Wednesday 'Uns

MonkieSocks

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions,

the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before,
was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said.

"You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied,

"Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing?
.........It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOD!!!" screamed the lawyer.





"My Rolex!!”

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During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:-

"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.

Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."


The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.


"No! No! Leave your knickers on...

Just stick out your tongue!"
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A redneck wanted to learn how to sky dive.

He got an instructor and started lessons.

The instructor told the redneck to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord.

The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together.

The redneck understood and was ready.

The time came to have the redneck jump from the air plane.

The instructor reminded the redneck that he would be right behind him.

The redneck proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord.

The instructor followed by jumping from the plane.

The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open.

The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the redneck.

The redneck, seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute,


"Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"