What's the point?

Fear Sneachta Ban

I'm sure everyone's had this question pop into their heads. What's the point of it all? I think I should say I'm not suicidal before I go on. Well I think about it alot but I don't think I'd ever do it.
I have been on medication for a while now, it's for social anxiety. I've seen a counsellor before aswell. I know it's my fault but the counselling didn't really work because I wasn't completely honest about how I feel. I don't enjoy talking about myself and can't bring myself to say how bad I feel in front of someone. I see the irony in this post though.
The thing is things have never been better for me in life. I have a job I love and created myself, I have a girlfriend for a few months which isn't a regular thing for me to say the least. I like where I live and the people I meet and hang out with.
Still I cry at night, when I'm not around people I feel terrible. People think I'm a happy person. The other day someone told me that I'm always smiling and laughing. It's all an act. I'm miserable.
I know people will suggest I need to go back to counselling and be honest, there's things that can help and so on but I've done that. There just really is no point is there? I look at my parents and I know from comments here and there that they're thinking of death now.
They're getting old and looking back on their lives thinking this was it. All that and soon I'll just stop breathing. All they did was work and bring up their kids and what for? Some of their friends are dying, their family. Just one heartbreak after the other, that's what life is. Just one long heartbreak.
When's the good part? I wont kill myself though, atleast not when my parents are alive. I couldn't do it to them, although in my counselling my counsellor reached a conclusion that alot of my problems resulted from my upbringing. Well that's what came out.
I've done all the things you're told to do, go to your gp, go get counselling, take up exercise. I just don't know. Then I see people with real problems, kids in Africa, Syria. What a whining gob****e I am. Just cop yourself on. I don't know what I'm looking for posting this. I mighten't even post it. Or just delete it later.

Merkin

I think you should go and have a talk with your GP.

Oryx

Fear Sneachta Ban wrote: »

I've done all the things you're told to do, go to your gp, go get counselling, take up exercise. I just don't know. Then I see people with real problems, kids in Africa, Syria. What a whining gob****e I am. Just cop yourself on. I don't know what I'm looking for posting this. I mighten't even post it. Or just delete it later.

You need to go easier on yourself. You are getting on with life, and doing okay outwardly. That takes guts and a lot of effort. Take credit for that. Your mood gets low, and you realise that, which is half the battle in overcoming it. As already suggested, go see your gp and get help for what is a physical problem, really. You are not a whining anything. You are a guy with a problem that needs fixing. Stop adding a layer of self hate to what you are already dealing with. Youre okay. Youre doing okay. Get the help you need.

Fear Sneachta Ban

Thanks for the replies. My gp will just prescribe me more stuff. They really don't work, I know different things work for different people and all that but I've had enough of medication. I'm sorry I really shouldn't have posted. I'm ok, things are good.

Lux23

I get like that all the time. I feel down and then I come across someone with real problems and I feel so guilty. What sort of works for me is setting myself a goal whether it be finding a new job, losing some weight or training for a sporting event. It does help me distract myself from focusing on the futility of life too much.

Fear Sneachta Ban

That's what everyone must do, distract themselves. That's why I think retired people struggle. They're left with their own thoughts far more often then previous. Religion was what they turned to, probably will be what most of us turn to also. I try to put myself in their minds often. Wondering what it's like knowing you're so close to the end.
I like your thinking with goal setting, thing is after you acheive something does the excitment last long? There's nearly always something waiting to bring you back to reality in my experience.

Oryx

Fear Sneachta Ban wrote: »

That's what everyone must do, distract themselves. That's why I think retired people struggle. They're left with their own thoughts far more often then previous. Religion was what they turned to, probably will be what most of us turn to also. I try to put myself in their minds often. Wondering what it's like knowing you're so close to the end.
I like your thinking with goal setting, thing is after you acheive something does the excitment last long? There's nearly always something waiting to bring you back to reality in my experience.

When you have run the race do you think you want to go back and start again? Maybe not. Maybe you look forward to what is next.

You seem to be a deep thinker, but you need to find a way to prevent yourself going down these dark, negative trains of thought. It wont happen overnight, maybe youll need help with it, but I urge you to try. If you feel yourself looking inwards, change.

Fear Sneachta Ban

Oryx wrote: »

When you have run the race do you think you want to go back and start again? Maybe not. Maybe you look forward to what is next.

You seem to be a deep thinker, but you need to find a way to prevent yourself going down these dark, negative trains of thought. It wont happen overnight, maybe youll need help with it, but I urge you to try. If you feel yourself looking inwards, change.

When you've run the race you lie down and tell yourself you never want to do that again. Hopefully there is something next.

Think happy thoughts, got ya. I only think like that sometimes, I'm happy a lot of the time. I'm in the middle of trying to change medication so I really shouldn't have posted here. I was getting the head zaps. I've almost weined myself off the effexor, was on 300mg just 2 weeks ago!!

Thanks very much for your words Oryx. You're an intelligent creature full of kindness and wisdom.

JuliusCaesar

If you find it's easier to write down your feelings than speak about them, email your counsellor or bring in a letter where you've written it all down.

You would be far from alone in this.

And make sure you are getting the right treatment.

stop animal cruelty

OP l have social anxiety too, l feel it only gets better over time and by putting yourself in suitations you dont wanna be in, look we might never get over it but it WILL get easier plus its not the worse thing in the world to have, tho l find it hard to develop relationships, lm not giving up the idea l can and l will be happier and confident in myself.

I went counselling too and l did find it a help, l understand it can be difficult to be really honest about things and to talk about how you feel, l was like that for a good while but l eventually opened up more, it was scary but it was a relief to have things out. If l were you l would go back, give it another try and print off your post? Your counsellor will then know how difficult/uncomfortable it is for you to open up...but they understand cause you wouldn't be the only person they would have come across like this, plus they will try and work around things.