: »

Im In Limerick, I will stay In college, there is only 10 weeks or so left so Im going to give it a good effort to the end and stay in the college for the majority of my day. As for the other stuff, Im going to have to deal with it until the college term ends and I can concentrate on getting a job.

Glad to hear that you are going to finish out the college year OP. However, rather than just "having to deal with" the other stuff, as reluctant as you are to do it, I would suggest that you get in touch with the new college counsellor. They have seen and heard it all before, and are equipped to help you where you need it.

Whatsgonewrong

December2012 wrote: »

Is there somebody you can talk to in real life OP? To help you deal with pressures while you stay in college?

Of course, I just hate telling people my problems because I dont know what they are going through, so It would be just me whining.

macker33

Whatsgonewrong wrote: »

Im In Limerick, I will stay In college, there is only 10 weeks or so left so Im going to give it a good effort to the end and stay in the college for the majority of my day. As for the other stuff, Im going to have to deal with it until the college term ends and I can concentrate on getting a job.

I went to college in limerick, Had a bedsit in denmark street before they did the place up.
I was lucky because the bedsit was only costing me £25 a week.
Happy days.
I think you should just tough it out a little, i dropped out and it still pisses me off.

December2012

Whatsgonewrong wrote: »

Of course, I just hate telling people my problems because I dont know what they are going through, so It would be just me whining.

In that case could you talk to somebody whose role is to listen? A college counsellor?

A friendly lecturer may be able to put you in touch with some help.

They won't mind.